Welcome to Gaia! ::

The Writers Guild

Back to Guilds

A place for writers of all sorts; from rpers to poets, novelists to fanfic writers, everyone is welcome. 

Tags: writing, RPing, fanfiction 

Reply Prose Fiction
Uneskia (sci-fi Contemporary fantasy) (start from pg2) Goto Page: 1 2 3 [>] [»|]

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

android_22

PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:29 am


User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.
BOOK ONE: Message
CHAPTER ONE: My grandfather's errand





The day was certainly a bight one. With not many clouds in sight, the ones that were present dispersed along the sky only existing to make the sense of a beautiful day all the more apparent. The ocean too was well balanced and most attractive this day. Its waves calm, it simply glistened as the monorail zoomed by.

There weren’t many people on today. After all it was Sunday, the lazy day as it were. No one did much of anything on this particular day. Most shops were closed and services halted. The only reason the monorail was working was because it was automated. There were a few people aboard. One was an elderly man who wore a 19th century suit and top hat. He was reading the newspaper, “Bastion times” was the title. He seemed rather focused. The man sat at the far front of the car near the exit. Another was a much younger woman, late teens early twenties perhaps. She was chatting away on her cell. Something about school and her job, she seemed to talk nonstop. She sat lounged near the middle but could be heard throughout the entire car. And lastly, in the far back, the only one standing up was a young man, late teens at best. He had a sort a slouched posture and wore black pants with red ribbons on them and a black shirt with a small grayish sweater over it. His brown eyes and hair that was tied in a pony-tail seemed to stand out the most out of all of his other features. He was leaning against the back wall with a sort of confused expression upon his face with his hands in his pockets, his eyes looking down to the right, to the sea below Like maybe he was looking for something that had fallen in to the ocean and was trying to follow it. But it wasn’t in the sea, but the heavens above.


His name was Evan Browning. And his grandfather had just died from lung cancer. The funeral had been a few of days ago. His grandfather had been a famous explorer and archeologist credited with numerous findings. But time had caught up with him finally. He was Ninety-five years old.


Evan had been living up north with his mother and father when he got a letter telling him that his grandpa had been hospitalized. Evan used to travel with his grandpa when he was younger and was often by his side on digs and such. However at one point they began to drift away from one another. It was because of the future, more so Evan’s future. And a difference of opinion between his grandfather and his parents, and it only got worse. They since had lost contact and haven’t spoken in years, their first meeting in that long of time, you can guess it was at least a little awkward and perhaps unsettling.


That was about a week ago. Once he returned up north he began packing for a visit to his home town of Bastion. His other relatives who had come to visit had advised him to stay a little longer to let everything sink in as it were, but Evan felt that the faster he was out the better. He wasn’t one for these kinds of things and decided to get on with his life. Besides what his grandpa said to him before he died still troubled Evan and he felt compelled to find out the truth.


Evan was buying his ticket for the rail-train when he began to ponder on it. What his last words were. He slumped down his eyes looking downward. His grandpa seemed genially concerned about it. He had asked him to give a book to a college of his but not to tell anyone about it. That it was secret, confidential. Evan was a bit skeptical but his grandfather insisted that he do this, that Evan was the only one he could trust now, at least in this world.

“He was just losing it is all, I shouldn’t even be doing this”, he said to himself as he walked over to a chair and slumped into it like cake mix into a pan.

He was really tired. All the cabs and buses were closed so his only option was to run all the way to the train station. The trip was 2 miles by car, not to mention the fact that he was carrying several bags. As he sat there slowly slipping in and out of reality he began to think about Bastion. What he had to do for his late grandfather Clou aside, he was to say a little excited to get to visit his old home, and see his old friends. He wondered what they had been up to and how the town might have changed.
So it could be this that has persuaded him to go not his grandfather’s wishes. He always did seem like he had screw loose. Of course when Evan was little, grandpa Clou seemed like the coolest guy around, but things change as you get older. Stories about mythical realms where magick rules and where mystical creatures resides, were what they were, just stories. Children might be amazed by it, but as you grow older that kind of stuff just doesn’t make sense anymore. The problem was he didn’t see it that way. Grandpa Clou actually believed in everything he said.
This was the reason why Evan’s parents took him away from Grandpa Clou. They feared that he too would turn into a crazy coot as well. A silly thing to assume but they believed it, just like Grandpa Clou believed in his crazy stories. The old man believed in them to the very end too. Even as he was slowly slipping away he began telling Evan tales of the world known as Uneskia, though this time the stories were a little different than before.

