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 Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:13 pm
This is an old fanfic (old as in I wrote it in the 8th grade when my writing skills were still developing) that I also wrote as a songfic. (I love songfics. heart I'm a music and lyrics whore. whee ) My music taste has also expanded a lot in the past 3 years. I've been thinking about choosing some other anime or video game and using other lyrics.
This needs quite a bit of editing. But...I'm so laaaazy. And I'm focusing my energy on Animal Instinct. Someday when I'm motivated I'll go through this and actually improve it.
This was just a fic I wrote out of the blue and kept writing while I was upset with a "friend" and a lot of my angst is present in it. >_> I was an angsty 14 year old. ninja
There are several chapters, so I'll put each chapter in its own post.
Without further adieu...
[Anime] Just Runaway
YYH Based
By [ Rose ]
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Yu Yu Hakusho, nor do I own the rights to any of the songs used in this fic.
Chapter 1: JUST GOTTA RUN AWAY, Linkin Park’s "Run Away"
Graffiti decorations
Under a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learned were never true
The redheaded boy ran and ran. His heart was pounding in his ears, his hair flying all around him. He needed to get away from here.
He took a glance all around him. Everywhere was dark. He couldn’t make anything out. It was all…black…and devoid of warmth. He inhaled what seemed to be dust, and then he coughed it back out. Markings started to appear on walls. Markings that looked like graffiti.
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
His feet pounded on the path he was running on. He kept running and running and running and running.
“KURAMA!” he heard.
It’s Youko! Kurama turned around. Youko was chasing after him.
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)
“Kurama!” he hollered. “Kurama get back here!”
“NO! GO AWAY!” Kurama yelled back in fear.
“Get your a** back here now!”
“I want to run away!” he screamed.
I wanna run away
Never say good-bye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
“What the hell?” Youko screamed. “I don't care! Get back here!”
Kurama ignored Youko’s pleas and ran faster. It felt like his lungs were on fire. He could only run for so long. His breathing was becoming fast and rapid. He needed to get away as fast as possible. He couldn’t let Youko catch up.
He could hear the angry voices:
“You can’t deny it forever Kurama!”
“You killed Karasu and Roto and plenty others!”
“Murderer!”
“Cold-blooded killer!”
“Kurama, are you going to kill me now, too?”
“You killed Shiori’s baby for your own selfish greed! You’re no different than any of us!”
Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true
I’ve said for the longest time I was truly a cold-blooded killer at heart, and that I’d do something to stop it, but I never ever meant it. Even if I did, there’s no way I could change the way I am.
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)
“Kurama! I'm not kidding!” Youko bellowed.
Kurama’s emerald eyes widened. Youko was gaining on him.
Kurama shook his head. “Shut up and go away! I don't want to be like you!”
I wanna run away
Never say good-bye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
I’m not Youko! I’m not Youko! I’m not Youko! I'm not him!
I’m gonna run away and never say good-bye
(Gonna run away, gonna run away, gonna run away, gonna run away)
I’m gonna run away and never wonder why
(Gonna run away, gonna run away, gonna run away, gonna run away)
I’m gonna run away and open up my mind
(Gonna run away, gonna run away, gonna run away, gonna run away,
Gonna run away, gonna runaway, gonna run away, gonna run away)
Kurama ran faster and faster, but he was going nowhere, and Youko was just getting closer and closer. “No!” Kurama screamed, willing himself to move faster.
I wanna run away
Never say good-bye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
“Kurama! You don’t understand!” Youko pleaded.
“Shut up! Go away!” Kurama screamed.
Youko suddenly caught up to Kurama and tackled him to the ground. He looked into Kurama’s eyes, full of fear. Kurama was still catching his breath.
Nothing seemed to move. Time seemed to freeze.
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:22 pm
Chapter 2: LIVING A LIE, Blink182’s "Stockholm Syndrome"
Youko pinned Kurama to the ground. Kurama breathed heavily.
“Kurama, you need to understand,” Youko yelled.
Kurama said nothing.
“Why are you running away?” Youko asked.
“To get away from you!” Kurama screamed back. “I don’t want to be like you!”
This is the first (thing I remember)
Now it's the last (thing left on my mind)
“All I can remember is death!” he continued screaming. “Death, death, death, death, and more death!” he ranted.
Afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper)
An empty heart (replaced with paranoia)
Youko looked straight into Kurama’s eyes. “That’s because we’re one and the same!”
“No we aren’t!” Kurama insisted.
“We are!” Youko spat forcefully. “You are me, and I am you!”
“No! No, no, no, no!” Kurama tried to get Youko off of him.
Where do we go (life's temporary)
After we're gone (like new years resolutions)
“YES!” Youko shouted. He increased his grip on Kurama.
“No! I didn’t kill them!” Kurama felt the pain. He tried to kick Youko off of him, but Youko was crushing his legs.
Why is this hard (do you recognize me)
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)
Youko got off of Kurama. “Fine, but running will get you nowhere. Do you know what’s happening to you consciously?”
Kurama looked at Youko quizzically. “What do you mean?”
“This is your unconscious mind, Kurama. Do you know where you really are?”
Kurama turned away.
“You’re in a hospital. You’re dying. You need me. You need to accept who I am and who you really are, in order to get better. Otherwise, you will die.”
I'm so lost
I'm barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me
It's too late
To save me
You're too late
You're too late
“It’s way too late to save me, Youko,” Kurama said.
“Oh, so the great Shuichi Minamino has been defeated?” Youko said mockingly.
Kurama stood there for a moment. He could think of no answer, so he ran.
You're cold with disappointment
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
“Not this again!” Youko screamed in frustration.
“Stay away, Youko! I am not you!” Kurama yelled back, running harder and harder then he could take.
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me
“Damn it, you’re so foolish!” Youko sighed. He stopped. “Fine, but you can’t change the past. It’s over and done with, and I see no reason in me chasing a stubborn fool.” He turned his back and walked away.
Kurama stopped running, and nearly collapsed. “I can’t take it…I can’t take being a murderer!” He felt like crying all of his troubles away. As much as he hated Youko, he didn’t want him to give up on him. Everyone gave up on him.
Even though that really wasn’t true, it was what he wanted to believe. The only reason he was so popular at school was because he was the top student, the girls adored his looks, and the boys wanted to know why so many girls liked him and what his secrets for girls were. It was basically living a lie.
No…it wasn’t basically…he was living a lie.
This is the first (thing I remember)
Now it's the last (thing left on my mind)
Afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper)
An empty heart (replaced with paranoia)
Where do we go (life's temporary)
After we're gone (like new years resolutions)
Why is this hard (do you recognize me)
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:27 pm
Chapter 3: Get Me Away From Here, Good Charlotte’s "S.O.S."
Shiori clutched Kurama’s arm. “Shuichi! Shuichi! You have to wake up!”
“Fox-boy! Wake up!” Hiei yelled.
“Kurama!” Yusuke screamed.
“Come on!” Kuwabara shouted.
Kurama was lying in the hospital bed. His breathing was too rapid; he was just barely hanging on to life.
“Shuichi! Please don’t die!”
“Fox-boy, I said wake up!”
“Don’t worry, Kurama.”
“Hang in there, buddy.”
The voices swirled all around him. They all desperately wanted him to wake up, but how could he? He tried countless times to escape from his unconscious mind, but he always ended up finding Youko.
“Get me out of here!” Kurama screamed. “I need to get away from here!”
Is anybody listening?
Can you hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
Cuz I need somebody’s help
No answer. Kurama sat down, with his head in his hands. He wanted to cry so badly. He had never been so afraid in his life. Youko was all around him. He couldn’t escape, so what was the point of running?
I can’t make it on my own
So I’m giving up myself
Is anybody listening?
Listening
“I need someone to help me,” Kurama whispered to himself. “Please…someone…”
I’ve been stranded here and I’m miles away
Making signals hoping they save me
I lock myself inside these walls
Cuz out there I’m always wrong
I don’t think I’m gonna make it
So while I’m sitting here on the eve of my defeat
I write this letter and hope it saves me
Kurama stood up. He wanted to leave this place. He wanted to leave now. He had to leave now, if there was any hope for survival.
Is anybody listening?
Can you hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
Cuz I need somebody’s help
I can’t make it on my own
So I’m giving up myself
Is anybody listening?
Listening
The only way he could get out of here, according to Youko, was to accept him, but how was that possible? He wanted to believe he didn’t kill anyone, even though he knew he did.
Whatever it took to get out of here.
I’m stuck in my own head and I’m oceans away
Would anybody notice if I chose to stay?
I sent an S.O.S. tonight
I if I’ll survive
How in the hell did I get so far away this time?
He literally was stuck in his own head. He was trapped within the depths of his mind, which was unable to accept murder, but he had decided to leave, and he was determined to.
So now I'm sitting here
The time of my departure's near
I say a prayer
Please someone save me
“Youko!” Kurama hollered. “Youko! Youko, where are you?”
Is anybody listening?
Can you hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
Cuz I need somebody’s help
I can’t make it on my own
So I’m giving up myself
Is anybody listening?
Listening
“Youko! I need your help!” Kurama pleaded. “Please!”
I’m lost here
I can’t make it on my own
I don’t want to die alone
I’m so scared
Kurama got on his knees. Youko wasn’t coming. One of the few times he needed Youko, he wasn’t there. “Youko!!” he screamed. “I’m scared…I’m lost in here…I can’t make it on my own…I don’t want to die in here…”
Drowning now
Reaching out
Holding onto everything I know
Crying out
Dying now
Need some help
Kurama wiped away some tears. “This must be what it kind of feels like when you’re going to die. No one is there to help you…All alone…dying…” Kurama looked up. “I understand now. I accept the truth. I murdered all of those people. I was just trying to live a lie to forget all about it, and blame it on Youko. I killed them!”
Is anybody listening?
Can you hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
Cuz I need somebody’s help
I can’t make it on my own
So I’m giving up myself
Is anybody listening?
A moment later, Youko leapt from above and landed in front of Kurama. He was smiling, but it was somewhat like a smirk. “So…you get it now?”
Kurama gasped. Youko? Youko was going to help him? He smiled and stopped crying.
Listening
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:40 pm
Chapter 4: There’s Still Hope, Evanescence’s "Bring Me to Life"
“Pff…what is it now?” Youko spat. “What’s the hesitation?”
Kurama shook his head, still smiling. “Nothing.”
“What is it?” Youko asked forcefully.
How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
“It’s just…I never thought that you were actually going to help me…”
Youko sighed. “Okay, okay. Whatever. Do you understand yourself now?”
Kurama nodded.
Leading you down into my core
Youko stared into Kurama’s eyes. “You know what you’ve done, correct?”
Kurama nodded again. He looked intently at Youko. “Yes.”
Where I’ve become so numb
“Have you truly accepted it?” Youko questioned.
“Yes, I have. I know what I’ve done. I’ve come into terms with my soul. I’ve murdered countless people; children, adults, people of all ages. I killed them.”
Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Youko turned. “Good. Then what you’ll have to do next won’t shock you too much.”
Kurama looked at Youko questioningly. “Don’t tell me…”
Until you find it there and lead it back home
Youko faced Kurama. Neither spoke for a moment.
“However first, I have a pressing question to ask you,” Youko said.
“What is it?” Kurama asked in a semi-agitated voice.
“What does the demon world mean to you?”
Kurama’s eyes widened slightly in distress.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I’ve become
“Uh…um…” Kurama managed to say.
Youko glared at him. “If you’re too scared to say anything, then don’t speak.” He started to walk away. “You’re still just as soft as ever. You’ll never get out of here in this condition.”
Kurama stood there. “Youko…! Please wait. If it’s an answer you want, I’ll give you one.”
Youko paused. “What?”
Now that I know what I’m without
You can't just leave me
“I have to admit, I don’t particularly like to be associated with demons. That’s why I look down upon Demon World. I don’t want to ever return to there again. I don’t want to be a murderer! I don’t want to be a demon!”
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
“Is that really what you think of all demons? …After all, one of your best pals is a demon, who enjoys to kill.”
Kurama was speechless. “Yes, well…”
“Ha! You really don’t accept being a murderer! What happened to the Kurama I used to know? What happened to the Kurama, who I once was?”
“I…I don’t know…” Kurama turned his back to Youko.
“Then I hope you enjoy your stay within your mind,” Youko spat. He took a few steps. “Then I know you won’t be able to complete the worst test.”
“Tell me, is the test really what I think it is?” Kurama asked.
“Why? I know you won’t be able to bring yourself to do it.”
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I’ve become
Kurama took a deep breath. “Just tell me,” he said in a calm, yet demanding voice.
“Fine.” Youko turned around. “Kill an innocent child, and I promise that you’ll never have to go through this again.”
“What?” Kurama half-screamed.
“I knew you could never bring yourself to do it. I’m leaving.” Youko turned his back and was just about to take off.
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
Kurama stared solemnly at the ground. “I’ll do it,” he said harshly.
“Hm?” Youko turned around. “What did you just say?”
“I’ll do it!” Kurama yelled. “I’ll do it! I’ll do it! Whatever it takes to get out of this hellish void!”
Youko smirked. “Oh really?”
“Yes!” Kurama said, getting irritated. “I said I’ll do it, and I will!”
Frozen inside without your touch without your love
Darling only you are the life among the dead
“I thought you didn’t want to become a selfish demon like the rest of us,” Youko challenged.
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought without a voice without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life
“I don’t want to willingly, believe me,” Kurama replied. “But as of now, I have little choice.”
“I see,” Youko said.
Both of them stood there for a few moments, each waiting for the other to say something.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I’ve become
“Okay then,” Youko finally said. “I can see you truly mean it. You should be conscious soon…”
(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
___________________________
“Shuichi…please wake up!” Shiori cried.
Kurama opened his eyes. His breathing returned to normal. “Mom…” He smiled weakly at her.
