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 Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 7:22 pm
Have any problems you need to get off your chest and get helpful feedback on? Then post problems here, free of charge. Answers are free too. Want Haku's half-wisdom and weird truths? Then don't be shy.
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Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 9:00 pm
Haku if I may please allow me to assist you in this, I've been known as a good psychiatrist amongst the people that know me.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 2:50 pm
Very well, I'll start this off. Just no making fun of afterwards.
I have never been more than three states away from home. Now this was enough for a while, but then everything became localized. Not to mention my family have been having troubles, and it's been years since I've been away from my home in the state I'm in. I haven't been away in what seems to be forever, and I'm stuck in my own house all of summer, with exceptions of church and the odd friend gathering. I guess I've got what you would call wanderlust. So I'm trying to enjoy what I have and go places I wouldn't normally go, but it just feels, well, empty.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 5:44 pm
Well, in my not-so-expert opinion, you seem to be suffering from a severe case of isolation. You seem to be boxed in with no where to go, and you feel that there is nothing you can do about it.
I can not offer much advice because I do not know your entire situation or ability to remedy the situation. But what I would suggest is trying to make the space you do occupy better in anyway possible. If you can not leave to other places, do something to your surroundings that makes things different than your everyday life.
But, you could always try mentally leaving somewhere. Try meditation or reading a book. Immerse yourself in another world.
Hope something helps. And yes, Bluen, you may help if you want.
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sairahannalisahassalheth Crew
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 6:14 pm
I have no direction. I excel at whatever it is I am doing at the time, usually without even trying (at least the first time). I have a very steady hand, so anything artistic I can do. I can focus with singular devotion for hours upon end, with patience to match. I have pretty good reflexes and balance, I like singing and dancing and using my hands. I learn quickly. I love languages. I love books. I love carpentry. I love a good mystery. I love solving problems. I love alphabetizing. I love making lists. I love color-matching. I love designing machines. I love designing clothes. I love seeing everything in the most minute detail.
I have too many loves. I love to do so many things, all so different from one another, that I have no idea what to do with myself. So I lose myself. In whatever is handy: books, video games, my own thoughts, school. I haven't fallen so far as to use mind-altering substances, thank god. But I am... empty. Apathetic. I don't get particularily sad or angry, but this also means that I don't ever feel particularily happy or excited. I do laugh, and I can cry, but neither are easy for me. It doesn't feel natural to me. Acting is another thing that comes easy to me, but I need to observe first, in order to see how I must act. I do try, but I grow weary of pretending. It's not fair to those who know me. If only I knew what to show them. It is so much easier to show people what they want to see, rather than uncover old wounds to the ravages of public opinions and caprice.
In this is my dilemma: Shall I be myself, who I do not know, or be other people, who I know so well? And how do I be myself? What shall I do with my "self"?
I'm really not expecting an answer, but anything you have to offer will be greatly appreciated. Hopefully it will help.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 6:54 pm
Hmm. Complicated. But why would you want to be anything other than what you are? People accept you for who you are, and you should not have to change. People love you for being yourself, but you do not.
I personally think you should remain yourself, as being an individual is better than blending in with the crowd. You are in need of intense soul-searching to find what makes you tick. It could be that you are missing a piece of yourself, and that feeling of emptiness has masked your entire persona, leaving you to believe something is worse than it appears. You also appear to know yourself very well, so well in fact that you are looking for something else.
Remain yourself. At least then you can continue to search for the answer to your problem, whereas if you become someone else you may never find the answer.
Perhaps, and this may sound weird, you need someone else to help you realize who you are. Again, I am not a psychiatrist, but I am not a dunce either.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 6:55 pm
If I may I would like to tackle this one since you and I have talked about this Sairah.
Who you are may yet to be discovered, but remember it is not the end but the journey that we live for. Pretend if you think the situtation calls for it, otherwise dear you need to simply be yourself. If you are apathetic towards something. Then be apathetic. Your friends and loved ones will still stand by your side through your seeming disinterest.
If they do not, then they are truly not worth your time. I know that I am no longer there in person, but I am with you every moment of everyday in spirit. Lending you my strength, being your support, as I try to be with all my friends. Even Bluen though he rarely opens up.
What I am trying to say Sairah is this, no matter what you do, how empty you feel, how tired you get, you are Sairah Mcminn, a beautiful intelligent young woman who has nothing but a bright future ahead of her. Don't let your lack of knowledge of yourself lessen your journey.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 7:11 pm
I thrive under direction. I crave assistance. I feed on rules and regulations and habits. When left to my own devices, I am practically a vegetable. Someone once told me that who you truly are is dependant on what you do when no one is looking. When I am home by meself I either sit around doing nothing or sing so loud that the windows buzz. Well...
That part isn't so bad. But if I don't have something else to find about myself, and I have no true passion for anything, then what am I to do? Where do I start? To a creature of habit, how can I possibly break out of my cycle?
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sairahannalisahassalheth Crew
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 7:14 pm
Meditate, find something that interests you. And who you are is defined by your actions under pressure in my opinion.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 7:21 pm
Hmm, a hard question indeed. To a creature of habit, what breaks the cycle? I would have to say... Spontaneity. Or become attached to someone who can break you out of this cycle. Do something else in moderation with your life, take a risk or a chance.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 10:29 pm
I apologize for not getting on today, so many things erupted that it was overwhelming i should say. But alas Sairah I have a solution to your problem and to a degree Haku is correct. I used to suffer the same problem and excelled in everything I did so to counteract this I began in performing more simpleminded things. Some times to solve the problem of being to good at something is to just do something for your own enjoyment whether you excel at it or not. Take me for example, I can't dance. I have a serious problem keeping a rythme or beat for any longer than a moment. Yet to solve that problem i begin to create my own regardless if they flow or not and in doing so actually became capable of understanding music to a whole new level. You need to stop worrying about who and what you are and instead just continue to do what you feel like doing. There is little truth to the saying that you are depending on what you do when your isolated yet that only applies to those who wish to constantly be looking forward anticipating their next step instead of actually looking and appreciating where they already are. If this didn't help at all then call me a failure and adopt a child from some third world country at least that way you know you will have some meaning.
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Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:40 pm
You guys rawk. I feel so much better now!
And I think I will really work hard at what I love to do, and that is: to create, and to learn, and to spread that knowledge whith those whom I care about.
Today I decided on a Liberal Arts education, and hopefully I will take a liking to something or other sooner or later. It doesn't really matter what, or when, really. All that matters is that I cling to things that I love, because so far, I love things, memories, and expectations far more than I do people. But thats OK, for now.
I am in a good mood because my teachers RAWK and I made a TOTALLY BITCHIN' drawing today. And I had pizza and steak for dinner. Right now, my life is complete. 3nodding
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sairahannalisahassalheth Crew
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Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:47 pm
Haha. I would mark you as beautifully insane with a clean bill of mental health.
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Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:50 pm
Haha, and I am even wearing my "Sanity is Overrated" T-shirt.
I have had numerous agreements just TODAY.
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sairahannalisahassalheth Crew
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Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:57 pm
Cha. Sanity and normality are HIGHLY-overrated. I scare some people with the way I think. I've only had one mate who thought the way I have, but, things slowly died out.
I think that is why I like this group a lot. Bunch of insane, dark, eaters of worlds here.
o__O Would you guys eat a baby? I would, if I got to cook it first. xD
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