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 Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:04 pm
I might be a bit confused or unsure now...
I was talking to a very good friend who is a little older than me and getting married. But she brought something to my attention which I'm having trouble understanding... Or maybe just getting used to.
I mentioned lightly how I didn't want to have sex...but how, if I ever chose to try it, it would be with someone I married.. And she seemed to really disagree with that. She mentioned a couple who were waiting until marriage to have sex...and how silly it was to her. Her reasoning was that they must already have a sexual connection, or the relationship wouldn't last.
Really, I didn't seem to get it. I figure that if you love someone, sex isn't going to be the thing that holds your relationship together...
Is sex really so important in a relationship to people that they can't fathom being without it? I mean, I've seen all kinds of those silly 'dating advice' crap that MSN offers...and 'the experts' always seem to say, 'Being more in-tuned with your partner sexually will fix your distance problems, blah, blah, blah' or whatever stuff.. It's just so weird to me. Am I the only one who thinks those things..those statements are weird? >.<
I just felt so out of place. I've always believed that love from the heart (not the groin) can keep people together no matter the circumstances as long as it's true.
I mean...this distance-relationship seems to show me that 'love' which is 'true' can last. My brother was talking about one of his friends from work whose husband was working in another town... And my parents assumed that it wouldn't work out because they're far away from each other...which meant no sex with each other. But they're a bussiness-type couple and they've been together for a while and, according to my brother, are pretty happy. That isn't to say they won't be unfaithful, as I don't know them... But can't people believe they'll be faithful and happy? Are all these lifestyles so heavily based on sex?
I'm sorry if I'm not making sense... I don't think I can organize my thoughts on this very well. But, really...according to my friend's theory and the theory of some 'dating advice' givers (that sex is the glue, so to speak, of relationships)... Shouldn't that mean asexuals will never hold onto a relationship?
I think that's very silly...
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 10:17 pm
I've heard that to, that you have to have a "sexual connection". That's even what's the difference between a love partner and a friend according to some people. So, your love partner is a friend that you have sex with.
But not all are like that
and I promise you, non-sexual relationships can last for a long time. Me and my love partner haven't had sex even once and we've been together for 2 years and 9 months.
Of course some people would say that isn't true love, because we don't get sexually aroused when we're close to each other. So then you would feel true love towards a porno magazine?
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:55 pm
Yeah, I figured non-sexual relationships could last a long time.
But wow... I wonder what kind of person thinks they have the right to define true love as needing to have sexual arousal... Silly, silly people.
Maybe that's why people go to strip clubs...to find true love.[/sarcasm]
But thanks, Mikusagi. I feel better now. whee
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:42 pm
For some, a sexual attraction needs to be evident before a relationship can stick. If both don't want it, they're not going to get it, and they're not going to try.
I've heard that sex is the ultimate form of love. It is something you give to your partner, and only your partner, out of your deep love. Isn't it giving your entire body (and perhaps soul) to someone that signifies a deep relationship?
But of course, there are plenty of blossoming relationships that don't require sex. Ultimately, it depends on the person. Although what your friend said might be true, it's not infallible. Don't worry, just experiment and see what suits you.
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pr1nc355-ch4n 4eva 481273
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Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 10:47 am
You know, it's funny. Yesterday my dad admitted to me he wasn't really sexually attracted to either my mom or my stepmom. Now, people could see why maybe with my stepmom he wouldn't be (people say he could do better, but really he couldn't, because she's sweet and not a psycho like many of the women my dad has meet) but with my mom... well, lets just say she currently lets people assume she's 10-15 years younger than she is and dated people that young also.
I'm starting to see who I inherited my asexuality from. And here my mom expect me any day to become some sexual deviant like she is. Bah.
Anyways, I think sex all depends on the relationship. Does one person want it? Do both? Do neither? There was even a relationship between two asexual people, who got married, were together a few years then... started getting sexual with each other. As long as you get your thoguhts and feeling out there, and both people can compromise, I think it can work.
I think if you got married to someone you know is sexual (and you know you're asexual), and wanted to wait for sex until after marriage, it woudl be ncie to let the sexual person know you might not be into it. Let's just say... my mom's friend married a 40-year-old virgin (for real) and though he said it was just because he wanted ot wait for marriage, he still wasn't into the sex after they got married, and my mom's friend was... dissapointed I guess, since she couldn't hae predicted that would happen. Har, I think she marrried an asexual. Woopsies?
