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My parents divorced when I was two. My father was running around
(if you know what i mean)
behind my mom's back. Everyone knew it but her.
(is what i've been told)
When I was around six, she fell in love with her commanding officer. I thought he made my dad go away, and thats why when i went to see him he wouldn't come back...I thought he was the one making them stay away. I beleived my dad loved mom and so when her boyfriend (now step dad) would come over I tried to be nice...but i hated that he made my dad go away' when their wedding was announced to me I flipped s**t. EVen at the age of six, i threw up a fight. I remember saying, "You're not my real dad...and you never will be! You don't know me or mommy and she still loves him! I know they still lvoe eachother! " and than WHAM got slapped and up my room i went.

Later around 10 I found out why mommy dearest and dad weren't together. I hated him for about a year, but I loved him. He's my dad, and everyone screws up. He told me he would take it back, started crying and apologised over and over again. I still beleive part of him loves my mom...(but will explain that later, maybe)

Well...SO....Basically relatives hate eachother. My dads name is a 'hush hush' we dont say HIS name...Think of Harry Potter and how town people react to Voldermort. (whatever that dudes name is >_<) and you get the idea. Also from mom's side, her mom -my grandma- hates me...and doesn't really care for my oldest brother who is about a year younger than me. Mom had three children with my dad. Me and my two brothers. The youngest out of us three, my grandma loves. She met him when he was a baby. Mom was in millitary and worked from 3.a.m. till 8 at night roughly. So grandma ma would take care of us. Now...Her other daughter. Amber. My aunt was 16 at the time, 10 years older than me. I was left in her charge because grandma hated me. I recently found out that she did use to beat me, and has pulled out a hand full of my hair when i was little.

(sorry I type a lot...><)

I looked up to my Aunt. She was lie a big sister to me. (still feel that way)
Things haven't changed a whole lot. Mom's side still hates my dad and his relatives...I dont think they really care about me, and i know QUITE a few of them are expecting me to turn out like he did. I've been told by grandmother, "Your fathers a b*****d...DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES YOU???!!"...My father served in the Iraq war, and over in Afghanistan. His team was killed infront of him all but two. By a road side bomb. He came back and was so hurt and all that he had patches of his hair falling out.

I went with family to visit his relatives and my grandma from his side. She and my mom tried to convince me and 'explain that he was ill in the head' and thats what the war has done. My grandma went on to tell me that some of his closest friends have walked away, his wife might, and that she has backed away to. They told me they didn't want me to see him, but i todl them i would. He didn't seem like he had changed at all. (in the good way) I knew he was hurting, i could tell but i didn't see him as crazy. I told my mom and his mom then that I had seen enough and heard enough and am old enough to make own judgement. I said,

"I won't turn my back. Not when his friends, his mom, and his own wife might walk away...He doesn't need his daughter to do the same. I dont care how he feels towards me. If he really doesn't feel for me at all like you claim, but either the way...I love my dad. And I won't turn my back on him like so many have...even when what he did to mom comes up...He's hurting and if you reallycan say 'I love someone' than i beleive that means you help them out. Through thick and thin....You don't just turn your back, throw in your towel and say i'm done!!! He's your SON!!! You're suppost to be careing and understanding, not vosatile and rejecting - turning away and let him be alone! like the rest have!....I wont make the same descition as you two and the rest of those fake people....I'm going to help him best i can...I'm will not turn my back."

Thats my splurge about mom and dad...my grandma was living out here with us this past year. She left about two monthes ago. After trying to put me in jail three times, and abuse me (again). She hadn't lived with us since I was six. I was 15 ut turned 16 right after she came. so it had been ten years or so. She acted like she was careing adn totally here to be my 'loveing grandma' like what you would picture a sweet old lady as. but she's the opposite. Completely fake, and knows very well how to hide herself under a smiling mask. Had a friend who always was like that....knew her for 5 years...and dealt with it. Knew it well so when 'grandmama' came in...it was..very appearent to me. Parents didn't beleive me. I told them I heard her on the phone talking to some people. She called my moms church friends and told them we wouldn't feed her and woudl keep her here all the time, wouldn't let her take her car. (note - this owman is like 60...not that old. no real health issues. weight maybe not trying to be mean just saying...but shes strnog as an ox)
She told me she would call social services when the right oppourtunity came along and would take away the house and my siblings from my mom. Destroy her marriage, and land me in jail.
Because I knew what she was up to, an dbecuase i love my father and i remeind her of him.

