Welcome to Gaia! ::

Well to start off, I guess you should know that for as long as I remember, I never saw myself as happy. When I was younger, I didn't know what depression was. I just knew that I wasn't happy. I started therapy when I was five or six for "behavioral problems." I did stupid s**t when I was younger because I wasn't happy. It was during therapy that my mother learned that I pretty much hated myself. I remember telling my therapist, "I'm so stupid." and things like that. Needless to say, they kept me in therapy.

When I was thirteen, I came out to my mother as bisexual. At the time, I had a boyfriend, so it didn't go over to badly. For the record, if you're gay, don't come out while your parent is driving. They WILL swerve and almost hit another car in the on coming traffic lane.

When I was fifteen, I came out to my mother as a lesbian. She cried for a month. It really hurt to know that she was sad about it. After the initial blow up on her end and the crying, she found a teen center near my house and took me there for QueerZone. It is "gay night" at that teen center every Friday night. She wanted me to meet people "Of my own kind." It was there that I met my current girlfriend.

Things were fine and dandy for a while. My girlfriend was homeless so she moved in with me. She was living with me for a month. Well, Mother dearest walked in on some things, and Zomgblowup. She was kicked out. We both became very suicidal, so she took Mel[my girlfriend] to the university hospital, and she took me to the hospital where I was insured. That was my first stay in the psych ward. I went to a horrible place. I swore to myself that I would never go there again. I was wrong.

It had been a while since I had seen my girlfriend, so I was very depressed. Mom was trying to make it so I couldn't see or talk to her. She failed at breaking us up, but she really tried hard. One night, my world came crashing down. I don't know what triggered it, but I became very suicidal again. I was taken to the hospital where I was covered, and they sent me to the hell hole psych ward that I was previously at. It was there that my mother said that Mel must leave the state[since she was nineteen and I was sixteen], she would call child protective services. Mom went through my room and found notes to my friends telling them that I had been seeing Mel behind my mothers back, and we had done things. I had just turned sixteen, so according to state law, it wasn't consensual since it was happening before my sixteenth birthday. So, she left.

Mel is now in New York with her family. My mother is letting me talk to her at this point since she is out of the state. Things are all fine and dandy until I ask to go and see her since it has been months. Mom says, "I'll think about it." She leaves me hanging dry for a week before saying no. She knew she would say no, but she couldn't just say it. She had to raise my hopes and crush them down. So, you guessed it! I became suicidal again. I was taken to the university hospital near my house. We changed insurance so I ended up at the same place they sent Mel, just the children's ward instead.

That wasn't too long ago. All of this in under a year. Now Mom is letting me go to New York for two weeks. But for some reason, I am still depressed. I am on medicine for it, but it doesn't seem to be working.

Anyways, I just wanted to share that with any one that is willing to read it.

I figured someone had to start it off.

Man thats deep.But im glade you see your girl now.I hope you won't be down in the dumps too long