Welcome to Gaia! ::

I think you should have a talk with him as soon as possible. If sex is going to be a part of your relationship, it's important for you to both enjoy it and for him to know what you're into in case he can't handle it. He might be willing to try things with you. He could also be nervous in discussing it, just as you are. I would defiantly say as soon as possible to avoid confusion or trouble later on.

I disagree. For starters he's never played before, you're going to have to teach him in that manner. It also means he won't know what to do. It might even frighten him a little, make him even more tender, I don't know, cause I don't know him.
[[[by the way, congrats, I love teaching fresh new blood]]]
And it is something you'll want to mention soon. You can't just all of a sudden, after having lots of vanilla fun, start introducing your toys. It needs to be a part of the understanding and communication from the start. This is where I think you will be well prepared. That is one thing I have always valued about the community, they are quite good and discussion and conversation on sex, play, and limitations. Also mention just what you told us. You want the chance to have a regular vanilla relationship before you start showing him how good chocolate would taste. You have needs too that lie in Vanilla relations. I really believe most people do.

[[[SIDE NOTE: this just came flashing into my head. So once you're done not playing you should have awsum foody-sex and use chocolate ice cream to indicate how you're done with vanilla. that would just be poeticly fun. . .]]]

Eventually when you both are most sated and ready to move on you can start introducing your other life style one little toy at a time.

If all else fails. . .bring him here .::grins::.
oh and. . .congrats! ^_^

I suppose you guys are right. If I'm clear about not wanting to do any of this *now* and not wanting it to define me, it will probably be alright... I'm just scared, you know? I don't want him jumping the gun, and I'm really terrible at setting limits and saying no if we don't talk about it beforehand. And I don't want this to screw up our relationship. Sex complicates things and kinks complicate them even more, as much as I love them...

You're right, you're right. I'm just so nervous. I hate having to talk about things like that. Why can't people just know? Ah. I'll wait till he brings it up again, at least. I'm not bringing it up, I'm too scared. I wouldn't know how.

That light blue, small font is seriously irritating.

When should you tell a new boyfriend about your kinks? Never. You should tell a POTENTIAL boyfriend/lover about your kinks.

You are going into a relationship *knowingly* lying by omission. Great start to things. Seriously sit down and imagine a conversation of "Well, I've been trying really hard for the past year, but I have to tell you that our sex life is incredibly boring. I'm a masochist and I have these fetishes and ...." Yea.

I'm going to assume that you're young - late teens or early twenties? Because in another ten or fifteen years, you're going to really realize just how important it is to have corresponding sexual tastes and values. A kinkster and a vanilla don't mix. A monogamous and a poly person don't mix. A straight and a gay person don't mix.

You say you're "sick" of that being the only way you can get off. Well, welcome to the world of kinks and fetishes. By definition, that's what a fetish is - something you *need* in order to get off. You're not going to change that, unless you go in for some really serious, really expensive, really in-depth psycho-therapy. (Even then, I very much doubt you can change your sexual identity, but there are plenty of people willing to take your money and try.)

If you know you're kinky, look for kinky people to date. Much less emotional pain involved for all concerned.

I've told ppl that im into bdsm and their always asking me if they can slap me or whip me...they think that im jus this "bdsm whore" and im a glutton for punishment

It's not lying by omission. At all. Because I've never denied or pretended I don't have those kinks; I've simply danced around the question.
I seriously hope that in another ten or fifteen years, when I'm 30 or 40 or so, sex won't matter nearly as much as you seem to think it does. I seriously hope it will never matter that much; because that will be a very sad day. I build relationships based on emotions, not sexual preferences. I've always believed that if you love each other enough, you can work around sexual issues. Excuse me if that's young and naive, but I hope I never grow out of that particular belief.
I also believe deep down that I can have vanilla sex and enjoy it. Maybe not everyone can, maybe some people are so deep in their fetishes that they need them to get off. But I don't believe I do, and I just need time to get used to vanilla sex. And then I can have kinky sex and vanilla sex.
I would never, ever, EVER look for a partner based on whether they were kinky or not. That is shallow, in my opinion. I'd much rather look for a partner based on what actually would make me fall for them. I'm sorry if you can only fall for kinky people, but I guess I'm not so wrapped up in my fetishes as you are.