I cussed her out, and told her I would make life hell for her. I told her that I would go to the extreme and whatever it meant to protect my family i woudl do it. She woudl fall before my family or i did. Well, she got kicked out right before there was a SLAM DOWN fight....etc.
my mom backs her up, even when i told my mom she used to abuse me. and i told her everything that i had just told you...she didn't beleive it. instead called me crazy and keeps insisting that i see a shrienk.

So...needless to say that there is a rift between my mom and I. a growing one.

I've been dating my boyfriend for a looonnng time.He's in his early twenties now, but we are so for eachother it's crazy. He's been in IN for the last 7 months though. We;re engaged and due to get married...but these people won't let me leave. His family cares about me and I do them like I was really their daughter. I had a 104 temp and rising. My grandma came in and threw a fit. SAying I was lieing and i was fine. (please note- she was 6 months from becoming a RN) and screamed at me for the phone. I pointed at my door and crying trying to talk i said over and over agina, "get out your not welcome here...get out" she finally did and i knew i needed to go somewhere where i would be fine so I got my brother to go to my boyfriends mom house and explain the situation and ask if i could ocme ove.r She quickly said yes and over i went. Mike was suppost to be at work but they sent him home early so he cam ehome from paying his taxes and found out i was sick as a dog upstairs in the spare bedroom. He and his mom took care of me and i spent the whole day there and some of the night.

He and his mom took care of me, and still are. Here's where things (if they were'nt already bad)

My bestfriend past away in Feburary 2007. I was very suicidle through that summer onwards. My life fell apart more. all my 'friends' left and psycho grandma and other peolpe who i usually went to for advice told me it would be better to forget him and treat him as a stone in the ground. becuase if i didn't than i would be letting the devil get control out of me. rolleyes

I had plans to en dmy life, when i met him. Mike. We started dating and totally changed my life around. He made (and still does) make me happy, and is the only reason why there isn't a dead body in my house. I've got a reason for living...for him and for me. I was suppost to move out with him in the end of last May...but it didn't happen. Then I was suppost ot move out in June. When the end of July came I was so upset with mom and this famiyls s**t i said i'm pakcing my things and i'm ******** leaving. I didn't go...they got me to stay until i was atleast 17'. they said when you have your birth certificate, your social card, a legal i.d. (permit) etc. than you can go. I turned 17 on the 23rd of last month. I've been through hell these last few 7 months and staying here another would...not work out so well.
I announced to my parents I was getting married. They think it is because i'm useing it as an excuse a reason to leave...butthey dont listen when i tell them they're wrong.

I was suppost to go out to VISIT not move just VISIT at the end of this month to early october....but thats not going to happen. Mom says, "i'll think about it" or "maybe" which menas..."ahahah - NO" No for sure....December is suppost to role around and i was going to move out there. but she changed it to a visit. I said, "two weeks" she changed it to one and now its a "why do you even need to go see him??!!" " you're not even married!!!!" shes trying to hook me up with other people including my ex who was abusive. I wont go, i keep saying no...Come this may she wont ahve anymore cards. It's either move in December or move in MAy. And while writting this, I'm thinking about buying the tickit a one way to IN and calling her once i get there, "oops it was a one way..and i'm not coming back" My things are still packed in my room. I have a suitcase, a backpack....when you think you're going to move....this many times in this short of time....it happens. I had the okay...i had it all arranged, and was going to leave....but than she said no. step dad backed her up adn they said, "just wait until after your 23rd birthday" well...its a few weeks after then. I'm homeschooled about to graduate.

