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 Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 9:05 pm
I've titled my thread "I Probably Don't Have Cancer" because I probably don't have cancer (I'll change the title if I do have cancer though because then it would just depress me). But even maybe having cancer and getting tests done is really scary, and I am being a huge baby about it for the most part.
I started getting my paps when I was 16. I got them every year without fail until I was about 21. Then I graduated from college, moved, got a couple new jobs, got some new pets, started a relationship, ended a relationship, had money trouble, lived without heat, lived without hot water, etc. In short, I was busy.
Three years came and went before I started to think, "I am way overdue and really need to get in there." Since I don't drive and the doctor I go to is an hour away, it was another year after that before I finally went in.
So I'm now 25 years old and was four years overdue for my pap when I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. They gave me a pap, told me I had a cervical infection, told me I had a yeast infection, tested my pee, tested my blood, tested me for STDs, and gave me medicine for the two infections. I never had a painful pap before then. This one wasn't painful either, but it was really really uncomfortable. I was hoping it was just the infection.
Two weeks later they call to tell me my pap was abnormal. They wouldn't tell me anything else over the phone and made me come to the office again (an hour away). They actually didn't plan on looking at me without my clothes on at all, but I told them I didn't think the yeast infection pill worked, so then they took a look. It didn't work because I didn't have a yeast infection, I had a bacterial infection. So they gave me more pills. I have to take these twice a day every day for seven days. I can't have alcohol (which I don't drink anyway), vinegar, mayo, salad dressing, cough medicine, tummy medicine, etc. Side effects, of course, are upset tummy and yeast infection.
Then they tell me they don't really think I have cancer right now, but my cervical cells are abnormal, they're changing, and they may become cancerous. And I have to go in for a biopsy, probably within the next month, to make sure they're right in thinking that I don't have cancer right now. If I don't, then I have to get a pap every six months instead of every year. If I do, then I don't know, surgery maybe.
I know a lot of things can throw a pap off. And I know infections can throw them off, and sure enough, I did have a cervical infection. So at first, I wasn't really nervous at all. But when I went to the doctor the second time, I thought they would be doing another pap. I didn't think they would be sending me to a specialist for a biopsy after just one abnormal pap. Now I'm scared. They kept telling me it's no big deal and a lot of women go through it, but it scares me that they were so quick to refer me to someone else. And it scares me that they keep saying not to be scared since it'll feel just like a pap except that it will last 10-15 minutes. My last pap was so bad, I don't know if I can last 10-15 minutes. I hope once I finish this medication though that my infection will be gone and my paps will go back to feeling like they used to.
So I'm probably worrying about a whole lot of nothing, but it's scary. I've never even had surgery, or broken anything, or sprained anything before. And I don't really have anyone to talk to about how scared I am. I don't know if my family and my partner think it's no big deal or if they are as scared as I am and are trying not to think about it, but it seems like they kind of change the subject when I try to talk about it. I do all right when someone's around or something's going on. But when I am alone and have nothing to do, I just think about how scared I am, and I've been crying a lot. Crying wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so ashamed of it either. It's like I have this stupid notion of pride and don't want anyone to see me cry, so if I do start to tear up around someone, I fight it off. I live with my partner, so I am rarely alone, but our sleep cycles don't match up exactly, so there are always a few hours a day where he is awake and I am asleep, then another few where I am awake and he is asleep.
So now I have to wait for a lady to call me to schedule my biopsy, then I'll have to wait for my period and go in after that.
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Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 12:48 pm
First of all, you are a wonderful writer! No spelling errors, perfect grammar, and you really express yourself well.
Now. When you get the call about the biopsy, ask the nurse if you can have some sort of pill to keep you calm. And ask her what kind of pain pills you can take before the biopsy. They can be very helpful about that sort of thing, and will check with the doctor. That should relieve some of your fear.
In my biopsy, they did something with pills or injections so that I don't even remember the biopsy. I do remember sort of falling asleep, sort of.
Second, this is pretty early really, for them to catch something like this. If it is cancer, cervical cancer is not difficult to cure. It's a LOT better than ovarian cancer. So you are ahead of the game even if it is that nasty "C" word.
I was scared to, and still am. If your partner is a good person, he will take you in his arms if you cry, and that will be good for you. Just a suggestion. It's up to you how to handle your emotions during all this.
I wish you my very best, and will pray for you.
Please keep up the posting, so we can see how you are doing. And if you want to know more, try the link for the American Cancer Society. It has areas for all types of cancer, and very good information. It also has forums where you can talk to others in your situation.
heart
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Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 2:54 pm
MustangDragon First of all, you are a wonderful writer! No spelling errors, perfect grammar, and you really express yourself well. Thanks smile MustangDragon Now. When you get the call about the biopsy, ask the nurse if you can have some sort of pill to keep you calm. And ask her what kind of pain pills you can take before the biopsy. They can be very helpful about that sort of thing, and will check with the doctor. That should relieve some of your fear. In my biopsy, they did something with pills or injections so that I don't even remember the biopsy. I do remember sort of falling asleep, sort of. Second, this is pretty early really, for them to catch something like this. If it is cancer, cervical cancer is not difficult to cure. It's a LOT better than ovarian cancer. So you are ahead of the game even if it is that nasty "C" word. I was scared to, and still am. If your partner is a good person, he will take you in his arms if you cry, and that will be good for you. Just a suggestion. It's up to you how to handle your emotions during all this. I wish you my very best, and will pray for you. Please keep up the posting, so we can see how you are doing. And if you want to know more, try the link for the American Cancer Society. It has areas for all types of cancer, and very good information. It also has forums where you can talk to others in your situation. heart Yeah, I was joking with my father that I should ask if they can just put me to sleep. xp I probably would ask too if I had insurance. But, yeah, maybe they could give me a pill or a shot to dull the sensation since my last exams were so uncomfortable. Although, if they numbed me, then I would be twice as nervous because I would be really afraid of peeing on the doctor then. xp I thought about wearing a long necklace, bringing a pamphlet, bringing a stuffed animal, or something else like that to just sort of look at and fiddle with while they do the exam. Hmm. I wonder if my old portable CD player still works.
