Therapy...THE CULLENS part2 | Page 1 | Twilight-Related Fanfiction | Guild Forums

Virti

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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 6:26 pm

Alice's evaluation
Virti: hello Alice.
Alice: hi congratulations on the baby.
Virti: what baby?
Alice: oh you don't know.
Virti: what baby?
Alice: you’ll see.
Virti: okay then.
Alice: alrighty then now you're going to ask me why my family calls me the twisted midget.
Virti: why do they call you that?
Alice: because I like annoying people with my second sight.
Virti: are you trying to make my job harder?
Alice: is it annoying you?
Virti: yes very much so.
Alice: then my work is done.
(Alice walked out gracefully as always)

Bella's evaluation
Virti: how are you Bella?
Bella: I’ve been better.
How's the baby.
Virti: what baby?
Bella: oh you still don't know Edward told me about it, sucks for you.
Virti: right okay, well how has Alice been with you?
(Bella's eye start twitching)
Virti: that bad huh, well think of it this way once you're married she'll shut up.
(Bella's eye starts twitching faster)
Virti: okay, how is your relationship with Jacob?
Bella: I only see him in these group things now, I miss him so much, but it's better this way.
Virti: right sure whatever, let’s talk about your inventive dreams.
Bella: oh my gosh they are only dreams my mind is very odd just deal with it.
Virti: okay okay fine.
Bella: If Alice thinks she’s singing love shack at my wedding she’s crazy, I just thought I’d say that.
Virti: Bella, do you want to have solo sessions once a week with me?
Bella: I'm going to leave now.
(Bella leaves and hits the door and falls down and gets back up)

Carlisle’s evaluation
Virti: Carlisle, how do you deal with those crazy substitute children of yours
the little one is the worst she’s psychotic psychic and the moody one who’s marrying the clumsy one
and the one who is always on permanent pms I can’t stand it and the big one oh my god how can he be that dumb he’s almost a hundred years old, how do you do it?
Carlisle: I spend most of my time in the hospital and hunt alone with my wife.

Edward’s evaluation
Virti: why are you so damn moody you have no reason to be acting like a pmsing little girl you’re not Rosalie.
Edward: it’s my thing I’m the brooder I’m depressed by my vampire life and how I have no soul, oh and how I have the most spectacular women on earth love me and I have to turn her into a soulless killer too.
Virti: oh get over it Bella loves you and chose you over the werewolf, and what’s with all the big words you’re like a freaking thesaurus it’s annoying.
(Edward walks out and breaks the door)

Emmett’s evaluation
Virti: why do you think you’re here Emmett?
Emmett: I don’t know.
Virti: you don’t know why you’re being evaluated?
Emmett: nope.
Virti: why do you think you’re being evaluated?
Emmett: I don’t know. Why are you being evaluated?
Virti: I’m not being evaluated you are.
Emmett: Why?
Virti: Why do you think?!
Emmett: what?
Virti: Ahhhhhhhh
(the Virti runs out the door screaming)

Esme’s evaluation
Virti: hello Esme
Esme: Hello
Virti: you know I think you’re the sanest one in your family, well besides Carlisle.
Esme: oh well my children are pretty colorful.
Virti: well that’s one thing, why do you treat these adults as your children when they aren’t
I think your need to be a mother is a little disturbing, you know there are some people who
think you may need help, you know substitute children is seen a lot in infertile dogs.
(Esme’s eyes bugged out of her head)
Esme: well I never, I am no infertile dog!
(Esme walked out and broke the door on her way out)
Virti: another door.

Jacob’s evaluation
Virti: why do you come to these groups? When you know they just hurt you.
Jacob: something to do I guess.
Virti: okay well, how is the pack?
Jacob: fine, I heard about the anger management thing it’s about time.
Virti: I agree.
Jacob: I’m kind of board this place isn’t that interesting without the bloodsuckers and Bella’s weirdo dreams.
(Jacob left)

Jasper’s evaluation
Virti: hello Jasper, how are you today?
Jasper: a little thirsty but it’s manageable, you don’t smell that good.
Virti: oh well good to know.
Jasper: do I really need to be here?
Virti: no you’re not that crazy, well except for the whole blood lust thing but whatever.
Jasper: okay bye then.

Rosalie’s evaluation
Virti: hello Rosalie.
Rosalie: hi
Virti: anything you would like to share?
Rosalie: only my whole life before I was turned.
Virti: I’ll make you an appointment on Tuesday.

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 6:50 pm

shoot....i screwed up the poll.....anyhow

DO U THINK I SHOULD CONTINUE THE THERAPY SESSIONS?

Virti

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celestialheiress

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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 8:13 pm

ugh...this belongs in anything fan related...could someone please move this and the other?? geez.

