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Title: Black Balloon
Author: Julie
E-mail: PM through Gaia
Rating: Mature PG-13
Disclaimer: I own Jada and Johnny, and Robert. Title of the song can be taken from the song Black Balloon by Goo Goo Dolls/Johnny Rzeznik, however it's not written in stone. This is purely for writing practices, no money at the moment is being made from this.
Distribution: Please don't take.


Authors Note: I just edited this and finished the editing last night, so this is now considered a rough draft. I'm pretty sure I have grammar and spelling errors to a bare minimum if there is even any, however I might have the wrong word here and there. I have not gone through and read this yet with a fine toothed comb.

Thanks for reading and any comment you have.




Black Balloon

He watched her as she searched through her cabinets and drawers frantically. He wanted to stop her but he knew he couldn’t. There was nothing he could do to help her; he didn’t know what to do. She found the syringe she was looking for and put it up on the table. She pulled a spoon from the silverware drawer. It had a bottom blacker than midnight from being burned so many times. He watched her pour the evil liquid into the syringe and then stick the spoon over the flame of a lightened candle. He pleaded with her frantically, “Jada, you don’t have to do this! There are other ways to live. Please!”

Jada looked up at him, her expression like a deer caught in a bright beam of headlights. “What Johnny?” she asked as if she had not heard anything that had just escaped his mouth. “Did you say something?” She had tried to get him to do it with her earlier that day but he refused. It hadn’t always been that way; he used to shoot up with her all the time. ********, he used to initiate it at times. And then when Johnny’s dad got word of what he was doing, he made him go to rehab.

She strutted towards him and took his face in her hands, smiling at him sweetly. “Come on, Johnnycakes, loosen up!” She gave him a toothy grin and held up the like a mother would show a young child medicine. “You know how much fun this is, Johnny. What the heck have they done to you? If you do have some fun with me now, it’ll make the rest of your day great.”

Johnny looked at her with an unreadable expression. He couldn’t decide how he felt about her. Did he feel sadness or pity for her? Was he disappointed? All three? “No, Jada. You’re not thinking about tomorrow. You’re the same as me, but on your knees.”

She looked away from his hot stare, rolling her pretty blue eyes. Jada reminded Johnny of a porcelain doll. She had long red hair, an angelic face, pale skin, and glassy blue eyes. Because of her beauty, she constantly had a man giving her the eye. Nothing ever came out of it though. She was too out of reach for any of them. When they found out what Jada was really like and the secret that was deep within her, they would leave. Despite it all, Johnny and Jada both loved one other. Their difference of their opinion when it came to the heroin was the only dark spot in their relationship. Johnny was the only one that trusted Jada, and Jada was the only one who was there for Johnny.

She could feel his hot gaze on her and she felt as if she had a spotlight on her. She tied a black balloon to her arm as tightly as she could. She picked up a syringe and the spoon and poured the ice into it, put the plunger on the syringe. The shiny chrome needle caught the light. “Jada,” Johnny tried pleading with her again. He came towards her, but she had already found a vein and it was too late. The spoon dropped to the floor with a loud clatter. What was left of the heroin scattered to the floor in small drops. It provided a visual image of what Jada’s life was, a falling mess that would end with a loud crash.

The next morning, Johnny woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the door to his apartment. He crawled out of bed slowly, still tired and confused, and pulled on a pair of jeans. His head ached and he could still hear Jada’s screams ringing in his ears. She was angry, she wanted more, but Johnny held her until she fell asleep. He waited for a while to make sure she wouldn’t wake back up, and then wrote her a note. He told her he loved her, and that he was sorry, but he wished she would stop her slow one way ticket to death. He knew that someday shooting up heroin was going to kill her.

He opened the door and was surprised to see his dad standing on the other side, his hair sticking up in several directions. Johnny and his father’s relationship was already on the edge because Robert forced him to go to rehab. They hadn’t talked to one another since the night Johnny was told to stop seeing Jada or get out. Johnny left later that night.

It was obvious that he had pulled out of bed by his appearance and Johnny knew that something serious must have happened. It wasn’t even seven in the morning yet, and of all people to be standing in front of him, it was his dad. Johnny ran a hand through his tangled blonde hair and managed to keep his voice calm when he asked, “Can I help you?”

“Johnny,” Robert started, trying to find the right words, “I want you to be honest with me. Where were you yesterday?”

”With Jada,” Johnny answered, looking away. “She fell asleep so I came back here and crashed early.” He was tired and he didn’t want to fight her. He was set on his ways, he wasn’t going to leave her.

”Listen, John,” his father paused, opened his mouth to say something more, but stopped again. He looked up at his son, and asked, “can I come in?”

“Sure.” Johnny shrugged, confused by his father’s odd behavior, and stepped aside. Robert walked inside and headed towards the old worn couch. Johnny let the door slam shut and followed his dad. Robert stood for a minute, contemplating what to do, and then sat down. Johnny kept standing. “Why are you here, dad?”

“I came here to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“About Jada.”

Johnny sighed and looked away, feeling frustrated. He was exhausted and he didn’t want to fight about her anymore. He wasn’t sure he could even find the words to defend her after yesterday. He hated admitting that to himself and certainly didn’t want to admit it to his father. “What about her?” he asked.

“Something happened to her last night after you left her.” The tone of his voice made Johnny looked at his father in the eyes, and made eye contact for just a second. He looked away quickly, not wanting to catch eye contact with him again, because he already knew what he was about to be told. “Sit down, son,” his father told him softly. Johnny walked over to the couch in a daze and sat down. “Jada’s dead.”

“I know,” Johnny told him, his voice low with pain. He closed his eyes, trying to ward off the intense hurt that filled his heart.

“Are you sure she’s gone? Are you sure it’s even Jada?” Johnny asked.