Evan glanced over at the clock; it would be another hour before the train would arrive. He laid his bags on the seat next to him and leaned back. His eyes slowly opening and closing, he began to drift off, his grandfather’s request weighing heavily on his mind.


“Evan”, said the nurse as she calmly nudged him.
He slowly opened his eyes in response and saw that he was still in the hospital. It hadn’t been a dream. Grandpa really was in trouble. Evan put his hand over his head in a sort of apologetic way. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but he had been waiting for so long.

“I’m sorry I-”
“It’s okay dear, it’s not easy being in your situation. Besides you looked like you needed the rest”, the nurse said softly.

“I know, but Sarah you don’t understand it’s my fault”, Evan said with eyes toward the floor in shame.

“Why do you say that Evan?” she asked

“If I had been around, maybe I could have done something or-”
“No Evan, do not think that. There was nothing you could do, it just happened, Evan. Sometimes things like this kind of just happen, you can’t blame yourself”
“I know, but I keep doing it anyways. We went everywhere together, I was his life-line, I just keep thinking if I was there I could have saved him”, Evan said still looking depressed his hands in his pockets his eyes still combing the white floor titles of the hospital.
“Honey”, Sarah said putting her hand on his shoulder in an effort to comfort Evan.
“The debris weighed over 300 pounds. I really doubt you could have lifted it”
“I would have tried, I know that sounds stupid…but”, Evan said still looking down
Then Sarah turned his head toward her with her other hand and said.
“Evan you can’t beat yourself up like this, besides he’s still alive, and he’s waiting for you in the room 321”
Evan looked at Sarah. She was wearing the generic nurse get-up, with her bright yellow hair tied back in a short pony-tail. She looked beautiful, she wasn’t that older then Evan either, about four years.

Evan first met Sarah while visiting the hospital on a earlier occasion during his studies in medicine, she was quite helpfu tool, even though she her self was new, he’d thought about asking her out a couple times before but never had the guts. Besides he kind of thought of her as more a mother-figure anyways. She was always around to keep him on his feet and to pick him up when he was feeling down, several times Evan considered quitting before, but she always managed to help him see clearly.


“Ya know? Your right”, Evan said finally and got up from his chair in the waiting room. He somehow felt more reassured now.

“Good luck dear”, she said as Evan left the waiting zone and started toward his grandfather’s door.

Once there he opened the door slowly but surely.

“Hey grandpa”, he managed to say as he entered and closed the door behind him quietly.

“She’s cute”, was his reply.

“Grandpa!” Evan exclaimed embarrassed.

He realized the situation, yet it wasn’t the most appropriate reply for a grandson you haven’t seen in four years. Of course Grandpa Clou was never very appropriate or well-manner for that reason. He was more a wild man, thin and through.


He was lying down in the bed looking out to the left, simply gazing out the window at the sunset. He seemed preoccupied. He had long grey hair, and had a elderly face with wrinkles and old scars, but nothing to serious but they were there. His most prominent feature was his large ears. He wore a patient’s nightgown. It didn’t suit him at all though. No He would be better suited in his simple attire of jeans and a t-shirt.
He’d occasionally wear a jacket and a cowboy hat too; he was the “Indiana Jones” type if you will. Though he couldn’t wield a whip if his life depended on it, grandpa’s dexterity was shot, so was his sense of direction for that matter. He always got the team lost, on just about every dig too.

The thought of a bunch of manly men squabbling at one another about which way is up because of Grandpa’s lack of common sense made him smile, but only for so long. Despite all the good times, there were the bad ones as well, and they were the more recent unfortunately.

“Well she is, strong too, like Jean”, he continued.

Keeping his distance Evan replied.

“You mean grandma?” Evan asked hesitant considering the touchy subject.

“No my boy! Jeana, from Uneskia!”

