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 Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 8:34 pm
Okay so I'm about 5 weeks right now and this is my first one. I'm leaning more on keeping it but I still have the open adoption in mind. Tell me some of your views. I know the choice is ultimately mine but I'm curious to hear your thoughts. I'm also curious to know what to expect or things I'll need to know during my pregnancy. Also I have no job and so I have zero money, I'm a single woman and my Ex is pissing me off denying that it's his. My morals I grew up with is that the women stay home to raise the kids and clean while the man makes the money and supports the family unit. (Is this wrong to think?) 
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 12:58 pm
Well there are so many things that you have to look at when detemining on whether or not to keep a child or in your case put it up for adoption. You have to pretty much think of it as you against the world and if the father is going to help with raising it as a bonus, but not as a guarantee. Having said that, you have to ask yourself, with what you have now, do you have what it would take to raise a child? To give this child everything that you always dreamt that your child would have? Unfortunately, with myself having 3 kids, my first one when I was 19, making her 18 now, married at the time to a man who was not committed to raising her, she had nothing that I wanted her to have. That is why you MUST ask yourself these questions.
You cant depend on others to help, no matter how much they say that they will be there for you, since you can only really depend on yourself. And since you are saying that you were raised to stay at home and raise the child, you will be with the child, this is good, but it will always be hard, and be very stressful. This will wear on you on a daily basis. You will feel at times alone, abandoned, and maybe ask yourself, "did I make the right decision?"
I hope that this has helped you to stop and think about all the different aspects that you will be faced with....
If you would like to talk more let me know...
I myself have 3 kids... 18, 14, and almost 7.
Even though I was married with my first one, I was only 19 and a lot of times I asked myself if I was right in my choices. I was very limited in the first 4 years after she was born and felt that my life actually started when I was 24 years old.
Talk to you soon. heart heart heart
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sweety_honey Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:06 am
HELLO DY!!! smile I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY REALLY IF IT WAS ME I WOULD KEEP THE BABY,ITS A PART OF YOU!ONLY YOU WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN IT COMES TIME FOR YOU TO DELIVER,I BELIEVE YOU WILL KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO,IF YOU NEED TO TALK YOU CAN IM OR PM ME IM THERE smile ~HUGGS~
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Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 8:58 pm
Thanks Honey and Lex.
I have been indeed been thinking hard about this. I've been weighing my pros and cons for this and I honestly Think I might have a pretty good chance at keeping it. I know it will be A LOT of work and I'll struggle with it once and awhile but I believe I Have the inner strength to get through this.
I know I can't give them everything I've dreamed of it's just not reality but I'll Give them Everything I could. I hope to develop a great bond with my child like I have with my mom but this won't come easy but I know friends will always be there. Even when I don't need them it's How they are. lol
I do also want them to have a wonderful life even though my child will always ask me why Me and Daddy aren't together. I'll have no idea how to answer that cause it's still my question I'm asking my ex. But I know when the time comes I hope she will understand.
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Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:11 pm
This is probably going to be the biggest decision you will ever make. Forget the "Daddy" thing. My husband is a saint, but to be honest, he does not help all that much. So, "yes" you can do this on your own. As far as the job etc thing.... Having a kid MAKES you be a better person. you WILL try harder, you WILL sacrifice you own "needs, toys" in order to have diapers.... Your child will grow up, if you keep it, respecting you for being a strong person, and will eventually see your sacrifices. My childern are a test, a joy, a gift, a burden..... But I love them to the ends of the earth, and they think I am a super hero. It makes every day worthwhile. ( well almost every one.... lol) Good luck with your choice. It is not an easy one.
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Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:39 am
i believe you will be a great mom dy!!!!you are a strong person,that will give the best you can to your child!thank god for good friends,you will need them to talk,cry, and laugh with!!like Tita said when the time comes having and child will make you a better person than,you could even imagine!~huggs~CONGRATS!
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Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:39 pm
is there a program where you are that you can sign up for to get support in getting baby clothes, diapers and so on? if you can get on something like that which would definitely help lesson the burden, then i would definitely keep the baby.
i never commented before just because its a harder choice for the women to make than the man since it's you ladies who have to carry the baby. i know with me and sweety, we've had similar issues in the past where we had to consider if we can even support another child. i think if she did get pregnant at this point in time, then we will probably keep it though it would still be difficult financially with three other kids already in the picture.
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Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 8:16 pm
Well I did check into a place and they said that later on closer to when I deliver I can get on social assistance. and there is a charity called bridges. They will help me out. and when I sign up they give you a cradle and a highchair.
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:43 am
Dy Onna Well I did check into a place and they said that later on closer to when I deliver I can get on social assistance. and there is a charity called bridges. They will help me out. and when I sign up they give you a cradle and a highchair. Getting help when the baby is born is all very well, but what about once the handouts stop. What are you going to do then? Can you find child care that is reliable and trustworthy? Will you get a job? If not, are their benefits that will assist you? Have you looked into the actual cost of a baby? Are you willing to sacrifice any hope of holidays when baby arrives, because if you are on benefits, there is no way you could afford one. I hate to be negative, but after being made unemployed before the birth of my first born, we were on benefits and we really didn't cope with it at all. I borrowed thousands of pounds from my parents just to 'live'. yeah, we got back on our feet eventually, but the struggle was unbeleivable, and I wish someone had pointed that out to me in the first place, as I would have made a better informed choice and planned my baby later, ensuring I had more than enough savings to pull us through the difficult times. On a positive note, I echo everything that most people here have said, in that being a parent is extremely rewarding in so many ways and at the end of the day that child is part of you. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best biggrin
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