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 Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:54 pm
I could use tips, support, and links to support groups. All I found were outdated or offline. Its not always easy to know how to help but I am sincerely trying as much as I am able. Emotionally it is extremely tiring and he gets mad at me alot for things I do not understand. I sometimes trigger things by accident and Its not hard to feel very alone in this, as if these strangers just inhabit the person you love and say such unsettling things and make these accusations when you haven't even done anything bad or wrong.
Right now I feel so upset because I know thats not him right now and the person I know and fell in love with won't come out for god knows how long. I know I am far from a "savior" but would it be, really be that arrogant to think I can help him in some way if not striving for integration? I just can't help but feel as if I failed him each time an alt comes out.
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Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 11:02 am
It is not your fault if an alt comes out EVER! I know this must be frustrating you a lot. Here are the tips I give family/friends/lovers about me if I trip into an alternate....just keep calling my real name, it triggers me to come back, perhaps if you ask who you're talking to it will help you know who you're dealing with and then you can say "I don't mean to be rude "so and so" but I'd really like to talk to "his name here" now...and keep repeating the name and he'll likely fall back into himself again faster.
I hope that helped a little...it might not work with him, but it does for me so thought I'd share that.
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Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:37 pm
FyreFli38 It is not your fault if an alt comes out EVER! I know this must be frustrating you a lot. Here are the tips I give family/friends/lovers about me if I trip into an alternate....just keep calling my real name, it triggers me to come back, perhaps if you ask who you're talking to it will help you know who you're dealing with and then you can say "I don't mean to be rude "so and so" but I'd really like to talk to "his name here" now...and keep repeating the name and he'll likely fall back into himself again faster. I hope that helped a little...it might not work with him, but it does for me so thought I'd share that. Thank you so much, Yesterday one came out and scared the hell out of me. Kept telling me it was because me and my SO were talking about him the day before and that I was wasting my time loving him in the first place. . . . Maybe it explains why and if it did trigger an alt to come out then I don't know if its a wise idea to talk about it if that will make them come out.
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Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 4:22 pm
It is not your fault an Alt comes out at all. If you trigger an Alt, it is not your fault that the trigger exists, so don't blame yourself.
My Alts work a little differently than the ones you and firefli38 talk about. Mine are like very severe mood swings, I still go by the same name for all of them, but I can't control the Alts. My Alts always let me "view" what is going on but I can't control them, no matter how horrified I get at my behaviour.
Just remember, that it is a result of some severe trauma that has caused these Alts, and that you did not cause them. You are helping just by being there and supporting your loved one. I know that from experience with my husband. If he wasn't just there trying to understand and support me, I wouldn't be where I am today.
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