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 Posted: Wed Nov 05, 2008 10:13 am
51 Things Emmett Is Not Allowed To Do (For Any Reason)
by the indifferent child of earth
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Emmett Cullen is not allowed to:
1. Spread rumors that the reason why Edward never had a girlfriend before Bella is because he is gay...
2. ...And that he has a crush on Jasper...
3. ...or Carlisle
4. Tell Alice that pink really isn't her color
5. Attempt to juggle with Esme's china
6. Tell Bella that if she jumped from a great height Edward would have to change her
7. Microwave Peeps...
8. ...and leave them in Jasper's favorite book
9. Call Bella's mom and tell her "The baby's doing okay" and that Bella and Edward asked him to be godfather
10. Snap his fingers in 'Z' formation
11. Use the phrase "Uh-uh. Gir-Rl puh-lease."
12. Snap his fingers in 'Z' formation while using the phrase "Uh-uh. Gir-Rl puh-lease."
13. In fact, Emmett is not even allowed to think about snapping his fingers in 'Z' formation, saying "Uh-uh. Gir-Rl puh-lease," or doing both at the same time
14. Try and start a nudist colony in a school bathroom...
15. ...and invite the teachers giving him detention/trying to get him to put his clothes back on to join...
16. ...and then tell the Guidance Counselor that Rosalie's hair told him to do it
17. Paint Edward's Volvo tie-dye...
18. ...and then say it was Bella's idea
19. Sing any songs generally associated with Gwen Stefani...
20. ...or Britney Spears
21. Sing "Ninety-nine bottles of grizzly blood on the wall.."
22. Furthermore, he not allowed to sing. Period.
23. Wear a tu-tu and tell everyone to call him Princess Butterfly
24. Liberate (i.e. steal) every pet in town...
25. ...and then sell them back to their owners...
26. ...after shaving them and glueing sequins on them
27. Attempt to turn inanimate objects, such as pieces of fruit, into vampires
28. Claim aforementioned 'vampire fruit' as his army of loyal minions...
29. ...and try to get them to attack Jasper...
30. ...then throw the 'vampire fruit'/army of loyal minions at Jasper when they do not attack
31. Call Carlisle 'Gramps'...
32. ...especially after Carlisle tells him to turn off his crappy music
33. Steal Rosalie's stuffed animals and make X-rated movies with them
34. Steal all of Alice's left socks, fill them with rocks and throw them in a river
35. Run through the school naked with "Momma's boy" written on his chest in whipped cream
36. Make subtle inneundos about Edward's sexual repression
37. Make obvious innuendos about Edward's sexual repression
38. Burst into tears and run from the room crying after wailing "I thought we had something special!" when Bella asks him to pass the salt at lunch
39. Write children's books (examples: 'Fun, Five Letter Words to Know and Share'; 'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry'; 'Curious George and the High Voltage Fence')
40. Convince Esme that Home Depot has gone out of business and is closing
41. Wear leather pants (no matter how good he looks in them)
42. Scratch " 3MM3TT K!CK$ A$$" onto walls...
43. ...and then deny all knowledge of it
45. Dress up in the school mascot uniform and then tackle Edward and Jasper
46. Dye his hair black, wear glasses,carry around a stick and tell hordes of 4th graders he is the real Harry Potter
47. Change any of his male family member's ringtone to "Barbie Girl"
48. Wear Rosalie's underwear around the house (even if the whole family was watching Rocky Horror Picture Show)
49. Replace all of Edward's CDs with bolonga slices
and finally...
50. EMMETT CULLEN MUST NEVER EVER TELL ALICE THAT SHE HAS TOO MANY SHOES!
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Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 6:35 pm
ohhh my i almost peeded myself reading those
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debbyhemlock Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:34 pm
lols omg omg thats just beyond funny!!!!!!!!!!!! ic an't wait to show my friends!!!!!
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Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 6:14 am
that is do fuuny smile i totly agree
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debbyhemlock Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 8:01 am
i especially agree with the rocky horror picture show
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Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 5:58 pm
51. Emmett can not go and change all of bellas songs on her i-pod to "Screw the man" by The Jerk-offs
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debbyhemlock Vice Captain
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debbyhemlock Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 3:34 pm
52. any form of dancing especially the time warp and grinding of any form (heck imagining that is painful let lone seeing it)
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Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 9:12 am
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debbyhemlock Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 9:56 am
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:25 pm
OMG those are great!!! rofl rofl
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debbyhemlock Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 5:00 pm
53. Emmett can not go around with a cape and hat on saying he is Snape and is going to kill Cedric(Edward)
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Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 10:53 am
Lol these are brilliant. ^_^ Especially the last one. biggrin
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debbyhemlock Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 8:32 pm
54. EMMETT IS NOT ALLOWED TO TEACH NESSIE HOW TO SWEAR AT PEOPLE AND THEN TELL HER THAT IS HOW THEY GREET PEOPLE IN RUSSIA
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Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 8:12 pm
omg I peed on myself!!!!!!!!!!! Daddy drinks because you cry!
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debbyhemlock Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 7:40 pm
-looks for vampire fruit-
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