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 Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:34 pm
I say I'm concerned. A friend of mine just entered a relationship with a guy who's into the scene. She has never experienced BDSM out side of the occasional handcuff play.
He has already told me he's secretly buying a flogger, a nice big, 150$ flogger.
and now he wants to take her to a BDSM club not too far away, and invited us.
She has no clue, it's all "surprises" and "I'll show you when we get there"
and I think that is so wrong, and I am *extremely* concerned for her. I don't want her getting a bad taste. And I don't think a public play club is the proper place to first experience your limits. She's never even been to a regular sex club, so taking her to a BDSM sex club when she hasn't experienced it. . . .
I'm just worried and a little angry, he should know better.
Buuuut Mr. Sir of mine says it's not my business and I'm trying to police my friends. If she isn't comfortable it's her responsibility to say no, and it'll all be a waste of money for him. I don't think she'll object until it's too late.
I'm not sure how to handle this with out over stepping my boundaries.
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Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:58 pm
I don't think you're over stepping your boundaries. You know your friend better than him (I'd assume) and if you think she might not stand up for herself in the proper way and get hurt, then butt in. I have a friend much like that, as she often gets hurt because she doesn't say anything until it's too late. I think you should step in to keep her from getting hurt mentally or physically, at least that's what I'd do.
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Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 8:02 pm
ToxicPlay I don't think you're over stepping your boundaries. You know your friend better than him (I'd assume) and if you think she might not stand up for herself in the proper way and get hurt, then butt in. I have a friend much like that, as she often gets hurt because she doesn't say anything until it's too late. I think you should step in to keep her from getting hurt mentally or physically, at least that's what I'd do. Agreed
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Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 3:38 pm
.::nods::. thank you, I appreciate it. I haven't quite gotten to talk to her yet. But I think I'm gunna, tonight.
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Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:21 pm
You are defiantly not butting in. She doesn't know what could happen and she could end up hurt, or worse. With misunderstandings like this, there is a good reason why BDSM isn't just a hobby, its more of a life style.
If he thinks that its a good introduction, I have a good place where he should put that 150$ flogger where he won't enjoy it.
If she gets introduced that way, she might consider it assault, no matter how much she's into him. She'll also get a very bad idea of what BDSM is, and not the whole picture.
Tell him that he might lose her if she doesn't get introduced slowly (as in bondage first or slight S&M first) and she might freak the f*ck out and tell everyone, then causing a bad reputation...
Sorry sweatdrop I was webbing out.
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:04 pm
Personally, I don't think you're being nosey... I think that it's important that people are concerned about their friends, and I think in this situation you should act on that concern... Throwing someone into something like that is forcing them into a sink or swim situation... Either she's okay with it, or it might end up making her see BDSM in a bad light....
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Imaginary Marionette Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 11:15 am
Mr. Sir is right about one thing; it is her responsiblity to say no. But if she doesn't know much about BDSM and the like, then this is moving far too fast. It takes a lot of courage to say no, and if she's in a situation where she feels there might be pressure then she's a lot less likely to stand up for herself until it's too late. I think talking to her is definetely doing the right thing. Not flipping out or anything; but just explaining to her what's going on so she doesn't go in blind. Let us know how it goes/went!
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 11:59 am
well in the end I decided to talk to her, between talking to you guys and talking to my other scene friends, we all came to the same conclusion: I needed to say something.
I think my love just saw me when I initially put the pieces together and was very livid so that's prolly why he was so stern about it.
I called her and talked to her about it, explained what the club actually was and she was shocked and a little angry. We share most things so, it wasn't hard for her to tell me what she'd done, and as I suspected before it was one or two sessions of light handcuff play.
I pretty much explained that I don't think she should write it all off, but that was not the correct way to find her limits. My Dom and I have pressed my limits and his. We know when to give, even with out our safe words, she on the other hand doens't even know what a safe word is.
She was really good about it, and came to the decision on her own and she wanted to speak to him about it and the trip was off.
She promised to keep me updated, and come to me with any questions or concerns or even just talks she may need to have.
I decided I was going to talk to the boyfriend too, because all in all he is being a BAD dom right now. I texted him and said "sometime in the near future we need to have a little chat" and his response back was "******** what did I do?" this made me laugh. .::grins::.
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Imaginary Marionette Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 10:04 am
lol. Well, I'm glad it went so well.
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 11:12 pm
 Yea, s**t could have went alot worse, even when talking to her. She could have taken it totally the wrong way... 
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:52 pm
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 8:30 pm
^_^ YAY! everything went well!! smile biggrin We must celebrate!
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Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 10:22 am
I'm glad things worked out... I'll also add that I'm endlessly amused by the fact that he knew he did something, which makes me think he hears the phrase you texted him semi-often. xD
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Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:51 pm
callmebutterfingers I'm glad things worked out... I'll also add that I'm endlessly amused by the fact that he knew he did something, which makes me think he hears the phrase you texted him semi-often. xD
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 4:16 pm
You're not overstepping your boundaries. That is a legit concern, and she has the right to know what she's getting in to.
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