Welcome to Gaia! ::

So, I am working on my second Novel and then I am going to revamp my first. I am having difficulties on my prologue, and what I have so far doesn't sit well with me. It would be awesome if I could get some opinions on it. So tell me what you think please.

It is written from a male's point of view, which is something I am not quite used to. Please tell me if he sounds to feminine as well.

The song used as inspiration:
Butterflies and Hurricanes - Muse
Weight of the World - Evanescence
Getting Away With Murder - Papa Roach
Seven Days to the Wolves - Nightwish

Oh, and the name is Latin, as are all my other books. It means Sacred, but I bet you could have figured that out pretty quick.



aaaaaaa Her eyes. Those of fire that burned deep into one’s soul. That was what drew my attention most. It wasn’t her raven hair, the way she walked on her toes; it wasn’t her skin that looked as if it were crafted from he moon itself, it was those violet empty eyes.
aaaaaaa And they called her a witch.
aaaaaaa Of course, they called me a werewolf too. How quick the King was to accuse those who strayed even the slightest bit from the norm.
aaaaaaa I was his soldier! I had served under his name for years now. I had a wife and children at home and now that he wanted a scapegoat my wrists were bound in rope. And she, barely old enough to be wed, sat in the exact position I did. Only her fate was sealed. Exile for me, death for her. How cruel can a man be when he sentences a mere child to death?
aaaaaaa The only reason she had been accused was the color of her eyes. The deep mauve that gave her name. Violet Payne.
aaaaaaa Rage suddenly flowed through me. A demonic swelling of pure ire. “You all shall be damned. I swear it,” I growled. She looked at me, pure horror on her face as if the actuality of our situation had finally set in. Or could it have been my anger? The reason I had been detained?
aaaaaaa I felt it fill every inch of my being as my hands automatically flew up and down over one of our four guards lances. The rope was sawed in half on the point and the weapon was in my hands. My shoulders hunched forward as my heels pulled up from the bare ground beneath me.
aaaaaaa I was a wolf, in every respect, only there was nothing running through my blood. My nostrils flared as adrenaline flowed through my darkening veins. I was not afraid of what I had become. This change had saved me more times then I could count. I was a feral animal.
aaaaaaa The butt of the lance propelled me forward as I dug the bit deep into flesh. I was snarling as I did it, and still little Violet would not run. She held very still, continuing to stare at me with those eyes of hers. Emotionless, boring eyes that aided my rage even more. Me, the enemy, and the girl were all that existed. I would not fall. I refused to fall. Not even as a knife was plunged into my gut or a gash lain on my arm. I was a beast that refused to die.
aaaaaaa My hands bled from holding the weapon so tightly and I could feel the tickle of rivulets flowing down on my skin. Slithering red slakes of my own blood. Crimson in the fading light. My eyes stung as if they were dry. I had the urge to howl to the rising moon. How could I be and yet not be something at the same moment.
aaaaaaa Finally the last soldier fell and the true problem sparked into life. I knew others would come, and we were so far from anywhere that we could hide in. The forest was locked into my head. If we could get there our chances were much better, but it was so far. There was no possibility that we could avoid each and every one of the King's soldiers on our way out, and yet my toes fell forward in a deep gait anyway. Each stride was double normal, triple even, as I pulled the girl into my chest and bolted towards the trees.
aaaaaaa So many voices, screams of fear and anger. I could hear the footsteps of the enemy. With a loud roar of defiance I plunged into the ferns. Just a few more steps and-
aaaaaaa Darkness…
aaaaaaa I had fallen. Dammit, I huffed, barely able to rise to my feet. The dark stain of my own blood fouled my clothing and irritated my nose.
aaaaaaa"Sir, over 'ere." The girl? I followed her voice in the dark undergrowth, hanging as low to the ground as my body would allow. The sound of the river began to distort her voice as I approached. When I found her, hidden deeper in the tangled branches of the forest floor then I could reach. Her slender hand directed my gaze to a mill which used the running water to run its equipment. A very small, three man boat bobbed up and down on the quickly running water. I smiled at her briefly before swinging down closer to the riverfront. My feet caused a terrible grating sound to come from the rocks below. I whispered silent curses after each step I took before my heels managed to find decking.
aaaaaaaI untied the boat before ushering her forward. She held her skirts in her hands, struggling to run in the long gowns. She stumbled at the last second in the slick stones. I cursed once again and failed to catcher her. I watched the cabin nearby with dread for the few moments it took her to slide into the coarse shell.
aaaaaaa"Hurry," I whispered, swatting away a mosquito. Once I was assured she was seated I leapt aboard and the boat sailed swiftly down the water. Not long after I saw a light appear at the door. The lantern flame flickered in the night air. We held very still, but remained unseen as we drifted only faster downstream.
aaaaaaaJust before the moon reached its peak, she asked me my name, or rather, who I was.
aaaaaaa I am Baneth Ashdown, wolf of the great forests. "You may call me Bane."

Nice I like it a lot.