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 Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:52 pm
Do I matter? I mean...I'm worthless.
At least, thats how I feel.
My 9yr old cousin throws CHAIRS at me. Or anything he can get his hands on.
My own MOM doesn't want me around.
My own aunt doesnt want me around.
I'm always depressed. I wake up and g2 sleep wanting 2 die.
I'm ugly.
I'm failing at school.
I have all of 3 friends. (Not counting those online, not rly friends..Cuz I dont have many friends online)
I hate HATE my ******** life.
So, the question is, Do I matter?
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:36 pm
whenever this question poises itself on my friends' lips, i always respond the same way:
are you ******** kidding me?
i try not to swear, but come on. your life may suck, but there's got to be something good in it. friends (or at least the ones i know of and the kind i try to be) are people that you feel comfortable around, whether or not you've met them or not. the only kind of real friend is someone that tries to make you feel loved or at least liked. if all of your friends, or even just a few of them, feel this way towards you, think of how much of an insult your saying that is. we try to make you happy, but you just turn in our faces and say "do i matter?". god damn right, you matter.
i could get talking on "true purposes" and metaphysics here, but that's not the sort of thing to say right now.
jazzy, dark, whatever your name actually is (whether or not you've told us), i'm here to simply state that you matter.
i'm sorry if this comes across as mean or demeaning (as i've been told this rant does before), but i believe people should have at least some self value. if you don't think well of yourself, neither will other people.
don't die, jazzy. don't kill yourself and don't get knocked on the head with a projectile chair. whether or not everybody loves you, there is someone. you're going through rough times, i get that. but it is just times.
if you ever need someone to talk to, i am here (haha, right after i yelled at you). seriously. i don't want you fading away.
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:02 pm
There's not much I can say but to agree with Heph.
Things may seem tough at the minute, but they will improve, nothing lasts forever good or bad, and although everything seems terrible right now they will improve.
It doesn't matter if you only have 3 friends, as long as they are close friends. I'd rather have three close friends who I know I can trust, and who make me feel happy, then fifteen false ones who b***h about you the minute your back is turned.
And I know what I've said may not seem particularly useful, but I've never been in a situation like yours, just remember however crazy things seem they will improve.
Of course you matter.
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 2:23 pm
I know you've been going through a hard time lately. I really feel for you. I promise things will get better if you can just survive through this time in your life. And you do matter.
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 5:31 am
When I was severely depressed, this is how I was able to snap out of it:
Before I would always go for entertainment to rid myself of sadness or try to sleep it off... or just think about it and write about it. I would do anything I can not to be sad. But the truth is avoiding the feelings by thoughts or trying to have 'too much fun' was just worsening the situation.
The truth of the matter is, I needed to be sad to realize something was wrong. I needed to suffer. Instead of telling people about it, I let my body feel all the s**t I needed to feel. I just let myself suffer. But then when it was all over, I actually started to feel a bit better and I started doing more positive things for myself and making better choices slowly as I really began to realize that life was worth living. It's a work in progress every day though.
You can also picture a shower washing bad feelings away sometimes. Like imagine the negative feelings as caked onto your body and the water can wash it away. That visualization helps me tons.
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 5:38 am
You might be living 'too much in your head.'
Try to drum on things, get your body back into a physical sense of rhythm. When you dance to a really good song you like it's hard to stay sad.
Thinking is good when you need to use it, but sometimes due to modern living we have lots of thoughts that are pretty useless and kind of only serve to make us feel down because they lead to nowhere and are not true.
Like when you explained the bad stuff that happened, you weren't living in the present moment (what it requires to be happy) ... you were focused on the past, or being too worried about the future will lead to the same thing. Try to live in the present moment more. Just enjoy things for their own experience. I know it might be hard to follow this advice when you are depressed, as we all innately hate being told what to do. But just know that you are supported and of course you're not worthless, silly lol.
Just think about it though, by explaining the bad stuff that went on it's like your body was reliving it. I do the same thing if I talk about bad stuff that happened at Starr. It can help release negative emotions sometimes but a lot of the time I'm just like being a 'phantom ghost' and not realizing that the situation is happened, it's over with, so what good is it to torture myself by reliving it over and over again? More bad things will happen, but so will good things... if I just remember that I can live in the here and now.
And remember you can help yourself a lot too by helping other people! A good friend of mine just told me that people tend to become sad if they focus too much inward. If they focus outward, they tend to become happier. If you're naturally introverted like Robin or myself this can be a bit difficult but try it! I sing a song to my parents sometimes (even if they don't want to hear it) because it makes me happier.
(((hugs))))
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Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 8:36 pm
you're a teenager right? sorry to sound rude but get over it.
i get the same feelings.
i'm a chronic depressant. and it isn't easy. i understand how you feel
whether or not you have my mental problem it's probably a hormone imbalance which is veeeery common. you can't let it get to you.
don't make a stupid choice no matter how right it seems at the time, you could survive and hurt more people than just yourself.
i don't know you and i'm not always online but you need some one to talk to and you can talk to me. awkward or not.
it helps to talk to someone unrelated to the problem to complain at.
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Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:51 pm
Silverpyro19 you're a teenager right? sorry to sound rude but get over it. i get the same feelings. i'm a chronic depressant. and it isn't easy. i understand how you feel whether or not you have my mental problem it's probably a hormone imbalance which is veeeery common. you can't let it get to you. don't make a stupid choice no matter how right it seems at the time, you could survive and hurt more people than just yourself. i don't know you and i'm not always online but you need some one to talk to and you can talk to me. awkward or not. it helps to talk to someone unrelated to the problem to complain at. I'm a chronic depressant too. I am almost always depressed. Thanks guys. I'm glad ya'll are there for me. and, yea..it's a little beter for me, now..but i've got guy issues...So, i'm dealing.... and btw, sorrY i havent been on lately. New house...no net...lol Thanks guys!!
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