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 Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:11 pm
I was with him 7 years ago ... when he asked me to go out with him agian I gave him one condition ... He needed to stop smokeing ... I didn't say that he had to stop right away but that if he was going to continue that I wanted him to tell me when he was going to do it ... I told him that I can NOT date a smoker ... I just don't like it ~ never have ~ never will ... I also told him that I could only forgive ONE big lie
He lied to me about the reason that he wanted to go out with me ... and begged me not to break up with him then ... I told him that this was the one lie ... he can have his secrets but his secret can't be the smoking
So after I told his mom that I was happy with him not smoking ~ she told me that he had been smoking ... and he told me that he had been smoking the whole time ... just not as much as he had been
Do you guys think that I was right to brake up with him and not give him another chance?
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 11:26 pm
I can understand that you don't want him smoking and such, but it takes a long while to stop smoking. It takes many, many little steps. You have good intentions, but be a bit more lenient about it.
It sounds like he's a bit stressed. He might have been trying to impress you and make you feel better about him smoking less. True, he shouldn't have lied about not smoking when he still was, but he might have felt pressured to quit right then and tried to cover up while he tried to wean himself off.
What I suggest you do is give him one last chance. This time, however, be very lenient. Suggest the gum when he has big urges to smoke. Encourage him to smoke less cigarettes every week. Don't just tell him to stop. It feels like you're running and someone tells you something that's like crashing into a brick wall. Very difficult to get around.
I'm sure if he cares about you, he'll be able to listen to what you have to say on the subject; but you be sure to listen to his perspective, too. He'll probably be more open about what he does if you forgive the lie about not smoking. It'll make him feel more comfortable, I'm sure.
I hope this helps. =3
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 11:52 pm
It dose help a bit but this isn't the first time he's lied to me and I told him when I told him that I wanted him to quit that I knew that it would be hard and it was okay if he wanted or needed one but to tell me that he was going to do it ... unstead he chose to lie about it ... and lying is just about the one thing that I can't handle
He was constintlay telling me that I should trust him ... and not giving me any reason why I should ... it turns out that my gut was right ... he was lying to me about almost everything
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 4:19 am
maybe that feeling is right...
and speaking of feeling, i feel it's right to brake up w/ him...
if you really felt that way... 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:30 am
Don't start with smoking. the problem not going to go away cuz you want, he must want this too.
I say it either you decide to accept him as he is or brake up.
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:09 am
Thanks ... when I told him that I wanted him to quit he said that he wanted to as well ... It's not so much the smoking that bothered me Shani ~ it was the lying ...I think he's going to come on and tell you guys to tell me to give him another chance ... That's what my friend said he'd do anyways ...
Please only tell me that kind of thing if you feel it's right
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 4:44 pm
Neppy Akiyama I can understand that you don't want him smoking and such, but it takes a long while to stop smoking. It takes many, many little steps. You have good intentions, but be a bit more lenient about it.
Breaking up with him just because he lied about smoking in my opinion isn't bad enough to warnt that drastic measure. You have to go to him and tell him that he doesn't have to lie about the smoking and that it does take a long time to quit. The fact that he cut back is a big step! You should encurage him to cut back more, and be there to support this good new habit of not smoking. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:57 pm
I understand ... but the moment that he saw that I was upset ... he didn't want to talk ... when I clamed down ... he said that he didn't want to talk and said "I'm gonna go have a cigerate" and was very happy to see that I was even more upset with him for that ... the only reason that he said it the way he did was to make me even more unhappy ... when he came back from that he tried to talk to me ... and I told him "just like you blue me off when I wanted to talk I'm blowing you off now." ... then one of my old friends walked me home so I would be able to talk ... and he could tell that I needed someone to be with me ...
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 11:24 am
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:35 pm
And how do I know that this isn't just another lie?
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 7:56 pm
Now he's been calling me a lot ~ since I was still rather mad ... I ignored his calls ... I finally answered and he started to rattel off what has been going thro his head ... most of it was contradicting what he had allready told me ... but he said that he understood where I was comeing from
Then He started begging me to change my mind saying that he didn't care if I belived him ... with me telling him that I care if I believe him ... but he was still begging me ...
How do I get him to realize that I'm tired of him playing his game?
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 8:45 pm
sorry about that i was out for 2 days. ok now he lied about the reason he got back together with you?? that was really wrong of him....and about the smoking, it's an addiction smokers can't stop cold turkey they have to take baby steps and smoke less and use patches. or their body would go crazy. but yes lying to you does ruin the relationship...but if he's lying about everything then you did the right thing...
and for your second question. I guess for him to realize that your tired is just to talk to him one time and tell him that you need time and that your not sure if your going to get back to him. and that your tired of playing his game.you have to really avoid him. that way he could know that you are not playing with him, and that you mean it.
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 11:27 pm
Thanks Meleny ~ I told him that I was okay with him quitting slowly ... and that I was really happy that he wasn't smoking around me ... but he has never smoked around me before so I didn't really notice a change in that aspect
For the most part I have been avioding him ... The constint calls got frustrating so after I calmed down a bit I answered him and we talked for a while ... but I'm not sure how long it will be before he calls agian
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 11:28 pm
I don't think he is playing games, i think he really wants to be with you.
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Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:45 am
shani26 I don't think he is playing games, i think he really wants to be with you. That's what he said ... but with all the lies ... I don't know if this is true
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