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Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 2:48 am
Somehow I believe you would know if your partner would want sex or not confused Like don't you communicate before marriage? When kissing, where does it end? And does the one you're kissing show or tell where ey is longing to end, what ey want to do?
But I guess people are unwilling to listen to the signs when it comes to something they don't want to know.
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 4:10 pm
I miss platonic love so much.
It can happen, it just seems very rare...
Lust is so icky. And causes such agony. It shouldn't exist...
And that wouldn't really phase out the human race (though I don't disagree with that either), 'cause you'd just have sex solely for procreation and not for pleasure...
*Having a sucky time in her relationship at the moment 'cause her partner's sexual.*
Enough of me being egotistical.
To the topic...Real love shouldn't need sex, though that's not to mean all couples who have sex don't love each other. x_=
If one person doesn't want it, the other should be happy to respect that...
Though I wouldn't like a distance relationship because I like hugging and stuff.
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Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 1:15 pm
Back way back in the old days, like Victorian era-ish, sex was only thought of after marriage, but there were a lot of cases of beforehand and the woman would end up alone, but that's a different story, sexual intercourse was used for procreation, not pleasure. Not until the Victorian era actually, which is when they created condoms, ect. But people have over done it, if you're relationship is solely based on sex, then where is the true love, once the sex becomes repeitive and dull?
I mean I have no problem with sex, besides when it concerns myself, but I hate how woman think they need it to eventually have child, yada, yada, typical thing. It annoys me. Lust is so awful.
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Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 4:10 pm
I'm not sure with the English term but... relationship anarcism?
When there aren't any clear borders between different relationships. Couldn't that be something for some asexuals? If you're not in one love-relationship there isn't a partner demanding sex ("or I will die from horniness"). 
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Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 2:11 pm
radical relations/relationship anarchy/unlimited relations
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Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 2:46 am
well lust is a sin for a reason but i think the most imporant reason relationships fail is because people arent honest about themselfs upfront, or the other person has a totally different perception of yourself then what you really know is true to yourself
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 7:45 pm
Mikusagi
Of course some people would say that isn't true love, because we don't get sexually aroused when we're close to each other. So then you would feel true love towards a porno magazine?In my opinion, that is not what "True Love" is. In my opinion true love is the opposite of that-loving someone not in a physical way. To me, it seems the bond between two people is stronger if sex isn't a big deal, because then you know they don't "want you for your body."
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 5:18 am
Talulah Gosh Mikusagi
Of course some people would say that isn't true love, because we don't get sexually aroused when we're close to each other. So then you would feel true love towards a porno magazine?In my opinion, that is not what "True Love" is. In my opinion true love is the opposite of that-loving someone not in a physical way. To me, it seems the bond between two people is stronger if sex isn't a big deal, because then you know they don't "want you for your body."
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 6:37 am
Mikusagi Talulah Gosh Mikusagi
Of course some people would say that isn't true love, because we don't get sexually aroused when we're close to each other. So then you would feel true love towards a porno magazine?In my opinion, that is not what "True Love" is. In my opinion true love is the opposite of that-loving someone not in a physical way. To me, it seems the bond between two people is stronger if sex isn't a big deal, because then you know they don't "want you for your body." I never saw sex as a big part of relationships, it was quite a shock for me when I realized that people's view on love was "if you love them, you have to have sex with them." Which honestly I don't agree with. I believe you can love someone just as much, maybe even more than people in a sexual relationship. There are other ways to express how you feel. Then there are people that think that you can't kiss/whatever with someone without wanting to "do it" with them. Which if find really stupid, but I suppose that is another story.
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 10:26 am
Talulah Gosh Then there are people that think that you can't kiss/whatever with someone without wanting to "do it" with them. Which if find really stupid, but I suppose that is another story.
I've heard that some asexuals have experienced uncomfortable situations with people they've started to like. Because the situtation turns to become more sexual...
I think it's a good idea to be open from the beginning. I've only kissed people who knows I'm asexual, so I have been able to be completely relaxed and not have to worry that they'll try to take it to another stage.
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