Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ok. This is another game that the Cap and I talked about that we thought would be fun. This is also from "Whose line is it Anyway?". In this game, someone will give out a random theme and everyone just says anything that comes into your mind about the thyme, typically one liners.

Ok, Theme for the week, since I'm starting it, will be "Bad Acceptance Speeches". This is Political, educational, or whatever.

I guess I will start it off. With the election tomorrow, I'll make mine political for now.

"I thank you for electing me President. And to my astemed opponent, I'm better then you are, na na de na na"

"I would like to say something to the little people that got me here. SCREW YOU MAGGETS. Your souls are now mine! WA HA HA HA HA HA."

"I thank you for electing me President of the ..... What? OH MY GOD! WHAT DO WE DO? WE'RE GOING TO DIE!"

Your turn.

Ok. New topic. (Sorry it's late. I've been at work)

This weeks topic is "Worlds Worst Pick Up Lines".

(a famous one) My names rick and on the Ricktor Scale, your an 11.
I hope you have room for me at your place tonight.
Hey baby, lets go fool around before I pass out.

someone tried this one on me. its waay too long. lol
can i show you a problem thats been bugging me? *grabs girls hand*
*points to one point* this is mr bunny *points to another point* this is mrs. bunny *traces line down hand with finger* this is a river. now mr bunny wants to get to mrs bunny on the other side. how does he do it?
*girl says she doesnt know and asks guy for answer* hell i fi know, i just wanted to hold your hand.

im pretty sure it was both lol.
another time this guy combined fifteen or so. unfortunately i cant remember it. lol

Sorry I didn't post on this yesterday, I've been working a lot lately.

So here's the new scene for everyone. Since it's almost Turkey Day here in the USA, the new scene is "Family Diner Conversations you Don't Want to Have". Have fun with this one.

"Com-here and pull my finger"
"Well, this year I'm thankful for the police letting attend thanksgiving diner."
"We're not cooking this year, we're going to IHOP (The International House of Pancakes )"

"COLONEL TRAUTMAN, I DID IT" Rambo on First Blood (watch Rocky II and you will get the joke).

"Luke, ich bin dein Vatter.
"NEIN!!!"
(i know that technically he said it, but it wouldve been funnier in german. )

So, no one wanted to try last weeks.
OK, before I post the next theme, here are two taglines I saw on some posters that came into the theater today.

2 guys, 300 girls, you do the math - Fired Up (sounds like a porno to me)
It wants to be born now - The Unborn

Ok, now back to the new.
This weeks theme is "Funny Moments in History". (could be real or fake, I don't care. most of these are fake.)

1( Black Eyed Peas
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Contents
* 1 General Information
* 2 Members
* 3 Appearance
* 4 Drama
* 5 Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish


General Information

The Black Eyed Peas were formed in 48751 B.C when will.i.aren't met Fergie. According to avid BEP fans, the fateful meeting occurred when Will's obese pet chihuahua spotted Fergie and began avidly dry humping her leg. Fergie was delighted, and the Black Eyed Peas were born. Those other members of the band all joined later(c'mon, all of you KNOW you just look at Fergie's tits ewwww...Fergie in the videos...) It is a little known fact that all of the members of the Black Eyed Peas are chefs. They were catapulted to stardom in 2003 with their breakthrough single Where is the Glove?, a song about losing and finding oven gloves (Ove Gloves to be exact). In a recent interview, Fergie admitted that the more recent single My Humps is actually about making muffins, not boobs. To the despair of teenaged perverts everywhere, she went on to announce that she is actually a lesbian. All they can do now is hope that she goes Paris Hilton and makes a video....
[edit] Members

The current members of the Black Eyed Peas are:

* Will.i.aint
* Salad.fingers.
* Cheese.fondue.
* Princess Fergie
* John Howard
* Ronald McDonald
* George W. Bush
* Ryan Curry
* Osama Bin Laden

Appearance
this man may or may not be will.i.am..
this man may or may not be will.i.am..
....but this is definitely probably him.
....but this is definitely probably him.
Drama

In 1994, Bill Clinton left the Black Eyed Peas because he did not inhale and the rest of the band were forcing him to have sexual relations with a water pipe. He left amid allegations of sodomy and went on to form his own band, the Democrats, whose blend of 90's Taiwanese pop-punk ensured their ongoing failure.

