In Which Yu Kanda Wears a Dress
BY xPochaco-13
“What!” bellowed the young red-head. “What do you mean we have to go on another mission?! We just got back from a tough one!”
“Sorry, but the royal family of Wales feels that their daughter is threatened by a dangerous demon and asked us to guard her.” answered the Dark Order’s Supervisor, Komui. “Now you can’t turn down an offer by the head of the royal family of Wales, now can you?”
“I guess not.” answered Allen.
“Right then! Here are the details for your mission. Now go gather up Kanda, Lenalee, Krory and Miranda!”
“Komui-san! Why are there so many of us?” asked the white-haired one
“Her majesty has requested a full guard of her palace for her daughter’s safety. She has also requested a decoy for her daughter for the meeting of her fiancée because he may be a demon in disguise. That’s why I’m sending Lenalee for the job. Now go get ready!”
Lavi and Allen headed out of Komui’s messy office and to the exorcists’ quarters to gather up the rest of the team. When they were all together, Allen began to explain the mission.
/
(In the Train)
“And once I met this one girl and I was like ‘you complete me!’ but then in the end she just slapped me to hell. Then I turned and saw this blonde, right …” Lavi went on and on about his many adventures with women as Lenalee simply laughed and Kanda grunted with displeasure.
“Lenalee,” called Allen. “Komui says that you’ll be the decoy for the princess.”
“Hai, Allen-kun!” answered Lenalee with a smile.
/
(At the Palace in Wales)
The Palace in Wales towered at least another 100 feet over the Dark Order and was wider than any building they had ever seen.
“This place is awesome!!!!!” shouted Lavi. “Let’s go in!”
“Wait, you idiot!” shouted Kanda from behind. “We have to check in with the guard. We can’t just waltz right in.”
“Oh, OK! We’ll do that right now!” Lavi ran over to the door of the palace.
“Hello, guards! We’re here to see the princess. So let us in!” Lavi said to the guards at the door.
“I presume you are her highness’s guards that she so demandingly asked for?”
“I have no idea what you said, but we’re from the Dark Order, pal. So open up!”
The guard nodded his head and opened the door for the exorcists and they all filed in.
“This way to her highness’s quarters.’ The guard led them up four flights of stairs and 9 hallways until they finally arrived at the beautifully decorated door with flowers and butterflies on it. But inside, there was a great crashing noise and deal of yelling. The guard opened the door and led them in.
The room was filled with brightly colored furniture but most of the items inside were flying across the room and to the pair of servants in the corner.
“Please your highness, don’t be so rash. They should be here anytime now. So please just wait.’
“But demons won’t wait! I want them now!”
The girl throwing the objects had long flowing dark blue hair and dark colored eyes. Her face was triangular in shape but her features lacked a smile. Instead she wore a frown and her eyes looked angry. She looked about 16 years old and she wore a pink frock with lots of ruffles at the bottom.
“Your highness the exorcists have arrived along with you requested decoy.”
“Finally! Where’s the decoy!?” she demanded as Lavi pushed Lenalee to the front of the crowd.
“I’m the decoy, your highness. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!” Lenalee held her hand out to the princess to shake her hand.
The girl looked at Lenalee in disgust. “This is her?! But she’s too ugly to be me. And I have longer hair than that.” The girl yelled out loud pointing her fan accusingly at Lenalee.
“The decoy needs to be someone who looks exactly like me!”
“Well, princess,” said one of her servants in the back “according to scientists and statistics teachers it is quite impossible to find someone with your exact features.”
Ugly? Thought Lenalee. There wasn’t much thinking before Lenalee collapsed backward into Allen and Kanda’s waiting arms.
“It’s not impossible!” shouted the princess as she turned to once again face Lenalee but finds herself staring at Kanda. He angry frown began to disappear and it curved into a mischievous smile.
“She’s perfect!” the princess yelled as she waved her fan about toward Kanda.
“T-There must be some mistake,” started Allen. “Kanda is … a guy.”
The princess’s eyes widened with surprise. “B-But h-he’s …. He’s too pretty to be a guy!”
Kanda’s eyebrows began to twitch in confusion and surprise.
“Even so, princess, your highness,” started Lavi. “There are many differences between you and Yu-chan; such as your heights, no doubt your genders, and your forelocks, your hair is longer and he’s much more built than you are…”
“He doesn’t look that macho to me.”
