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Big Freya-chan

PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 5:32 pm


*duts off this mesage board* Heyo this a little story loosely based off some RP with Freya and a friend of mine character.. Hope you all like.. It's really short. I don't think I'm that great of a writer either.. Oh well I got nothing to lose!

Maya yawned, covering her mouth out of reflex; it was early too early for her. She would rather be in bed right now sleeping, but today she wasn’t allowed.
One of the solders riding along with in the transport smiled slightly at her.
“Coffee captain?” he said offering her a cup.
“Thanks”, she said in reply taking the cup sipping it down, she rather have some milk with it but she wasn’t one to complain, “Ahh this is the stuff.”
“How come you’re along on this mission Captain? It just a routine delivery mission.”
Maya took another sip of the coffee. “Dispense with the formalities, just Maya will do”, she said. “There have been some raids recently of bandits in this area attacking some of transports, and as well as some reports of a monster in the area.”
“A monster?” the solider asked his curiosity peaked.
“Were not sure what kind of monster. Just some reports of a large shape, anyone trying to get close to this it leaves, leaving some destruction where it had been.”
“Shy monster.”
Maya chuckled. “Yes but people panic, and you got to reassure them right?”
The solider nodded lost in this thought.
Maya took another sip of her coffee. Thump. The solider looked up.
“You heard it too?” Maya asked.
Thump. What ever it was it was getting closer.. Maya flipped the safety on the gun and the solider checked his Thump. Whatever was making the noise was coming and it was big. Maya looked around ready. THUMP!
“What the hell is that??” a voice said coming from the front, and the sound of squealing breaks then a loud crash and Maya tumbled forward onto the floor of the transport..
“Ow..”, she said wincing a bit, she was all right if a bit sore.
“Are you all right Maya?”, the solider asked he now offering a hand to Maya helping her up.. She nodded. “What did we hit?”
“I don’t know but I’m going to find out.”, she opened up the side door thankful it was still working. “Check on the driver”, she said as she hopped out her weapon drawn ready.
Then she saw a boot, a big boot, looked like any other boot but Maya could probably sit on it. She carefully moved closer, then she looked up in awe. It was a person a girl a very big girl, long blue hair going down her back almost touching the ground, wearing a simple purple dress, thought it looked a bit dirty, was this monster everyone was reporting about.
The girl spotted Maya. “Oh I’m so sorry!”, she said in a kind, if a bit loud gentle voice.
”I didn’t mean to! It was accident!”
Maya blinked lowering her gun, she seemed nice enough..
“What your name?”, she yelled out to the giant girl.
The girl looked down at Maya in surprise. No one had asked her name before, they ran away in fear..
“I’m Freya..”
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:06 pm


Ok, this has some potential if you touch up the grammar. I'd advise getting some one who's good at this sort of thing to do proof reading for you. It helps, a lot.

Sephirothsword117


Big Freya-chan

PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:05 pm


Thanks Grammar is my greatest weakness
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:08 pm


I'm not wonderful at it myself, but what really kills me is spelling!

Sephirothsword117


Amaya~sama

PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 4:15 pm


^^ Aw I think I want to read more ;D You writing more for us my dear?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:48 am


I agree that it is a good start. I am interested in reading more.

If you have a problem with grammar and such, it wouldnt hurt to ask someone to proofread and/or edit your writing. I would help if I was online more...

Either way, I like your story.

ninjabbehrens
Vice Captain

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