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 Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:56 pm
I really need advice right now.
My husband, Mark and I decided against circumcision for our son (due in a month - so because of my history any day now). Mark has been absolutely against it since we first started talking about having kids. Until recently, I was all for it because it was the norm... my brother, father, male cousins, nephews, even Mark are all circumcised.
When it became definite that I was having a boy, the discussion between me and Mark began to get intense, neither yielding in our point-of-view. Mark's stand on the subject has always been that he wished he could have made the choice for himself. He wants our son to have the choice he didn't. The further along I've gotten, I started really thinking about the issue. I started reading everything I could find on the procedure and the short and long-term pros and cons. It wasn't until I saw footage of a circumcision on a newborn that I totally changed my mind.
Now I'm struggling with a different side of the issue. Both sides of the family have the "tradition" of circumcising sons. It's nothing to do with religion for us (except for one of my cousins who is Jewish) It's just not normal not to have it done, typical American tradition I guess. So, how do we tell our families about our decision? Should I just let our moms find out when they change his diapers for the first time?
Any advise would be great! Also, I'd love to hear your stand on the issue.
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 9:22 pm
First I'd like to point out that there is a reason they do it in the first 6 weeks or whatever it is. It's a lot less painful when they're that young, and later in life (like during adulthood) they don't recommend it unless there's a medical reason.
For us there was no argument on the subject. It was pretty much just a given that we'd get Aden circumcised. Not only are all the health reasons good, but frankly, I think it's just prettier (if that particular part can even be called pretty) that way. Also, I think it's good for a boy to look like his dad, and Richard is circumcised too.
There are lots of health reasons why I was all for it too. It lessens the risk of AIDS... only by a little, but still... and it's also much cleaner. Honestly, how many young boys do you know that would be that into taking care of their uncircumsized parts all the time?
If the procedure itself is what is making you want to change your mind, don't worry too much about it. Trust me, it is very hard to watch, but there's nothing wrong with leaving the room and making dad do the hard part. I thought it was AWFUL watching my son go through something so painful, but really, they're over it before even two weeks, and they'll never ever remember it, no matter how traumatic it seems to you. I wanted to cry when I saw all the blood (there really wasn't that much, but it doesn't seem like all of it could come from such a little part of such a little baby), but now it's just a distant memory, and he'll never ever remember!
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Posted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:05 am
Even though we had Ethan circumsised, I would like to point out that there is no evidence one way or the other as to which is better. Like many issues, people who feel strongly one way or the other will INSIST that there is, but looking at it objectively, there usually isn't. (If I had my 'druthers, I would have left Ethan intact, but my husband wanted him circumsised and I left the decision up to him at that point.)
It used to be that the majority of boys in the US were circumsised but I believe it's much closer to split down the middle these days as more people are giving thought to the procedure and whether or not it's necessary.
Since you seem to be asking more about your family and how to tell them, quite frankly, it's not their decision and if they feel a need to give you guff about it, I'd remind them that you're the parent, NOT THEM. If they persist, politely end the conversation and make it clear it's not up for debate and I'd point out it's disrespectful to keep bringing it up. When they watch your son, make sure to show them how to properly clean him and I'm sure it will be fine. You're likely going to make a lot of choices as a parent that your families will not agree with, now would be a good time to toughen up your skin and work on your assertiveness. smile
Going to put on my Mod-hat for a second here and remind everyone pre-emptively to be civil and polite to each other. Topics like this can become heated and will cause this thread to be locked as well as warnings handed out. OK, Mod-hat off.
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:45 pm
Regarding your family... I guess if they bring up the topic, just explain to them your reasons for not doing it, if that's what you decide. And, like Pirate Dirge said, you are the parents, not them. My boyfriend's mother seems to get very opinionated about EVERY decision we make about Aden, and insists her way is always right. Remind your parents that things aren't the same as they were twenty or so years ago when they had children! In my experience, lots of parents seems to think nothing ever changes in terms of babies, when in fact, things they recommend change all the time!
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 6:50 pm
Thankfully, in regards to my parents at least, the parenting styles aren't that different. There's only a few things that they disagree with us about Raelin, like no soda or they way we handle tantrums.