“Oh, right ‘THAT’ Jeana how could I forget?” Evan replied swiftly his eyes turning away from his grandpa, his body soon following. He was afraid he’d hear more of his grandfather’s wild tales. Grandpa Clou didn’t notice his disappointment however; he hadn’t even turned yet to see him.
“Of course I can’t think of how you could, since she was”

“Yea I remember grandpa she was one of the seven members of the saviors of Uneskia, yea you and them saved Uneskia by retrieving the mystical sword of entree pot”

“It was a staff Evan. The staff of entrepôt” (loss of memory-French)

“I didn’t come here to hear about Uneskia, I came here for you grandpa, do you realize what happened? You could have died!” Evan exclaimed worried, after he was almost crushed to death and here he was going on and on about stupid childhood stories.


“I’m fine, for the time being, bet it seems pretty stupid now huh?”

“Hell yea it does grandpa you could have died! What in god’s name were you thinking?!” Evan yelled his hands out stretched.

He knew this wasn’t the best time to start arguing, but Evan couldn’t help himself. He hadn’t seen him in four years, no birthday cards, no appearances as holiday parties, nothing. Complete isolation. And now that they are finally together again, all he can talk about is Uneskia.

“Ha! So you scold me now huh? I must be old”, he said finally turning toward Evan slowly, but surely.

“What? No I mean”, Evan said retreating to the door. Realizing what he was doing.

His grandpa was almost crushed to death. But he wasn’t and the fact that he was trying to lighten the mood never even crossed Evan’s mind, once again he was taking things at face value and lashing out, something he thought he’d grown out of, apparently not.

(NOTE: Credit goes to Cyber for the chapter 1 title)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 4:55 am


*yay cyber*

Anyways I love the story thus far (sorry if you don't want comments I'll delete it,) anyways... so the old guy is wearing clothes from the 1800s??? Or am I just not getting this century thing down... yeah, I think I am, this is the 21st century... right? *rambles on* Well anyways... lol, sorry!

The Hallowed Mouse


android_22

PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:25 pm


The Hallowed Mouse
*yay cyber*

Anyways I love the story thus far (sorry if you don't want comments I'll delete it,) anyways... so the old guy is wearing clothes from the 1800s??? Or am I just not getting this century thing down... yeah, I think I am, this is the 21st century... right? *rambles on* Well anyways... lol, sorry!


Well sorta, he is, yet that's the thing in my story, people wear different styles. The guys old school, ya know? Besides most of the time if I'm describing a older generation clothing style there will be some sort of modern twist. Or some sort of odd addition or subtraction, for example the main lead Evan, has a mixture of 19th century and modern day clothing, with small read ribbons on his pants and a small gray sweater similar to trunks's jacket from DBZ in that it cuts off mid chest. I wanted to put more description, but I felt I was kinda stalling the plot, so I wanted to move on. I need more dialogue and story progression.

Thank you for your comments, I will take em, no worries.
PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 8:07 am


android_22
The Hallowed Mouse
*yay cyber*

Anyways I love the story thus far (sorry if you don't want comments I'll delete it,) anyways... so the old guy is wearing clothes from the 1800s??? Or am I just not getting this century thing down... yeah, I think I am, this is the 21st century... right? *rambles on* Well anyways... lol, sorry!


Well sorta, he is, yet that's the thing in my story, people wear different styles. The guys old school, ya know? Besides most of the time if I'm describing a older generation clothing style there will be some sort of modern twist. Or some sort of odd addition or subtraction, for example the main lead Evan, has a mixture of 19th century and modern day clothing, with small read ribbons on his pants and a small gray sweater similar to trunks's jacket from DBZ in that it cuts off mid chest. I wanted to put more description, but I felt I was kinda stalling the plot, so I wanted to move on. I need more dialogue and story progression.

Thank you for your comments, I will take em, no worries.


3nodding Okie Dokie I understand now!

The Hallowed Mouse


android_22

PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 8:12 pm


“Evan”, said the nurse as she calmly nudged him.
He slowly opened his eyes in response and saw that he was still in the hospital. It hadn’t been a dream. Grandpa really was in trouble. Evan put his hand over his head in a sort of apologetic way. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but he had been waiting for so long.

“I’m sorry I-”
“It’s okay dear, it’s not easy being in your situation. Besides you looked like you needed the rest”, the nurse said softly.

“I know, but Sarah you don’t understand it’s my fault”, Evan said with eyes toward the floor in shame.

