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 Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 9:19 pm
My body once of scales and leather skin,
The kiss of heart and blade's edge leave no mark.
But with that body of power
I have no heart, no feeling.
Now my body is of fur and soft skin
The kiss of heart and the blades edge leave marks and scars.
But with this body of love and car
I feel love and care.
This body found me the love of my life
and Gave me a child of love.
Now my blade of war and death is dull and sitting without use.
But I now know happiness and love.
And that means more to me then any meadel of battle.
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Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 10:02 pm
The beginning and end were very good, but the second stanza could use some work. I think a comma should be at the end of the last line (just an opinion) to make it flow better, and care is spelled car in the third line. The third and fourth line were a bit repetitive and really confused me for some reason. Maybe if that was changed to something less repetitive it would read better.
Okay, back to the good! I really like the rhythm of the piece and the imagery you used. It also had a lot of feeling, which is always good. Good job!
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