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 Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:21 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 11:34 am
Uh... Woah?
I cried! The suspense! The realism... I totally like.... ADORE IT! ^^
Just a few typos here and there, but other than that, it's fantastic!
The witchy think so too... 3nodding
-chess<3
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:49 pm
Thank you. I never thought my story seemed so real. Wow . . .
-Chi (Yes, you can call me Chi)
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 6:47 pm
Drama... cool Excellent! You kept in charcter very well, too, with the little boy's thoughts. Nice job!
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:37 am
Wow, that was really suspenseful! You kept Joey in character very well too! It also had a very good ending- I like how you ended using thoughts a six year old would use to reflect Joey's feelings. A few typos, but nothing huge. Good job!
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:48 pm
dude awsome storry... the scarry part is that it's probably happening in real life somewhere in the worls.. *shudder*.. gread realism and charicters....
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Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:28 pm
Your story was generally well written and given very well from the personality of a six year old. There was a part however, that seemed a bit hard to believe. The part where Joey goes upstairs and the mom (what's her name again) was talking on the phone with her mom instead of calling the police, and then she made Joey call the police instead of doing it herself. Then Joey is downstairs and still has the phone (it must be a portable, but I dind't think of that until just now.) Another thing, did they go to the hospital? It made it sound like they stayed in the car. . . maybe I just missed something. Overall, that was certainly a very good piece.
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