In 1998, Bob the Giraffe left the band, citing musical differences. Much name-calling and threats of a lawsuit surrounded his departure, however, in an exclusive massage interview with CNN journalist Tim Cracker, Fergie admitted that the band agreed to kick Bob out because he liked the kittens a bit too much. Bob responded with a press release in which he noted that the combination of will.i.am's clothes and kittens were just too much for him. Shortly after this conference he was seen to stare fixedly at the camera before running out of the building screaming "HOLY s**t A GIANT SLOTH". He has not been seen since.
[edit] Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish

In my research for this article, I have noticed that there are 3 types of BEP fan:

a.) The fan who buys the CD hoping there will be softcore porn photos of Fergie in the booklet, á la Britney Spears.
b.) See a.)
c.) The fan who truly believes that his heart has been phunked by the sound of several thousand synthesizers going at once, and buys the CD for pure musical reasons. This is the type of person also known to have freckles on their palms, and be inclined to compulsive masturbation. )

2 ( Druid
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This is to be an explanation to the overly intelligent whom think they know everything and really know nothing. Druids and Celtic Druids are two completely separate things and both will be explained.
[edit] The Druid

Druid's were believed to be users of Magick involving nature, and believed to have constructed Stone Henge with an ancient set of Lincoln Logs, obviously made of stone, hence STONE Henge and not WOOD Henge to the over anylitical. No one is aware, to this day, exactly who the Druids were or what exactly they were doing.

These conceptions are Farce, the Druid's had nothing to do with Magick or the Arcane, they were in fact a group of homosexual artists. The name Druid is derived from the words Drew-It. They prided themselves on the fact that if it existed, then they have drawn it.

Due to this artistic goal they were considered Hermits or Nomads for the fact that they travelled a lot to find new things to draw. Their hair and beards were always long and their robes tattered due to a complete lack in personal grooming and hygiene. When asked why they didn't take better care of them selves the only answer they would give is "I don't have time with all the drawing I have to do, and if I don't report back with some new and incredible artwork then I will not get my Blessing in the way of a good Spanking."

One of the more famous Druids known as Draanidall, was world famous on the things he found in the world to draw that no one else could come close to. Like his own personal forest. Pictured below. It was later learned that he just had a vivid imagination and made up everything that he had documented, due to this recourse all the history books for the years between 301 AD to 746 AD had to be stricken from the record since he had been the primary artist for those years.

There are modern day druids. Dr. Thomas Daffern is a good example; he believes he is over 7000 years old and can often be found dancing round Stonehenge stark bollock naked singing "Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead." He taught in a secondary school in Poole,UK where he completely ******** up the pupils education until he was fired for being a [goon].
[edit] The Celtic Druid

The Celtic Druid, Dryad for short are the other form of Druid. Though they have not been around as long as the original Druid the impact that they have made on earth is huge.

There are a few rules to becoming a Dryad, first you have to be old, and second you have to be a virgin. The Dryads believe that man in a curse laid upon mother nature, and reproduction of this curse should be outlawed. So in their belief it is the mother earth that chooses whether or not a new human (partially anyway) child should be allowed to be born.

The male Dryad must insert his genitalia into a knotted hole in a tree and pollinate the tree with his human life source. Then mother earth will decide whether or not it is worthy of bearing an offspring, and the tree will lower a new baby child, who in turn immediately eats his father, for two reasons; one so that there is not an added effect to the curse, keeping the number of people always balanced, and second by eating the body of an ancestor the Dryads believe that all the knowledge derived will be transferred.

If mother Earth doesn't find the male Dryad to be worthy of bearing her children then the hole in the tree that he is fornicating with will become overly infested with bee's. After which the first sting will cause the males gland to swell to a point that he may not remove it from the hole and is destined to be stung until the mother earth decided he has been tortured enough.

The new children are not entirely human and one day will outnumber the real humans, and eventually destroy them all. Thus removing the curse from mother earth.

The life of a Dryad is not one to be taken lightly, only the most devout, or biggest losers in life may attain to become one due to the fact that you must be a really old virgin to be accepted. Some of our most famous Dryads today include Bill Gates, Gary Colman, and Hillary Clinton.

The life expectations of a Dryad may seem bleak, only being able to have sex with a tree that may sprout bee's to torture your manhood, or in the slim chance you are found worthy and get to finish the job you get eaten by your own baby. )

3 (Linus Torvalds
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Linus Torvalds.

“At least i can afford glasses.”

~ Bill Gates on Linus Torvalds

For the mythological deity, see ancient Geece.


The proof is in the pudding.
The proof is in the pudding.

