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 Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 9:44 am
Because I'm bored and in need of entertainment, I've decided to start a thread about jokes. Of course, because I'm in a Sherlock Holmes guild, they must be Holmesian in nature.
What is the world's greatest detective in the worst environment for him?
Out of his ELEMENTary.
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:47 pm
gonk JUST FOR THAT, YOU GET THE TENT JOKE!! xp Quote: Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:51 pm
Quote: THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES (1944) (Ellery Queen, editor) Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly. The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:53 pm
One day, Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were doing their usual investigative business, when they uncovered an unusual painting.
At first glance, it looked like a picture of normal oak tree, in the middle of a wilderness, but if one looked closer, one could see that it was a remarkable painting. The tree trunk was actually made of fire, and its branches were made of ice, clouds and earth.
"What is it, Holmes?" asked Watson in awe.
"It's an Element tree, my dear Watson," replied Holmes.
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:55 pm
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are taking a trip across a desert by hot-air balloon. There are not many landmarks; so eventually, they become lost. Luckily, while flying quite low, they see a man.
Holmes shouts, "Sir, could you please tell me where we are?"
The man looks up, ponders for a moment, and then answers, "Gentlemen, you are in a hot-air balloon!"
At this moment, a burst of wind picks up the balloon and carries it away.
Holmes turns to Watson and asks: "My friend, do you know who that man is?"
"No, Holmes, of course not!"
"He's a mathematician!"
"Holmes, that's incredible! But *how* do you know?"
"It's very simple, Watson. First of all, the man thought before giving us an answer. Secondly, his answer was absolutely correct. And thirdly, the answer he gave us was of no practical use, whatsoever!"
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:56 pm
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were called to a park in London to investigate a crime involving an unusual tree. The ABC Tree, as it was called, had the unique ability to actually grow all the letters of the alphabet. Shockingly, however, it seemed that someone had plucked most of the letters from the tree.
Watson approached the tree and examined it closely. "My goodness, Holmes!" he exclaimed. "It appears that some ne'er-do-well has stolen all but the twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth letters of the alphabet. What do you make of that, Holmes?"
Holmes sucked at his pipe contemplatively for a moment before answering, "Why, it's an LMN Tree, my dear Watson."
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:58 pm
Dr. Watson arrives at 221-B Baker Street and is stunned to find his friend, Sherlock Holmes, out front, in an overall, applying a bright, yellow gloss to the front door.
"Holmes, what is it?" asks the curious Watson.
"A lemon entry, my dear Watson," replies Holmes.
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:59 pm
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are busy with yet another complicated case. Suddenly, Holmes seizes a chunk of blood-spattered limestone from the ground.
"What is it, Holmes?" asks Watson, eagerly.
Holmes turns and replies, gravely, "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
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Holmes of Baker Street Crew
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Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:56 pm
ninja
Said Roger to Sir Henry B.,
"I need a car Dad, as you see."
Sir Henry said, "I do agree.
A brand new Honda it shall be."
"But why a Honda, Dad, m'lord,
Why buy the Japanese Accord?
Why not buy an English Ford?
It's a car we can afford."
"Son, when you drive o'er Dartmoor's hills,
Past mire, and meres and mellow rills,
Good Devon men will see with chill,
The Honda of the Baskervilles."
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Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 1:16 pm
Oh, these are awful. <3 I'm afraid I havent' anything to contribute, but I did get a good laugh out of this.
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Planck`s_Constant Captain
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Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 3:24 pm
Planck`s_Constant Oh, these are awful. <3 I'm afraid I havent' anything to contribute, but I did get a good laugh out of this. I know, every single one of these is entirely groan worthy, haha. I wasn't going to post in this topic, since I don't have one to contribute either, but since Planck did, well so will I!
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Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 6:56 am
What's for dinner, Mrs Hudson?
It's alimentary, Mr Holmes!
I admit that this is supremely bad, but I defer all right to ridicule to my mother, who supplied the appalling punch line over the 'phone.
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Planck`s_Constant Captain
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Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2009 4:21 pm
I remember reading one book on Holmes in my high school library that had essays and jokes and whatnot in it ... don't remember the name or who wrote it. There was a comic in it that stuck in my mind to this day - it's Holmes approaching Watson, who's sitting at the dinner table, and Holmes says to Watson, "I see you had lobster for dinner". Watson, shocked, says, "My dear Holmes, however did you know?" (something along the lines of that).
Watson was wearing a lobster bib.
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