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 10:23 pm

Why are you so persistent on trying to make fun of the book. Don't try to doubt it. Some one should ban you from the guild. You have no reason to be here, you don't sound like a fan. :/

Pubic Genital Lice

Hilarious Humorist

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inryokuhime

Tipsy Fairy

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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 10:24 pm

It doesn't need to be different threads
o.o;

And it's hard to read because of the run off sentences
You should take a composition class

Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 7:41 am

Why are you making fun of the characters like that. . ? You don't even sound like a fan as Pubic Genital Lice said.

strawberry monochrome

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celestialheiress

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Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 12:14 pm

yea..please limit yourself. I agree with pubic genital lice.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 12:23 pm

why did you even make a part 2?

and why are you making fun of
edward and everyone else?

you sound like one of those people
from the new moon book burning thing on
youtube.

Dine with the Damned

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Alice Brandon Cullen

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Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 1:05 pm

Your My Brand Of Heroin

why did you even make a part 2?

and why are you making fun of
edward and everyone else?

you sound like one of those people
from the new moon book burning thing on
youtube.

what book burning thing!

Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 1:44 pm

Alice Brandon Cullen

Your My Brand Of Heroin

why did you even make a part 2?

and why are you making fun of
edward and everyone else?

you sound like one of those people
from the new moon book burning thing on
youtube.

what book burning thing!

the book burning forum.

Dine with the Damned

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Virti

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Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 9:53 pm

im not tring to make fun of the series....personally i LOVE the books, im just trying to write a story. Because personally i hate people talking about SPOILERS for breaking dawn.

Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 7:04 am

exactly
stop bashing all of the characters if your a fan?
sounds like bs to me

LexiLu Latte

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Sawgirl

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Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 5:06 pm

AACK.
Another?
Please??

Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 7:31 am

I would state how pointless and stupid this fanfiction is so far, but seeing as everyone else has so far, I'm just going to give you some tips on fanfiction. I'm guessing you laugh at your own humor, yeah? Well, in order to get it across to your readers you need some background, something that doesn't offend them. Some detail would also help, the composure of the characters, the tone of the voice--right now this seems more like a read through for a play, but even then the script isn't very far along.

If you are to continue this, drop the low humor, make it in character--it might help if you have experience with this kind of thing--because some of your readers might. Readers love to prove the writer wrong--sorry, it's just always been that way.

Anyways, I've been to therapy, counseling sessions, and to psychiatrists, so I can easily say that there are multiple flaws in your story. Therapy is to help someone cope with something in a positive way--I don't see what they're trying to cope with. This seems more like counseling or psychiatric stuff, not therapy. Also, the questions you're asking the characters are personal and offensive questions--a psychiatrist, a therapist, or a counselor would never ask or say to their patient. They're there to help the patient along, not to start quarrels. A plot would also help with your story.

The way you have your story now, it's like Jello. I can't sight any plot whatsoever, first you had Bella's dream and then there was something about a baby--you're using humor that doesn't even make sense unless you let the reader know what's going on.

You need detail in your story, I'll give you an example straight from this "chapter".

Quote:

Jasper’s evaluation
Virti: hello Jasper, how are you today?
Jasper: a little thirsty but it’s manageable, you don’t smell that good.
Virti: oh well good to know.
Jasper: do I really need to be here?
Virti: no you’re not that crazy, well except for the whole blood lust thing but whatever.
Jasper: okay bye then.

Quote:

Jasper's Evaluation--J POV

I walked into the small decorative office relieved to finally escape the hectic emotions from my family. When I saw the woman I was to be talking with, all the relief left me immediately.

She was human.

The venom rushed to my mouth as I smelled the blood from every corner of the room. I gulped in back down and approached her with my hand out. She followed the action and shook it.

"Hello, Jasper." She said in a calm voice. "I'm Verti, your therapist, how are you feeling today?" If she wanted the smart a** answer I could tell her 'just like everyone else', but I knew she was asking the skin deep question.

"Good, and you?" I asked in return.

"No, no, Jasper," The way she worded it made me feel like a child, had this woman ever worked with adults? "This session is all about you. Tell me how you feel, any problems with life at home?" I stared at her in surprise. No, of course not, my life was perfect, even despite my thirst for blood. At the mention of the word blood, the venom rushed back to my throat.

"I'm sorry, Ms. I have to go." I farewelled quickly and raced from the room. I could feel my eyes quickly lowering to their cold black color. I needed to hunt--and soon.

See, even that didn't have much detail on the surroundings, but it let you in on some of Jasper's emotions and what was going through his head.

All the characters except for you--seeing as you are you--are out of character. Rosalie would never tell some random human about her life story, Jacob wouldn't even attend the sessions at the state he was in at the end of Eclipse, Emmett is not dumb as a brick (Why does everyone say he is? Because he's buff? That's stupid.), Carlisle adores his children, Bella has been said to be shy and would never go straight out with the baby thing, Edward would never ADMIT to being moody, no he would go rambling on and on and on and on about being soulless, about changing Bella, no you know what? He wouldn't because Edward and Bella both would be stubborn and not go. Esme probably would have just walked away head held high instead of breaking down a door and Jasper wouldn't have even attended.

So yeah... that's it from me, hope you take these things into account to improve your writing skills! Keep writing!