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 Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:10 pm
Everyone always says that I'm important, and beautiful, and special, and all this other stuff that I really do want to believe. Problem is, I don't. I'm scared to believe them because what happens if what they say isn't true? I've never had a real "boyfriend" before, so that lowers my self esteem there in so many ways, and I'm constantly forgotten by my friends, in turn hurts my feeling important.
Over the years I've come to the conclusion that if I smile and nod and let people think I know this, they'll stop telling it too me. Thing is, I don't want to lie any more, I want to believe this. But I don't know how, I'm scared.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? And if so, how did you get over it? I'm tired of falling asleep holding myself together at the seams.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 4:40 pm
Don't lie anymore. Tell someone how you feel. Perhaps a close friend or family member? I can't be too helpful because I'm going through a similar thing. sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:13 pm
I've been there, and I'm just coming out of it at the age of 19. It helped that I had a near death experience, but I'm not going to recommend that to everyone. Getting a boyfriend doesn't always help either. When I told the truth, my mother freaked out on me and we had a major war. That was a year ago last month.
Now, to contradict everything I just said... Getting the right boyfriend helps. I don't know your full situation, but if you find a guy that's perfect or mostly perfect for you, it will help a lot. Telling the truth, though it can cause some damage to others, will eventually make life a lot easier. My mother and I are getting along better than we ever have before.
Try changing something about yourself that you don't like. Don't listen to others; listen to you. Maybe you don't like your hair... change it. Or your style of clothes... or whatever.
The first statement in your signature makes this so much easier...
1 Peter 3:4. "Your beauty should come from within you -- the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit will never be destroyed and is very precious to God."
To me, this means that if your spirit isn't content, it's going to make a lot of noise and you're going to be unhappy. Content your spirit... change something, go have a you-day, whatever. Make you happy.
Matthew 10:31. "Do not be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows."
That one stuck out like a sore thumb for me. Don't know why.
Those were bigger breakthroughs than coming close to death for me. I hope they help you just as well.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:59 pm
my biggest issue with myself is confidence and the fact that i have none in myself. i could barely drag myself to take my permit tests so i could drive because the fear of failing paralized me.
the only thing i can tell you is to keep pushing foward with your life. accomplish a goal, try something new--just keep going. don't let life pass you by while you sit there and wonder what's wrong with you. ( i did that for a couple days before getting the courage to take the tests.)
btw, i passed both the car and motorcycle permit tests on the first try.
there's probably nothing wrong with you and it could all just be in your head. pushing past it is pretty much the only way you'll know for sure.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:33 pm
Felt Teeth, I'm personally happy with myself, it's just I feel like I don't measure up to others' standards. It's not that I don't like like me, I have nothing against myself, it's just I don't feel like I'm all that special or pretty or whatever. It's been bugging me for a while because no one really treats me that way other then my family.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:52 pm
When i was a teenager i felt like that, and it past after i finish school and clear my head from grades.
The thing about getting to much grades in school makeing teenage feel they have to be better all the time and learn and improve themself. most of the time it is hard to get 100 in a test when you have 99 grades you can get before it. this numbers give you only the final result, this doesn't mesure your eforet. learn statistic, and you will understand this.
You don't have to think all the time: "Am i good enough?" cuz this is the worng question.
If you want to improve yourself, without feeling down. You can ask yourself: "in this specific task, did i did my best?" and "if i would want to do things difrently what would i do?" and of course, "do i have enough energy to do the change?"
Change start with small steps, if you want to look better, ask yourself, "how can i improve my cloth?" but don't ask yourself: "does a guy in the street think i look normal?"
Hope this help you see things in prespective.
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:35 pm
camilla ~ I went through this ... you're probably better without haveing had a real boyfriend to be honest (none of my ex's really did much to make my life easier) the truth is that most guys are not really worth to much and the one that is will make things better (the problem is in fnding him) In my life I've found that what other people say dosen't matter compared to what you think and feel for yourself. If you're not being true to yourself than others standards are pretty much errelivant. 
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:10 am
yes i've felt like that at one time. the truth is that people can't make you believe that you are pretty and you are special and up to their standards you have to make yourself believe it. because if you don't there are people that will take advantage of that and make you think less of yourself.
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 2:27 pm
ok i see were your coming from and you need to stop and look at your self
and then think (dus it mater what others think) anser no it dus not mater what other think. all that shood mater is how you feel about your self and if you think your pretty or not.
and all be cuz you have never had a boy friend dusint meen you are not pretty you just haveit fond the rite guy yet.
and whin some one tells you that you are pretty just let it fly rite on by and say thanks ok so remember only thang that materes is how you feel about your self. nad what every one els thinks dusint mater and if you let what pepol say git to you then ya you are going to feel like krap
p.s. o ya and if some one sed that you are special than all there saying is that you are special to them ok
so remember hoow carers what others think about you.
