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 Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 4:31 pm
I feel desperate today. Kind of scattered, not myself, as if all my "OTHERS" are constantly switching and switching and switching, over and over and over again. It is very unsettling and makes me start to feel desperate. I know that when I am feeling this way that that is when I get suicidal and I have to be around people. I feel very overwhelmed and itchy, from the inside out. Its not an itch that needs scratching, but and irritating itch that is everywhere. I think I will take my PRN and hope that helps.
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Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:39 pm
I have little to no experience with this but if you need to talk I can at least offer an ear to listen. Hope its ok that I friended you.
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 2:08 pm
I want you to call someone. I don't care if you aren't feeling that way anymore I want you to call someone that you know will understand and talk about it all! Or write a letter to someone. I think it's always best to get things out when it happens and in all the details. Even if it takes a couple hours to get out. If you don't get it out, it will bottle up and you will keep thinking about it. I hope you are ok now, and if you ever want my email to email me when you are feeling like this, just ask and I will pm it to you, and I will always write you back and I will make sure to check it everyday as much as I can! Stay safe!
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Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 6:45 am
Thanks everyone for your support, it means sooo much to me. I have just been having a very hard time lately, and maybe will have to go back on meds. I really don't want to, because I feel like I am able to handle more and have made so much progress since I went off my meds.
I think that everyone thinks that I have been magically CURED because I went off my meds, and can dump all kinds of emotional s**t on me now. I told my hubby that now I am more vulnerable and not able to handle everyone else's stuff plus my own right now. He is very supportive though and tries really hard to understand what I don't even understand all of the time.
I got a little side tracked there! What I really wanted to say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I no longer feel so isolated by my illness. It makes a world of difference to me.
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Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:50 pm
I'm glad you're feeling better now...I know exactly how days like that go, you just sit there waiting for the worst...it's nice when it blows over and you feel like yourself again.
As for meds...I can't be off them long before I start having days just like this one for you...I know it feels good to be off meds but sometimes you have to go back...I had to, we tried Risperidone this time and it seems to be working pretty well...it was a relatively new drug for me and I have a lot of difficulty finding good meds.
Anyway just watch yourself and if you find you keep spiraling down or having these weird days, you may need your meds again...you're the best judge of that so listen to yourself.
I hope you stay stable for a long while now!
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Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 9:22 pm
Thanks FyreFli, I am feeling a little better now. I have been on so many meds for so long that I am leary of having to start them again. I am keeping a close eye on myself along with my therapist (who I see 2-3 x's a week) and my psychiatrist (who I see every 2 weeks). We work as a team and talk to each other and inform each other of how I am doing. I am very fortunate to have found this team to work with.
My therapist and I worked out a plan of skills I can use to help me through these hard times, and I also have all of her phone numbers and my psychiatrist's phone numbers as well, and I can call either whenever I need to (not that I do that very often!) They are very supportive and want me to get better.
I have been dissociating more lately, and that is scary in itself. But now when I dissociate it feels like I am not going to be able to pull myself back together and I will stay split forever. It is so terrifying. Sometimes I can feel it coming on and fight not to dissociate, and other times it just happens.
Thanks for all of the support from the guild. It helps so much.
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