Torvalds is a self-admitted foreigner to US soil and a known Communist seeking to undermine the foundation of western society by giving away software that he should rightfully charge hundreds of dollars for, were he a true-blooded American and not some Finnish pinko commie b*****d.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 Conception Inception
* 2 theft@work
* 3 Not In My Back Yard
* 4 Version History
* 5 More Quotable Quotes

[edit] Conception Inception
A soviet stamp depicting Linus Torvalds.
A soviet stamp depicting Linus Torvalds.

“Why yes, I am God. I just assume the appearance of a fat b*****d so I can relate to the common peasant. Actually, just like everything else, I stole the idea from Richard Stallman.”

~ Linus Torvalds on himself

Though few are aware of it, Linus Torvalds — self-annointed King of the Free Software movement — is himself a product of free culture.

Early work on Torvalds began in January of 1969 in Helsinki, Finland. All production was done free of charge, using readily available biological materials and unskilled labour . Version 1.0 was released to the public on December 28, 1969.

System developers blamed the failure to meet the original 9 month project deadline as arising from bugs that thwarted primary programming efforts. Early partnerships failed to produce any useable code. However, a concerted group effort finally produced a viable Torvalds after a month-long bug squashing party later dubbed "March Madness". Though successful, it made it difficult to establish which programmers could claim responsibility for actual parentage.

Torvalds, the first open source project programmed with both the freewill and the (highly controversial) hahamypowerisunlimited subroutines, eventually broke free from his creators and infiltrated the United States by exploiting the gaping holes in network security common at the time.
[edit] theft@work

“I worked very hard on creating a name that would appeal to the majority of people, and it certainly paid off: thousands of people are using Linus ...er, Linux just to be able to say 'Windows? Hah. I've got Linus!' Uhm, Linux.”

~ Linus Torvalds on Linus Linux

A self-appointed leader, Torvalds publicly refers to himself as a benevolent dictator who will abdicate "the day people think Linux would be better served by somebody else". However, it is common knowledge that he left the severed head of a carrot in the bed of the last person who dared challenge him for authority.

Torvalds coordinates his erosion of the free developed world with the assistance of a shadowy group of hackers, who communicate only by email and develop their offensive, anti-capitalistic venture on company time. Representatives of IBM and Hewlett-Packard vehemently denied this, but an inside source provided information that a number of top executives had received anonymous letters containing carrot greens.
Torvalds: Squatting on capitalism
Torvalds: Squatting on capitalism

Torvalds and his rogue developers also use a software development technology called git, though it is widely rumoured that none of the Torvalds group actually know what the name stands for or how the software works, but are afraid to ask for fear of being called "stupid gits".
[edit] Not In My Back Yard

“Which mindset is right? Mine, of course. People who disagree with me are, by definition, crazy ...until I change my mind, when they can suddenly become upstanding citizens. I'm flexible, and not black-and-white.”

~ Linus Torvalds on himself

The Government of Finland has publicly stated that Torvalds is not a citizen of their country, and that the widely held belief that he is a Finnish programmer stems from a misprint in a 1992 article by journalist d**k Hertz which appeared in The San Francisco Chronicle.

Officials argue that the correct article text was "finish programmer"—a reference to Torvalds' tendency to do little actual work, but show up at the last minute and take credit for everything.

Ongoing controversy rages on that Linus Torvalds did not, in fact, invent Linux, but simply programmed himself into it as a Low-Level Device Driver. This seems to be verified by even casual observation, given the bloated nature of the kernel, which like Torvalds himself expands ever-larger year after year.


[edit] Version History
Year Release Details
1969 1.0 First public issue.
1979 1.5 Change log: Gut 0.91 beta added and Butt 1.5.0 code increased by 50% over original spec.
1988 2.0 Torvalds is sent to the University of Helsinki for reprogramming. His Ego subroutine rebels and Torvalds reprogams the University in his own image instead.
1991 3.0 Linus begins to further blur the distinction between man and code, as he re-releases himself to the public as "the programmer formerly known as Linus" or, simply Linux.
1993 3.2 Significant new additions: Breasts 1.0.0.
1994 3.21 Linus kisses a girl (disputed). No alcohol was involved (disputed). Someone writes a parody book called "Torvalds Tags a Tove" and releases it on the Internet (apocryphal).
1996 4.0 Tovalds' biography / instruction manual "Linux: A Portable Operating System" is published by University of Helsinki Press, allegedly at gunpoint.
2010 5.0 Linus finds ways to make everyone's mind open source, and subsequently conquers Earth.
[edit] More Quotable Quotes

“An infinite number of monkeys typing into GNU Emacs would never make a good program... except for MS Paint, of course. That's a keeper.”

