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 Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 9:23 pm
Kay. So here's my situation. I have a friend, who is possibly the best friend I have ever had in my LIFE. She is closer than a sister to me, and I know she feels the same way about me. I have told her EVERYTHING. She was the first person to read my book before I really started considering publishing it. I told her about my first crush (I'm bi, and it was a guy...). She's confided all 31 of her crushes to me. Yes it was that many exactly. We have no secrets from each other. At all.
Until this year, I never really thought twice abut, you know, me and her being more than friends. But she and I have this really great connection, and she is SO hot (Tall, thin, long legs, blonde, perfect skin, sea blue eyes, ClASSIC beauty).
So I got to thinking. Am I in love with her? The idea is really scaring me. I love being friends with her, and I know I love her, but because she's always been there for me and I've always been and always will be there for her.
Meanwhile, I am crushing on this totally hot GUY who's super tall (6"2) who was in drama with me this year. It's not that much of a stretch to think he likes me back-his bus trip takes almost an hour, and some days he would wait with me until my ride came, even if nobody else was there and it look half an hour for one of my parents to show.
So I'm conflicted, and I really don't know what to do. Should I try to talk to my friend, and see what her advice is? That's what I would do if it was anyone other than her that I liked. I'm so scared of what this could do to our friendship that I haven't even told her I'm bi. I KNOW for a fact that she isn't remotely interested in women in that sense. But the idea of keeping a secret from someone that close to me, especially a secret that is such a big part of me, puts a wall between us. I feel like I can't be myself around her because I'm afraid of doing or saying something wrong that will tell her what my secret is.
I really don't know what to do. I could really use some advice. Scratch that. I could use a LOT of advice. But I'd be glad for any suggestions or tips you guys can give, especially if you've been in similar circumstances.
Thanks!
-Shadow
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Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 8:31 pm
Okay! First off, isn't love grand? He, he, he... ^_^
Anyway, take a deep breath here, and calm yourself so you can think clearly. See, the thing is, first, love is bigger than sex, and it is possible to totally love someone you don't have any sexual interest in. You need to be clear if what you feel for your friend is the kind of love that includes wanting her as a sex partner or not. And the same goes for your guy friend.
And the second thing, crushes can feel like love, and even be the start of love, but they can also just be emotional rushes and go nowhere. Crushes are driven by lots of things, including the hormones, and while people of all ages don't seem to like to be told that, it is never the less true that hormones do have a strong influence on the body.
So, here's what you have to do. Calm yourself, so you can think clearly, then, think this through and try to sort out what you really feel for these people. The most important question you need to ask is "If I love this person, why do I love her/him?" If you have no answer, or just get mushy "Because he/she is so cute, etc." stuff, I'd watch out, it could be just emotions and hormones. If you can say more real, more definite things (and maybe you can, especially about your friend) then you may have a stronger reason to think you are in love.
If you do think you are in love, sexual attraction type, then the next step is to talk about it with your friend. Yes, this is the scary part, I know, but if you want to have the relationship move in that direction it will have to be talked about at some time. Of course, if she has flat out said she isn't interested in girls, and that's for sure, there may be no point, you know the answer already, so don't hurt the friendship you have already.
But, if you do see a glimmer of hope, you will have to go for it at some point. Of course, be aware of when, where, and how you tell her, and what she's feeling at the moment. Timing isn't everything, but it sure helps.
I recommend you try not to pressure her to respond in any certain way, just state your case. She has to make her own mind up, and be prepared to accept that what you feel might not be what she feels. Of course, if you are in love, friendship type, then you don't need to do anything, you are already having the right kind of loving relationship by the sounds of things.
As for the guy, enjoy the crush, but remember, friendship is the foundation of any successful personal relationship, before you worry about bedding him, work in being friends. You can certainly have two best friends, and long term relations tend to work best when both people in the couple are each other's best friends. And maybe, if he becomes your friend you will find he's actually the stronger attaction after all.
And don't forget about long term things, like, do you want babies? Not now, but in the future? Guys tend to be somewhat helpfull with that... ^_^
One word of warning, sex releases new feelings and complicates things a lot if you are mixed up. I recommend you work on the love feelings first, it will make being with the right one all the better when it does happen.
I wish you all happiness in this, and good luck! ^_^
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 11:18 pm
Yeah, this isn't the kind of thing I really want to rush at all. You've given me some serious things to consider. Thanks SO MUCH for the help. =D
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Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 10:59 pm
He, he, you are most certainly welcome. ^_^
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Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 2:19 am
I have been in the same situation before.
I think (just my opinion) you should just stay best friends.
You say she has always been there for you.
You might be great friends, but... you might decide you aren't good couples..
If something went wrong (if you dated her) she might not think of you the same again.
But... hey, that's just my opinion.
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