Welcome to Gaia! ::

I apologize if there is already a thread on this. If you need to delete this it's ok.

A few questions for you all because I love to hear other people's stories: When did you first realize you were into bdsm? How did you first get into it? How did you have your first real life experience with it?

Keeping all answers PG 13 of course.

I think as a little kid I always liked being the one tied down or restrained when my friends and I would play together. No matter what we were playing I ended up being under the control of someone else, like being captured by the police officer, or if we were pretending to be animals I'd get captured, put in a cage, whipped at, or led around on a leash.

As I got older the games progressed and I recall being gagged and other such things. In middle school I'd bite my nails so far down that they would bleed because I like they way it felt. It didn't make a lot of connections for me until I discovered the internet at 14 (I'm only 17 and shake my head at 9 year olds glued to the computer. I want to tell them to go out side and play, but let's get back on track). After that I realized that hey, other people liked this stuff too. I was drawn into the goth-rock style as well and that lead to further expansion.

Now, being still young I'm finding more and more about the scene. The more I know the more I'm drawn to it. I'm still awaiting my first real experience.

I can't wait. I'm looking to find the right person first, someone who I can really trust.

There are so many things that play into who I am today so I'll try to be as brief as I can and if you want to know more details then just pm me.

My first realization that I was different than others was when I was in the 3rd grade. (yes a bit younger than most... heh.) I used to have a baby sitter that was male at the time. Now usually we just played outside or I would go to his house (across the street) or watch movies, but it was raining outside and cold so we stayed in doors. I didn't want to watch a movie so we played dress up. (more like i dressed up because none of my clothes would fit him or were even close to being something a boy would wear) In this game we were at a circus and he was the ring leader and I... well I was the best show they had. But what the crowd didn't know was the ring leader was "evil" (for a better word we'll stick with that) and he had a knife that he used to get me to do things. Because my deepest dream was to leave the circus and have a family. A true family. Now with a butter knife I told him all the things he would do with it such as put it to my throat or point it at me... etc. I think I even remember him "ripping my dress" with it... (oh well) and then I'd go change into something else in the bathroom. So my game was completely derived between control with orders and me following them even though I was the one spoon feeding him the orders.
After he had left and my mom had come home and I was supposed to be taking my nap I laid there thinking how sick I must be to want terrible things to actually happen to me like that. How could I be thinking such things? Others most likely do not think of their secret lover to be punishing you. Who would want to be punished like that in the first place? Thoughts whirled through my head.
Now I had grown up in a Christian home. That is we went to church every Sunday and I wasn't allowed to cuss one bit or back talk for that matter. But Christ has always kind of been distant in the actual home. Only dinner prayers were heard at special meals and bedtime prayer was only heard when I was younger than in 3rd grade. But still I had the thought that if I ever expressed my concern of myself that things wouldn't be good. You just never heard about wanting punishment. Love was always projected as peaceful, wholesome, and somewhat equal. Growing up in a Lutheran church there was always the preaching once a year as to how wives are to submit to their husbands. So I already had the idea that what ever my husband does I would stick with him. He was dominant over me and that's how things worked in God's eyes.
Years later when I was a sophomore in high school I met my best friend. She never even hid that she was in a M&S relationship with her current boyfriend. I was so suddenly drawn in. I asked her questions on how things worked and why they did what they did. How could she take punishment like that? And soon I knew what it was when I was little that I questioned so badly. I suddenly and openly knew I was a Sub as well as she was a switch. Ever since I've known who I was and with her being a PK she was able to help me understand God's perspective on such a relationship.

I got into it through friends and different things. I live in a close-minded house and went to a close-minded school. But I also think it was through books. The dark seduction of "vampires" and dark stories. The romantic parts of the seduction as well. One of my boyfriends was two years older and learned about bdsm and sparked my interest in it. With boyfriend number two, he cares a lot and yet has the wonderful dark side of bdsm interest and everything. I just say dark side because it's different then the side my parents and people around me prefer.

I've also loved serving and pleasing others. Not in like a perverted way. But I'm the type that wants everyone happy and stuff. I just found with bdsm that I could submit and serve and trust my partner completely.

I don't know that I can pinpoint any "epiphany" moment. I certainly wouldn't have decided, as a child, because my childhood was violent, abusive, and mostly unpleasant. There's nothing appealing about being on the receiving end of non-consensual stuff.

Unlike most of you, who seem to discover BDSM as teenagers, I'm from an earlier generation. It wasn't until the mid-1990s that BDSM became more known, via the internet. By this time, I was already married and expecting my first child. smile Shortly after he was born, though, a friend invited me to an alternative club, one of the first such clubs in the city in which we lived. It was poorly run, and I learned a lot of stuff that I later had to unlearn. However, it introduced me to the scene, I made some wonderful friends, and learned that I'm kinky. So that was somewhere around the middle of the 90s.

I started out as a Domme. At that first club, one of the Doms (I know now that he was a truly pathetic excuse for one, but still) tried to intimidate me. I put him in his place very soundly, which caused him to slink off into a corner and a bunch of people to laugh at him, "Don't try to dom a Domme!" I was given a nickname that night and welcomed to the community.

I do, actually, have a strong personality, and he's not the last Dom that I've told off for inappropriate behavior. "Don't touch without permission" is a biggie for me. Yet for all the years that I called myself a Domme (and I had submissives), I never considered myself one. However, I couldn't find *my* Dominant. Three years ago, I did. I'm not a Dominant. I belong to Khunn.

As a child I was raised on horror movies, and to this day I am still questioning how every other kid was watching "Bambi" while I was watching "Chucky". I need to ask my mother this one day,... Anyways! I was always drawn to them. Even when watching cartoons I would live for the odd violent scenes. I just thought this was normal behavior.
One day I was on the Internet [ It always starts with the internet. I swear] and typed in ' Dragonball Z'. Now I had no clue that the safe search was off. Now I was a kid. I didn't know what Goku was doing to Bulma at that time. I ended up looking up more, finding out when hentai was, ect.

Now the interesting part begins. I was in the seventh grabe when a female girl dressed in pure black ran up to me. Put a collar around my next, with a leash mind you! and nicknamed me slave. I swear, true story. I have people to back me up. Within the three years I had spent with her I decided that I loved being 'slave'. Fallowing her and others orders. But you know I just never thought anything of it until later years.

In my second year of high school I met a girl named Amanda who gave these amazing back massages. Now I had asked her in the past for some but I was feeling stressed. So she ended up sharpening her nails and digging them in to my skin until my back was gone. A few months later she used a razor blade in the same manner. I just loved it [ Still do]. I was confused at this point. Hurt because I thought I was a freak and afraid if I told anyone then I would lose my friends.
Luckily I met my first Dom [ Er well, he switched sometimes]. We had been dating for awhile when one day I came to his house, walk in to his room then thrown down on the ground. When I looked up it was just him in a Gasmask, holding me down. I was more shocked. I had no clue what to do and I panicked. Lucky for me we had a long conversation about such things later. Finally everything made scenes. I was starting to learn and felt alot more relaxed about who I was.

I still am shaky but it's one of those things I can't help. I still don't have alot of information but everyday I learn more.That's my odd story. But ja I have much to still learn.