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 8:42 am
pretty much going with the winning team here but having a boyfriend/companion is usually a way of self esteem suicide because if that person leaves you then you're a wreck, eh?
I, too, suffer from low self-esteem ("my life will always suck" mindset/suicide attempts etc.) but for me, I just sit down and contemplate some things that make me okay...the path to higher self esteem and self worth is led by you believing that you're okay at something (lol remember..the perfect life nowadays requires a car, house, time in college, kids and partying).
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 1:08 pm
^It is really hard to live the perfect life, that why i just live my life.^
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Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:25 pm
shani26 It is really hard to live the perfect life can't be that hard if everyone technically does...I mean in a way, even if you HAD those requirements, you can die knowing that you have done something like that (rather than the losers that can't drive, go to college..aw f**k it, I'll just say "me"...as I mentioned before I suffer from bad low self esteem) but to not divert the conversation, be happy about yourself and others will too, I'm sure you have something to be proud of w/o the support of another person
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Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 8:40 pm
Getting a guy will not help with the essteem issue most liekly it will only add to it. This issues is yours a guy may say your cute your sexy your hot at times they may leave which will leav back to where you started. Guys will say anything to get what they wants and desire. Where you need to fix this issues is learning to love yourself and who you are.
Only you can help yourself I put on my mirror one day
I love you I love me. Kepted it there until I understood. Here some stuff I read about in a book
The path of freedom
If you have trouble releasing yourself from the past mistake, it simply means you have not forgiven yourself to forgive is to pardon. To be pardoned is to go free. The biggest mistake is to clinging to the past. I cannot change it only learn from it and change what I do in the future you cannot change people only take them for who they are they can only change themselves if they choose to.
Priorities No matter how much you do or how fast you do it you never get done. Are you to be everywhere at once? Can’t do everything. People are all the same we all carry problems that are important to us. We are all carrying the weight of life.
1. Be less fearful of others
2. Relax and feel a common bond with them
3. Give up the myth you are a special case.
We are all special in the world’s big plan. Actually life is life like a real rose garden. If you’ve raised roses you know that along with exquisite blooms come sharp thrones, aphids, weeds and a lot of work, time and care. Stunning blossoms rarely come spontaneously. To wait for someone to do something for you contributes to the lessening of your own self-esteem. To release the pain release you resistance…. Let it go…. Let it be. Trigger events overreactions can be useful as a friend to pinpoint the past source.
1. Present trigger opportunity to flush out old festered material so that you are free of it once and for all.
2. But choose the time and place and vehicle for airing and acting out these feelings towards the trigger event so that no harm comes to you, others or property of value.
3. Stay with each feeling until it is spent.
4. Clean-out feeling- mental imagines picking up your life. Comfort inner child.
5. The next step involves positive.
The positive knowing remain because the rest of the negatives is gone. Pain is the name of the game between the critical parent and not- ok child. Each of us reaps what we sow. Judgements are seeds that bring only a harvest of trouble. React but do not judge. Separate your person from your behaviour thoughts, feelings. Your behaviour may need changing but you are not your behaviour even though your acts come from you.
A Toltec wisdom book: The Four Agreements
The light of life we are all part of the same thing.
Everything is a dream sleep and awake. People put ideas in your head (agreement)
These agreements make who we are they make the dream. The dream of the world is my dream I am in control of that dream. I am the one who makes that dream.
1st Agreement
Be impeccable (without sin) with your word. Think about what you are saying. If you say you are dumb and overweight you are. If you say are ugly you are. Say you are a wonderful and you are.
2nd Agreement
Don’t take anything personally. They are only saying because of their life agreements and thoughts. So don’t take it personally. Don’t make asumsion you don’t live in their dream you didn’t get their agreements. You only have your own.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 11:22 am
Bonekeeper E shani26 It is really hard to live the perfect life can't be that hard if everyone technically does...I mean in a way, even if you HAD those requirements, you can die knowing that you have done something like that (rather than the losers that can't drive, go to college..aw f**k it, I'll just say "me"...as I mentioned before I suffer from bad low self esteem) but to not divert the conversation, be happy about yourself and others will too, I'm sure you have something to be proud of w/o the support of another person It took me a long time to get driver lincense and long time to go to colege, and i feel ok about my life. If you don't do something that poeple want you to do right now, it is ok, cuz you probably doing something else that important to you.
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Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 3:50 pm
dvn -camilla price- Felt Teeth, I'm personally happy with myself, it's just I feel like I don't measure up to others' standards. It's not that I don't like like me, I have nothing against myself, it's just I don't feel like I'm all that special or pretty or whatever. It's been bugging me for a while because no one really treats me that way other then my family.
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