I haven't had too many run-ins with my in-laws, but girls are so much easier than boys, aren't they? Far less issues off the bat. I guess that test will come when she's a teenager. But I know there was a bit off hype over the only grandson (currently) when he was born. Circumcision was not an issue however.
Needless to say, this is the ONE thing I don't know how all the family will handle.
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 3:22 pm
Personally, I wouldn't feel obligated to explain any of my reasons or defend my parentingt to my relatives. It's how it is, and leave it at that.
My mother was VERY anti-circumcision and made very vocal opinions to all of us. She even said there was no way in hell she'd change a little boy's diaper. You know what? She loves all her grandsons and has learned it's not that important.
I know not all families are like that, but I know with her not seeing my kids but maybe once a year, it's not worth the fight over something, in my opinion, so trivial. And I think some people get awfully obsessive over baby genitalia!
For what its worth, I've seen the procedure done on TV and requested to be present for my boys, but they wouldn't allow it. However, I left this decision to my husband.
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 7:59 am
We got JT circumcised because both my husband & his brother had problems with the foreskin as children & we didn't want to take any chances.
My MIL actually tried to tell me that we had to do it because that's what my husband had done, which really annoyed me.
In the end it was our decision, but I definitely had the urge to tell her we decided on it entirely on our own & that her saying that had no impact on our decision.
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Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 9:41 pm
I am personally against circumcision, but had a girl, so it didn't impact me too much.
My best friend's brother wasn't circumcised as an infant, but did have the surgery when he was a teenager - I don't know for what reason - and he's just fine. I don't think that the procedure is necessarily less painful when you're an infant... how could they possibly tell that? They still cry, it's just almost certain that the child won't remember it if they're that young.
And hopefully this isn't going to be considered inappropriate, but from personal experience, it seems like guys who aren't circumcised experience a LOT more sensitivity and enjoy sex a lot more. I'd heard that a lot before I ever dated a guy who wasn't, and then I did... and it seemed to be true.
I don't think you need to tell anyone or explain your decision. I think it is better that your son decides. If he does want to be circumcised, he can be, however if he doesn't want to be... that's not something you can take back.
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Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 7:10 am
I think babies heal a lot quicker than an adult does. I'm sure it's still painful, but yeah, it's not something they'll remember. And when it comes to letting your son decide, there aren't a lot of doctors that'll do it for someone who's not an infant for any reason other than medical (at least here that's the case), and it would probably cost a lot more money for someone older.
As for the sensitivity during sex, it's been proven that there is no difference, circumcised or not. I guess it would just depend on the guy. My ex was not circumcised and my current boyfriend is, and, well (sorry if this is too much info) my boyfriend now seems to enjoy sex a lot more.
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Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:38 pm
I agree it probably does have to do with the person more than anything else. It's kind of hard to proove who likes sex more too.
"I like it a LOT."
"Yeah well... I like it MORE!"
xp
At any rate, can I ask where you live? I lived in NC when my friend's brother had that done... I think he was somewhere between 13 and 15, and I never heard of complications. I don't really know why it would be more expensive if the boy's older either... but I also don't know that.
Ultimately, it's up to the parent, I just have a rather strong opinion on it. I think... if I were a guy, I wouldn't want someone to make that choice for me.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 9:54 am
Well, my mom found out about our decision for Logan on Wednesday. (For those that haven't heard yet, I had my son on 8/22) She kind of did her subtle "mom talk laced with guilt" thing that most moms do so well and she tried to pull the circumcision is healthier argument, but I simply made my point that:
* It's not a part of our religion, only our culture. (American culture, that is)
* He was born with a foreskin for a reason.
* When he gets older, he can make his own decisions about his body.
* Even his pediatrician says that its fine one way or the other and having him circumcised won't lessen or heighten his chance of getting infections or disease.
Overall, I'm really glad we decided not to have him circumcised. I think he will be a lot happier as he gets older.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 11:30 am
So is this topic resolved then? smile
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Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 6:30 pm
Yes, it is. Thank you everyone for their comments.
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 7:59 pm
Awesome. If you'd like it reopened, please PM any member of the crew and we'll unlock your topic. smile
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