“Kurama!” Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei all yelled.
Kurama looked over at them, still smiling. It wasn’t quite his normal smile. He normally didn’t fake his smiles.
Shiori hugged her son. “Shuichi!” she cried again. Tears began to form in her eyes.
Kurama let her hug him.
Oh, if only she knew what I’m going to have to do…
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:48 pm
Chapter 5: Selfishness, Linkin Park’s "Papercut"
Kurama grabbed a jacket and checked the time. He was going to be late to school. Then again, who could think about school when all of this was happening?
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here’s not right today
He walked to the door when a voice stopped him. “Shuichi?”
Kurama turned around. “Yes?”
Shiori smiled. “Don’t overdo anything; after all, you just got out of the hospital a few days ago.”
Kurama faked another smile. He was tired of faking them. What happened to his real smile? “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay. Have a good day at school.”
Typical mothers.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia’s all I got left
Kurama waved, smiled, and closed the door. He took a deep breath.
I don’t know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
“Kurama, you can’t wait forever to kill some kid. It’s not that hard,” Youko said from within Kurama’s mind.
“Shut up,” Kurama whispered. “Maybe it’s not that hard for you, but it is for me.”
“Do I detect a hint of anger?” Youko asked. Even though Kurama couldn’t see him, he knew Youko was smirking. Kurama made no response and continued walking.
It’s like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face that watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
With each step, his guilt grew deeper and deeper. He didn’t want to kill a poor kid, especially when they did nothing wrong. Although, if he didn’t, he’d return to his unconscious mind.
No way. Not back to that living hell.
…Was this selfish of him?
“Kurama, just kill a damn kid and get it over with! For the past few days you’ve paid no attention to what I have to say!” Youko yelled.
Kurama ignored him and continued walking. He looked up at the sky and just watched the clouds go by.
“Kurama, if you’re not careful, you’ll walk into a lamp post or something,” Youko warned.
So I know that when it’s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right underneath my skin
Kurama looked around him. He didn’t know why. He just had this urge…as if he was paranoid or something.
It’s like I’m paranoid
Lookin’ over my back
It’s like a whirlwind inside of my head
It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within
It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
Kurama shook off the feeling and kept walking.
I know I’ve got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You’ve got a face on the inside too
And your paranoia’s probably worse
I don’t know what set me off first
But I know what I can’t stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is I can’t add up to what you can
Kurama bumped into someone. He looked down. It was a little girl.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized.
The little girl rubbed her head. “It’s okay, mister.” She smiled brightly.
Kurama squat down so that he was level with the little girl. “What’s your name?”
The little girl said, “I’m Maya. What’s yours?”
Kurama faked his smile, once again. “I’m Shuichi.”
“Hey, aren’t you that smart kid?”
Kurama laughed.
“No, really,” she said. “Everyone at school talks about you. The kid with red hair who’s really smart and really nice!” She smiled again.
“Shouldn’t you be at school?” Kurama asked, wanting to change the subject. He didn’t deserve to be praised.
But everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when they close their eyes
And watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)
So you know that when it’s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin
She nodded. “My family just moved here. It’s my first day of school.”
“Doesn’t your mom or dad drive you to school?”
“Yeah, but not today,” she replied innocently.
It’s like I’m paranoid
Lookin’ over my back
It’s like a whirlwind inside of my head
It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within
It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
“Are they making you walk to school?”
She nodded. “Mommy and Daddy…they were fighting this morning and they wouldn’t drive me to school, so I chose to walk, but I don’t know the way.” She started to cry.
Kurama put a comforting arm around Maya. “It’s okay, Maya. I’ll walk you to school.”
It’s like I’m paranoid
Lookin’ over my back
It’s like a whirlwind inside of my head
It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within
It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
She looked up at Kurama and smiled. “Thank you, Shuichi.”
He smiled. This time, he didn’t have to fake it. It just happened. The smile came out unexpectedly.
The face inside is right beneath your skin
The face inside is right beneath your skin
The face inside is right beneath your skin
He stood up and took her hand. They began to walk.
“Kurama! Kill her!” he heard Youko say.
Kurama ignored him.
“Kill her, idiot!” Youko screamed again. “Here’s your chance! Just take out your rose whip and slay her!”
Kurama still ignored him and kept walking with Maya.
“I’ll never understand you, Kurama. When will you learn that kindness is a weakness?”
Kurama twitched at that remark, but kept walking.
Maya looked up at him. “Shuichi, are you okay?”
He looked down at her and smiled. “Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Okay,” she said harmlessly.
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
“Kurama, if you don’t kill her right now, I swear, you will stay in that hell inside of your head with me.”
Kurama’s eyes opened in shock. He felt some sweat drops fall from the top of his nose.
Youko laughed. “You should’ve known that you could never do this task. Kindness is a weakness.”
“Shut up, Youko!” Kurama screamed.
It’s like I’m paranoid
Lookin’ over my back
It’s like a whirlwind inside of my head
It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within
It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
Kurama suddenly grabbed Maya’s arm and darted into an alley without being seen.
It’s like I’m paranoid
Lookin’ over my back
It’s like a whirlwind inside of my head
“Shuichi?” Maya asked naively.
Kurama took out his rose whip. Before Maya could scream, anyone could see, and before he even knew what he was doing, the rose whip wrapped around Maya’s neck and cut off her head.
It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within
Then Kurama unknowingly took the rose whip and mutilated the rest of Maya.
It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within
Youko laughed. “Excellent Kurama! You’re free from your mind! You’ll never have to go to that hellish place ever again!”
It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within
Kurama’s eyes were wider than anyone could have imagined. “I…did this?”
“Yes, you did. You can take all of the credit,” Youko said.
Kurama put away his rose whip and stared at the pool of blood, and then at the blood that stained his hands and his clothes. “No…I don’t remember this…what happened? What did I do?”
“You did all of that,” Youko added. “Look at the girl, Maya.”
Kurama let his eyes wander until he saw the body of Maya. “N-n-no…” he stammered. “I-I couldn’t have…”
It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
Kurama got up and darted out of the alley. “No!” he bellowed. He ran for his life. “I couldn’t do that! I didn’t do that!”
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:01 pm
eek ..................wow...............
crying AWESOMENESS! IT WAS COMPLETELY AWESOME!
^^;; I LOVE YYH fanfics, especially ones that are done by very good authors! This was amazing! Tell me when you're going to post another one so that I can read it! ^.^ Okay?
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:15 am
You're something beautiful... Thanks! And it's not done yet. There are very many chapters. xd 13, I believe. I was going to reserve posts for the rest...but I got tired and I got freaked out because I thought I heard footsteps and a door close and I act like a scared little kid after midnight. xd A contradiction...
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:30 am
Chapter 6: Consumed by Regrets and Fear, Blink 182’s "Go"
Are we all victims of opportunity
Locked outside the door back in '83
Kurama sprinted home, listening to Youko cackling in his head. He was too scared to even yell at Youko to shut the hell up. He turned the corner and saw his house. He ran faster than ever to it. He reached the door, flung it open, ran in and slammed it behind him. He saw Shiori on the couch. He quickly ran to his room before she could see him stained with blood.
“Shuichi!” she called as he slammed his door shut. She whispered to herself, “This is unlike him. I wonder if he’s okay…” She walked up to his door. She knocked slightly on the door. “Shuichi?”
I heard the angry voice of the man inside
And saw the look of fear in my mother's eyes
No answer.
“Shuichi?” she repeated.
Still no answer.
“Shuichi, are you all right? You should be in school.”
There was a pause, then she heard him. “Yeah…I’m fine…”
“Okay…” she hesitated, then walked back to the couch.
Youko laughed. “Nice Kurama! Soon you’ll be back to your murderous ways in no time at all!”
Kurama shoved his head into a pillow and screamed. He couldn’t take this. No one in the world would be able to take it.
GO GO GO GO GO
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know
Youko continued laughing. “What? Are you telling me that you don’t want to become a nasty murderer? Come on, you’ve killed someone. You don’t have to go to that hellish void anymore. Be glad.”
“Be glad?” Kurama screamed into the pillow. “Be glad about murder? That's inhuman!”
“Yes, but you’re not human, you know? You’ll always be a demon.”
Kurama changed his position on his bed to lying on his back. “Shut up,” he murmured quietly. He paused. “…How would my mom think of me as a murderer?”
Mom get in the car and let's drive away
She said, "I'm sorry Mark but there's nowhere to stay"
“Humans are so frail,” Youko insulted. “They punish murderers, and yet they’re the ones who murder.”
“Not all humans murder.”
“Who then?”
“The decent ones.”
“Who? Your friends?”
“They’re plenty decent!” Kurama said with a hint of tension.
Youko chuckled somewhat. “All of you have killed before. You’ve killed demons, as well as humans. Don’t forget, you killed Aminuma.”
“Yes, but-” Kurama started, but stopped.
“But what?” Youko asked.
Kurama inhaled deeply. “In the end, Koenma saved Aminuma. Also, we were forced to kill Aminuma. It was the only way to reach Sensui and Kuwabara in time.”
Youko sighed. “Excuses, excuses, excuses.”
Kurama gripped the edge of his bed in anger.
Youko laughed. “That’s why I choose to side with demons, always. They make no excuses. They accept their demonic ways.”
Gave up all her hope and went back inside
Hid her broken heart and let the engine die
“That’s what makes them demons,” Kurama explained. “But humans are consumed by moral guilt.”
“Not all humans,” Youko added.
“True…” Kurama said. “However, I’m not like those humans who choose to kill and show no regret or repent for their sins.”
Youko sighed. “You killed the girl! Get over it!”
GO GO GO GO GO
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know
“No!” Kurama said. “I…I didn’t! I wasn’t myself!”
“But it was still you who killed her,” Youko insisted.
“I had no idea what I was doing! I…I heard what you were saying…and…and…”
“And what?” Youko yelled.
“And…I just shoved her into the alley and took out my rose whip without thinking what I was going to do and whether it was morally correct or not.”
Why do evil men get away with it
Can't you see that I'm in a world of s**t
Youko shook his head. “I’ll never understand the way your mind works. Which is pretty ironic, don’t you think?”
“What’s ironic?” Kurama mumbled, shifting onto his stomach.
“I don’t understand how your mind works, and yet I reside in your mind.”
Kurama didn’t comment on it. He put on some music and got into bed.
“Kurama,” Youko said.
“What?” Kurama asked, irritated.
“You killed Maya. No one else. You did. So get over it already!”
Turn your back on hope and go back inside
Stop my bleeding heart and let the engine die
Kurama shoved the pillow over his head. “Just be quiet, please,” Kurama begged. “And one more thing Youko.”
“What?”
“Leave me alone.”
“Fine, but before I go let me make this clear to you in case you didn’t hear me the first couple of times: Get the hell over it!”
Kurama’s hands tensed as he held the pillow.
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know
He began to get sleepy. His hands relaxed, and slowly slid off the pillow. Little did he know that his dreams would be almost as bad as a living hell.
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:39 am
Chapter 7: Failure, Good Charlotte’s "Secrets"
In the dark
In the darkness you will find
Dirty little secrets we all hide
Kurama leapt out of bed, his eyes opened in fear, sweat beads falling from his brow. He breathed deeply. Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale…
He took another breath. It was just a dream…but what happened?
Kurama got out from under the covers and looked out his window, trying to remember what happened.
That’s right… he thought. That dream…it wasn’t real…but…it seemed so real. My rose whip slicing through everyone’s flesh like butter…Yusuke…Kuwabara…Hiei…my mom…
Kurama wiped the rest of the sweat from his forehead. He walked into the bathroom and looked at himself. He was still in his school uniform, which was covered in blood. He took a look over at his bed. There were little splotches of blood everywhere on the sheets.
Cause we all have a darker side
A place we keep where no one else will find
He sighed. He’d have to be discreet in order for no one to know. This would just be his secret…
“So pal, how’s life?” Youko interrupted.
“Will you ever leave me alone?” Kurama asked, pulling out a pair of black pants and putting them on. He put his school uniform on the edge of his bed.
“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Youko said crossly.
“Please Youko, I really don’t want to hear it,” Kurama said, pulling out a green button-up shirt and putting it on.
“Fine, fine.”
Cuz everybody wants to hide their secrets away
Nobody wants to stand up to the pain
But I will stand up to the pain
Wake up and fight again
If you could dance with me through this rain
Kurama opened his door a crack and looked in the hall. His mom was nowhere in sight. He grabbed his bloody school uniform and checked the time on his alarm clock. It read 3 PM. He slept most of the day. School should let out sometime soon.
He continued to the laundry room. He checked all around the corners in case his mom saw him. He didn’t see her, so he quickly dashed into the laundry room. He put his clothes into the washing machine along with his bloody sheets. He set everything up, and then turned the washing machine on.
Glancing around every corner, he walked towards his room. He would’ve made it if his mother hadn’t seen him walking out of the laundry room.
“Shuichi?” he heard.
His heart began to beat faster. He turned around. “Yes, mom?”
We will fight
We’ll fight again
Fight again
Shiori walked over to Kurama. “Are you sure you’re all right? You look…uptight.”
Kurama swallowed and nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. Really.”
Shiori offered her arms out to Kurama, and he took them. They embraced with a sweet hug. Kurama wanted to cry. She didn’t know what he had done. She was oblivious about the girl – Maya – who he just murdered. He was a murderer. Not just as Youko, but also as Shuichi Minamino.
Shiori smiled. “Are you sure you’re not hiding anything from me?”
Kurama shook his head. “I’m not hiding anything.”
“Because if you are, you’ll always be my lovable son.”
That got to Kurama’s heart. He wanted to spill everything out to her. Get this heavy burden off of his chest, but he couldn’t do that to her. He would have to leave her, and then she would be truly all alone.
He couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t have another weight on his conscience.
