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II Stelmaria II

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 3:15 pm


I normaly create a sort of character profile befor I write and I am having trouble creating one. So here is what I have so far...

Sammanth Charolton
an aristocrat, archeologist, exploror and scientist
age- undecided

Basic story line...
After a bomb had blown apart a hotel that her parents 35 ana vercery was being held Sam hurled into a world of mysory. All of her reliteves were at the anivercery and she was late because the dry cleaners ruened her dress. She latter discovers her unusual ability to teacher her self and be able to read many dead languages without being taught. She gose through collage and soon after that starts up a labbratory (name undecided). She makes millions off of her many inventions and faces many difficalties after an acident in the artic circle she had been pushed into a universal rift and now knows a hole lot more then she did before. The knolage of the univers runs through her head (not to mention the killer migrains that she gets). Then friends of the family line find out what Sam has been up to and well let's just say they are not too thrilled about Sam's life style. Exspecialy when people from dark organizations are trying to kill her because of how much she knows.


That is all I have so far, I need help finishing off the profile so I can write the story.  
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 6:44 pm


I hope you don't get offended when I say I don't like the character at all.
Its too perfect and cliche. Suddenly knowing dead languages, becomes insta-millionaire after college, way too perfect. Dead parents and the "Know too much so now they're gunna kill you" seems a bit over used, doesn't it?
I hope this doesn't deter you from writing and you aren't offended, this is just my opinion of it. I'd just rethink the character a bit maybe.

Also, it might be helpful if you took the time to write out what you have to say clearer with less typos and incorrect spelling. More people would be willing to read it and share what they have to say. surprised

[ Blackrose ]
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 2:54 pm


I think we ought to live happily ever after.


You're asking for critique right? Because that's a character that's definately a "Mary Sue" otherwise known as the perfect character. You might want to edit that profile and make her have some faults and have her lack things because it seems that everything is...ugh.

It should be hair-raising!
PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 8:18 pm


Black Rooster
I think we ought to live happily ever after.


You're asking for critique right? Because that's a character that's definately a "Mary Sue" otherwise known as the perfect character. You might want to edit that profile and make her have some faults and have her lack things because it seems that everything is...ugh.

It should be hair-raising!

Exactly. 3nodding

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 10:45 pm


Msybe it's just 'cause I managed to get a -5 on the Mary Sue test (which doesn't have rankings for negitive numbers) but that seems like a 150 at least. Not to be mean or anything, but that's pretty bad. Here, I leave the link so you can take the test yourself, should do you a lot of good.

The Mary Sue Test.

Oh, and do try for something around 50 at least.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:46 pm


Did I mention that the profile is created for a whole series of books sweatdrop ? I thought I didn't, I write evolving characters where they are the naughtiest person imaginable to a person that is very different from the beginning.

II Stelmaria II

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