“Her parents gave me a picture,” Robert told him, handing it to him. In the photo Jada’s eyes were open, pupils dilated, and skin a deathly pale. She still had the black balloon tied around her arm. Johnny held his breath. “No one knows exactly what happened. Neighbors heard her screaming and called the police, and by the time they arrived, she was gone. They assume she woke up after you left, and shot up. Afterwards, she fell asleep and never woke up.”

“But I loved her,” Johnny whispered, unable to think of anything else to say. No one even dared to breathe and the silence was deafening. Johnny looked down at the floor, pleading inwardly for someone to say something, because he wasn’t quite sure he could form words.

“I know you loved her very much and care for her a lot,” Robert told him, slowly walking towards his son, who kept his gaze to the floor. He put his hands on Johnny’s shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry, son.” He pulled his son closer to him, to where they were embracing, and he whispered again, “I’m very sorry.”
“There is so much I wanted to tell her. Do you know that I never got to tell her that I loved her? I never said it to her face, I would write it in a note but I never said it out loud. Telling her could have been the difference.” Johnny’s voice was quiet and he was starting to feel dizzy with guilt. Robert lead him to the couch and sat down with him.

“I’m sure she did know that you loved her. Nothing was going to stop this from happening, Johnny. It was inevitable.”

“I tried to stop her. I tried to make her see, but she had no light. She was swallowed the light from the sun a long time ago. I never stopped trying though. I wanted to show her that there was so much more to life but all she cared about was heroin.”

“She’s in a better place. You knew it was going to end like this, but you just weren’t expecting it so soon.” Johnny hurriedly wiped tears from his eyes before they fell to his cheek and his dad sighed. “They found something on the scene that’s yours.” He handed Johnny a black leather notebook, with ‘Johnny’ scrawled across the top with whiteout. He opened the book quietly and inside was a letter in Jada’s exquisite handwriting. ‘You’re snooping! You left this at my place. I wonder how long this will be in here before you finally open it up and read it…’ He snapped the book shut without finishing it.

“s**t,” he whispered to himself in a bewildered voice.

“You were able to get help son, Jada couldn’t. I really wish it weren’t the case, but there is nothing we can do anymore, Johnny.”

“I’ll do something,” Johnny vowed, looking into his father’s eyes.” I loved Jada more anything in this world, and she made me feel great. I just can’t let this go, dad. I’m going to do something all right. I’ll go on as gets colder. But most of all, I’ll become what she became to me.”

A few weeks after Jada’s funeral, Johnny found himself sitting on the bench in front of her apartment. He kept waiting for her to come out of her apartment with a smile of her pretty face. As much as he hoped and prayed, he knew it wouldn’t come true. Jada was gone and there was nothing he could do to bring her back. She had so many demons in her life that she fought to overcome, but they eventually overcame her. He couldn’t help but wonder if she had listened to him just once if the outcome would have been different, but it was one of life’s big mysteries and no one knew the answer. All Johnny knew was that he got help that she needed more. You win some, you lose some. When you stand, they fall.

Johnny never forgot her, because first loves were never really over. When he was an old man, long after his wife was gone and his children grown, he would think of her. Years later, when he died, his grandson would find the small, ancient leather notebook with ‘Johnny’ scratched across the top with whiteout with a note bearing the faded signature, ‘I love you, Jada’.

He always tried to think of where he went wrong trying to help her, but his father’s voice from years before echoed in his mind. There’s nothing we can do anymore. She’s in a better place. Jada searching for safety from the cold hard world around her. Something she loved so much eventually killed her, but she was dead long before her heart stopped beating and she took her last breath on the cold, hard floor. Everything about her was considered dead long before she was. Her spirit was left to follow Johnny for the rest of his life. One thing was certain; he went on as she got colder and he became what she was to him.

Thank you! Can you tell me where it's awkward? I always overlook the awkward parts because a lot of times I get what I'm saying, but others don't.

I put the first completed copy of this in my senior portfolio two years ago, and I won a lot of awards with it, but the other night I was reading it and thought it was awful! So I did a basic edit, made Johnny sound "manlier" (I had him sound pretty feminine) and tried to give Jada the idea that she was as a lost cause in the beginning. I'm planning on sending it back to my old Professor and see what she thinks. I'm ready to continue to bigger and better places with my writing.

I based this not only on the song (that is about heroin overdosing) but based on my own dealings with heroin. My best friend (Adam) died of a heroin overdose. The first copy of this was dedicated to him, and this version is still for him, I just didn't write it down.

Hmm yeah, I see what you're saying on some of those, thanks for pointing them out to me!

I glad you like the direct-ness. That's what I wanted to do. When I wrote this for high school, I had to hide the fact that Jada was actually doing heroin in the beginning so it would be accepted. My teacher told me that if I didn't put the word "heroin" in until the second page, they wouldn't give up on it.

It was kind of that way in school, but not really. There was way worse that people wrote. It was just that it wasn't very expected of me to write a story about heroin addiction like this, and then dedicate it to someone I knew. Obviously, I was in Johnny's position at one time. Even though I had kids when I was 14, I was still seen as the nice little quiet and shy nerd girl stereotype and writing a story like that coming from me was difficult for some teachers to accept, that's why I was told to kind of shadow the fact that she was on heroin.

Yeah, for the most part I got throught it. I still have trouble because I miss him so much. It was very difficult to write this and go through it all.

Thanks for your comments though! Much appreciated.

I do have a sequel planned! In the song, "I'll become what you became to me" is very dominant because it's the ending line in the song.

But what did Johnny become? I mentioned grandchildren and a wife in there, so there is a beginning and an end to Johnny's life in this one, but what about the middle?

I'm thinking of writing the middle.