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 Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 8:26 am
so on monday..i have to take kate to the doc for her next set of shots all by myself.
i don't handle getting her shots done well...adam usually has to do it. Cause i always ...cringe and almost cry lol WHEN HES holding her..its going to be rough...
anyways then i mentioned i that i think im dealing with some postpartum depression and that's a little scary cause I don't want any one to think im unfit to take care of Kate.
Infact this kid keeps me sane and stops me from doing allot of crap i used to do when i was depressed. Doesn't stop the thought process though...
I don't think its actually postpartum depression im dealing with. I think its just a life time of crap thats built up till now..but i just said that to make it easier in talking to him about it...cause ....gah i hate doing the "talking about it" thing.
but it needs to be done. Hell for all i know its a side effect of the birth controll im on..cause it has gotten worse in the last three months..but idk its peek was when i didn't want to leave the house...and that was like five months ago.but that was just self hatred of how fat i was at the time..i have lost a bunch of weight(in my mind..course not enough to please my mind )since then.
sooo idk...i just dont know
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:21 pm
oh i hate shots too. i have to look away cuz i get sick. and i want to cry when they start screaming. i have to take koda in for his 6 month shots next week. sorry you are feeling depressed. hopefully it is just the birth control and can be fixed. don't be so hard on yourself though. i know easier said than done.
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 7:43 pm
your avi is soo cute teeshan , but then it usually is lol.
and..yea...im half thinking of asking my friends bf to come with me lol cause i ...idk if i can do it.
ill be a brave mommy and try though. I know it has to be done..i hate shots with a passion though..i wanna cry every time too. ima take a bottle with me and give it to her while she sticks her. Hopefully thatll....help focus her to other places.
but yea..i just don't want them to think that im not capable of taking care of kate...cause thats far from the truth its just... scary to say the least..
im not slashin my wrists open or anything lol or anything that dramatic.. i just..have good days and then my bad days ......are bad days that are a struggle and i rather just sleep away the day and take care of kate and not focus on anything else. Cause thats just to much to worry with.
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 10:24 pm
I always cried when my daughter got her shots. I would just hold her afterwards and we would cry together. The nurses always held her to do the shots that way I was the rescuer.
I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. I know a little how you feel. I was deeply depressed before I got pregnant and after I had my miscarriage. All I wanted to do was sleep and deal with just my daughter and her needs. When I wasn't so depressed I was appalled at the dishes piling up that I had pushed aside, the laundry that piled up because I would only do what was needed for a couple of days and didn't do again until all was dirty.
It sucks because people are so easy to judge about it. I won't take depression pills either. I just don't like taking pills. It may do better for me at the time of my depression but I always feel 10 times worse than before I take any pills.
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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:20 am
well everything doesn't have to be perfect every day. it's ok to let the house go and just play with your baby. i do it all the time. lol. i really hope you get feeling better.
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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 8:27 pm
i know in my mind its not healthy whats going on.
i've actually caught my self slipping back into anorexic type mindset that i used to have when i was a young teenager.
when i wanted to basically go on binge a couple of days of go...i was like WTF!
i've also had moments when i wanted to go back into my "closet " state of mind. I used to crawl in the closet and sit and read or something to feel safe when i was younger ..cause no where else felt safe. I started that when i was ..probably 7?
theres other stuff its just not as big of a deal. those are just my warning flashing lights going off.
I think all in all, its just ...little stuff setting off crap that happened to me when i was a kid..and i need to deal with them. but saying its p.p.d is just the easy way to get to talking about it with out sounding like a mental case.
i know i need to get a grip..and i know..theres crap that just ain't right going on in me noggin.
So it can't hurt to talk to the doc..before it gets out of hand.
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 10:07 am
good luck at the doctors. hope there is something he can do to help. and hope you get feeling better.
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 3:59 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:19 pm
Just wondering if you talked to a doc and if you did or not I hope that you are feeling better!
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