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 Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 9:54 pm
My mother is getting married to a man in August! [Yay!] We've been planning this for exactly one year today. It's all been going fine.
Untill about two months ago. We were going to change our names [my mothers', my sisters, and my own] to the last name of my will-be step-dads. Well, where I'm from, you need both parent's permission to change your name.
My father will not let us, even though he hasn't been in the same timezone as us for almost five years now. He hasn't lived with us for almost ten, and we don't even know what he does for a living. We know nothing about him, and he doesn't know anything about us. Still, he refuses to let us change our names. We offered to even hiphenate[sp? its '-' thing?] the name so he wouldn't be forgotten. But no.
What can I do to get him to understand that all the name means is that we have a bigger family? I don't even love my dad the same as my step-dad. If you ask who my father is [non-religiously] I would totally say my step-dad, even though my biological father will always be my Daddy. How can I explain this to him without him thinking I don't love him anymore??? It's hard, and I really want him to understand, but he doesn't. And I need to know how! Please?
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Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 10:38 pm
wow ... I don't know what the laws are here but that sounds messed up if your mom is okay with it and she's the one you live than that should be all that matters
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Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 11:48 pm
im sorry but i don't think he would ever give you guys permission. it's messed up that he haven't seen you guys in so long but for guys when a their kid has their last name is their kid no matter what. by letting you have your step fathers name its as if he is giving you to him. and saying that he's no longer the father its really hard to explain. at least you know he cares to some degree. if he doesn't take care about you guys or give any type of financial support or try to see you guys i don't think he should get in the way. but this problem can be viewed both ways.
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 12:16 am
It could be two things:
1. He still wants connection to his daughter.
2. He hates your mom and wants a revenge.
To really decide what to do we have to know what your dad wants.
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Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:12 am
Maybe you can say one day you will get married and lose it anyways. Why make a big deal about it? This sounds like more of a pain but I do know. Legally it make not be your last name but you can use it. MY brother changed his last name to the people taking care of him. It is not legal but in their eyes he is their last name.
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Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 1:02 pm
I guess he feels like that's the last thing in your life of him...
I know where you're coming from, for the past 6 years, the only thing I get from meh dad is money. He's been gone since I was 2 and now I'm 14.
I think he truly has no say it even though legally he does....
If this were meh in this situation I would tell him, "What's the point??? I'm moving on, why can't you?" Or something like that.
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Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 4:03 pm
shani26 It could be two things: 1. He still wants connection to his daughter. 2. He hates your mom and wants a revenge. To really decide what to do we have to know what your dad wants.
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Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:41 pm
If he wanted connections with us, [me and my sister,] then he could at least call us every Saterday like he said he would three months ago. But he doesn't.
And he doesn't hate my mom, he's nice to her and every thing. No proof that he hates her at all.
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Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:42 am
dvn -camilla price- If he wanted connections with us, [me and my sister,] then he could at least call us every Saterday like he said he would three months ago. But he doesn't.
And he doesn't hate my mom, he's nice to her and every thing. No proof that he hates her at all. Ok so i vote for he wants you to call him more and tell him every let's say 5 conversion that you want to change the name.
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Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 8:00 am
We have called him. We call him whenever we get the chance, but he doesn't live in the same timezone as us for half the year. [His place doesn't 'fall back' or 'spring forward' their clocks.] So it's hard to reach him because he works from 6pm to 1am, and the only person here that knows his number is my mom, who works from 9am to 5:30pm. So to find a time that works for all of us doesn't happen.
And when we do call, it's akward because we havn't seen eachother in forever so we hardly even know what eachother looks like...
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Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:09 pm
wow that really sucks maybe you should talk to him and get him to send you pictures and you could do the same. the timezone thing makes a bit of sense why he hasn't called you. it's probably because he's sleeping and when he can it's probably really late where you live.
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Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:11 pm
So mybe you should try E.mail
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Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 6:40 pm
well if you really want your name changed then i would do something if i was you to get it changed mrgreen
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Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 6:55 pm
From what I read, sounds like your dad has control isshues....... confused
Anywho, how old are you? As soon as you are 18 you can change your name legaly. From what I've read, you and your father don't seem very close, and I mean, it sounds like he shouldn't care weather or not you want to change your name.
If you really do want to get him to understand how you feel, write e-mails or good old snail mail to each other and bond a little, and if he refuses once again, tell him that you still love him, and think of him as your "daddy", yet you feel that this is right for you. If he refuses after that....the best I can say is wait till you are 18, or whatever age you are legaly able to change your name (Apple ish not sure where you are ^^"")
I am assuming that you are the oldest, and that you have capable reasoning ablities since you are on Gaia anyway..... rofl
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:29 pm
so is anything working so far? mrgreen
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