In the back
In the closets of your mind
That’s where skeletons and dirty secrets hide
Kurama closed his eyes. “Thanks, mother.” He held her close.
“Shuichi, why did you come home early from school today?” Shiori asked, looking up into her son’s eyes.
“Um…” Kurama said, trying to think of an excuse.
Then they turned to the TV. There was a special on a little girl, murdered this morning.
Kurama thought his stomach had fell to the floor. This was the worst time for this to happen. Shiori walked over and took a seat on the couch. She smiled at him. “Come on, sit down.”
Kurama nodded and hesitantly walked over and sat next to his mom. They watched the special.
“There’s been note that at approximately 9 AM today, Maya Takihaka was brutally slain. She was found beheaded and mutilated in an alley near the gifted high school and elementary school. No one knows who slayed her, but an investigation is taking place. However, no articles of weaponry were found at the scene of the crime. The marks all over her body appear to be slashes, but none can tell. For more information, please check our website…”
Youko cackled in Kurama’s head. Kurama’s eyes opened wide, trickles of sweat began to fall, and his breathing became rapid.
“Shuichi?” Shiori asked in concern. “Shuichi? Are you okay?”
And I’ll rip out my insides
And leave them on display for you tonight
At that moment the doorbell rang, jolting Kurama back to his senses. He walked over to the door and opened it.
“Hey!” Yusuke greeted.
“What’s up?” Kuwabara asked.
Kurama smiled. “Hello. Where’s Hiei?”
“That runt is probably lurking around in the trees somewhere,” Kuwabara muttered.
“You never really know where Hiei is nowadays,” Yusuke admitted.
Kurama nodded. “I see.”
“Shuichi, who is it?” Shiori called from the living room.
“Just some friends, mother,” Kurama replied. He turned back to Yusuke and Kuwabara.
Yusuke looked him straight in the eyes. “Are you okay? ‘Cuz you sure don’t look like it.”
“Yeah, Kaitou said you missed school today,” Kuwabara added.
“And with you just getting out from the hospital, we were worried about you,” Yusuke said.
Kurama smiled at them. “You two worry too much. I’m fine.”
“You sure?” Yusuke pressured.
Kurama nodded.
“Hey, did you hear about that girl?” Kuwabara asked, changing the subject.
“What are you talking about?” Yusuke said.
“The one girl – Maya – she was slaughtered this morning!” Kuwabara screamed.
“Oh!” Yusuke recalled, seeing the news. “Yeah, no one knows who killed her. Her parents are apparently really upset.”
Cuz everybody wants to hide their secrets away
Nobody wants to stand up to the pain
But I will stand up to the pain
Wake up and fight again
“Think it was a demon?” Kuwabara asked.
“I don’t know.” Yusuke turned to Kurama. “What do you think?”
“Hm?” Kurama said, looking up at them.
“Okay, something’s on your mind!” Yusuke yelled at Kurama. “What is it?”
If you could dance with me through this rain
And we will fight
We’ll fight again
Fight again
Fight again
Kurama shook his head. “No, really. It’s nothing.”
Kuwabara glared at Kurama. “Spit it out. It’s not like you committed a crime or somethin’.”
Kurama chuckled uneasily. “Yeah…”
“So who do you think murdered Maya Takahaki?” Yusuke asked, getting back on subject.
Kurama looked up at the sky. “It was probably a demon out for cold blood,” he spat.
Yusuke and Kuwabara glanced worriedly at each other.
“O…kay,” Yusuke said. “You sure you’re okay?”
Kurama nodded again.
“Really okay?” Yusuke persisted.
“Yusuke, I’m fine.”
Yusuke sighed. “Okay, if you say so.”
All my life I hide my secrets away
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark
We all try to hide our secrets away
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark
They were quiet for a moment, just watching some little kids play baseball a block over. Kurama’s heartbeat seemed to get louder to him.
Youko laughed. “Now that you’ve had a taste of cold-blooded murder, you know what it feels like. I can feel you longing for more!”
Kurama ignored him and just clenched the edges of the door. He turned to Yusuke and Kuwabara. “Guys, I’ve got some things to do. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay,” Kuwabara said.
Yusuke nodded. “Fine, but if you need help, you can call me anytime and tell me what’s on your mind.”
Kurama nodded. “Okay. Talk to you later.”
They waved good-bye to Kurama as he closed the door.
Stand up to the pain
Wake up and fight again
If you could dance with me through this rain
We will fight
We’ll fight again
Fight again
Fight again
Kurama walked back up into his room and sat on the edge of his bed. He rested his head in his hands.
I didn’t kill Maya…it wasn’t me who killed her…Youko took over my brain…I couldn’t stop him…I couldn’t save Maya…I’m a failure to myself and others.
Cuz everybody wants to hide their secrets away
And that’s okay
Kurama laid down on his bed, his hands behind his head. He stared up at the ceiling.
And nobody wants to stand up to the pain
And fight again
How many more lies did he have to make?
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:49 am
Chapter 8: A New Face, Evanescence’s "Tourniquet"
Kurama remained on his bed. He wasn’t exactly thinking; his thoughts were just drifting. Not thinking about anything important, just thinking. Thinking about Youko, Maya, his mother, his friends, his crimes, and about himself.
I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
He would never be able to atone for all of his sins. With as many as he had – mainly as Youko – it would be impossible to repent for all them. What could he do for penance?
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
First, his mind turned to self-mutilation. Then came Youko’s disapproval. Who knew he cared?
“Kurama, if you resort to something like that, you really will be turning crazy,” Youko said. “Even I don’t want you to make that decision.”
“Youko, when we die…we will go to Hell for what we have done,” Kurama said solemnly.
“Pff, whatever. Been there, done that.”
Kurama shook his head and went over to his window and looked outside. The kids who were playing were leaving now, and it gave him a feeling of relief. He knew it was somewhat wrong and selfish, but he felt better. Then he thought he saw something whiz by the window. He looked around and smiled.
Kurama walked out of his room and went outside. He looked around.
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
“Hmm…” he pondered out loud. “Now where did he go now?”
Kurama had only walked a few paces when Hiei jumped down from a tree in front of him.
“Kurama…” Hiei greeted.
“Hello Hiei,” Kurama replied.
Hiei stared at Kurama for a minute. Then he spoke. “Is…something the matter?”
“Why is everyone asking me if I’m all right?” Kurama asked, nearly screaming. “I’m fine!”
“In that case…what’s on your mind?” Hiei insisted.
Kurama turned to the side. “It’s nothing of your concern.”
“Kurama! My life is s**t too, you know that? That b*****d Kuwabara is always hanging around my sister – who doesn’t even know we’re related!” Hiei yelled.
Kurama clenched his fists. “I understand, but…”
“But what?” Hiei challenged.
Kurama turned back to Hiei swiftly, his hair flying due to the sudden turn. “It’s none of your business!”
Hiei turned his back to Kurama. “You’re not yourself, Kurama. Is it…is it Youko?”
Am I too lost?
“…Possibly.”
Hiei sighed. “You can come look for me if you ever feel like talking about it.”
And with that, Hiei left in the blink of an eye.
Kurama stood there for a second, then he briskly walked into his room, almost slamming the door. He strode over to his bed and sat down, his chin in his hands.
“Why is my life so screwed up?” Kurama asked no one in particular.
Youko shrugged. “My life is screwed up too, you know.”
Kurama sighed. “Yes, yes, I know…I know.”
“You should get some rest,” Youko suggested.
“What?” Kurama said, taken aback.
“What? Do you really think I can be cold all the time?” Youko laughed.
Kurama said nothing, but it was a good idea. Sleep was never something bad. He rested his head on his pillow and slept.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
The next morning Kurama woke up. He felt better – not much better though. The weight of murder was still pulling his conscience down. Maybe a day at school would help.
He got out of bed and changed into his recently washed uniform, which was no longer covered in blood. He gave his mom a hug and left for school. On the way there, he kept his eyes forward and tuned out Youko, as usual. Though, he sensed this day would be…different.
Do you remember me?
Lost for so long
Once he got to school, he dealt with the crazed fan girls chasing him around. They were just as annoying as usual. Once he got all of his stuff from his locker and he was able to walk around because the fan girls finally dispersed, he saw a girl – and she definitely was not a fan girl. She had long black hair with blue streaks and silver tips, and reddish-brown eyes. Of course, she wore the girls’ uniform, a nice shade of red. She didn’t look like a normal human, but of course, Kurama could just be going paranoid.
Then it hit him. What if Koenma had found out about the murderer of Maya? Sweat began to trickle down his neck and his breathing started to get rapid.
The girl walked over to him. She smiled. “Are you…Shuichi?”
Kurama paused, but then nodded. “Yes. Who are you?”
“I’m Midoriko,” she replied.
“Hello, Midoriko.”
Will you be on the other side?
Or will you forget me?
“Could I talk to you later?” she asked. “Somewhere away from all of these humans?”
Kurama’s eyes opened wide. Humans… he thought. She is definitely not human…
She winked. “Talk to ya later, Kurama!” She walked away.
Kurama stood there and watched her walk away. Kur…ama… he thought. Does she work under Koenma?
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
The bell rang. It shook Kurama to his senses. He ran to his class. He missed school yesterday; he should at least go today – even if he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on any classwork.
School seemed to be going by even more slowly. Kurama was worried if Koenma had found out, and sent Midoriko to talk with him. He was going to have to be suspicious about this.
Except, he couldn’t keep this to himself for much longer. He had to get it off his chest.
“Minamino.”
Kurama looked up. Wow, he had been dazing off all through math class, and now the teacher was calling on him. He looked at the board. It was just a basic math problem for him. For a normal fifteen-year old human, it would take some time.
“15.5,” Kurama responded.
“Correct,” the teacher replied. He went on to the next problem and called on someone else.
Then school let out and Kurama put away all of his things and met Midoriko. She was leaning against a tree waiting for him. He walked over to her, his footsteps echoing in his mind.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
“Kurama, what’s on your mind?” Midoriko asked.
Kurama looked at the ground. He couldn’t keep this to himself forever. He had to tell someone, and even if this Midoriko looked a little suspicious, if he told any of his friends or his mom, they would all worry. Midoriko looked like the type to smart-off to authority, but still the type you could go to, to talk about something. He couldn’t let this eat him up forever.
I want to die!!!
“Do you know of the murder committed yesterday?” Kurama inquired.
“Do you mean Maya Takihaka?”
Kurama nodded. “Yes.”
“I know of the murder, but I don’t know who committed it.”
“Do you have any suspicions of who?”
Midoriko shrugged. “Not exactly.”
They were silent for a few minutes. Then Midoriko asked again, “So…what is on your mind? You didn’t bring up this murder case for no reason, did you?”
Kurama looked straight into her eyes. “How would your conscience feel…if you…if you committed a felony?”
“Hm?” She raised one eyebrow. “A felony? Well…I suppose I’d learn to cope with it somehow and atone for it…I guess…but that’s just me. What about you?”
“I would…be exhausted…and hate myself…” He looked up into the sky. “I ought to die!”
“Woah, there!” Midoriko exclaimed. “Calm down. It’s all right.”
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
Kurama fought back his tears. “No it’s not! Nothing is all right. My life is falling apart…it’s turning into a heap of crap.” He sat down on the grass, mainly from fatigue.
Midoriko sat down against the tree. “I’ve already accepted that life is basically s**t. You just have to learn to live with it.”
Kurama rested his head on his knees. “But what if I can’t? I can’t justify murder.”
Midoriko smiled and got up. “I’m sorry. I have to go. I have a…er…friend…I need to meet with.”
Kurama nodded. “I understand.”
“Look Kurama…” she said. “You’ll be okay. And if you ever need any help…talk to your friends about this. They will worry, but they want to do everything that’s for your best interest. If they didn’t worry about you, they wouldn’t be very considerate friends, now would they?” Then she walked away.
Kurama smiled a little and said to himself, “No, they wouldn’t be.”
My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied Christ?
Tourniquet
My suicide
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:00 am
Chapter 9: Push Me Aside, Linkin Park’s "Lying From You"
When I pretend everything is what I want it to be
I look exactly like what you always wanted to see
Kurama got up and walked back to his house. As usual, Youko rubbed it in how Shuichi was a criminal and was trying to be someone he’s not. Kurama just ignored him. This seemed to be a normal occurrence of their daily lives. By now, Kurama could ignore him pretty well.
When I pretend, I can’t forget about the criminal I am
Stealing second after second just cause I know I can but
On the way back home, Kurama could’ve sworn he saw Hiei watching him. He was pretty sure it was Hiei, but he decided he still didn’t want to tell Hiei about what was going on, even if Midoriko was right.
“And if you ever need any help…talk to your friends about this. They will worry, but they want to do everything that’s for your best interest.”
I can’t pretend this is the way it’ll stay I’m just
(Trying to bend the truth)
“Kurama, stop bending the truth in your mind,” Youko spat.
Kurama couldn’t do anything, but smile. Youko could be so predictable at times.
“HEY!” Youko screamed. “YOU KNOW, I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS LIKE THIS!!”
I can’t pretend I’m who you want me to be, so I’m
Now Kurama was chuckling. He went back into his house, said hello to his mother, and watched some TV with her. After talking with Midoriko, he felt much better. He still felt like crap, but he could put on a show and make sure his mother did not know that he had committed such a vulgar act to a child.
(Lying my way from you)
No no turning back now
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)
No no turning back now
(Let me take back my life, I’d rather be all alone)
No turning back now
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)
No no turning back now
(The very worst part of you is me)
Meanwhile…
Midoriko hopped off of her oar, her hair flowing all around her. Then she heard a cheery voice.
“Midoriiiiikooooo!” a girl with dark brown hair with red streaks with green tips and blue-green eyes called. She was also short and small.
“Hello Tsuki,” Midoriko said. “And never speak to me like that, you dumbass.”
