|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 11:06 am
I was in therapy on Thursday and dissociated really bad. It lasted for about 3 hours. When I dissociated, I went back to being a child of about 4. I have dissociated before, but never have I gone back and relived an experience like that before.
After it happened, I "switched" and went on my merry little way. I didn't deal with it, because I couldn't. Well now it is all coming out and I don't know what to do. I feel so scattered, and can't concentrate on anything. I am surprised that I have been able to sit still, and concentrate long enought to write this down. I am feeling weird inside, kind of like the beginning of a panic attack and trying not to puke my guts out, all at the same time. My head feels like it is trying to twist off of my shoulders and them splinter into a million pieces. I am feeling quite desperate and suicidal. I know that I won't do anything, but the feeling still persists. I have tried taking my PRN's, but they are not working.
It is so hard to keep things together, especially in front of my kids (8 & 11). I just tell them that I am having a bad day, and hope that they will leave me alone. It isn't fair to them, but at the moment it is all I can do.
I will try to hold it together for awhile longer.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:38 pm
Sorry, was does dissociated mean? I don't think I have ever heard that term before, so i'm not sure! But, I want you to take deep breaths. I know, it sounds simple, but the idea is to concentrate on your breathing and nothing else. Or listen to soothing music, like waterfalls and just picture yourself there, in total peace. I'm not sure if this will work to calm you down and your thoughts down, but I don't think it could hurt!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 10:42 pm
Thanks Ms Maxie for talking to me. My PRN's started to work and I am a little calmer now. I do take deep breaths and concentrate on my breathing, sometimes that helps, but nothing was working today.
Dissociating is when my brain splits into seperate parts. One that can take care of me and the other just shuts down. It is just like a trance except that I can talk but not move, or feel. My mind seperates from my body. I can no longer feel my body but on a certain level am able to discuss what is going on.
When I dissociated during therapy, I went back to a time when I was about 4 years old. I was reliving the experience as if it was happening to me all over again, but with the emotions of a child.
I hope this helps you understand what dissociation is.
I am feeling a little better. My children are spending the night at my friends house and everything is quiet here. My husband is working the night shift, so it is only me here at home. This helps because then I can just let go and not have to put on a good face for my children. I think that I will take my meds and try to get some sleep, maybe I will feel better in the morning.
Thanks again for talking to me, it made me feel alot better knowing that someone was out there, and that someone cares. It always helps to know that there is support coming from others.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:28 am
I don't think I have ever experienced anything quite like that, but it does sound like it could be very stressful because you are having vivid memories. Have you talked to your councellor about this? To see if they have any ideas what might be causing it or, maybe what you can do to prevent them? There may be nothing you can do though. But I would still ask. It's good that you had the chance to be home alone for a little while, as long as that doesn't lead you to do something you shouldn't.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:24 am
Dissociation is a b***h, I know...I have 7 separate "me" personalities plus the Bi-Polar...sorry I wasn't on-line then to help, glad MsMaxie could. Alone time is great so long as I'm not suicidal...my kids know I have different personalities but when I become my 4 year old it's tough because she doesn't have kids!!!! I am working on integration of them all so now everyone sort-of understands there are children and can cope well around them but it sure is scary sometimes. I hope you're feeling better today! Often, if I can, I take a snooze when I dissociate. It seems to help and I usually wake up as "myself"
As for your 4 yr old personality - let her/him write things down, buy little toys they want to help...for mine I have a dolly she wanted and some crayons and paper she can draw on, etc. it lets her get the memories out in a healthy way and leaves me clues when I pop back into myself as to what's gone on!
Hope that helps some.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