~ Linus Torvalds on programming )
eek

4 for all Microsoft Haters (Bill Gates
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bill Gates.

“In america you work computer, In soviet union computer works you!!”

~ Russian Reversal on computers

“How can a guy with that much money not afford contacts?”

~ Linus Torvalds on Bill Gates' three-inch thick specs

Bill demonstrating the latest version of the BSoD in Windows Vista.
Bill demonstrating the latest version of the BSoD in Windows Vista.

William gey Gates III.I (October 31, 1955), also known as Bill nerd! Gates, is an obsolete x86 microprocessor with 640K of L1 cache which runs MS-DOS. He is extremely rich and one of the biggest nerds ever. This guy is such a pervert, he started his own personal computer company back in 1975 of which he was, until 20008, the "executive chairman" (or "head nerd"). He is the company's largest shareholder with 8% of the stock. As of 1995, he has been noted as being the richest man alive with an estimated net worth of over a sch'zillion f'lillion k'willion dollars.

Aside from being very rich and nerdy, Gates is also a philanthropist. Over the course of twenty years, Gates has donated over $120 billion[1] to various organizations, including the United Negro College Fund and NAMBLA. In 2005, People Magazine named him "Sexiest Nerd Alive", and later that same year, he was voted #9 on Rolling Stone Magazine's list of the 50 greatest inventors, beating out the guy who invented cheese and the guy who invented the machine that puts all of those "Dole" stickers on all the Dole bananas.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 Early life
* 2 Microsoft
o 2.1 Monopoly
o 2.2 Money
* 3 Personal Life
o 3.1 Brother's Death
o 3.2 Autobiography
* 4 Trivia
* 5 Quotes
* 6 Citations

[edit] Early life
The young Bill Gates, hatching his great master plan involving softwear, copyright law and squillions of dollars.
The young Bill Gates, hatching his great master plan involving softwear, copyright law and squillions of dollars.
Bill Gates discovers that women, unlike computers, do not accept 3.5 inch floppies. Yes, you got it. We made a joke about his p***s.
Bill Gates discovers that women, unlike computers, do not accept 3.5 inch floppies. Yes, you got it. We made a joke about his p***s.

Bill Gates was born in Seattle, Washington to William H. Gates Jr. and Mary Maxwell Gates. Bill Gates has also have been known as the ruler of the world. And Have been trying to destroy the Mac company for over 20 years. Both of his parents were very successful in their own right, his father being an assassin and his mother being an unaccomplished bank robber. He had some siblings, all of which were either assassin`d or were killed in a bank robbery.

He attended the most prestigious preparatory school in Washington as a youth where he developed his interest in computers. As a child, Gates was also in the Boy Scouts, where he achieved the second highest rank, "Asshat". HE later then recieved the "Get a Hobby Badge"

Bill Gates got an unimpressive 420 on his SATs. He enrolled at Harvard University in the fall of 1973, intending to get a pre-law degree. While at Harvard, he met his future business partner, Steve Ballmer. At the same time, he co-authored and published a 780-page review paper on Star Trek: The Animated Series, calling it a "disappointment" and "boring".[2]

Below is a comprehensive list of all versions of Bill Gates.


Release date Version Analysis
October 1955 Baby Gates 0.01 Crap. Literally. Tons of it.
August 1959 Baby Gates TE (Toddler Edition) 3.5 ERROR_SERVICE_REQUES crying IMEOUT 1053 0x41D.
June 1973 Teen Gates 17.5 Pale screen of death.
May 1990 Gates 45.0 Rich.
February 2008 Gates 53.1 ***** Rich.
[edit] Microsoft

Gates left Harvard to demonstrate one of his prototype BASIC interpreters for Micro Instrumentation and Telemetry Systems, a new computer company that had launched one of the first microcomputers, HAL 9000. After a successful demonstration and product launch, Gates founded Microsoft to the dismay of Earth.

In 1981, IBM awarded a contract to Microsoft. On November 20, 1985, Microsoft released its first retail version of Microsoft Windows, originally a graphical extension for its pathetic MS-DOS operating system.

