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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:44 am
(This is my pride and glory, probably, so far, my best poem. Thoughts appreaciated!) - The way this Earth is turning, every days' the same. Why not something different, like, spin the other way. - Why not the sky be purple, or the clouds to be brown. Why not the village idiot, be the one to hold the crown. - Raise your voices to the sky, throw your hands up really high. See everyone around you, through your own eyelashes. Wait 'till our voice, mashes as one. We'll all be free. - Tell the grass to be pink, the dirt to be blue. let everyone around, see the truly really you. - Shouldn't the light, let it be green. Then everyone, on the world, will have a nicely sheen. - Raise your voices to the sky, throw your hands up really high. See everyone around you, through your own eyelashes. Wait 'till our voice, mashes as one. We'll all be free. - Look at all these people, crawl out of your shell. Everyone around you, we're all human as well. - We can fight this war together, No one can be left out. We need every voice to get, if we're going to shout- - "The way this Earth is turning, every days' the same. Why not something different, like, spin the other way. - Why not the sky be purple, or the clouds to be brown. Why not the village idiot, be the one to hold the crown." - If we don't win this war, it won't be the same. Stand on your couch and say, "I'll fight some other way." - We'll fight this sameness, no way to deny. You can't just sit around, and decide your going to hide. - Let the fire turn maroon, the water is white. Come, lets face the facts, through the day and the night. - Why not the rocks be black, or moths to be red. If everyone were different, there'd be nothing to dread. - So see, this war is good, Even if we win or not. Because at least, then, we gave our best shot. - The way this Earth is turning, every days' the same. Why not something different, like, spin the other way.
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:25 am
Nice I like it. I mean the peom just flows and has a voise of it's own.
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 4:20 pm
I absolutely love, love, love the first stanza. It sounds good and really captures what the poem is about. The repetition of it is also well done. I'd be careful about forced rhymes, though. In a few places it looks like you used a word more for the rhyme than for the meaning of the word. It's okay if you break the rhyme scheme a little (it can even make it more dramatic or be used to emphasize a certain phrase or word).
I don't mean to be mean, I'm just trying to help out. It is a good poem and the meaning of it is great.
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