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 Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:18 pm
No, I don't just mean that she looks andogynous. I'm talking about this (the paragraph I bolded):FrozenIntellect Gender Identity
Gender is considered the mental counterpart to physical sex. Just because someone is physically male does not make their gender male. Nor are genders confined to male and female (just like orientation and physical sex are not). The more well known genders include female, male, transgendered, neutrois, androgynous, pangender, and third gender.
Transgendered is an umbrella term that includes anyone who's gender is not accurately reflected by their physical sex; the opposite of this is cisgendered.
Neutrois gendered individuals not only do not feel their gender aligns either as male or female, but also feel uncomfortable with the sex characteristics, genitals, etc., that create the "male" or "female" body. Even though this gender may seem fairly specific, it can still be broad since truely unsexing a body is nearly impossible.
Androgynous gender is essentially the opposite from a neutrois; while androgynes do not feel aligned to either male or female, they feel their bodies would be better suited for them were they to be compiled of the various characteristics of male and female both. This is also a bit general because obviously different androgynes may aspire to molding their bodies into any given combination of "female" and "male" attributes.
Pangender is a more general term which encompasses both androgynous and neutrois. It indicates an individual with no gender and all the possible genders. These individuals have a very broad range of how they may perceive and present their gender.
Third Gender is a general term for many other specific genders:
Since a recent dream she had about being a "hermaphrodite," she's started opening up to me about how she feels like she's somewhere between male and female and not really exclusively just one or the other, that she feels like she should have a p***s in addition to what she already has, etc.
Naturally... It's a pretty hard thing to get used to. I wouldn't ever discourage her from it, but... I'm not necessarily that fond of penises. I'm a lesbian, basically. Semen grosses me out...
*sigh* Help, please?
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:21 pm
Obviously the people of GLITS care much less for their fellow guild members than they used to.
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 6:13 pm
Messenger_Of_The_Moon Obviously the people of GLITS care much less for their fellow guild members than they used to. Actually, it's not quite that. This guild is pretty much dead on the whole. The only truly active area is the Diaries area anymore, and that's because a few of us are constant updaters and have bonded that way. I'm not exactly sure there's much you can do except to talk to her about your thoughts and feelings on it. That's a big one because if you never do that then she'd never know how you really felt. Since it's a recent dream, ideas can change. Nothing is set in stone just yet, but you're going to have to consider what you'd do if she happened to decide to make changes.
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Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 3:24 pm
Rosenal Messenger_Of_The_Moon Obviously the people of GLITS care much less for their fellow guild members than they used to. Actually, it's not quite that. This guild is pretty much dead on the whole. The only truly active area is the Diaries area anymore, and that's because a few of us are constant updaters and have bonded that way. I'm not exactly sure there's much you can do except to talk to her about your thoughts and feelings on it. That's a big one because if you never do that then she'd never know how you really felt. Since it's a recent dream, ideas can change. Nothing is set in stone just yet, but you're going to have to consider what you'd do if she happened to decide to make changes.
Oh, no. I don't think so. I've seen enough activity in other parts of the guild, as well. Just practically no one bothers to stop by this subforum to help people. *snorts*
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Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 2:35 am
Um, some of us have been busy too...
Okay, is the issue that you don't want a lover with a p***s, or that you just don't like the semen? I understand from what you've written that your lover is currently a physical female, but that she feels the need to have a p***s as well as a v****a?
If that's what she wants, there is surgery to alter the clitoris and make it into a sort of p***s. That much can be done. If she wants to make semen she will need two testicles and a prostate gland, and as far as I know that's currently impossible, even as transplants. If the semen is your only concern you will be okay, she can't make any, if it's the p***s, you will have to let her know how you feel and decide what that will mean to your relationship.
Also, surgery is risky, and there is no total guarentee she will function properly afterwords, are there any acceptable substitutes you might consider, say toys, or a so called "Strap-on", and you agreeing to pretend it is real, or something like that?
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Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:41 pm
Messenger_Of_The_Moon Rosenal Messenger_Of_The_Moon Obviously the people of GLITS care much less for their fellow guild members than they used to. Actually, it's not quite that. This guild is pretty much dead on the whole. The only truly active area is the Diaries area anymore, and that's because a few of us are constant updaters and have bonded that way. I'm not exactly sure there's much you can do except to talk to her about your thoughts and feelings on it. That's a big one because if you never do that then she'd never know how you really felt. Since it's a recent dream, ideas can change. Nothing is set in stone just yet, but you're going to have to consider what you'd do if she happened to decide to make changes.