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Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 11:24 pm
LorienLlewellyn Yeah, I was joking with my father that I should ask if they can just put me to sleep. xp I probably would ask too if I had insurance. But, yeah, maybe they could give me a pill or a shot to dull the sensation since my last exams were so uncomfortable. Although, if they numbed me, then I would be twice as nervous because I would be really afraid of peeing on the doctor then. xp I thought about wearing a long necklace, bringing a pamphlet, bringing a stuffed animal, or something else like that to just sort of look at and fiddle with while they do the exam. Hmm. I wonder if my old portable CD player still works. Ooo, no insurance. Well you have your dad helping out. ^__^ As for afraid of peeing on the doctor... hell's bells, pee away. LOL. They must be used to that. That's a good idea to bring something to distract you. And headphones are really good! They help me at the dentist, and I am more afraid of dentists than anything. Now you are thinking. biggrin
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Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 8:29 pm
MustangDragon Ooo, no insurance. Well you have your dad helping out. ^__^ I got my pap and all that medication for free from Family Planning, which worked out great. They said my biopsy should be free or inexpensive (about $100) thanks to... something. xp I forget. National Cancer Foundation or something like that. xp
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:44 am
A lady called and woke me up early this morning to ask what my income is. I told her and she said she'd see what she can do and then call back. That was two hours ago. I hate waiting. xp
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 11:55 am
LorienLlewellyn A lady called and woke me up early this morning to ask what my income is. I told her and she said she'd see what she can do and then call back. That was two hours ago. I hate waiting. xp Oh, good luck with that! It would really be a bonus. Some of the tests I had cost a lot, even after insurance paid their part.
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:12 am
Still have not heard back from this lady, so I still don't have a biopsy scheduled. I'm not as scared as I was initially though, so that's good.
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:54 am
Just got off the phone with the lady. She doesn't say much, but she said she's trying to see what she can do for me financially. I don't work, so she was asking what my partner makes. She said I am "right on the line." I don't know if she meant right on the line between getting it free versus paying or right on the line of paying a little versus paying a lot. My partner makes enough for us both, but we don't really have much leftover once the bills are paid. I'm sure my father would help us out a bit too though, so I am not too worried about the financial aspect.
I only have one pill left to take for the bacterial infection. I'm still having some slight itching, so I'm a little scared that the infection won't clear up with this dose of medicine. I'm really hoping the infection goes away before the biopsy so that it won't be so uncomfortable. I guess I could just go back to the clinic though and have them check me again for an infection and delay my biopsy until it's all gone. I have my period now too, so I will see how everything feels when my period is done and my pills are all gone.
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 10:46 am
The lady called back to say my biopsy is October 21st. That might run into my period, so I might have to change it, but we'll see.
My mother said she had the biopsy done too, and it really hurt but only for a second. She also said that noncancerous breast lumps run in our family, so I might have to get a biopsy done for that at some point. They haven't found any lumps on me so far, but my grandmother, mother, and a few aunts have all had lumps. They went in for biopsies to be sure, but I guess none of them have been cancerous so far.
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:14 pm
LorienLlewellyn The lady called back to say my biopsy is October 21st. That might run into my period, so I might have to change it, but we'll see. My mother said she had the biopsy done too, and it really hurt but only for a second. She also said that noncancerous breast lumps run in our family, so I might have to get a biopsy done for that at some point. They haven't found any lumps on me so far, but my grandmother, mother, and a few aunts have all had lumps. They went in for biopsies to be sure, but I guess none of them have been cancerous so far. Good luck on the money thing. I hope the infection clears up real soon so you can have the biopsy. I think I had one a long time ago too, and it sort of pinched hard, but quick. Not so bad. Lump... that's good that you have benign lumps in the family! It's bothersome to have them checked, but reassuring that they are probably nothing to worry about.
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Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 2:44 pm
I'm not happy today! It's just a bad day for me in general, and now I itch and smell. So now I have to decide if I want to make another hour trip to the doctor to get another uncomfortable exam and possibly more of those nasty tasting bacterial infection pills before my biopsy.
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Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 10:08 am
LorienLlewellyn I'm not happy today! It's just a bad day for me in general, and now I itch and smell. So now I have to decide if I want to make another hour trip to the doctor to get another uncomfortable exam and possibly more of those nasty tasting bacterial infection pills before my biopsy. Take every opportunity to be safe, nasty tasting or not. Please.
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 1:29 pm
I knew my itching had to be either:
1. the same bacterial infection that just didn't go away after the medication or
2. a yeast infection caused by the bacterial infection pill.
So I went to Walmart and bought the Vagisil yeast infection test. It said I did have a yeast infection, so then I bought the Vagisil yeast infection pill. That was three or four days ago. Now I feel at least 95% better, so I'm hoping that helps my biopsy.
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Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 8:52 am
LorienLlewellyn I knew my itching had to be either: 1. the same bacterial infection that just didn't go away after the medication or 2. a yeast infection caused by the bacterial infection pill. So I went to Walmart and bought the Vagisil yeast infection test. It said I did have a yeast infection, so then I bought the Vagisil yeast infection pill. That was three or four days ago. Now I feel at least 95% better, so I'm hoping that helps my biopsy. Yay! Clever girl. We women have to really study our bodies, cause a lot of male doctors just don't think ahead. I ask mine a lot of questions, and sometimes they are surprised at what I ask... they never thought of it. rolleyes
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