“Why do you say that Evan?” she asked

“If I had been around, maybe I could have done something or-”
“No Evan, do not think that. There was nothing you could do, it just happened, Evan. Sometimes things like this kind of just happen, you can’t blame yourself”
“I know, but I keep doing it anyways. We went everywhere together, I was his life-line, I just keep thinking if I was there I could have saved him”, Evan said still looking depressed his hands in his pockets his eyes still combing the white floor titles of the hospital.
“Honey”, Sarah said putting her hand on his shoulder in an effort to comfort Evan.
“The debris weighed over 300 pounds. I really doubt you could have lifted it”
“I would have tried, I know that sounds stupid…but”, Evan said still looking down
Then Sarah turned his head toward her with her other hand and said.
“Evan you can’t beat yourself up like this, besides he’s still alive, and he’s waiting for you in the room 321”
Evan looked at Sarah. She was wearing the generic nurse get-up, with her bright yellow hair tied back in a short pony-tail. She looked beautiful, she wasn’t that older then Evan either, about four years.

Evan first met Sarah while visiting the hospital on a earlier occasion during his studies in medicine, she was quite helpfu tool, even though she her self was new, he’d thought about asking her out a couple times before but never had the guts. Besides he kind of thought of her as more a mother-figure anyways. She was always around to keep him on his feet and to pick him up when he was feeling down, several times Evan considered quitting before, but she always managed to help him see clearly.


(My first shot at some action dialouge...if that makes any sense, kind of my own term in which plot moves along trhough dialouge, yea. Any who here it is. This part was a little fruastration because we already went back to before he was on the train when he was on the train and now we have a flash back... you can understand where I'm going with this, but I felt it necessary for the story progression. )

(And for future references if the structure looks a bit off its because I'm copying and pasting from word...)
PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 10:09 am


3nodding This part is really good. I'm catching on to the plot. Maybe I missed it, but how does he know the nurse's name?

The Hallowed Mouse


android_22

PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:23 am


The Hallowed Mouse
3nodding This part is really good. I'm catching on to the plot. Maybe I missed it, but how does he know the nurse's name?


Evan looked at Sarah. She was wearing the generic nurse get-up, with her bright yellow hair tied back in a short pony-tail. She looked beautiful, she wasn’t that older then Evan either, about four years.
He’d thought about asking her out a couple times before but never had the guts. Besides he kind of thought of her as more a mother-figure anyways. She was always around to keep him on his feet and to pick him up when he was feeling down.

I thought about adding to it, but I couldn't figure anything else, maybe I'll add something in the next piece or to this piece. I was working hard last night on what to do for the next piece, the conversation with the two, and it is still not finished...so ya.
PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:33 am


I edited it with a small back story for Sarah. But I do not want to dwell far to much into her, she isn't that important. I have Evan, and grandpa Clou already, plus once he reaches Bastion city, there are several main characters for the reader to know. she is important for something however, but the reader won't catch it til much, much later.
Speaking of characters I don't know if anyone else does this, but I like to gather up small character bios, kinda like what you do for a r.p. for each of my characters so I get a better grasp of them and their ways. I worked on that all night and only got like four done.

android_22


android_22

PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 12:15 pm


Concerning the title image.

It was designed for a early development story that was kinda like Uneskia but not really to its full extent. It was called Message. But since Uneskia is done in book and chapters form, book one is called fur a few reasons, one being the most obvious, the message Evan must send to his grandpa's friend.
But also it marks the appearance of a lot of hidden messages through the story regarding the mythical land of Uneskia. A message is also a thing of information, and book one deals with gathering information.

Each book will have a cover with a literal image detailing the first driving force or motion, this book it is a message, book two will be going home, so I'll be working on some sort of imagery of "home"
but for now this is it, I have to get back to that important conversation and of course more character bios, hope this helped smile
PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:16 pm


“Ya know? Your right”, Evan said finally and got up from his chair in the waiting room. He somehow felt more reassured now.

“Good luck dear”, she said as Evan left the waiting zone and started toward his grandfather’s door.

Once there he opened the door slowly but surely.

“Hey grandpa”, he managed to say as he entered and closed the door behind him quietly.

“She’s cute”, was his reply.

“Grandpa!” Evan exclaimed embarrassed.

He realized the situation, yet it wasn’t the most appropriate reply for a grandson you haven’t seen in four years. Of course Grandpa Clou was never very appropriate or well-manner for that reason. He was more a wild man, thin and through.