Tsuki smiled. “Okay!”
Midoriko sighed. “You may be my assistant, but your power is as great as mine. I’ll never understand how you’ve gotten so strong, and yet you act like a little child.”
Tsuki’s eyes seemed to begin to tear and get bigger. “I’m sorry.”
Midoriko shook her head in disapproval. “Fine, whatever. Just follow me.”
“Did you learn anything about Shuichi?” Tsuki asked.
“Yes. I’m reporting to binki baby,” Midoriko replied, referring to Koenma.
Tsuki giggled.
“Don’t do that,” Midoriko commanded.
“Okay.”
Midoriko barged into Koenma’s room, followed by Tsuki. “Yo! Koenma!”
“Midoriko! Will you ever use the knocker? Oh, hello Tsuki,” Koenma said.
Tsuki smiled.
“Did you get any information on Shuichi’s connection to Maya?” Koenma asked Midoriko.
Midoriko nodded. “Yes, you dumbass!” She was not one to respect authority.
Koenma glared at her. “Disrespectful as ever, I see. Anyway, what’s the connection?”
Midoriko walked over next to Koenma and leaned her elbow on his head, causing him to squirm and make a fuss.
“Hey! Stop it!” he screamed. “Tsuki! Do something!”
Tsuki just laughed and shook her head. “Midoriko would kill me in ways I’d rather not imagine.” Instead of helping, she sat on top of Koenma’s desk, and accidentally knocking over all of his papers, causing him to grow even madder.
“Stop it!!! Just give me the information and get out!” he screamed like a little kid.
“Aw, is the widdle baby gonna cry for mommy?” Midoriko teased.
“Grrrrrrr…” Koenma growled, scowling at Midoriko and Tsuki.
Tsuki could see Koenma getting more agitated than ever. “Umm…Midoriko?”
“Yes Tsuki?” Midoriko replied.
“Could you stop torturing Lord Koenma, please?” she begged.
Midoriko paused for a moment, and then said, “Oh all right.” She got off of him.
Koenma rubbed his head. “The information?”
“Oh yeah. As you suspected, Kurama is the one who murdered Maya. He’s really torn up inside about it though. I talked to him about it, and apparently I’m the first one he’s ever told anyone about it. He won’t even say a word to his mother or friends, even though they’re all obviously concerned,” Midoriko said business-like.
“Why do you think he did it?” Tsuki asked.
“That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” Koenma complained. He sighed. “Well, it can’t be avoided. I must speak with him.”
“Shall I inform him, sir?” Midoriko volunteered.
“No. This time Tsuki will go,” Koenma declared. “Tsuki, are you okay with this?”
Tsuki nodded and smiled. “Sure! No problem! I’ll see you all later with Shuichi Minamino!”
Just before she was out the doorway, Koenma spoke. “Tsuki, if he doesn’t come willingly, you may take him by force.”
Tsuki winked. “Understood!” Grabbing her oar, she flew to the human world.
________________________________________
Kurama was still watching TV with his mother when she flipped to the news, and once again the murder involving Maya was the top story. Youko laughed insanely inside of Kurama’s head.
“Not so tough now, are you?” he snickered.
“Shut up,” Kurama whispered.
Shiori looked up. “Did you say something, Shuichi?”
Kurama put on a smile. “No, nothing. Would you mind if I go up into my room?”
“Of course not. Go ahead.”
Kurama nodded and walked into his room, where he began to sweat rapidly. His head began to throb and it seemed like the room was spinning.
I remember what they taught to me
Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be
Remember listening to all of that and this again
“Gee Shuichi, all you need is one newscaster doing his job to get you on edge and tensed up. I don’t understand why you’re so soft. You’ve turned into one of those filthy humans. Let go of your human heart. Become a demon again,” Youko said.
“Youko…not now please,” Kurama begged.
Youko cackled. “Okay, Prince Charming,” he teased. “I’ll leave you to your grief.”
So I pretended up a person who was fittin’ in
And now you think this person really is me and I’m
(Trying to bend the truth)
But the more I push the more I'm pulling away 'cuz I'm
“It’s better than not regretting the terrible acts you’ve committed,” Kurama said to no one, really. He flopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He sighed. “…life is basically s**t…” Yes, Midoriko said that. I guess in some ways she was right. There were those days where you just wanted to be alone in seclusion, or scream every curse word you know into your pillow, or even start fights for no reason – just to vent some of your problems.
Yet, the worse feeling that Kurama had was his mother having no idea what was happening to her “son”. It felt even worse than having an annoying fox from your dark past trapped inside your mind, entertaining himself by torturing you.
(Lying my way from you)
No no turning back now
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)
No no turning back now
(Let me take back my life I’d rather be all alone)
No turning back now
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)
No no turning back now
(The very worst part of you)
(The very worst part of you is ME)
Then he heard a knock on his window. He got up and walked over to it. Outside the window was a girl who looked to be about eleven years old. Her blue-green eyes sparkled with her bright smile. She was floating on an oar thingie like Botan normally did. Must be a member of Spirit World…
“Hiiiiii! I’m Tsuki! You must be Shuichi-san!” she greeted.
At first, Kurama was a bit shocked to say anything, but then he regained his composure. “Yes, that would be me.”
Only a few yards away, Midoriko hid in a tree near Kurama’s house. She trusted Tsuki with this, but she was nearly one hundred percent sure she’d mess it up somehow. That’s why she was watching her, in case she screwed up.
Moments later, Hiei appeared out of nowhere next to Midoriko. “You know her?” he asked.
Midoriko almost fell out of the tree due to shock. She had no idea he was there; one minute he wasn’t there, the next minute he was! “Yes…I do,” she replied.
“Koenma has requested your presence,” Tsuki said with a smile.
Kurama stood there for a minute. Koenma? What’s he want with me? he thought. Wait…what if he found out about Maya?
“Are you okay?” Tsuki asked, tilting her head. “You don’t look so good.”
Kurama swallowed. “Yes…I’m fine. You said that Koenma calls for my presence?”
“Yep!” She nodded.
“So you work for Koenma?” Kurama asked.
“Well actually, I mainly work for Mid –” she began, but stopped short once a rock hit her square in the back of the head. She rubbed the spot where the rock hit her. “Oww…”
“Phew…” Midoriko sighed in relief. “That was too close. Tsuki…you’re so stupid! Koenma sent you so he wouldn’t be suspicious of me! Thank god I had that rock handy!”
“So…she’s kind of like your lackey?” Hiei inquired.
“I suppose you could put it that way,” Midoriko answered.
“What was that?” Kurama asked Tsuki.
“It’s nothing,” Tsuki said. Then she gestured to a spot on the oar. “Come on!”
Kurama hesitated, but then got on behind Tsuki. Before anyone noticed, Midoriko flew swiftly back to Spirit World before Kurama noticed.
Mom… Kurama thought, Could you bear to think of me as your son…if you knew who I really am?
This isn’t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me
Like This
This isn’t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me
Like This
This isn’t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me
Like This
This isn’t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me
Like This
When they got to Spirit World, Tsuki and Kurama hopped off of the oar thingie. Tsuki noticed Midoriko hiding from Kurama, still trying to make sure she had no connection to Koenma; Kurama didn’t notice her. He was still kind of out of it and somewhat spacey.
Tsuki escorted Kurama to Koenma’s office. The whole way Kurama felt very insecure. What if Koenma found out? What would happen to him? What did his future hold?
Well…whatever happens, he thought, it is fate’s doing and I can do nothing to prevent it from happening.
Kurama stepped into Koenma’s office and faced him. He was ready for whatever was going to be thrown at him, and he was going to take it in bit by bit.
Kurama could tell Koenma wasn’t exactly pleased when he looked up at him. They both matched gazes, neither wavering. After a few minutes, Koenma spoke.
“Kurama, do you know of a girl by the name of Maya? A Maya Takihaki?” Koenma inquired.
“And if I do?” Kurama countered.
“Answer the question,” Koenma demanded fiercely. Apparently, he wasn’t in the mood for fun and games.
Kurama looked at the ground and turned away from him. The room seemed to get ice-cold, and Youko’s laughter seemed to echo in his mind. His heart rate quickened. He could not lie. Yet, could he face the consequences of what he did to that poor little girl?
“Kurama, answer the question,” Koenma repeated.
For a few seconds the room was silent. Then our Shuichi Minamino spoke. “Yes. I knew her. And I happen to know her killer as well.” He clenched his hands.
“What are you saying?”
Kurama resisted the tears that were making his eyes sting. It was now or never. “I…was the one who murdered the poor innocent little girl, who was never able to reach her potential because of me!” Kurama swiftly turned to face Koenma, who was shocked at Kurama’s sudden outburst. “She could have been the one who found the cure for cancer, or a famous novelist, an artist, a lawyer, Nobel Prize Award winner – the possibilities are endless!”
(You)
No turning back now
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)
No no turning back now
(Let me take back my life I’d rather be all alone)
No turning back now
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)
No no turning back now
(The very worst part of you)
(The very worst part of you is me)
The room seemed to cause Kurama’s words to echo.
“I see,” Koenma responded, after he recovered from his initial reaction of shock. He inhaled deeply and then followed it up with a long exhale. “I’m sorry Kurama, but I’m going to have to suspend you.”
“I understand,” Kurama simply said.
“If you do any other things like this…I’m afraid things will get even worse.”
“I understand,” Kurama said again. Then he walked back outside with Tsuki, who gave him a ride back to Human World, where Kurama immediately went up into his room and prayed. He needed some help, but he wasn’t sure if his friends could help him.
What’s a “normal” human teenager supposed to do at a time like this?
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:11 am
Chapter 10: Overcome by Guilt and Fear, Blink-182’s "Here’s Your Letter"
The curtains were pulled shut. The room was consumed by darkness. Hardly any light shone through, and that was just because it was a bright day outside, though most of it was filtered out. You could hear all the kids outside playing – laughing, crying, yelling; just being kids.
Kurama leaned against his bed, his feet on the floor, hugging his knees, and his head resting on his knees. It looked as if his head was buried in his red hair. His emerald eyes were filled with tears. All the while the sounds of the kids outside echoed in his dark, cold room. Then Youko’s sadistic voice repeated in his mind.
“Kurama, give up your human body. That way I don’t have to be trapped in your mind, and I’ll have control of my body again,” he taunted.
Kurama abruptly stood up. His eyes danced around the room, looking for some sharp object.
“There’s a knife in a drawer over on the left,” Youko said, hoping to assist him.
“Thanks,” Kurama said sarcastically.
Kurama walked over to a table and opened up one of the drawers. It was a bit cluttered; pens, notebooks, and lots of schoolwork was in it.
“Are you sure there’s a knife in here?” Kurama asked Youko.
“Positive,” Youko replied.
“How would you know?” Kurama inquired, with a hint of suspiciousness in his voice.
Youko chuckled. “I have my ways.”
Kurama shook his head. He took out all of the pens and paper and set it on the desk. There were only two things left in the drawer, which both caught Kurama’s eye. First, there was the knife. It had a firm black handle and the blade looked like it had never been used. Under the knife was a framed picture.
Kurama put the knife to the side and picked up the picture. The frame was golden and had a fancy design. He stared at the picture and smiled. He remembered when this was taken. Keiko had volunteered to take it when Yusuke forced him, Hiei, and Kuwabara to come with him and Keiko to a water park – just to have fun. The whole group (except for Keiko) went on a ride together. Keiko stayed at the bottom to take the picture (unknown to them). As she had taken the picture, Kuwabara was hanging on for dear life to the raft because Hiei had pushed him off for being Kuwabara-ish. Hiei was smirking because of Kuwabara’s disposition, Yusuke was standing on the raft pretending to surf and doing other boyish things, and Kurama was sitting next to Hiei, smiling.
Kurama remembered that trip. He had never had so much fun with his friends. Then his eyes wandered back over to the knife.
“There’s the knife. You know what you want to do,” Youko spat.
Kurama set the picture back down and picked up the knife. He eyed the blade carefully.
Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Why not? he thought. It’s not like anyone gives a damn about me anyway.
As he pressed the blade to his skin, he took a deep breath. Just as he was about to begin slicing his skin up, there was suddenly a hole in his window and Hiei appeared. In an instant Hiei had knocked the knife away with his katana. The knife flew away from Kurama and landed, lodged in the frame of the picture.
“H-Hiei?” Kurama could only say, shocked at Hiei’s sudden entrance.
Hiei put his katana back in its scabbard. “Kurama, don’t sink to that level. Don’t listen to that kitsune b*****d,” he said, referring to Youko.
“Oh, so Hiei’s here now, is he?” Youko said.
Kurama glared. “Youko, shut up.” Kurama turned to Hiei. “How did you know…?”
Hiei sighed, and then pointed to his Jagan Eye. “My Jagan Eye, of course.”
Kurama nodded in just a fashion of saying, “Oh, I knew that.”
“How long do you plan to stay cooped up in your room?” Hiei asked Kurama.
Kurama shrugged. “I just want to be alone.”
Hiei glared. “With Youko?”
Kurama glared back at Hiei. “I’d rather not be alone with him, I’d rather be alone – by myself,” Kurama said in a matter-of-fact tone.
Hiei chuckled. “True, true.”
Kurama didn’t say anything.
Hear your voice in the dark
Lose myself in your eyes
After a few moments, Hiei broke the silence. “Kurama…have you seen the news lately?” he asked.
Kurama’s heart nearly skipped a beat. He looked at Hiei. “Wh-why? Did something happen?”
Hiei sighed. “The mysterious murder? Ring a bell?”
Kurama swallowed. “Um…I think I recall something like that on the 6 o’clock news.”
Hiei walked over to the picture and picked it up, looking at it, but nonetheless continuing the conversation. “Does the name Maya remind you of anyone?”
“Well, yeah…that one girl Maya a few years back that had a crush on me,” Kurama pointed out.
