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Little Black Dress.

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Amyane

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 1:41 pm


Just a short story I wrote one day.. xD I wanted to write something creepy, and this is what came out of it.

"Ah man, this is great!" An eccentric teen sat in the passenger seat of a convertible mustang, one arm over the side of the door, the other curled around the top of her friend's chair. She pulled the elastic out that was holding back her shoulder length deep purple hair and shook her head, her hair now being taken captive by the wing and tossed behind her.

Colours danced in her eyes and she laughed again, the effects of the drugs she had taken earlier guiding her through a whirlwind of brilliance.

"Oh Melly, I know!" The other teen, Jen, sat in the driver's seat, hand loosely set on the bottom of the steering wheel, a wide laid-back grin on her face. Melissa laughed and threw her arms in the air as Jen floored the hot red sports car, bush on either side of the highway speeding by as their speeds reached one hundred and ten kilometers. The dotted yellow lines of the highway raced underneath them, spun into a single inseparable, fluorescent blur.

Jen ran a hand through her choppy chin length black hair, straightened so as to not look like a dark helmet on her head.

"Ugh, Mel, can you drive for a bit? I gotta get this dress off, it's constricting." Melanie nodded, her sharp green eyes now unfocused and slightly glazed over, her dark curls bouncing.

After the car had skidded to a stop at the side of the road, both of the car's doors clicked open, and Jen stumbled out, already pulling off the slinky black dress, and not seeming to care she was revealing a pink bra and lacy deep purple underwear to the world. She tossed the dress in the back seat and popped the trunk.

Inside was a bag containing a low-necked red t-shirt and a pair of worn, faded jeans, which she began to messily put on while clamoring into the drivers seat.

"I though I was driving?" Mel questioned, just about to reach the door.

"Oh, uh... never mind," Jen commented with a lazy grin, turning the key in the ignition and pulling the car back onto the road, then closing the door.

Once again the world began to speed by, the drug effects causing the scenery to be even more distorted.

Jen stepped on the gas pedal again, and the small red speedometer needle flicked sharply to the right.

Ninety... One hundred... One-ten... One-fifteen... By the time the road began to curved, they were just under one twenty. The road dipped here now, and began slowly descending down a large hill.

At the bottom a sparkling bit of ocean could be seen, a harbor once bustling with boats, now rather inactive as the fiery sun began to sink beneath the trees.

To the left was a small boathouse for winter storage and beside it another worn wooden build where a few people were getting into a grey pick-up truck and pulling away.

Numerous docks lined the beaches edge, speedboats, fishing boats and sail boats alike all tied to the water washed wood.

One of the docks stood out from the others. A long, stronger built pier ran out deep into the water, a mid-sized cruise boat that made daily trips around the islands was docked on its end, calm waves frolicking gently around its cold silent edges.

The sun dipped below the horizon line, throwing the world into eerie darkness as the flashy 'white-leather-seats-car' came speeding down the hill.

"Jen!" Melanie suddenly screamed out, breaking the monotonous bliss.

A small fox had darted out onto the streets edge, then froze in shock, literally an animal in headlights. Mel had shot out her chipped-black nail painted hang at the steering wheel, spinning it roughly to the left. The fox was safe, and scurried back off the side of the road, its ears now pinned back, and its tail low to the ground as it slunk back into the forest.

Things weren't looking quite as good for the car.

The brakes of the car screamed, protesting against being suddenly slammed into action.

"Mel, oh my god!" Jen yelled, spinning the wheel frantically to the right, as they veered dangerously close to the left side of the road now.

The sudden stopping of the tires sent the vehicle into a spiral as it leveled out at the bottom of the hill, flying straight towards the pier. The engine roared but was drowned out over the girls screams as the left side of the car careened into a post. Jen let go off the handle and shielded her head as the door was ripped cleanly off and fell into the ocean. The car didn't crumple, but kept going and plunged off of the edge of the dock.

Water that was once sparkling and wonderful was now so dark and foreboding, as the car sunk down into its murky depths.

* * *


Perhaps Jen would have made it out of the convertible car had she not have taken the drugs, and she would have been able to unbuckle the seat belt she wore. Her hands scrabbled pointlessly at the buckle she couldn't see, and she struggled to breathe as the merciless water crushed into around her. Her mind raced, but the time passed painstakingly as the air was slowly pressed out of her lungs and the car spun helplessly hell wards. Jen probably hardly knew what was happing by now, with oxygen loss and the drugs and all. The only things she could see through the murk were the swirling colours that had taken her life and her friends already lifeless eyes.