But...to make sure that i don't leave. She has taken away most my furniture, and used it as her own. My wallet right now...is holding my cash, and her credit cards and recipts. Which shes using my money as her own. She took my t.v. and tried taking the lap top. Which is what i'm useing right now. but i hid it and will take it to work with me so she cant take it....
She tried taking my school books by force so i cant graduate....I'm slipping....and if i try to talk about me leaving she wont hear it. I said, "i'm moving to my dads" she broke down and said, "you cant do that! I cant lose you again! I'll get money and take his a** to court!" she laughs histericlly (sp?) and said, "I'll make him pay all the child support!....i'll throw his a** in jail! You wont live with him....not until AFTER your 18" ahahahahaha."

Shes against Mike and I. He's a car mechanic and is currently making 10.50 per hour. He has a little college under his belt, but is looking at going back into it to get a degree in Motor Sports. being paid for by the company he works under. He works directly for the ownder and boss of the company at the original shop. No strings attached and I'm finishing up school, going to go to the state college out there. She wont hear of it and so i'm falling apart here alone.

I've for 'super natural' things going on, that i've had explanations given to me. Which i've told my mom but she calls me crazy again and wants to throw me to a shrienk. becuase of that, becuas ei'm dating Mike, because i'm not out hanging with those 'friends', because i'm trying to leave.

I'm so tired of crying. I haven't given up - still trying. I try to be happy but i know i'm dyeing on the inside. I was put into the hospital a week before my birthday. I had a cat scan, MRI, blood test, urine work (sorry if TMI) and more done....They said, "you're 100% healthy amazingly so becuase you're a preemi...We cant find anythignw rong with you or your lungs....Your healthy." but for whatever reason my lungs lock and i cant move them in or out....i cant breathe...and well you die like that...and thats why i was admitted. I was dischared two days later with pills and an inhaler. They were given to 'stop' or 'counter act' whatever is going on with my lungs. atleast thats what they're hoping they do. I dont take them eveeryday...its only when it happens...but...mom is convinced that its because i'm unhealthy even though the doc said that to me when she was right there. He asked if there might be a reason as to why this might be going on....i glanced at mom. a glare stareing back...i said no.

I honestly think i need out. I need to get away from here. I've talked to mediums, psychic, a christan lady...and they all say...for super natural...and for my health...i need to move. Go somewhere where i feel safe. but mom wont hear of it.....But I almost got out. I almost moved....I think i almost got it becuase i didn't back down. but i finally broke and agreed.....Writting this made me see it even more. i'm going to try it again. I have a bill to pay this friday. but come within the next two....before she can get the money....or ask for it or take it....i'll buy the ticket. a one way one and will get my a** out of here.


(srry I wrote a lot....i was thinking and writting...>< xD Sorry thats a lot to read!!! )

Yes I'm young....(posting this part...becuae am afriad of 'your 17..hes in early twenties...your naiive...etc.' thing again....>< heard it a lot....)
um...Mom calls me stupid, and naiive, for wanting to be with Mike. and than calls me more names becuase of a Date Rape incident in which happened to me. She was the one crying and saying, "I dont beleive you were that stupid to go ahng out with your friend!!" I was with a guy friend at a gmaing party and...thats what happened...I've talked to the police... but hes not in jail, the crime rate is up here so it'll take a whiel to go through. He called and left a message on my cell saying that he'll beat the s**t out mike and than me....if Mike comes to town again. Mom wont hear any of it. and i beleive...I really....really need to elave. The guy knows that i'm engaged (ex) friend told him....and he called left a message asking for forginess, and that he 'likes me a lot' and that he...wants another chance. after leaving on the one before...."i'm going to ******** him adn you up" and put me in the hospital...etc.

like is aid mom wont hear of it. I'm trying to eave and to be honest i fear for when he hears that i've gone to the cops.

I try to be pretty strong, i cant well try not to cry infront of people. I feel like i'm doing something wrong. I dont usually tell how i'm feeling....
The one who knows me the most is Mike....even though we've known eachother the shortest amount of time. He's the only one who hasn't turned their back on me, abused me, stolen from me, betrayed me...etc.sorry ranting again. ><;
another thing. I say sorry alot. I'm trying to cut down on it...but its a habbit. I dont want to make anyone like, "gawd....shes annoying
' or piss osmeone off....I'm sorry if i did that. I know i wrote a lot. I dont purposely intend to do it...but i talk /type a lot. ><

thank you