|
|
|
|
|
|
|
-Exploded Jellibean- Crew
|
 Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 5:24 pm
Hi everyone~c: This is a poem I wrote and posted on my deviantART.
------
Paint
Across the wall, splashes the colors
of red, green, blue and many others.
I see the rainbow - a beautiful sight
made only with my brush's might.
I take the brush, splash colors here and there -
soon the colors are everywhere.
As the brush and I waltz along,
we paint until all the colors belong.
Now that all hues are here,
everything else can disappear,
for it's just my paintbrush and I
who will paint until the color of the world dies.
------
My friend's thought it was really good, so I just wanted to know your opinion.
Feel free to criticize[sp?] (just not to harsh, please).
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 12:33 am
A nice flow, broken only by the last lines, to not break it there is difficult (at least for me). Soooo, considering I do not give comments out too much, I think it's rather good. Also, good to see another person in the writer's workshop, it's lonely here.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
-Exploded Jellibean- Crew
|
Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 2:01 pm
Thank you~c:
Though I'm not sure what you mean by 'break'...
&&
i'm not much of a writer >< but I'm here at times ;D
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 10:05 pm
c: I'm jealous of your writing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
-Exploded Jellibean- Crew
|
Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 1:02 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 1:09 pm
i'm writing another poem called 'Love Letters' but it's not yet finished...it'll come soon!
|
|
|
|
|
|
-Exploded Jellibean- Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 4:33 pm
-Exploded Jellibean- i'm writing another poem called 'Love Letters' but it's not yet finished...it'll come soon! I look forward to it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:19 am
...And here it is;
I saw your letter today;
the words all written in black ink.
I thought what you wrote was all play--
until I saw a heart drawn in pink.
So I wrote a letter back to you;
my words in blue (though I wasn’t sad),
and I drew a small pink heart just like you did, too.
I read it over, wondering if there was something to add.
I saw the mailman take it away
eager to get your reaction.
But after I waited a couple days
I realized your inaction.
My love for you made me curious.
Will you reply to me?
Maybe, I thought, this whole thing is spurious.
Then--the next day came your apology.
I’m sorry for replying so late, it said,
But yes, what I wrote was true;
If I lied, I might as well be dead.
My dear, I really do love you.
Salty tears came to my eyes
because your handwritten words were too sweet.
I could tell they weren’t lies;
But could you tell how calm my heart now beat?
Finally, I wrote back again;
with the words I love you too
written out neatly in pen.
Soon my letter ends--as all letters do.
And our letters kept going from me to you.
As they did, our friendship grew,
Each day we told each other something new
And always ended with I love you
There some things I thought I should explain...
-where it says 'But could you tell how calm...'
it meant that while waiting for his letter, the girl
was so eager to get it and her heart beat faster than usual (if what i wrote just made sense xD)
and this is the longest poem I've ever written D;
|
|
|
|
|
|
-Exploded Jellibean- Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 9:17 pm
Very nice, it seems you have quite a bit of potential, I look forward to seeing what other works you care to post. Who knows, you may just inspire me to work harder at my own work, or to take it in a different direction and refine it more.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 6:52 pm
Thank you c:
I haven't had a topic to write about so my writing may not come soon ><
|
|
|
|
|
|
-Exploded Jellibean- Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 10:53 pm
-Exploded Jellibean- Thank you c:
I haven't had a topic to write about so my writing may not come soon >< Perfectly fine, I tend to be patient enough (horrible spelling, not sure if it's right or not, doubt it is).
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:19 pm
I think you spelled it right...
Gosh, I'm not sure how to spell it either!
|
|
|
|
|
|
-Exploded Jellibean- Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 6:44 pm
Wow those are good excellent. I wrote 3 love poems 2 years ago, but I don't have them any more. Keep up the marvelous works.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:44 pm
Oh thanks c:
I have another poem I'll post. But it was to make me try and forget that fact that my friend is moving );
So don't cry c; 'Cause I don't wanna feel worse ><
|
|
|
|
|
|
-Exploded Jellibean- Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
-Exploded Jellibean- Crew
|
Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:24 pm
Leaving
It was the day you told me you were leaving.
I cried and ran away from that fact.
My tears flowed out like a river, my chest heaving.
This news just had so much impact.
I wished that you’d say you were lying
But deep inside I knew it was all true.
I look up and see a bird flying.
That would be you--on a plane up in the sky so blue.
They said, “Just accept it.”
And I replied, “But that would be betraying him.”
Some knew I really wouldn’t permit it.
Some thought I’d just stay grim.
Maybe I’ll get used to it all.
You won’t be here now-- just a character in the story,
that wasn’t there for the rest and covered with a wall.
A wall of the storyline, and a mark of your glory.
But--I didn’t want your chapter to end.
It made a hole in the story and I wanted you to come back.
I know you tried to stay to be our brotherly friend
And I knew you had to go and pack.
There’s so many good memories that you and I had.
We’d laugh together, teach each other, and help each other.
But all our memories are unforgettable; even if some were bad.
So you go live your life and I know one day--we’ll see one another.
One day we will, with everyone else and welcome you again.
We may all be grown up and scattered everywhere,
But all the same, we’ll all see each other. And then--
Our story will be fixed, all complete with you there.
I won’t forget you or the moments we had.
I promise you that I’ll write to you
Because hearing from you would make me glad.
This is where it all ends with a ‘I love you' and an adieu. So yeah...that's the poem. And a song that I think would fit for this is 'With Eyes Wide Shut' by Blessthefall. c:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