Perhaps Melanie would have lived as well had she not have taken the drugs, had she not gotten into the car with Jen, and if her head had not smashed against the window as they hit the pole on their way off of the dock.

It was all they found, you know. The little black dress Jen had worn while tripping on acid that night, two weeks ago. It was found washed up on a beach somewhere, torn and tattered, and bloodied on the right side where Jen had died holding her friends cold, lifeless hand. No one had seen the car go off the pier, and no one at the party had even realized Jen and Melanie had left. It's all they found. No bodies, no car; just the little black dress.
PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 2:38 pm


Wow . . . okay . . . I noticed that you weren't staying in people's heads. Like one minute, you see everything through the character's eyes, then the next, you are listening to it like a person was telling you it. I don't know if you intended for it to be that way, but I just thought you should know.

Well, that's all I have to say other than "wow".

-Chi (Yes, you can call me Chi.)

kuroshizuka


Amyane

PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 1:37 pm


kuroshizuka
Wow . . . okay . . . I noticed that you weren't staying in people's heads. Like one minute, you see everything through the character's eyes, then the next, you are listening to it like a person was telling you it. I don't know if you intended for it to be that way, but I just thought you should know.

Well, that's all I have to say other than "wow".

-Chi (Yes, you can call me Chi.)

xD Oops... Er.. Is wow good or bad?
PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:39 am


Amyane
kuroshizuka
Wow . . . okay . . . I noticed that you weren't staying in people's heads. Like one minute, you see everything through the character's eyes, then the next, you are listening to it like a person was telling you it. I don't know if you intended for it to be that way, but I just thought you should know.

Well, that's all I have to say other than "wow".

-Chi (Yes, you can call me Chi.)

xD Oops... Er.. Is wow good or bad?


It's good.

kuroshizuka


Queeny
Captain

PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 6:13 am


Ohh, mysterious like... eek

I liked it, the describtion was cool. I liked the frolicking of the waves, that was a nice image in my head.

Kinda perdictiable but I think the detail carried it off for a nice read. Thumbs up 3nodding

And the moral of the story is... don't do drugs near an animal inhabited area! ninja
PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 1:01 pm


Queeny
Ohh, mysterious like... eek

I liked it, the describtion was cool. I liked the frolicking of the waves, that was a nice image in my head.

Kinda perdictiable but I think the detail carried it off for a nice read. Thumbs up 3nodding

And the moral of the story is... don't do drugs near an animal inhabited area! ninja

3nodding Thanks. ^_^ xD Nice moral.

Amyane


Amyane

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 4:04 pm


Any other comments?
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:47 pm


it is a good story. but i think the part with the black dress having blood on it was weird. Considering that the dress was taken off when she changed into a pair of pants. Wouldnt she have left it in the trunk? I mean i like how only the dress was found. Just the part of how the blood was found on it baffles me so.

raye rei


Amyane

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:28 pm


raye rei
it is a good story. but i think the part with the black dress having blood on it was weird. Considering that the dress was taken off when she changed into a pair of pants. Wouldnt she have left it in the trunk? I mean i like how only the dress was found. Just the part of how the blood was found on it baffles me so.

xD Thanks. -shrug- I dunno. Use your imagination. Maybe a shark torn the girl to pieces and the dress got bloody water on it? Okay, I give. I should fix that... xDD
PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:45 pm


This piece is . . . interesting. It kept my attention all the way through. Some of it was a little unbelievable. Have you ever been in a car wreck? When you're going full speed over bumpy ground and hitting things, you might scream, but you aren't going to be able to pull yourself together enough to scream out any dialogue. . . especially if your head is all jumbled up from drugs. Other then that, there were a few mistakes you could catch by reading through it again. It was good over all. Nice job.

Merenwen99
Crew


Amyane

PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 2:14 pm


Merenwen973
This piece is . . . interesting. It kept my attention all the way through. Some of it was a little unbelievable. Have you ever been in a car wreck? When you're going full speed over bumpy ground and hitting things, you might scream, but you aren't going to be able to pull yourself together enough to scream out any dialogue. . . especially if your head is all jumbled up from drugs. Other then that, there were a few mistakes you could catch by reading through it again. It was good over all. Nice job.

Never been in a car accident, so I wouldn't have known that. ;_; So, er.. Oops.

Thanks though. ^^
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 3:34 am


You already know what I think... so... n____n I luff! <3 <-- See! Luffles.... xD

Psychotic Maniacal Sanity

Chatty Pumpkin

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Work written between 2003 - 2006

 
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