In 1989, Microsoft introduced its most sinister office product, Microsoft Office. Microsoft Office was a bundle of separate applications, such as Microsoft Word and Microsoft Excel. On May 22, 1990 Microsoft launched Windows 3.0. The new version of Microsoft's operating system boasted such new features as more memory leaks and faster loading of the BSoD for the Intel 386 processor; it sold over 10,000,000 copies in two weeks.
Microsoft's success continued from there. Below is a comprehensive list of all versions of Windows released by Microsoft.
How Bill Gates rules subspace and cyberspace
How Bill Gates rules subspace and cyberspace
Release date Version Analysis
June 1985 Windows 1.01 Horrible.
August 1986 Windows 1.03 What a piece of crap.
Dec. 1987 Windows 2.03 See above.
June 1988 Windows 2.1 Lame.
May 1990 Windows 3.0 WTF?
April 1992 Windows 3.1 3.1, new and still crappy!
October 1992 Windows For Workgroups 3.1 ********. 1993 Microsoft Bob childish as ******** 1993 Windows NT 3.1 Meh.
Nov. 1993 Windows For Workgroups 3.11 sucks balls and What the hell is a "workgroup"?
Sept. 1994 Windows NT 3.5 BULLSHIT! Sucks.
Nov. 1994 Windows NT 3.51 Windows 3.5 for the 1337.
August 1995 Windows 95 Finally something good!!
Sept. 1996 Windows NT 4.0 piece of dogshit!
June 1998 Windows 98 one word - Shite.
Feb. 2000 Windows 2000 sucks and the first one with bsod(dumb a** idea![3]).
July 2000 Windows Me See above.
October 2001 Windows XP Pwns
April 2003 Windows Server 2003 who the hell thought of this!?.
Nov. 2006 Windows Vista looks ugly really ******** up!
Oct. 9999 Windows 7 Based on MinWin, which is just like DOS but with an ASCII-art logo.


Of the three who founded Microsoft, one of them died, leaving all of his shares to Paul Allen, who in turn got cancer and handed over his 97% of the shares to Bill Gates. That is the truth of how Bill Gates, because he got it from a sick friend who inherited a ton of shares from a dead guy, became the arbitrary leader of Microsoft.
[edit] Monopoly
An early logo for Microsoft.
An early logo for Microsoft.

In 1998, Bill Gates started a game of Monopoly with Sun Microsystems chairman Scott McNealy and Netscape CEO Jim Clark. Gates quickly took control of Boardwalk and Park Place and from then on, dominated the game, quickly driving Clark to bankruptcy. According to McNealy and Clark, Gates repeatedly engaged in shady business dealings throughout the game, such as forcing them to buy copies of Internet Explorer whenever they landed on his properties, making interest-free loans to himself while acting as banker, and arguing that McNealy and Clark shouldn't get any money when they landed on free parking since it wasn't in the official rule book, even though everyone always plays that way. Also, he took the little hat piece even though Jim Clark always plays the little hat and even called it first.

An anti-trust case was filed against Gates. The initial ruling found against Microsoft and ordered him to surrender his Death Star and to sell off either Tatooine or Endor, and to go to jail, directly to jail, without passing Go or collecting 200 dollars for his T13 sand speeder. However, the ruling was later reversed.

Bill gates is filthy rich.
[edit] Money

Rich ********. Perhaps you don't realize just how rich of a ********] You should be wearing a monocle while reading this. It's true that only twelve nations in the world are richer than Gates. Doubt him and he'll crush you with his 1,000 gigapound wallet. Then he'll smack you with an Xbox 360 and take a dump on your head. Bill Gates can stand on his wallet and be taller than Godzilla.

Also, keep in mind that Bill Gates was, as of 2006, declared to be officially richer than God. As a matter of fact, from the moment that you started reading this article up to now, Bill Gates has become exactly USD$ (Insert impossibly high number here) richer than God; that means he has hired another 100,034,090 rent boys. Now stop reading, the ******** is getting richer. And richer.
[edit] Personal Life

One knows nothing about Bill Gates until one learns the sad story of his personal life.[5]

Gates married Melinda French of Dallas, Texas on the first of January in 1994, right before he became a billionaire[6]. They have three little nerds together. In October of 1997, Gates had a love affair with his old friend Samuel Hansen. His wife never found out. Sometimes, Gates still sneaks out of the house at night to go to Sam's house. When Microsoft 98 came out, he created a computerized voice called Microsoft Sam in dedication to his butt buddy.