At this remark, Kanda bit his tongue with frustration with a grunt.
“Pleeeeeease!!!! I’ll pay you!”
“I refuse.”
“You can stay in the palace and help yourself to my servants!”
“I refuse”
“Free usage of the spa and your own masseuse.”
“I refuse.”
“A free trip to anywhere in the world?”
“I refuse.”
“And all the food you can eat!!!!”
“He accepts!!!” shouted Allen from behind. Kanda shot him the evil eye. “Moyashi!!!!”
“And Kanda would like some bean sprouts on soba.” –Allen
“If you don’t do it I’ll write a strongly worded letter to your generals!”
“Fine.” –Kanda
“Alrighty then! Here! Put this on! By the way, I’m Princess Amaryllis Angelina Bane Galadriel Driscoll the Second! Welcome to Wales!” Princess Amaryllis threw a giant yellow tent-like dress to Kanda for him to wear.
“I’m Lavi. This is Allen, Miranda, Krory, Lenalee and your new decoy is Yu-chan!”
“Don’t call me that!!!” –Kanda.
/
“OK, Mr. Kanda! Let me see you with the dress!”
“I refuse” called Kanda from inside the closet.
“Come now, it can’t be that bad! Come out or I’ll write the letter!”
Kanda hesitantly walked out with his long hair down and straightened his forelocks curled inward and wearing a long yellow dress and bonnet and carrying a yellow parasol instead of his Mugen. He did not look very happy at all.
“Looks good on you, Yu!” –Lavi
Kanda shot Lavi another evil eye and growled.
Allen and Lenalee rolled on the floor and howled with laughter.
Kanda tore the bonnet off his head and stomped on it.
“I hate my job.” –Kanda
“Hey, Yu-chan!” –Lavi
Kanda pointed the parasol at Lavi with a jerk. “If you ever call me that again you’re gonna be a dead man.”
“Whatever. Look what I got you!” Lavi held up a bag full of plump round orange fruits.
“What is that for?”
Lavi held one of the oranges up. “It’s to make you look authentic! You can’t be a girl unless you’ve got the goodies!
Kanda jerked the parasol under Lavi’s chin and made his I-will-hurt-you-if-its-the-last-thing-I-do eyes level with Lavi’s
“NO." and with that, kanda stormed out of the room.
“Lavi,” started Allen. “Why did you do that?”
“What? They’re oranges. I dunno about you but I thought they were pretty dang good.” Lavi said as he held up two oranges for Allen to see.
/
Kanda stormed about the palace still wearing the yellow gown. He still wore his flaming-with-anger eyes as he stormed about stomping around the halls. As he was walking, a part of his skirt got caught in the spear of one of the suit of armors and it tore.
“DAMNATION!!!!” he yelled as the dress tore. He tried to tear the dress off of him as he had his uniform underneath.
“What are you doing!?” yelled Princess Amaryllis “That dress is part of your mission!”
“I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing this damned dress!”
“Pleeeeeease! It’s your job to protect people from demons and I really need you to do this! If you do this, I’ll make sure to put in a good word for you with your superiors! Just be my decoy!” The princess was nearly begging on the floor.
“no.” and Kanda walked on.
‘Well, fine! That dress never looked nice on you anyway!”
/
Kanda waked the rest of the distance from the hall to his quarters in the palace so he can take the dress off and leave for the Dark Order and tell Komui that the mission was impossible and is therefore void.
As he was walking he spotted a dark unknown looking creature. AKUMA! It had spotted him and was coming toward him. Kanda reached for his sword only to find that he had left it in the closet he was changing in. his lunged for him but he dodged it.
“KANDA!” he turned and saw Allen and Lavi running toward him with their anti-akuma weapons. In a quick flash they defeated the demon.
“So it seems that there are demons about this place.” –Lavi
“We can’t abandon the mission then.” –Kanda
/
“I’m so glad you changed your mind!” said Princess Amaryllis.
“Me too.” said Allen from behind, whispering to Timcanpy.
Kanda bit his teeth so that they made an unpleasant noise as he sat in the throne awaiting his “fiancée”
“Just remember to be nice to Viscount Jonathan when he arrives. I want everything to be perfect!”
