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 Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 4:54 am
Hiya.
Okay, I'm not very good at writing about what I am about to. Its hard when you realise your whole life has been a lie and that the people who are meant to help kids turned a blind eye.
My childhood was pretty ******** up. Fights and arguements were a daily event. My dad hated us, my brother especially, he really beat him more so then my sister and I. When I was about 8 I was made to watch while he held my brother down on the floor by his neck and punch him in the face, at the time my brother was 13. He was a cruel b*****d, I went to a funeral and he dragged me to the coffin and told me that if I was bad then thats where I would end up, I was 7. I never knew it was wrong though, I knew that not everyone had it happen but they were my parents, they were the law. Things happend in my house which would make people want to be sick. My mum... I sometimes hate her more then him for letting it al happen but I love her at the same time.. My dad once he was in a bad mood, he threw me about our living room and I was screaming at him to stop it was hurting but he didn't, by the time he had finished I wasn't crying it wouldn't help. I stood there blood pouring from every where, I looked at my mum and she said "go and have a bath and change your clothes" I was about 8 I think.
As I got a little older he took more interest in me, in ways that no adult should. I was older but still didn't know that he was wrong, all I knew was that he was my father and that I would get hurt if I didn't do as I was told when i was told. At the 8 of age I said no when he ordered me to do something, he threatend me with a knife. I said no a lot more as I got older, when I was 14 he threatend me witha knife again and I said that if he was going to use it then to get it over and done with. My mum well she loved us, but never wanted us. We were her reason for living, but the reason she felt trapped by my father. If we wasn't around then he would turn on her and I guess I grew up thinking that I could take it where as she [my mum] couldn't. Social services first got involved in me when I was 14 because it got out that my mum had gone for me (which she had) and that I was injured and stuffs. Because I have felt the need to protect her I lied to them, so whereas they were looking at putting me into foster care they only kept a watchful eye which missed everything that should have been flagged. Everyone that worked with me, teachers/school peoples thought I should be in therapy because I was just destorying everything that came near no matter if it was good or bad. I was hurting and not in control of anything, I scared people around me and I scared myself.
I always put a lot of my achievements down to one teacher, when I really had a few that went beyond their call of duty, but it was one teacher in particular that got me my grades, that kept me alive I guess, he was the one person that I have met in my whole life that could keep up with me, second guess me right and knew what I would do before I did. Annoying as ******** but still.
loves
iFairy
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:50 am
Wow.
That's awful.
Are things better?
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:29 pm
I had read this last night but I couldn't find anything to say.So um How are you doing now?
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 9:41 am
I know it sounds bad, I know it sounds sick and all the rest. If I was reading it about someone then I would probably be horrified. The thing is though, that I'm not. It was/is my life so it seems on some level normal and I've become used to it, strange I know but hey.
One of the things I used to cling to is that there were people in the world that was in a much worse situation then I was. I had a roof over my head and food most of the time whereas others were starving to death. I never had to raise my brothers and sisters like some children in Africa do.... I wasn't the best cared for but I wasn't completely unlucky.
loves
iFairy
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