Oh, no. I don't think so. I've seen enough activity in other parts of the guild, as well. Just practically no one bothers to stop by this subforum to help people. *snorts*It's also a holiday weekend; everybody's off having fun and such. If you wanted quick help, you should try the regular Life Issues forum. There are actually very few regulars who help out in the forum here; they do what they can.
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Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:58 pm
But thanks to you two who did bother to post.
I'd like to point out it wasn't a holiday weekend when I posted the thing. :/
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Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 10:45 pm
Alright, I'm going to do my best on explaining/answering this:
Gender in itself is an extremely confusing topic, in part BECAUSE many people do not recognize it as different from physical sex. Since "we" (whoever that is) don't know much about gender, I'm going to rely on my experiences and beliefs regarding gender and androgyny.
Idea 1: Gender can only be explained, defined, and experienced BY the person questioning their gender. Neither you, nor your gf's mom, or anyone else can tell her whether or not her gender is "right" for her, or if it "fits" her. Therefore, I think it is important for any happy relationship (even in relationships between cisgendered individuals) that both people should support the other's gender at that time. Time is an important variable because if your gf believes she is androgynous at this time, then support her as androgynous at this time. It may be that in the future she finds she is more comfortable considering herself strickly male, or strickly female. But regardless, while her gender obviously affects you, I do not think it is in the place of the lover to hinder a person's quest to self discovery and identification.
Idea 2: This was led into by the previous paragraph. Gender is not always stable, especially for those who find themselves between or outside of "male" and "female". I find it very important for lovers to support each other in their experiences with gender. So few people now regard gender as fluid, acknowledge, much less understand, gender, or are willing to have the patience for others to understand it... that giving your girlfriend the patience and room to experiment would be the greatest gift you can give her.
These are the main two things I've found to be true in regards to gender in relationships. So broken down:
1. No one but the one questioning their gender can decide what their gender is
2. Gender is fluid and can change in the span of minutes, days, or years.
As far as my advice goes, I have several things to mention: I will explain these with a personal example. There are often times that I would like to have both female and male genitalia... However, it never has been and probably never will be a goal of mine to get surgery to actually do this. Instead, I rely on 1. my gf's affirmations and support, and 2. toys (such as d***o's). My girlfriend has been AMAZING about being supportive and comfortable with me about gender. She is gay (but also questioning her gender). But there are plenty of times she will incorporate my "male" anatomy into our fun and it is as much of a turn on for her as it is for me. I think this is true for her in part because I don't actually have the male parts and also because any part of my mind or body.. is mine. She loves me and realizes how important gender and my anatomy are to me. So what makes me happy also makes her happy.
I do not know how applicable this situation is for you. I do realize that for some people gay is gay and nothing can otherwise change their minds about penises, etc. But you can always try it? Sometimes the ability to turn on your gf, or make her happy through your support is enough to override your distaste of the idea? My basic law for relationship is thus: If it makes you closer as Lovers and Friends, do it; if it does not make you closer, don't. It applies to everything and it's a good, all-encompassing question to use.
Therefore, my main advice is thus:
1. Love should come before everything else.
2. Everything you do and say should be honest; talk to each other as much as possible about gender and how each of you feel about it in regards to one another.
3. Never do anything that makes you uncomfortable (this does not make you closer), but try to be flexible and willing to experiment for one another.
4. Help her understand that you will support her (but only if you really do) to act, dress, etc. to become more comfortable with herself. This may include binding or packing. It doesn't matter so much what it entails so long as she is aware that you are there for her.
5. Your limits on sex, your private relationship, and public relationship do not have to be the same; perhaps you are uncomfortable incorporating her "male" aspects in sex, but have no problem with her crossdressing at home and in public. Just talk about it and settle out something that you are both comfortable with.
6. Realize her gender is not about you; it is about her and how she defines a part of herself. Regardless of your acceptance, she will be whoever she is, just as you will be gay whether you remain gf's or not. It is not responsibility to manage her gender, but surely your efforts will be appreciated if you love her as she is.
Anyhoo, this is a very complex and extended topic. If you have more questions, or something I wrote didn't make sense let me know. I'd love to continue this topic with you. Good luck! heart
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