How could everything be perfect especially when Kanda was in a position he especially disliked, wearing a peach dress that gave him wedgies every now and then and small high heeled shoes and curls in his hair were giving him itches.
“OK, don’t forget to move your mouth when I talk or else it will give us away!” she said as she reminded him of the piece of work that was now connected to his tooth so that the sound of his voice sounded exactly like the princess’s.
“And would it kill you to smile?!”
Kanda spread his mouth apart as if in a half smile. “Maybe.”
“The Viscount Jonathan Pierce Coronel of England has arrived!” –announcer.
“He’s here! My Jonathan has arrived! Hurry, get into position!” –Princess Amaryllis.
Viscount Jonathan walked into the throne room and smile as soon as he saw Princess Amaryllis/Kanda. He ran across the room and the real princess told Kanda to stand up. Jonathan dashed across the room and (literally) swept Amaryllis/Kanda off his/her feet and swung her/him round and round.
“I’m so glad to see you, my love!” said The Viscount. “You’ve gained a few pounds I see.”
“I hope it doesn’t bother you,” said Kanda against his own will. “I’ve just been so anxious to see you that I began to over eat.” (At this point, Kanda must move his mouth while the real princess does all the talking.)
“Don’t worry, my sweet! I will accept you as you are! Come. Let’s take a stroll in the garden. I hear it’s lovely this time of day. As you are, my angel.”
So Kanda and Jonathan walked out the door and into the garden—
(a message from Kanda: SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!)
So Kanda and Jonathan walked out the door and into the garden for a stroll. Jonathan saw a little Amaryllis flower and picked and gave it to her.
“An Amaryllis flower! Why, you are so enchanting Jonathan.” –Kanda
“I wouldn’t call myself enchanting,” Jonathan took Kanda’s waist and pulled him closer thinking he is the real princess. “Because you are the one enchanting me.”
Kanda flinched with surprise at the movement of his hand to his waist. He tried to turn his attention to something else so he turned his head and saw two golems; Timcanpy and his own and they were both recording every single minute of the moment.
Inner Kanda: MOYASHI!!!!!!!
The two strolled about the garden with Jonathan’s hand still on Kanda’s waist. As they turned the corner, Jonathan saw a bit of the real princess’s hair.
“I say, who is that?” he asked himself.
Kanda had to think fast to make sure the mission wasn’t foiled and pulled Jonathan to face him.
“It’s no one!” he accidentally said with his manly voice.
“I mean … let’s keep on walking.” He tried to say with a high-pitched voice.
So the couple kept walking in the garden until they stopped at this rose arch.
“I must say this now or it will not be said. I hope it is not too late.” –Jonathan
“And what is it, my dear?” –Kanda/Amaryllis
Jonathan began to kneel down on one knee and took out a little black velvet box and opened it to reveal a ring with a single diamond.
“Princess Amaryllis Angelina Bane Galadriel Driscoll the Second of the Royal family of the Grand Country Wales, I love you and want to be with you for always. Will you do me the honor of becoming my bride?”
There suddenly the sound of howling laughter coming from the bushes and Jonathan turned and saw Allen and Lavi laughing on the floor.
“Who are you?”
“Us?” started Allen trying to look for an excuse. “We are…”
“Royal gardeners!” shouted Lavi.
“Yes, that’s right! We’re gardeners and you see, he told a joke and I’m laughing and we’re going to go now.”
And with that Allen and Lavi were gone.
“Now where were we?” Jonathan was standing now. He shut his eyes and leaned in to kiss Kanda/Amaryllis. Kanda was panicking now and he put his finger to Jonathan’s lips.
“Maybe we should wait so that it will have more meaning?” he suggested with Amaryllis’s voice.
“You’re right. That’s mature. I’m sorry.” Jonathan then hugged Kanda/Amaryllis and then left.
/
“THAT WAS TOTALLY HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” –Lavi
“Che!” said Kanda gripping his beloved Mugen and now in his proper uniform.
“I mean, c’mon!!!! You were all panicking and everything and he just pouring his royal heart out and you had no idea what to make of it!!! You, my friend, are certainly a man, Yu-chan! With no minds of the female mind!!”
“Don’t ever call me by my first name!”