He was lying down in the bed looking out to the left, simply gazing out the window at the sunset. He seemed preoccupied. He had long grey hair, and had a elderly face with wrinkles and old scars, but nothing to serious but they were there. His most prominent feature was his large ears. He wore a patient’s nightgown. It didn’t suit him at all though. No He would be better suited in his simple attire of jeans and a t-shirt.
He’d occasionally wear a jacket and a cowboy hat too; he was the “Indiana Jones” type if you will. Though he couldn’t wield a whip if his life depended on it, grandpa’s dexterity was shot, so was his sense of direction for that matter. He always got the team lost, on just about every dig too.

The thought of a bunch of manly men squabbling at one another about which way is up because of Grandpa’s lack of common sense made him smile, but only for so long. Despite all the good times, there were the bad ones as well, and they were the more recent unfortunately.

“Well she is, strong too, like Jean”, he continued.

Keeping his distance Evan replied.

“You mean grandma?” Evan asked hesitant considering the touchy subject.

“No my boy! Jeana, from Uneskia!”

“Oh, right ‘THAT’ Jeana how could I forget?” Evan replied swiftly his eyes turning away from his grandpa, his body soon following. He was afraid he’d hear more of his grandfather’s wild tales. Grandpa Clou didn’t notice his disappointment however; he hadn’t even turned yet to see him.
“Of course I can’t think of how you could, since she was”

“Yea I remember grandpa she was one of the seven members of the saviors of Uneskia, yea you and them saved Uneskia by retrieving the mystical sword of entree pot”

“It was a staff Evan. The staff of entrepôt” (loss of memory-French)

“I didn’t come here to hear about Uneskia, I came here for you grandpa, do you realize what happened? You could have died!” Evan exclaimed worried, after he was almost crushed to death and here he was going on and on about stupid childhood stories.


“I’m fine, for the time being, bet it seems pretty stupid now huh?”

“Hell yea it does grandpa you could have died! What in god’s name were you thinking?!” Evan yelled his hands out stretched.

He knew this wasn’t the best time to start arguing, but Evan couldn’t help himself. He hadn’t seen him in four years, no birthday cards, no appearances as holiday parties, nothing. Complete isolation. And now that they are finally together again, all he can talk about is Uneskia.

“Ha! So you scold me now huh? I must be old”, he said finally turning toward Evan slowly, but surely.


I'm really self conscious about this one, I didn't ask for any before hand reading. I wanted to put more feeling into this conversation because its supposed to be the prime motivation for the first book, but I wanted to have a deadline for some thing to be done every week. So here it is.

Comments, concerns, advice...please all is welcome

android_22


The Hallowed Mouse

PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 12:26 pm


Really great... so, his Grandpa is dead, so this is another flashback I'm assuming?

I thought yeah was spelled, yeah, not yea? Wait, never mind, it doesn't show a spelling error on Moz Firefox... >.< my ignorance.
PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:46 am


The Hallowed Mouse
Really great... so, his Grandpa is dead, so this is another flashback I'm assuming?

I thought yeah was spelled, yeah, not yea? Wait, never mind, it doesn't show a spelling error on Moz Firefox... >.< my ignorance.


Yes...I know a bit confusing.

Whats happening is that hes on the train, but we the reader is going into a flash back of him buying the ticket...and then Evan has the flash back.
Once the flash back is over we will resume Evan on the train.

android_22


android_22

PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 5:08 am


“What? No I mean”, Evan said retreating to the door. Realizing what he was doing. His grandpa was almost crushed to death. But he wasn’t and the fact that he was trying to lighten the mood never even crossed Evan’s mind, once again he was taking things at face value and lashing out, something he thought he’d grown out of, apparently not.


x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Yea I know its not a lot. But I want to work on A.T.S for a bit. But its been VERY difficult. I can't get a good opening paragraph. It truly is the hardest of them all. >.<

Anyways where has Cyber been? I send her a couple pms. But whatever I suppose. I suggested a discussion thread is all. Where we can freely talk about our stories/characters/etc... and for random advice and so on.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:23 am


I have posted all entries in the first post. So to keep up all you have to do is read the first post.

android_22


android_22

PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:08 am


Moving page
Reply
Prose Fiction

Goto Page: 1 2 3 [>] [»|]
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum