Anywho, to start... Lobo shall post up version... 1.5... of a section of a short story she's writing that's freaky weird, 'cause she wants people's opinions and whatnot... Haha! And yes, this needs major work... but hey, it's a random insane idea and I haven't bothered to clean it up like, at all yet!
Lobo
Tonight, they let me run. The cool breeze brushes gently acrossmy skin, the dew of the grass slowly freezing my feet. I run until I can run no more, and still I continue. The longer I'm out, the colder I become. Ah, to be numb... (Note: Sorry, gotta keep that last line in there 'cause it's Autumn's favorite =P )
They watch as I run, watching to see if I run away, though they know I won't. After all, there would I go? But I must repent for such rebelious thoughts. Why would I try to leave? I am here to be cleansed.
I only stop once I have collapsed from exhaustion, no longer able to breathe the cool night air. Only now may I return to my cell...
The door opens, revealing the shadowy outline of a figure. It is night once more.
"Come here, Child."
"Is it time for my lesson, Teacher?"
A nod, almost impossible to see in the darkness. Nonetheless, I see it. The door closes as I strip and assume the position, ever obedient. This routine is by now familiar to all.
The first question, "Have you done your readings for today, Child?"
"Yes, Teacher." First fall of the lash. I cry out.
"Recite them."
And so, amidst the lashings, I recite the readings for today. Even though I know the sacred texts by heart, I must be careful not to garble the words with my screams.
They watch as I run, watching to see if I run away, though they know I won't. After all, there would I go? But I must repent for such rebelious thoughts. Why would I try to leave? I am here to be cleansed.
I only stop once I have collapsed from exhaustion, no longer able to breathe the cool night air. Only now may I return to my cell...
********
The door opens, revealing the shadowy outline of a figure. It is night once more.
"Come here, Child."
"Is it time for my lesson, Teacher?"
A nod, almost impossible to see in the darkness. Nonetheless, I see it. The door closes as I strip and assume the position, ever obedient. This routine is by now familiar to all.
The first question, "Have you done your readings for today, Child?"
"Yes, Teacher." First fall of the lash. I cry out.
"Recite them."
And so, amidst the lashings, I recite the readings for today. Even though I know the sacred texts by heart, I must be careful not to garble the words with my screams.
Anywho... yeah, I have a bit more written... well, like... another page in my notebook, but that's as much as Esther and Autumn got to read the first time around... So, tell me your impressions, no? Like... what do you think is going on? Who/what the heck is the narrator-y person? What are your general impressions overall? Hmmm... and like my friends said, does this sound like, perverted and weird? ^.^
Also... wow, it seems like a lot more when I write this out than when I type it, 'specially with the small font... Me and my cursive handwriting ^.^;