“Yes, but that Maya isn’t a little girl anymore,” Hiei argued. “This certain Maya is only in her early elementary years.”
Kurama didn’t say anything.
“Do you even what her body looked like when they found her? She was mutilated, sliced repeatedly,” Hiei said loudly, setting the picture down.
“Maybe some heartless demon cornered her and slashed her with his claws, or even used a knife or a sword,” Kurama suggested, his voice cracking.
Choke my voice
Say goodnight as the world falls apart
Hiei immediately drew out the dagger that was lodged in the picture frame and shoved it in Kurama’s face. “Kurama, it obviously wasn’t claws, it looked like the flesh was torn by something like thorns!” he screamed. “And both a knife and a sword cut cleaner than the rose whip.”
It was at that moment when Kurama’s world shattered. Hiei knew all about what had happened. Kurama took a deep breath to at least try to be calm. “Did Koenma tell you?”
Hiei took the dagger away from Kurama’s face and clenched it. “Yes, but I suspected something from the very beginning, much before Koenma suspected you,” he said through clenched teeth.
Kurama couldn’t think of anything to say, so he didn’t.
“I didn’t want to believe someone like you would do something like that,” Hiei continued. “You should leave those types of things to those without human hearts – like me.” And with that, he threw the dagger into the wall and ran out.
F*ck, I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this
Kurama looked at the ground. You’re wrong Hiei…you may be a demon, but you’ve got a human heart…
“No he doesn’t,” Youko interrupted.
“What would you know?” Kurama yelled.
“I’m the demon, remember? You’re just the human side. You’re the so-called human and you’re the one with the human heart, as you’ve said countless times before. I’m the demon and the one with the cold personality.”
Kurama was speechless. At the least, it was at least partly correct. He solemnly walked over to the dagger in the wall and pulled it out. Examining it, he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to keep it or not.
I suppose I’ll keep it. It’ll serve as a reminder to my dark past and to never repeat any of that ever again, he thought.
He placed the dagger back in the drawer, but left the picture where it was – in the open.
As Kurama walked back downstairs he said to his mother, “Mom, I’ll be back in a little bit.”
“Okay Shuichi,” she replied. “Where exactly are you going?” She looked over at him from the couch.
“The park.”
“Okay. See you soon.”
Kurama nodded, waved, and then walked outside. He looked around, hoping to see Hiei, but Hiei was nowhere to be found. Kurama sighed. I suppose I deserve it. I’m a criminal. Hiei never thought I’d turn into someone like that ever again…
Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
Kurama walked around aimlessly in the park. He didn’t know why he felt like being in the park at the moment. He just wanted to be somewhere other than his house, and he wished Youko would just shut up already. Kurama clenched his teeth. Don’t make a scene…don’t make a scene… he told himself. Everyone would really think I’m a freak if I screamed right now.
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Just as Kurama was about to lose his cool, Yusuke and Kuwabara came up out of nowhere.
“Hey Kurama!” Kuwabara called.
“Kurama!” Yusuke yelled, jumping up in the air, doing a flip over Kurama’s head and landing right in front of him.
For a moment, Kurama couldn’t say anything. The sudden switch had startled him – especially Yusuke flipping over his head.
Kuwabara slumped his arm on Kurama’s shoulder. “Hey dude, what’s up?”
Kurama chuckled. “Nothing much…”
Yusuke stared at Kurama for several seconds.
“Wh-what?” Kurama asked, chuckling again. “You’re making me feel paranoid, Yusuke.”
Yusuke cocked his head to the side. “Are you sure nothing’s buggin’ you?” he asked in concern.
“I told you Yusuke, I’m fine.”
Kuwabara got off of Kurama’s shoulder and stood next to Yusuke. They both had very serious looks on their faces.
“Urameshi…” Kuwabara started.
“Yeah, yeah…I know,” Yusuke said. “It can’t be true…”
Kurama looked up at them from the slide he was sitting on. “Is there something you two would like to say?” he asked.
Yusuke sat down next to Kurama. “Well…yeah.” Yusuke exhaled slowly and then took another breath. “Koenma told us something very disturbing.”
Talk some s**t, take it back
Are we cursed to this life?
Kuwabara nodded and took a seat on a nearby swing. “Kurama…is it true that…”
After Kuwabara couldn’t finish his sentence, Kurama raised one eyebrow. “Yes, what is it?”
“Well…uh…” Kuwabara stuttered.
Yusuke sighed. “What’s he’s trying to say is, have you really been suspended?”
“Oh…that…” Kurama said, looking at his feet.
It was silent for what seemed the longest time. The clouds sped across the sky, cars drove past, and little girls frolicked through the flowers while the boys grabbed frogs to throw at them later on.
Kurama laid down on the hot slide, feeling the warmth of the sun on his skin. “Yes. I’m no longer able to work with you guys anymore.”
“But why?” Yusuke and Kuwabara yelled at the same time.
Kurama put his hands behind his head, and didn’t say a word.
Yusuke and Kuwabara glared at him. “Tell us what happened!” they demanded.
F*ck, I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
Kurama abruptly stood up. “Talk to Hiei if you want to know.” Then, he walked off.
“Geez…what’s up with him?” Kuwabara asked.
“Something serious must’ve happened,” Yusuke pointed out.
For a couple minutes, they stood there, thinking.
“You don’t think…” Kuwabara began.
“I don’t know,” Yusuke admitted. “But you know how he felt after he killed Aminuma – and that was his only option. Wait…what if he…”
They stood there in perplexity.
_____________________________________
Kurama came back into his house. “I’m back, Mother.”
Shiori smiled and hugged her son. “That was quick. What did you have to do?”
“It was nothing. I just wanted to quickly say hello to a few friends of mine,” he explained.
“Oh, okay.”
“I’ll be in my room if you need me.”
Kurama walked back up to his room and locked the door. Lying on his bed he talked to himself – kinda. Youko was listening in, but Kurama didn’t care.
I'm talking to the ceiling
My life just lost all meaning
“I can’t make it on my own. What am I going to do? Someone like me has no purpose in this world, nor any other world. It would’ve been better if I had never been born. I’m tired of living. There is no special person for me, my friends are suspicious of me, I am no longer a Spirit Detective – which was just weird to begin with. A ‘demon’ fighting for the humans.”
Do one thing for me tonight
I'm dying in this silence
He sighed. “There’s no place for me. I’m a traitor to the human world as well as the demon world.” Then he paused. “Youko? What do you think of me? Am I still an annoyance? An inferior human?”
The last star left in heaven
Is falling down to earth and
Do you still feel the same way?
Do you still feel the same way?
Youko shrugged. “Hn, I don’t know. Although one thing’s for sure.”
F*ck, I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
“What?” Kurama asked.
Youko smirked. “You certainly don’t reach the qualities for me to consider you part of me; part of your demon side.”
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
________________________________________
Midoriko and Tsuki sat in a tree near Kurama’s house.
“Kurama doesn’t look too good,” Tsuki said sorrowfully.
Midoriko leaned back on the trunk of the tree. “He’s having some issues with morality. With someone as caring as him, there’s certainly going to be hard times.”
“I understand…kind’ve what he’s feeling.”
Midoriko cocked an eye. “Oh really?”
Tsuki nodded. “I have no family, no friends…besides you of course.”
Midoriko nodded just to show she was listening.
“You’re the only one that I can consider as a friend, even a sisterly figure,” Tsuki went on. “But I’m certain that I want to be Kurama’s friend.”
“Yes, but which Kurama?” Midoriko asked, folding her arms. “There’s Shuichi Minamino – normal human teenager, and then there’s Kurama – fighter hoping to protect all that is good. And even sometimes, Youko Kurama – the bearer of his dark past. The figure that haunts him so much and can even send shivers up his spine.”
Tsuki leaned on Midoriko. “Definitely not Youko – he’s creepy. Shuichi and Kurama are his good personalities.” She smiled. “I just hope Kurama will be okay.”
Midoriko put her hand on Tsuki’s head. “Don’t worry, Tsuki. Kurama’s tough; he’ll make it through all of this.”
Tsuki nodded. “’Kay.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:21 am
Chapter 11: The World Is Cold, Good Charlotte’s "Hold On"
This world, this world is cold
But you don’t, you don’t have to go
“You certainly don’t reach the qualities for me to consider you part of me; part of your demon side.”
Yes, that sounded right. Youko always sounded right when it came to Kurama’s heart. Kurama knew he had a human heart. In fact, he treasured it deeply. It was what made him, well, human. And like all humans, even he had his flaws.
The major one – guilt.
Kurama leaned against a wall within his dark, cold room. It resembled his life, dark and cold. He had a dark and terrible past, full of bloodshed, traitors, and unjustified murder. Murder that didn’t even need to be justified.
No, that was a wrong way of thinking. There is no justification for murder. You plot to kill someone, then you do, and then you have sinned. No big deal to demons. They never give a damn about that type of stuff. They couldn’t care less if they had committed a heinous act.
Nonetheless, Kurama was lonely. He felt all alone, even though he really wasn’t. He didn’t realize his friends were there to help him carry his burden. Kurama had such a heavy weight upon his shoulders, no normal human could ever support that weight. Not even a demon could, because they feel no guilt when they kill.
Don’t some say, ‘those who kill must be killed’? Doesn’t that make you just as bad as the ones who kill? If you kill them, then aren’t you a murderer? Or are you an avenger? You go out to war and then you kill, and you come back not as a killer, but as a hero.
Putting it lightly, life is screwed up.
You’re feeling sad, you’re feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
Kurama rested his hand on his eyes. “What am I?” he asked himself. “Am I human? Or am I a youkai? I can’t understand anything anymore.”
He began to cry. No one was there for him. He didn’t have enough courage to end his life.
Pretty pitiful isn’t it?
__________________________
Tsuki looked down at her notebook and at the poem she had just written. It sounded just like her life. The poem seemed to somehow convey her emotions perfectly.
The wind has this calming sensation
You and me, us and you, and this relation
It all seems too gory
I’m a victim of my own story
As I look up into the sky
As I wish upon a star I think, oh why, oh why
Have you done such horrible things to me?
But I’ll persevere and make you see
All the different things you’ve done
You said we’d have fun
I don’t understand, I don’t know why
I trusted that one obvious lie
But as I look back at the past
I realize that I’ve come in last
Tsuki set the notebook down on her desk and placed the pen beside it. She went over to her bed and flopped down onto it, smothering her face into her pillow. Her tears began to stain the pictures of the roses on her pillowcase. She cried for what seemed for hours.
Mommy…would things be different if you had never died? If Daddy had never treated you like he did, would you have chosen to lead your life differently? Would you have chosen to live instead to die? Would Daddy have stopped beating me? I’m sure if he could, he would beat me now. The only person stopping him from getting near me is Koenma. Thanks to Koenma, Daddy must stay away from me at all times.
Your mother’s gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear
Tsuki began to cry harder. Mommy…I miss you…I love you so much…yet at the same time, I have this strange emotion inside of me. It feels like the same emotion that I got whenever Daddy hit me…is this…hate?
Well, if it is hate, then in a way I hate you. Why? Because you left me so abruptly. I didn’t even get to say good-bye to you. I woke up, you weren’t there. I went looking for you, I found your carcass. You left me alone in this world…all by myself…
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
_____________________________
Mother… Kurama thought. What would you think if you knew who I really am? Would I still be the same Shuichi? Would I be your ‘perfect’ son? Or would you cast me aside like the rest of society?
Kurama sat alone in his pitch-black room. I need some sort of sign of that there is still hope for me, that I’m not just a burden on everyone around me. I need some sort of sign that Maya is okay in the afterlife. I’m just young and hopeless – a wanderer.
Will I wander throughout life or will I walk on my own two feet? Will I merely be pulled alongside the passing of time or will I march boldly? Will I be a coward or someone brave?
Hold on
If you feel letting go
Hold on
It gets better than you know
“Shuichi…” Youko teased. “What’s got you down?”
And also, will I let Youko get to me or will I shut him out of my mind on my own free will?
“Oh, keep your damn comments yourself,” Kurama muttered.
“My, I didn’t know you used that type of language,” Youko said, amazed. “Have I been rubbing off on you?”
“I sure hope not,” Kurama whispered to himself. “I don’t want to be anything like you. I want to be a different person. I want to be someone who has the courage to be his or her self instead of putting on an act. I want to find someone who will truly bear my pain with me, and I will bear their pain with them.” He looked up at the ceiling. “If there is one thing that I want to search for, is for someone who bears pain like the way I do – true suffering in hell.”
_______________________________
Tsuki gripped the corners of her pillow in anger and frustration. She wanted to lash out at someone. Just then she heard a knock on the door. “Come in!” she screamed as loud as she could, the pillow muffling her words.
Midoriko opened the door. “Hey Tsuki…you okay? I could hear you crying all the way from my room,” she said, concerned.
Tsuki shoved her head deeper into the rose-covered pillow and didn’t answer Midoriko. Her dark brown and partly red hair was strewn messily over the pillow, covering the parts of her face not completely covered by the pillow. Her frail body twitched violently and uncontrollably.
Midoriko walked in and closed the door behind her. She looked at the walls. Tsuki’s room was unique. The color of the walls depended on Tsuki’s emotions. Most of the time they were a rose-pink color. Now they were so many colors mixed together. Midoriko could pick out black, red, blue, and a mix of reddish-oranges. Tsuki was in much pain emotionally. She had days like this frequently. She knew Tsuki just put on that cheery attitude to try to cover up the past. Tsuki hadn’t even slept in days, she could tell. She was exhausted each day because she was haunted by her past which came back to disturb her in her nightmares.
Your days, you say they’re way too long
And your nights, you can’t sleep at all
Hold on
Midoriko walked over to Tsuki and stood there for a few moments. “Tsuki…Tsuki?” she repeated. “Are you feeling all right?”
Tsuki thrashed out at Midoriko. Midoriko blocked quickly and then Tsuki began to hyperventilate in her pillow.
Midoriko sat down on the foot of Tsuki’s bed. “Tsuki?” she repeated once again.
No answer.
Midoriko began to get irritated. She wasn’t a very patient person. Laziness and impatience were one of her worst qualities. “Tsuki, you dumbass!” she screamed, angry.
Tsuki instantly removed her face from the pillow and glared at Midoriko. Tsuki’s normally yellowish glow to her instantly turned to a deep shade of midnight black. Her eyes went from blue-green to black and her hair seemed to float through all of the thick tension in the air. “I don’t like to be called a dumbass,” Tsuki said through clenched teeth, glaring at Midoriko. “And for your information, I’m not a dumbass. If you can’t realize that, then you’re the dumbass.”
Midoriko glared back at her assistant. She had never gone this far. Normally she was just quiet the entire time. Of course, being the type of person Midoriko was, she sent a death glare at Tsuki. “What-did-you-just-call-me?” she said with anguish.
“If you can’t realize that I’m not a dumbass, then you’re the stubborn dumbass,” Tsuki repeated, yelling this time.
Midoriko grabbed Tsuki by the arm and pulled her close. “Tsuki, watch your mouth. If I say you’re a dumbass, then you are,” she whispered.
And you’re not sure what you’re waiting for
But you don’t want to no more
And you’re not sure what you’re looking for
But you don’t want to no more
Why do I keep on living? Tsuki thought. I hate my life. What am I waiting for? There is no place for me in this world. I’m not accepted anywhere. No one will take me in.
Tsuki squirmed in Midoriko’s gasp. Midoriko had a very tight grip on her, tighter than she had ever had. “Let go of me,” she demanded.
Midoriko clenched Tsuki’s arm harder. Tsuki flailed out violently, but Midoriko was bigger than her so it didn’t have much effect.
With her free arm, Tsuki grabbed a dagger from her belt under her red kimono and swung with it in her hand. “Let go of me!” she screamed louder.
The dagger slashed part of Midoriko’s other arm and all across her face, stretching from the bottom of one cheek up diagonally.
Midoriko instantly let go of Tsuki and blood gushed out from Midoriko’s arm and face. Tsuki could only look and stare at what she had just done; what happened when she let her emotions well up inside of her.
Midoriko hit the ground due to too much blood loss at once. The wound was severe and very deep. Tsuki stood there and dropped the dagger. She was horrified at what she had just done.
Midoriko clutched the long wound on her face and slowly stood up. All the blood was rushing to her head and she began to lose focus. Glaring at Tsuki, she quickly ran out of her room, leaving Tsuki to regret what she had just done.
Tsuki looked at the dagger beside her feet and then at her hands covered in blood. And then she shrieked in fear of herself. She let the dagger lay there as she ran out of her room to somewhere else. She just wasn’t sure where she wanted to go.
What the hell is wrong with me?
____________________________
Kurama stood up, opened the drawer with the picture of him and the others, and took it out. The frame had a crack in it from the dagger he had tried to cut himself with. He stared at it for a while.
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Why Hiei…why did you save me from myself? Why did you strike that dagger away from me? I don’t understand…you say you have a demon heart – cold, dark and damp – but why do you show compassion to me?
For some reason, Kurama couldn’t put down the picture. It seemed like almost a glimmer of hope for him that things would get better. That his life wouldn’t be like this forever, that it would change eventually. After all, wasn’t change inevitable?
Still holding onto the picture, Kurama looked at the hole in his window. He stared at it for a few minutes and then jumped through it, landing on his feet outside of his window. He needed to go somewhere…but where?
Hold on
If you feel letting go
Hold on
It gets better than you know
________________________________
Both Tsuki and Kurama – the misfits of society, the ones who felt left out and desired to be with someone who understood true suffering – happened to walk to the same place; a beautiful garden on the outskirts of Tokyo, Japan. They just had no idea the other was going to be there or even why.
Kurama stood there in a normal outfit with his orange jacket, looking at Tsuki in her red kimono and her hair blowing in the calm wind. And Tsuki stood there, looking at Kurama and his hair blowing in the calm wind. They both stood there for a few moments, just staring into each other’s eyes. Their eyes seemed to tell the story of their horrible past and present. And they also showed little glimmers of hope for the future that things would get better and that gave them optimism and trust in each other.
“Hello,” Kurama said first.
“Hello…” Tsuki said quietly.
They both walked over to a bench next to a beautiful bunch of roses and sat down on the sturdy, hard, wooden surface.
Don’t stop looking
You’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching
It’s not over
“So…what brings you here?” Kurama asked Tsuki.
“Oh…n-nothing really,” Tsuki answered. “You?”
“Uh, um…yeah, same,” Kurama replied.
They both looked at the different colored roses. There were no black roses, many red roses, and even more yellow roses.
“Hey…there aren’t any black roses,” Tsuki pointed out.
“Yes, you’re right,” Kurama agreed. “Black like our hearts…”
“Hmm?” Tsuki said, looking up at Kurama.
“N-nothing,” Kurama merely said.
“…The black rose means death.”
“Yes, it does.”
“Does the red one represent love?”
Kurama nodded. “Yes.”
Tsuki smiled. “Then what does the yellow one represent?”
“Friendship.” Kurama also smiled.
Tsuki’s smile seemed to brighten, along with her little glow. It was no longer black, but it wasn’t bright like the light. It was in the middle of the two.
Hold on
Kurama and Tsuki inched closer and Tsuki rested her head against Kurama’s shoulder while he put his arm around her in a brotherly way.
“You definitely know your roses,” Tsuki said, closing her eyes.
“Mmhmm,” Kurama responded. “My power is controlling plants after all. I should be well-educated in them, right?”
Tsuki giggled. “Yeah.”
They sat there, not saying anything. Just by being next to one another, they seemed to know that the two of them were in the same lot. They felt lonely and left out and went through atrocious things and just felt like a burden on everyone. They seemed to know what the other had been through, and it felt like they were looking back at the others’ past.
What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you’re doing to me?
You’re here
What are you waiting for?
Then abruptly, Tsuki got up and leaned over the bench to a yellow rose. She found some nearby clippers and clipped the rose at the bottom of its stem. Smiling, she handed it to Shuichi. “For you,” she said. “It’s a symbol of our friendship.”
Kurama kindly accepted it and held it in his hand, just gazing at its petals. “Thank you, Tsuki.”
Tsuki giggled. “It’s no problem.” Then she noticed the picture he was holding. “Hey, what’s that?”
Kurama looked at her and then at the picture he was still holding. He chuckled. “Oh this?”
“Yeah.” Tsuki nodded.
“It’s a picture of my friends and myself when we went to a water park together,” he explained.
“Oh, okay. May I see?” Tsuki asked politely.
Why not? Kurama thought.
Hold on
If you feel letting go
Hold on
It gets better than you know
“Sure.” Kurama held out the picture to her.
Then, Tsuki held the picture and looked at each of them in the photograph, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, and then Kurama. Then she noticed the crack in the golden, intricate frame. “What happened to the frame?”
“Oh, nothing…I just…dropped something…on it,” Kurama lied.
“Okay…” Tsuki handed him back the picture and Kurama put it inside the pocket of his jacket.
Don’t stop looking
You’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching
It’s not over
It’s not over, Kurama and Tsuki both told themselves. I will live for myself…
…And for her, Kurama thought.
…And for Kurama as well, Tsuki thought.
Hold on
If you feel letting go
Hold on
It gets better than you know
Hold on
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:37 am
Chapter 12: Friends and Enemies, Evanescence’s "Whisper"
Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Kurama wondered around helplessly. He didn’t know who to turn to. Standing right in front of him was Youko – no way he was going over to him, his mom – she wouldn’t understand, Hiei – he didn’t want to trouble him, Yusuke and Kuwabara – he didn’t want to get them involved in this, and then there was the girl with the reddish-brown hair and blue-green eyes who always managed to have a smile on her face. She also had that strange glow coming from her body…what was her name again? Tsuki, Kurama remembered. That’s right, Tsuki…
As he started walking towards her, out of nowhere a void appeared below his feet. He began to fall for what seemed for hours. And then as he went to hit the bottom, he –
Kurama took a sharp intake of breath and jumped up. Where am I? What just happened? he asked. He looked around and found himself in his bed. That’s right. When I went home after meeting Tsuki, I went to bed…
He wiped some sweat from his brow and brushed his hair from his eyes. Taking a long breath he looked at the clock. 12 PM.
Wow, I definitely slept in today… he thought.
Since it was the weekend, he rested his head back on his pillow, still under the covers, staring up at the ceiling. Placing his hands behind his head, he just laid there, thinking about all that had happened.
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
“It’s a symbol of our friendship.” “You definitely know your roses.” “…The black rose means death.” “Does the red one represent love?”
Why can’t I stop thinking about her? he asked himself. There just seems to be this strange…aura from her. It feels like its calling out to me. It feels like…she’s someone I can trust, and someone who could actually understand what I’ve been through…
Kurama thought back to the moment where it seemed that it felt like they were experiencing each other’s tragedies. It was their own way in getting to know each other. He had felt extreme sadness, pain, anger, and most of all – frustration. He could have sworn that in her memories, he saw Midoriko…with a gash across her face and a death glare coming from her eyes. For a split second, it looked like Midoriko’s aura was a deep shade of midnight black. But how did Tsuki and Midoriko know each other?
Most of all, the frustration felt like it was slowly consuming Tsuki and that the smile was all just an act to show everyone around her that she was okay…even though she wasn’t. The frustration came from Tsuki’s parents, from her own mother and father for some reason. But also…it came from Midoriko. One phrase seemed to be engraved in Tsuki’s memories of Midoriko – “Tsuki, you dumbass!” And how come this image of Midoriko seemed to be such an uncompassionate person? The Midoriko he knew understood him and listened to what he had to say.
He tried to make sense of this, but it got him nowhere. One reason was Youko.
“Hey murderer ol’ pal!” Youko cheered.
Kurama twitched for a moment. He was so concerned about Tsuki that he had forgotten about his own actions. He had forgotten that he was a murderer.
When Youko got no response, he continued, “Don’t you wanna talk to me?”
He only received a glare from Kurama.
Slowly, Kurama got up out of bed and changed into a comfortable outfit – a white shirt, jeans, and a jacket of a deep shade of red. Going over to his window, he looked outside. It was an extremely dark day. There were only dark clouds, and far away he could see faint flashes that were most likely lightning.
“Stop ignoring me!!!” Youko yelled.
“I’ll ignore you whenever I feel like it,” Kurama murmured.
“Just accept the fact that you’re a murderer!” Youko bellowed.
Kurama faked a sigh. “You’ve said that to me so many times, it has no effect on me anymore,” he lied.
Youko chuckled. “Yeah, right,” he said sarcastically.
It was true; he still hadn’t gotten over the fact that he had taken an innocent person’s life. The deep stab of pain in his heart seemed even more painful than it had been in days.
But all he had to do to get rid of it was to will it all away.
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
If I will it all away
______________________________
When Tsuki walked back into her room without letting anyone notice she had ever been gone, as soon as she opened the door her heart almost literally skipped a beat. In the puddle of blood (that had still not been cleaned up) was a note written in the same blood.
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)
Tsuki’s eyes widened at the site. The dagger was lying on top of the note. It was still covered in Midoriko’s blood.
Shaking, Tsuki went over to the note and picked it up. It read:
Tsuki, you’ve done it now. You’ve gone and made me pissed off – even given me a serious wound. What kind of loyal assistant does that? Dammit, you’re not my assistant any longer! You’ll have to find some work somewhere else AWAY from me because you’re fired.
Also, I’d like to have a little showdown with you. You’ve proven you can give me a serious wound. I want to see you in battle against me – a battle to the death, no holding back. I give you no option in going to this or not. You will show up because I can always find you and slit your damn throat whenever I feel like it. This battle will take place on Earth, in that little rose garden/park you seem to cherish and love so much. I figured you’d like to die somewhere where you loved, correct?
See you there tonight, no later than midnight.
I'm frightened by what I see
Tsuki dropped the note, speechless. It slowly drifted back into the puddle of blood, on top of the dagger. She stood there for many moments, just gaping into space. She didn’t know what to do. She was being forced to fight with a friend.
Wait…she’s not my friend, Tsuki told herself. A friend wouldn’t force another friend into a fight to the death. She sank to her knees into the blood. Hold on…was she even ever my friend?
FLASHBACK
Tsuki sighed. In her arms were stacks of papers. They went up to her forehead, so she couldn’t see a thing. She whined. This was a very hard first week of working for Lord Koenma and Midoriko-sama. Since she couldn’t see where she was going, she accidentally bumped into Midoriko’s desk, knocking it over and all of the papers on it. Then, due to sudden surprise and shock, she accidentally dropped all of the papers she was carrying.
“Oh no!” Tsuki looked at the mess she had caused.
Midoriko’s head popped out under from the entire mountain of papers knocked off of the desk. She was sitting right next to the desk with a very angry look upon her face.
Tsuki cowered in fear and her lip quivered. Everyone who worked in Spirit World had warned her to never piss off Midoriko, because she had some anger issues. And when she got started, things got ugly.
Midoriko slowly stood up. She took a deep breath and then screamed, “TSUKI! You're such a dumbass! Go clean that crap up now!"
Tsuki held back some tears and quickly nodded. “Ye-Yes ma’am…” she managed to squeak out.
END OF FLASHBACK
ANOTHER FLASHBACK
Tsuki sat against a wall in her room. Her eyes seemed to have no pupils; there was only darkness in them. Midoriko grabbed Tsuki by the shoulders in a desperate attempt to bring her back to reality.
“Tsuki, your mother is gone. She’s not coming back,” Midoriko said fiercely. “She’s dead.”
At this last word, Tsuki struck out at Midoriko, clawing her face. Midoriko clutched her cheek and felt a few drops of blood trickle onto her head. Then Tsuki returned to her lifeless state and just stared into the distance almost in perplexity. Everything around her seemed fuzzy and she couldn’t make out anything. Things swirled around her and it made her feel like she wanted to puke.
Tsuki clutched her head and pressed hard with her fingertips, almost trying to force her headache away. Whenever Midoriko made an attempt to talk to her about anything forcefully, Tsuki would just flail out suddenly and violently. There was no getting to her.
Then Tsuki finally managed to get a few words out. “Get…out…” she ordered.
Midoriko glared at her, but did eventually walk out. However, she paused by the door. “Don’t order me around, Tsuki.” Then she left.
END OF FLASHBACK
ANOTHER FLASHBACK!
“Midoriko-sama!” Tsuki cried, running towards Midoriko, tears falling from her eyes.
Midoriko turned around as Tsuki ran into her arms. Midoriko held her tightly. “What’s wrong, Tsuki?”
Tsuki inhaled quick little breaths, trying to calm herself down. Midoriko rubbed Tsuki’s back in a sisterly manner. “Tsuki, what happened?” she asked.
Tsuki kept on crying, and clutched Midoriko even tighter.
Midoriko smiled. “I understand. You can tell me everything that happened when you feel like it. It can be now; it can be later. Whenever you feel like talking, I’ll be listening.”
NO MORE FLASHBACKS
Tsuki just kneeled there almost like in her flashback. She was there physically, but mentally she was somewhere far, far away beyond the grasp of any human.
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come
_____________________________
Kurama stared at his hands. He could still somehow see and feel the blood of Maya that had stained him when he had killed her. Then he began to shake. The memories of that fateful day – that horrible day – seemed to come back to him. He had sudden flashbacks of that day, when he had taken out the rose whip and –
He made himself stop thinking about that time. Well, he tried to make himself stop, but he just couldn’t. Eventually, he tried to reason with himself to go lay down on his bed, but he couldn’t move. He was paralyzed with his own fear.
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears
Youko began to laugh inside Kurama’s mind. “Are you okay, Kurama?” he said mockingly.
Kurama tried to open his mouth, tried to tell him to stop, but he couldn’t speak. What’s going on?
“You’re feeling eternal suffering,” Youko explained. “I’ve just so happened to give you a little push into the feeling of damnation and uncontrollable fear – where no one is here to save you.” Youko began to laugh cruelly.
Just like a demon… Kurama thought.
Youko cackled even louder. “Yes, well F.Y.I., I am a demon,” he pointed out.
Kurama still stood there, helpless and immobilized. Youko, please stop…he begged.
“And why should I do that?” Youko seemed to increase his control over Kurama’s mind. Kurama nearly cried out in pain, but he managed to muffle it to a moan.
Youko…I have an offer…he just barely managed to think.
“I’m listening,” Youko replied, releasing a fraction of his hold on Kurama.
"We can have a final showdown –"
“How the hell can we do that if we’re in the same body?” Youko screamed. “Well then again…if you considered this a showdown, that would be possible, but it’s obvious who’s superior mentally.”
Kurama ignored his comment. "I’m sure Tsuki could find a way…she seems very skilled in the ways of the impossible."
“How would you know?”
"I could just feel this overwhelming power coming from her when I was talking with her."
“Fine, whatever.”
"If I win this showdown, you can still reside in my mind, but you must leave me alone and agree to stay out of my life. You will not be allowed to toy with my mind or me."
“And if I win?” Youko mused. “Because you know it’s very likely that I will.”
"If you win…you can use your mind to take over my body and do what you will with it…"
“Are you willing to take that risk?”
"Yes."
“Hmph, be that way. You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.”
"Now, if you would be so kind as to release me, I can go ask Tsuki about separating us from each other."
Youko chuckled. “Of course…” Youko released his control over Kurama. Kurama sighed and rubbed his head.
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
If I will it all away
I will free myself of this pain, Kurama vowed.
_____________________________
Tsuki looked at the clock in her room. It was close to the time Midoriko told her to meet her. Taking a deep breath, she stood up.
There’s no avoiding it, she thought.
Tsuki had changed into her fighting outfit, which consisted of some blue loose pants and a shirt with the kanji for rose and nature all over it in silver. Her long hair was in a long braid to her lower back.
Then she walked over to her closet and opened it up slowly, revealing a slender katana and a wooden staff with a red ruby placed on the top and a strap attached to it. Inhaling and then exhaling, she picked up the staff and hung it on her back. Next, she pulled out the sword and felt along the side of the blade, and then carefully slid her finger along the edge.
“It seems to be in good condition,” Tsuki commented aloud. She took another deep breath. “Well…I guess I’m ready. I’ll face Midoriko.”
But will I end up hating her, or trying to save her?
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)
“I do know one thing though…I don’t think both of us will escape alive…”
___________________________
Tsuki was flying around on her oar, looking for a good place to hop off when she saw Midoriko. Like she said, she was in the rose garden. There were roses of all colors including red (also dark red), yellow, black, orange, blue, pink (light, dark, and normal pink), lavender, white, peach and pale peach, coral, thornless roses, and rosebuds in red and white. They shook a little in the wind and a few of the petals fell.
Midoriko was also wearing her own fighting outfit. It was like a mix of a samurai outfit, yet also a ninja outfit. The top was similar to what samurai wear, but the bottoms were like a version of ninja shorts. The top was black and the bottoms were silver and gold. Midoriko also wore a blue headband that blended with her long black hair with blue streaks and silver tips flowing freely in the wind.
Tsuki floated in the air for a few seconds, and then came to her senses. She was confused and frustrated. She was still mad at Midoriko for forcing her into this situation and for all the things she had done in the past, yet she had this strange feeling. She couldn’t identify it and had no idea what it was.
I don’t understand it…do I want to help her or not? I don’t know what I want… Tsuki thought.
Midoriko turned around and glared at Tsuki as usual. It sent shivers up Tsuki’s spine.
Okay…she still hates me, Tsuki thought, her knees shaking. She inhaled and exhaled a few times. “Mi-Midoriko?” she asked.
“What?” Midoriko snapped.
“I’ve been wondering about a lot of stuff…”
“So, you actually do thinking with that little brain of yours.”
Tsuki pouted for a moment, but then continued what she was saying. “First of all, why do you hate me?”
“Because you’re just so…you!” the Midoriko screamed. “And whenever I try to help you, you just push me away! It…it pisses me off!”
Tsuki looked at the ground. “Oh…”
“You’re always falling down, you never act too bright, you act like a stereotypical blonde, and you’re just…” Midoriko stopped. She couldn’t seem to force the words out.
Tsuki stood there, waiting patiently.
Midoriko turned away. “So what else were you wondering about?”
“Why do you act so cold and mean?” Tsuki asked. “Especially to me…”
“As I said before, you piss me off,” Midoriko said, her back still turned to Tsuki.
“But…I could help you maintain your anger! I’ll help you in any way I can!” Tsuki yelled desperately. “There’s no use in fighting to the death!”
“First, I thought you hated me and didn’t want anything more to do with you. After all, you gave me this scar.” Midoriko turned back to Tsuki and pointed at her face, tracing the long cut Tsuki had given her not too long ago. “And I don’t want to control my anger! If I’m not angry, I’m weak! When I’m weak people get the best of me and I look like a wimp! When I’m pissed off at you, I feel superior and strong.”
“That’s…that’s…” Tsuki could only manage to say.
“That’s what!?” Midoriko bellowed.
Tsuki was still shaking with fear. “Midoriko…there’s nothing wrong with being weak…and your logic…is just illogical. Being angry all the time so you look strong. That only proves you are weak on the inside. It matters how strong your heart is.” Tsuki placed her hand over her chest. “I know I look weak on the outside, and sometimes I’m even a little weak on the inside, but I think that overall I’m strong on the inside.”
“Who cares if you’re strong on the inside! You are a weakling, Tsuki!”
Tsuki looked into Midoriko’s eyes and stopped shaking. “Midoriko…you’re not getting it.”
“There’s nothing for me to get!” Midoriko drew a big sword. “Draw your weapon, Tsuki! I’m through with talking to you! I shall dispose of you in this very spot!”
Tsuki stood there, and then shook her head. “There is no reason for us to fight…and especially in such a peaceful place. There is no need for unnecessary bloodshed. You want to kill me because I’ve been a burden on you, right?”
Midoriko growled. “Maybe…”
Tsuki put her hands to her sides. “I don’t want to fight you.”
“I don’t give a damn. Just draw your weapon!”
Tsuki wiped a few tears from her eyes. “I tried to convince you, but you’re deaf to my pleas…” Tsuki took her staff off of her back and held it firmly in her hands. “I’m very sorry, Midoriko.”
“Be quiet!” Midoriko screamed, lunging at Tsuki.
Tsuki flipped over the blade. Then Midoriko went to slash her again. Tsuki just barely rolled out of harm’s way. The blade tore off a piece of her clothes. Midoriko slashed again, and this time Tsuki managed to block it with her staff. Even though it was wooden, it would take a lot to break it in half. Midoriko smirked and shoved on her blade, sending Tsuki off her feet. Midoriko took this opportunity, and used it well. She stabbed Tsuki. However, Midoriko was aiming for Tsuki’s neck, Tsuki managed to slide to the side and only her left arm was slashed.
Tsuki groaned and clutched her arm, dropping her staff. A voice in her head kept telling her, “Kill Midoriko! Kill her! Cut her down to size!”
As Midoriko rushed at her blindly, Tsuki tripped her with the wooden staff and did a back-handspring to put some distance between them. Midoriko rubbed her head. She had fallen on her face, and had become stunned and disoriented.
Using this time to her advantage, Tsuki positioned her staff sideways in both hands and chanted a spell. “Gods of the heavens…grant me thy power…create a colossal earthquake around the target…TREMOR!!!”
As Midoriko stood up she was quickly greeted by a large earthquake surrounding her. The ground shook and rocks flew up, pounding into her. Breathing heavily, Midoriko slowly stood up, using her sword for leverage.
Tsuki stood there shocked. She should be unconscious at least…that was one of my most powerful spells…
Midoriko chuckled. “Shocked, huh? At the last second I casted a spell that set up a solid barrier around me. Your spell managed to break my barrier towards the ending of it, so I was only surprised. Nothing fatal.”
Before Midoriko could charge at her, Tsuki used a quick spell. “Rock explosion!” A few rocks came up out of the ground and hit the ground right in front of Midoriko. Smoke was everywhere. Midoriko couldn’t see where Tsuki was.
“She’s trying to disorient me…” she whispered. “Just keep your eyes and ears open…”
Then Tsuki came out of nowhere with her sword in hand, and she slashed at Midoriko. Lucky for her, Midoriko turned to the side to avoid her vital organs being slashed. Only her shoulder was injured.
The smoke cleared up. Midoriko was grasping onto her shoulder. Tsuki stood there, her sword still in her hand. She stood there, not knowing what to do. I…I don’t know what to do…I can’t say I think Midoriko as a friend…and she’s done horrible things to me…but I couldn’t kill her…
Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
“Kill her…kill her…” the voices around her told her. “Kill Midoriko, and do it now!”
Tsuki kneeled and held her head. Go away…go away…I don’t want to kill Midoriko… She’s still my friend!
“You let your guard down!” Midoriko screamed, lunging at Tsuki and slashing her stomach.
Tsuki flew through the air and landed in a patch of pink roses. She got up and coughed up some blood. She was losing blood quickly, and her vision started to get fuzzy. Midoriko struck at her again. And Tsuki hit a statue behind her and fell into the area of black roses. Midoriko walked over to her, and when it looked like she was going to make the final blow, she just stood there and prodded Tsuki with her foot.
“You know Tsuki…you make everyone think I’m such a bad person,” she said, “and I’m really not that bad. If you could just cooperate with me and show me some respect-”
No! That’s not right! I deserve respect! Tsuki told herself. “Midoriko…I’m the one who needs respect…you treat me like cattle…weak and worthless…”
“That’s because you act like that. I try not to get mad, but I can’t help it. A long time ago, I would contain my anger, and I became a wimpy shrimp and a weakling. I don’t want to be like that ever again. I can’t bear looking back at my pathetic past.” Then Midoriko looked back at Tsuki. “It was even worse than yours. You think being beaten by your father and your mother committing suicide is bad?”
Tsuki coughed out some more blood. She felt like she had a concussion. She had some internal bleeding inside her head. “I did have a bad past…but I lived through it. Whatever doesn’t kill me will make me stronger…” Tsuki said quietly.
“Kill her!!!!” the voices told her even louder this time.
Tsuki couldn’t stand it. She used her staff to knock Midoriko off her feet. Standing over Midoriko, she held a sword in her hands, over her head, ready to strike the finishing blow, but she found that she couldn’t do it.
“Why won't you kill her?!” the voices screamed at her.
Tsuki screamed in pure agony. Midoriko could only lie there.
“Kill her…kill her now, Tsuki,” they whispered.
Then, Tsuki’s body seemed to go limp and become numb. Her eyes turned black like the roses beneath her and her aura turned black – even darker than it had been when she had sliced Midoriko’s face. Without being able to control herself, she thrusted the katana into Midoriko’s abdomen.
Midoriko gasped for a split second and then seemed to smile. “Finally…my wish has finally been granted…I can die finally…” And with that, her eyes turned pale and were cold and lifeless. Her body went limp and she laid there – cold and unresponsive.
Next, Tsuki regained control of her senses and she could only stare at the body beside her. Her mouth hung open and tears welled up in her eyes.
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
“Did I…do this?” she asked to no one in particular.
She stood there, the wind blowing the flowers and her hair and the trees around her.
“Mi…Midoriko,” Then Tsuki let out a horrified cry and shrieked.
