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I changed this story a bit from when I first thought of it so the beginning might be a little funky. I like it though. I don't know why but it makes me happy inside. I basically want to know what I should add or subtract to this story and spelling errors so I can fix those. I think 'Bailif(sp?)' is spelled wrong. But comments are always appriciated mrgreen

Death Angel

Prolouge

"The jury has reviewed the case and we have found the defendant guilty of the charges of murder in the third degree to Mr. Adam Bosveld," the man with the yellow tie proclaimed to the court.

Quinn Mattingly, only fourteen years old, stood in front of the judge and jury, shoulders slumped, eyes wide open, mouth slightly open, and no thought in her head. As the bailif came towards her to take her to the federal prison where she would spend her last year of life, her mistakes fluttered through her mind as if mocking her like her little brother used to do when he was young. Heck, he still did it now.

Four months ago, she had been spending the night at a hotel in Boulder after the big CU vs. Nebraska game that she had been waiting so long for. She stood on the balcony of the motel, happily drinking a Dr. Pepper and reflecting on the days' events when she noticed two men argueing below. Quinn continued to watch until curiousity became horror as one of the men pulled out a gun from his right, suit pocket and shot the other man in the chest.

Police sirens echoed in the distance. The other man froze for a second, dropped his gun and jumped into his car, fleeing in the other direction. Quinn didn't take any time to think and rushed down the stairs towards the man on the ground. She looked down into his face. It was full of shock as it was cold. She saw the bullet hole, round and black with blood in the moonlight. She then noticed the gun next to him and, not realizing what she was doing, picked it up and examined it with a terrified wonder. How could something kill another so quickly?

The moment only lasted until the police arrived. Quinn didn't notice, her mind racing a million miles per minute, until her hands were forced behind her back and a deep voice said, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used against you in the court of law."

Suddenly, everything snapped into place in her mind and she was able to speak once more. "WHAT?!" Was the first word she dared utter as she was forced into the back of a police car.

She had stayed for that four month's time in the only local place that would take her: Juvinal Hall. Now, after hoping every day that she wouldn't be put to death for something she didn't do, her hopes were dashed into nothingness. She barely noticed anything or anyone until her final week alive in which she stayed outside as much as she possibly could. Finally, death was brought to her in a cilindrical tube.

It was slower than she would have expected. It began where she started to feel drowsy. The room spun as she choked out the words, "No. No. I didn't. No." Then, blackness over took her and she felt an odd comfort as she floated upwards. Nothing was around her in any direction except above there was a great light. Quinn felt her soul moving towards it unconciously. But, when she arived, it was a much different heaven than she had ever pictured.

It's a good start, but a little far fetched.
First off, a fourteen year old would never be sentenced to death for third degree murder. In fact, I can't think of a state where third degree murder is even punishable by the death penalty. She's a juvinile, so she would probably be tried in juvinile court, one judge, no jury. (by the way, the litenty of the the spkeaking juror is wrong, they just say "we find the defentdent guilty of third degree {manslaughter})
And a trial like this would take way, way, way more then four months. Depending on the status of her appeal, it would probably take several years.
Before you continue with this story, back up a bit and do some research about the court system. Do you even know what third degree murder entails?
If you have questions, pm me and we'll talk.

Hmm, it didn't seem that believable to me. Having been subjected to endless 'forenstic decetive' progammes for that last 2 mths, the policeman would have be done for unlawful arrest. Plus they would have donea ton of forenstic stuff to see if she truely did the crime.

What a stupid girl fe pick up de gun in de first place!!!

I think what makes it most unbelievable is the fact she only said "I didn't do it" as soon as she saw the lethal injection. I'd have been kicking a scream from when they put the handcuffs on me.

I guess a sense of time would help you story also. If it's in the 21st C. them you can't get away with what you have. In the past then yes, she woule have been guilty of the crime.

I felt the death sence could have been more detailed. Yes, okay! I know you don't know what it's like to die, but research behind it and you'll find it's a lot more detailed then what you've provided.

I guess your lack or understanding and reserach has let you down here.

good story despite the technical problems mentioned above. I hope she gets the b*****d that should ahve died. post more.