“That was so entertaining, when he proposed so elegantly to you—“
“This is terrible!!!! It’s incredible!!!!!” said Princess Amaryllis pacing the floor.
“He’s already proposed but the demon still hasn’t appeared!!! You’re going to have to be my decoy at the wedding, too, then!!”
“I refuse.”
“But, kanda!” said Allen. “What about the food?”
“I don’t care about the food!”
“What about the mission?”
/
(At the Wedding)
Kanda wore an angry frown as he looked at himself in the full mirror wearing a white gown and a veil. Kanda turned to Allen who was behind him.
“Moyashi,”
“Uh, yes?”
“Murder me.”
“Don’t forget your bouquet!” said Amaryllis as she threw and huge bouquet of roses to Kanda.
“I hate this mission.” –Kanda
The song began to play and Kanda began to walk the aisle and overheard a few people talking.
“Such a beautiful bride!”, “Hasn’t Jonathan chosen well?”, “She’s a natural!”, and “She’s a keeper! Better hold on to her!”
*vein pops up on Kanda’s forehead*
*Kanda reaches top of stairs and takes Jonathan’s arm*
“You look stunning.” Jonathan whispered into his/her ear.
“Dearly beloved gathered here today, we are here to bond these two as one in the holy sacrament of matrimony. Is there anyone here who objects to this—“
*Kanda’s vein pops out even more*
Inner Kanda: Get on with it you old geezer!
*1 hour later*
“Jonathan Pierce Coronel, will you take this lovely woman to be you wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, until death do you part?”
“I do.”
“And do you, Amaryllis Driscoll, take this man to be your husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, until death do you part?”
*silence*
“Amaryllis, your answer?”
“Uh Huh…”
“I’m sorry?”
“Yea, I do.”
“I pronounce this couple husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Jonathan unveiled Kanda and leaned in. kanda shut his eyes in terror and when their faces were only a centimeter away the church began to shake and a level 3 akuma tore it down.
All the people began to scream and run in terror.
“Amaryllis get behind me, I’ll protect you, my love!” said Jonathan drawing his sword.
“Forget it!!!!” said Kanda who tore off the dress and was suddenly wearing his uniform. He drew his sword Mugen and with the rest of the exorcists, began to fight the akuma leaving the poor viscount in terror and surprise.
"amaryllis," he said to himslef "is...a man? he looked rather feminine."
/
(After the Battle)
Kanda to priest: “we’re sorry about the church.”
“I’m sure the diocese will be able to pay for another so do not worry, my son.”
“I’m not your son.”
“seriously! where’s the real Amaryllis?” said Jonathan demandingly.
“Jonathan!” said Amaryllis from behind a pew and raced into Jonathans waiting arms. “I’m so sorry to have fooled you! I was scared of the demon, is all!”
“It’s all right now, my flower! I’m here!”
“Maybe we should leave them alone now.” –Lavi
“Right.” –Lenalee
“We didn’t even have to do anything!” –Krory
“I can rebuild the church.” –Miranda
“No need.” –Kanda
“Let’s go home.” –Allen
“Kanda, why do you still have the dress?” –Amaryllis
“I’m keeping it so I can sell it as payment for my services.” –Kanda
lavi to amaryllis "don't listen to him, he's going to wear it because it makes him look pretty."
kanda snaps lavi an evil eye and *che*
/
(Weeks after the mission)
(At the Dark Order)
“Kanda! You have a letter!” –Johnny
*Kanda puts down the chopsticks he was using to eat.
“It’s from your husband!” –Johnny
“He’s not my husband!” kanda said as he grabbed the letter from Johnny’s hand and started to read it.
Yu Kanda
Room 814
The Dark Order
London, England, UK
Yu Kanda:
I never got to express my gratitude to you and your team for protecting my Amaryllis. So now I will take this time to thank you with my greatest gratitude. Enclosed in this envelope are 10,000 pound shillings for you and your team as payment for your much appreciated services.
Sincerely,
Viscount Jonathan Pierce Coronel
P.S. My wife would like to say sorry to the young female exorcist that she had insulted.
Kanda stared at the writing and the post-script.
“Trash” he said as he threw the note in the trash bin and began thinking about what he could do with 10,000 pound shillings.
well there it is...tell me if any of the characters seem out of character
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