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet the end
_____________________________
Kurama turned around in the direction of the rose garden he knew of. “Was that…Tsuki?” he voiced aloud. He ran towards the voice of the sound, and before he even knew it, Tsuki and Kurama collided.
Tsuki laid there on the ground, sobbing. Kurama got to his knees and then went over to Tsuki. “…Tsuki? What happened?”
Tsuki cried harder and grabbed Kurama in a tight hug. “Oh Shuichi-san! I…I…!” she managed to say.
“Calm down Tsuki, calm down,” he eased. “Take slow, deep breaths…”
Tsuki did as he said, and within minutes could talk. She took one more deep breath. “Midoriko-sama is…”
“You know Midoriko?” Kurama asked, shocked.
Tsuki nodded. “I’m her assistant. I mainly work for her.”
“What happened to her?” Kurama said.
“I…she…” Tsuki stammered.
“Maybe you should take me to where whatever happened,” Kurama suggested.
“O…okay…” Tsuki got up and then ran over to the garden, Kurama following close behind.
Tsuki pointed at the bloody Midoriko in the garden of black roses. Kurama gasped. “What…what happened?” He peered over at Tsuki. “Did you…”
Tsuki clutched Kurama’s arm and then buried her face in his shirt. “Oh Shuichi-san! I don’t know why I did this! Something just…something just took control of me and I killed Midoriko!”
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)
Kurama stroked her head. “It’s all right Tsuki. It’s all right.” He slowly went over to Midoriko and placed his fingers on Midoriko’s wrist. “It’s okay. She has a slight pulse.”
Tsuki gasped. “She’s alive?”
Kurama nodded.
Tsuki smiled slightly and then hugged Kurama tightly. “Thank goodness!”
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)
Kurama smiled and then looked back at Midoriko. Still…why does this remind me of Maya? Is there something in her mind?
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)
Tsuki lessened her grip on Kurama and Kurama put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting way. “Let’s get her to Spirit World quickly.” Kurama sensed Tsuki’s heartbeat quicken slightly. He smiled. “Don’t worry. They don’t need to know the truth of what happened. We’ll just make up some story.”
Tsuki smiled back. “Thank you.”
Servatis a pereculum
Servatis a maleficum
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:43 am
Just Runaway – The Epilogue
Midoriko’s eyes flickered open, slowly. She felt bandages all over her body – the top of her head, her arm, and her stomach. Within a few moments she realized where she was. She instantly sat up and flung the white sheets of the bed she was laying in to the floor. She was then greeted with a tight hug.
“Midoriko!” a girl shrieked in happiness.
Midoriko looked up. “Oh, Tsuki…” Then she looked to the side and saw Kurama. “Kurama? What are you doing here?”
Kurama smiled. “Tsuki took me here. I just so happened to find you on the verge of death,” he explained. “We took you back here to Spirit World and Koenma made sure you received treatment within an instant of our arrival.”
“Oh…I see…” Midoriko said, looking at Tsuki, who was still hugging her. “Then what happened after…?”
“I’m sorry, Midoriko,” Tsuki apologized. “I don’t know what came over me. I was…it was almost like I was being possessed and without realizing it, my sword was in your stomach…I’m sorry…”
Midoriko shoved Tsuki off of her. “I don’t need your sympathy,” she insisted, in a very foul tone.
Tsuki looked at the ground. “But I really am sorry…”
“Midoriko,” Kurama said, coming in-between the two. “You should show Tsuki some compassion right now. She showed you kindness – and I’m sure she even did when you two were battling – and maybe you should owe her an apology for whatever you two were fighting about.” His voice was strict and harsh.
Midoriko looked at the ground. “Why the hell should I apologize to her? She started this fight by giving me a scar and pissing me off all of the time. There should be an ‘off’ switch on her somewhere for me to use when she gets annoying.”
Tsuki looked at Midoriko with sad, pitiful eyes. “But…but…”
“That no longer works on me.”
“Would you get over your differences and apologize?” Kurama said, somewhat irritated, but still acting as the mediator.
“Feh.” Midoriko looked at her hands, resting in her lap. “Fine, I’m sorry, Tsuki for being the normal b***h that I always am…but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a dumbass.”
Kurama and Tsuki smiled. It was as close as they were going to get, but they knew what she was trying to say. Tsuki began to giggle and Kurama chuckled to himself.
Midoriko glared at them. “What's so damn funny?!” she screamed.
“Oh, nothing, nothing,” Kurama and Tsuki answered at the same time.
Midoriko glared at them even harder, which only made Kurama and Tsuki laugh more.
________________________
Kurama paced the area within the rose garden. He had invited Tsuki to come meet him there, and he had also asked Midoriko to come as well. He wasn’t sure if she was coming or not. She didn’t give him a straight answer. She was in one of those moods. At least he knew Tsuki was coming.
“So, are you gonna ask her?” Youko asked.
“Yes, I am,” Kurama replied. “Now stop asking me and try to be patient just for once.”
As if Tsuki was waiting for the best moment, she flew in on her oar with Midoriko and jumped off of it, landing next to Kurama. Midoriko did the same.
“Hello!” Tsuki greeted cheerily.
“Okay, okay. We’re here. What do you want?” Midoriko said.
“You two know about…Youko Kurama, do you not?” Kurama asked.
They both nodded. “Yep, we know,” Tsuki replied.
“Well, you know that he resides within me – inside my head – correct?”
They nodded again. “Koenma explained to us all about that,” Midoriko said, impatient.
“He and I have come to an agreement,” Kurama continued. “We’re going to have a showdown that will decide both our fates.”
Tsuki looked extremely shocked. “But…Kurama--”
“Yes, I know it sounds foolhardy, but I have no other choice.”
Midoriko stifled a laugh. “Heh, so what do you want us to do? This is between you and Youko, right?”
“Obviously, we cannot fight each other appropriately if we’re both in the same body,” Kurama said. “Does that make sense to you, Miss Midoriko?”
Midoriko glared at him. How dare he speak to her like that!
“So why do you need us?” Tsuki asked, unknowingly.
“Tsuki – actually I’m sure you both can do this – possess secret arts that even Spirit World is unaware of,” Kurama said.
Tsuki nodded and Midoriko just sent a look at him that said, “Well, duh.”
“Then you have the power to get Youko out of my mind, at least for a little while so we can fight, right?”
Tsuki smiled and winked. “Sure do!”
Midoriko rolled her eyes. “Yeah, we can do that.” She then looked at him. “But why exactly do you need to fight?”
Kurama looked back at her without showing any expression on his face and in his voice. “It’s personal. It would not behoove you to know.”
“Can you do it now?” Kurama asked.
Tsuki nodded again. “Sure!” She looked over at Midoriko. “Midoriko-sama, would you like to draw the symbol on the right?”
“Sure, why not,” Midoriko said, very unenthusiastically.
Within a few moments, both Tsuki and Midoriko had drawn two different symbols with some charcoal on the ground. They were about five meters apart. The one Tsuki drew – on the left – was a bright sun. The one Midoriko drew was the moon and “R.I.P.” was inscribed in the center of it. They both stood up and examined their works.
“Looks good enough to me,” Midoriko said, analyzing both of them.
“Yours is good, Midoriko!” Tsuki commented.
Midoriko acted as if she hadn’t heard Tsuki and they both walked back over to Kurama.
“Um…if you don’t pardon me asking, what’s with the sun and the moon?” he asked, politely.
“Well…” Tsuki said, putting her hands behind her head, “it’s kinda hard to explain. It has a hidden meaning that even we’re not quite sure of.”
“Just go stand on the sun symbol,” Midoriko ordered.
Kurama did as he was told. Midoriko could be very, very scary. “Whenever you’re ready,” he said, indicating that he was not going to back down.
Tsuki and Midoriko glanced at each other and then nodded. “Here we go,” they said at the same time.
They each held out there hands in front of them, palms forward, and crossed their hands in such a way to form an X. Once they had their mutual concentration, they chanted some words in a language Kurama had never heard before. He stood there the whole time, just waiting in his own apprehensiveness. Then suddenly, Tsuki and Midoriko unexpectedly thrust their arms to their sides. As they did so, a powerful surge of power was sent from their bodies to each symbol.
Before Kurama knew what hit him, he suddenly felt his power drain from him. He had not anticipated this. He thought he would still hold all of his spirit powers and spiritual endurance. Apparently, this was not so, but he still had some power left inside of him.
Youko appeared with a smirk on his face. Fog appeared around him and his tail bounched slightly as he began walking towards Kurama.
Tsuki and Midoriko dropped to the ground, exhausted. Tsuki looked over at Youko. “Oh my…he’s really…really tall…” she said through breaths.
Midoriko rolled her eyes and tried to catch her breath.
“You ready, Shuichi?” Youko asked.
Kurama nodded. “Youko, we will abide by our terms. If I win--”
“Yeah, yeah I know,” Youko interrupted. “Let’s just fight already!” And with that the seven-foot tall fox demon rushed at Kurama. Kurama fumbled for his rose whip and had to constantly dodge. Eventually he managed to get it out and struck out at Youko, grabbing his arm with it. Youko braced himself for the pain and pulled on it. Kurama was sent hurtling in Youko’s direction.
Youko used his claws and slashed at Kurama. Kurama ducked, his hair still flying in the air and Youko chopped off some bits off the bottom. Kurama flipped backwards and tugged on his whip. As it went back to his hand it took parts of Youko’s flesh with it. But Kurama knew that would not be enough to stop Youko.
And Youko knew this himself.
He looked at the wound and shrugged. “I guess I’m going to have to get a bit more serious with you.” Using his astounding speed, he already had his fingers around Kurama’s throat and held him above the ground, slowly digging his claws into his throat. Kurama coughed and tried to breath as blood trickled along his neck.
Tsuki gasped and grabbed her mouth to stop herself from screaming. “Ku-Kurama!” She turned to Midoriko. “Midoriko! He’s going to die!” she cried.
Midoriko stood there, examining Kurama and Youko. “Tsuki, just wait. Even though Kurama is in a weakened state, he has the stronger heart.”
Tsuki nodded hesitantly. “O…okay…”
Kurama gasped for air and the world around him seemed to become hazy and he couldn’t tell which way was up and which way was down.
“Is the world churning before your eyes?” Youko laughed.
With the last ounce of his strength, Kurama used another rose hidden in his hair to strike out at Youko. “Rose whiplash!”
Youko didn’t expect this, and he dropped Kurama. Kurama fell to the ground, recovering his breath, coughing and wheezing. How can I win? Kurama thought. I need to find a weakness!
Youko laughed again. “Is this really the best you can do? I guess you really are nothing without me.” Youko held out his arm, about to summon a man-eating plant.
Kurama stared at Youko as he watched his life replay before his eyes. I really am going to die…Youko did defeat me…he’s going to do horrible things because I wasn’t strong enough…I’m going to go to Hell now…
Tsuki’s eyes widened and tears began to fall from them. Kurama-san! Kurama-san!! Without realizing it, she had taken a step backwards into Midoriko. “Mi-Midor--”
“Say no more,” Midoriko interrupted. She leapt through the air in front of Kurama and magically, a sword appeared in her hands.
Youko was so surprised that he had no idea Midoriko would interfere. Before he saw it coming, Midoriko’s sword was already through his stomach. She smiled cockily and licked some of the blood that had splattered onto her hand. “Heh, so this is how the great fox demon thief ends. A lonely girl from Spirit World gets a sword from nowhere and sticks it in his gut.”
Kurama and Tsuki remained were they were, speechless and shocked.
Youko stood there with a sword in his abdomen. “You…you!!” he roared.
Midoriko smiled once more. “Yes. Me.” She swiftly took her sword out from his stomach and managed to jump high enough to slit his throat. Shocked, Youko could only fall to the ground, in his own little pool of crimson-red blood.
Kurama stared at Midoriko as her sword disappeared into thin air and she looked over her shoulder at him. She winked. “We’ll call it even, ‘kay?”
Kurama stood there, still shocked. "Okay..."
_______________________
Tsuki glanced around the school hallways. She was looking for the biggest mob of girls because inside there would obviously be Kurama, just trying to get away from the attention.
Once the scary crowd of hyper girls had dispersed, Kurama sighed in relief of getting them all to leave him alone. Then he looked up and saw Tsuki. He hadn’t noticed her. She seemed to blend in. She was wearing the girls’ uniform. He chuckled and thought to himself, What is it with girls in Spirit World and coming to our region of the world wearing the girls uniform for certain schools?
Tsuki smiled and walked over to him. “Hello Shuichi!” she said with a bright smile on her face.
Kurama smiled back. “Hello, Tsuki! How are you today?”
“I’m fine! How’s your day been?”
Kurama sighed, putting his hand on his head. “This is the worst day ever. I’ve missed so much school that the fan girls have missed me so much and will not give me a moment’s peace.”
Tsuki giggled then revealed a box in her hands. “For you,” she said.
“Really?” Kurama asked, surprised. He wasn’t expecting this. He accepted the box and opened it. He took the present out, and smiled. “Thank you, Tsuki. This means a lot to me.”
Tsuki giggled again. “I knew you’d like it!”
Kurama looked at it. It was another picture frame, and it looked just like the one he had earlier, but got wrecked because of the dagger getting lodged into it. It was gold like the last one, but was a little different. Along the edges were extremely smooth and along the frame were roses carved into it. It looked beautiful. “Thanks again, Tsuki. For everything.”
Tsuki looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean?”
“Oh you know. You’ve been there for me when no one else could. For that, I am truly grateful. You seem like…a little sister to me.”
Tsuki had the brightest smile in the world plastered onto her face. “That’s good! Because I think of you like a big brother!”
Kurama rested his arm around Tsuki’s shoulders in a brotherly way. “Come on. Let’s go get some ice cream.”
There, that sounds brotherly. We’ll always have a special connection, even if we’re miles away…
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