Sacrow
Not to be a Good Day
As the door closed I laid my head to rest
There was yelling in the next room over
I knew this day was not to be the best
Not even the yard had any clover
All the birds sat in silence for fear
Of a hawk in the sky keenly searching
A last resort a baby twitter ere
Hawk strikes a catch as my stomach’s lurching
Without a sound he is carried away
The vicious claws they dug as sanguine
Blood coursed in trickles as he stabbed so gay
I gasped as he landed near me to dine
I turned to shield from what I could not say
I knew this was not to be a good day
You are mostly following the sonnet conventions though I don't think you are following iambic pentameter, which is fine. Iambic pentameter is hard. You are doing really well with the form; however, some of your lines are arranged awkwardly. For example, the line, "Not even the yard had any clover" would be easier to understand as "The yard didn't even have any clover" though I'm not sure that if has the correct amount of syllables.
There are also some places where the end rhyme sounds forced. The lines in the first quatrain ending in -est both sound rather forced. I would suggest writing the poem without the sonnet conventions and then going back making line breaks rearranging words, adding rhymes. It'll help it sound more natural.
One of the things that you don't follow about the sonnet conventions is the shifts between the three quatrains and the major revelation in the ending couplet. I have to admit that this is my favorite part of the sonnet. It gives you three images and then defies them. You can't do that in other forms of poetry; people don't understand it. I feel that both of your poems set me up for something because of the form they are written in and then don't deliver.
Sacrow
The Scorn Nature Holds
Branches crashed to the loamy, forest floor
Creatures of the forest yelled in protest
The birds could not perch, so they chose to soar
Above, whilst the man spoke, "Surely you gest"
Carving a path trough all, these men, they took
"Timber!" They yell as the trees fall like flies
All this is done for some holy book
Noticing not, ancient, vicious hawk's eyes
Attack he yells, and a rush of fury
Bursts from the woods as nature does her work
Dropping their axes, the men they hurry
Smashing through the Wood comes bears gone berserk
All who stood fighting could not battle scorn
Scorn from man and nature's old conflict, born
Most of the things I talk about with the first sonnet are also in this sonnet.
They are both good though, and I think that they could be linked together into a sonnet cycle if you want to try your hand at that. They are both connected by the ferociousness of the natural would around these people.
One of the things that helped me with a sonnet cycle I was writing once, was studying the sonnets of people like Shakespeare and the Sidneys. I suggest that you look at their poems as well. By doing this, you can play around with some of their images and twist them for something that would work in your poetry thereby adding dimension to your pieces. I found it very rewarding when I did it for myself.
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