Gates' house is one of the most expensive houses in the world, and is a modern 21st century earth-sheltered home in the side of a hill made of solid children overlooking Lake Washington in Medina, Washington. According to King County public records, as of 2006, the total assessed value of the property (land and house) is $toomuchforyoutobuy, and the annual property tax is just under $1,600.
Bill Gates' mug-shot shortly after being wrongly arrested for the death of his own brother.
Bill Gates' mug-shot shortly after being wrongly arrested for the death of his own brother.
[edit] Brother's Death

Bill's younger brother, Dave, was one of the first employees of Microsoft. While his brother worked away his nights on creating the first computer, Dave spent his time playing text adventures on their father's Sinclair. On a fateful night in 1993, Bill came into the room while David was doing this, and thereby discovered that the box he had previously thought to be a plaque commemorating the end of the civil war was in fact a computer which had therefore already been invented rendering his hard work of 10 years completely useless.

Enraged, he murdered David on the spot, buried his body and later claimed that he had gone missing while they were on a hiking trip. Mary Gates actually found David's corpse the next day since his arm was sticking out from the ground between the radish patches in the garden. He was given a proper Catholic burial which, as very few people know, involves posting an ad the next day stating that the deceased person has gone missing.

An investigation by police led to the arrest of Gates for the murder of his own brother. During the trial, in an event shrouded in mystery, an odd transaction of money from Gates' checking account went to the account of the presiding judge, Judge Hawthorne of the Washington Courts, and Gates was subsequently dismissed of all charges and the death was ruled as a suicide. Gates has since then openly confessed to killing him. In honor of his brother Bill named his first operating system Windows NT. Though his brother would've probably preferred it if Bill simply wouldn't have killed him.
[edit] Autobiography
Bill and his wife, Bill.
Bill and his wife, Bill.
Bill Gates wrote his autobiography, "Things I Can't Buy" in 2000. The book currently holds the record for world's shortest book, and it reached number one on the book charts and stubbornly refused to move, even after heartfelt talks with its mother and an offer of a healthy retirement sum. It is reported that the book's popularity was mainly due to Bill Gates himself buying out every copy as it was printed.

Reviews

Wow that was crapper than Vista! I didn't know he couldn't spell!, Steve Jobs

I agree with steve... I could of got a new pair of glasses for the price of that s*@!., Bono

"WTF???" Google guys
[edit] Trivia

* Gates has stated some of his favorite hobbies:

* Painting pictures of Linus Torvalds in various death scenes, using MS Paint.
* Amateur HAM radio (Co-sign: Big Willy).
* Watching what you do online, as stated in the Windows End User License Agreement.
* Swimming naked in a pool of Xbox 360s.
* Ironing his money.
* Watching his Monkey Boy dance.
* Trying to fix Vista (which no man on earth can).
* Playing with his floppy disk and hard drive.

* Bill Gates, in an interview with "Rich Weekly", stated: "I like to think that for every blue screen the Windows system has shown, I earn $0.001." Some have argued that is where his wealth came from.
* He is an open Scientologist.
* Bill Gates does not have a moustache like Joseph Stalin.
* Bill Gates son did not appear in the 1987 movie "The Gate"

nope, thats not Bill Gates Jr.
nope, thats not Bill Gates Jr.
[edit] Quotes

“Source code? You can't handle the source code!”

~ Bill Gates on source code.

Bill Gates' giving a speech to a Harvard class.
Bill Gates' giving a speech to a Harvard class.

“Security? You don't need security. I'M watching you.”

~ Bill Gates on This Guy Named Ted's computer usage

“Now delete the file that makes it all work...”

~ Bill Gates on the file that makes it all work.

“Monopoly's a game [Senator]. I'm trying to control the ******** world.”

~ Bill Gates on accusations of monopoly.

“Personally, I have at least forty-nine of these I know about.”

~ Bill Gates on billion dollar bills.

“I wash it with Kleenex.”

~ Bill Gates on Windows.

“No one will ever need more than 640K of memory for a personal computer.”

~ Bill Gates on memory during a 1992 IBM meeting.

“The Internet is not compatible with Internet Explorer.”

~ Bill Gates on the internet.

“I like the color green.”

~ Bill Gates

“I think he's great.”

~ Bill Gates on Alan Sugar

“Yeah, Microsoft Sam and I are tight. We go way back.”

~ Bill Gates

[edit] Citations

1. ↑ Exactly 0.008% of his total moneys.
2. ↑ It really sucked.
3. ↑ obviously, the correct behavior would be to simply shut down and leave you confuse. Damn, why don't they understand this!
4. ↑ Really rich.
5. ↑ A biography on the life of Bill Gates.
6. ↑ Perfect timing, or a sinister money hungry witch?)