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 Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 12:16 am
... It had been five months to date since The Incident That Never Happened.
Yep, five whole months-- during which time Vincent Leschande had succeeded in snapping his leg (garbage surfing never went out of fashion), getting the news of his (AND Alex's) life thanks to some nosy nurses, spending a good six weeks crippled and then another six settling in to their glorious new life of DOOM AND DOMESTICITY, complete with bratty racist neighbor kids and a snarling beast dog that still tried to rip his tail off whenever he walked too close to the fence.
Stupid dog.
But hell, that wasn't even the worst of his problems, because the stomach eater was growing like a damn weed and seemed to be getting bigger by the day.
No, seriously; even his strategically baggy clothing couldn't hide it anymore-- and on that note, PREGNANCY WARDROBE WAS SUCK AND FAIL. Vests were out of the question anymore. His old tops didn't fit. Wearing maternity clothing was ABSOLUTELY OUT OF THE QUESTION and so he'd finally been forced into swiping shirts from poor Alex instead-- which was a pathetically clumsy affair because, while there WAS enough room in them to accommodate his poor failing figure, the stupid things were practically falling off of his skinny shoulders and it made him look even punier than he already was.
Of course, the absolute weirdest icing on the cake hit him completely out of the blue last week while he was poking at a salad and growling about it being 'food for goddamn rabbits' and-- ...
Holy s**t, he'd actually felt it moving. Light at first, just enough to spook him and force his guard to relax before it ROUNDHOUSE KICKED HIM IN THE RIBS.
............
Yep, it was officially alive.
And now it was a completely new day in the charming lives of everyone's favorite Man-Mates (oh god what), with a clear sky and balmy temperatures as mid-afternoon approached in Erasmus. Aside from the circumstances of inevitable FAIL in their future, Vincent was actually feeling rather chipper, happy to ignore the barking of dogs and the screaming of little Masters children as he fussed with a cravat (his latest solution to keeping his shirt ON his shoulders) on the corner of his bed, humming some drunken bar song under his breath.
Yeah, it was just a harmless outing for errands, but he hadn't left the damn house in DAYS and ANY excuse to run around was worth celebrating.
If he was lucky, maybe someone would give him an excuse to break their face in (like staring at his gut too long or calling him a 'f**'); that was always fun!
If only he knew the unspeakable horrors they'd encounter. If only.
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:59 am
Yeah, Alex had been good about 'bigger' chores while his 'man mate' (WTF??) was recovering from his lovely little trip down the trash.
And he'd been on top of threatening the neighbor's dog, making friends with their other neighbors (a lovely old Koshka-Mench couple who had long-since had their nest emptied of their children. But Wooo boy if their mantle wasn't littered with pictures of their children and grandchildren....) who had been kind enough to save Alex and Vince from the hassle that....
..
Sadly reminded Alex of their oncoming doom.
AKA They'd dug out on old crib (which was actually in pretty good condition, considering) and an old box of children's clothing (Well, it would be better to dress a little girl as a boy than a little boy as a girl.... since it was boy's clothing).... as well as Alex had gotten a good PILE of wisdom dumped on him.
....
......
It had been a little strange to have had a 'nursery' set up so quickly. A cradle, a changing table... CLOTHING. And Alex had even been familiarized with how to do the whole Diaper thing.
Gross.
Alex, who had been doing....... yard work (OH THE ODD), had wandered inside for a drink (Sigh, no alcohols for him) and noted Vincent getting ready to go out, earning a lightly puzzled look.
"Where are you going out to?"
Well he had to know where his 'mate' went in case of emergencies!
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 11:43 am
The arrangement of the nursery (no matter how 'bare bones' and clumsy it was) had definitely been a strange experience on Vince's part, and to be perfectly honest, he still couldn't walk in there sometimes without getting a bit queasy. Not that he hadn't appreciated the old neighbors' charity or anything, but...
Ah ha ha, yeah, the sight of that crib was just a bit too much, implication-wise. Futile as it was, a part of his brain was still trying to block out the inevitable and keep his FAILBODY dissociated from things like childbirth and... y'know, the child byproduct in general.
Hell, it hadn't even crossed his mind yet that Koshka only got seven months instead of nine-- and what did that mean for a halfbreed? Eight? Or would he even be that lucky, thanks to a fully furry and 'pureblood' mother?
No doubt that when such thoughts DID finally hit him he'd have a heart attack, but for now, it was all happy and mundane!
"Huh? Oh, hey, man." Finished with his fussing and on his feet (good lord, cravats were too proper looking) just in time to greet Alex, he was even cheerful enough to grin a bit. "'Figured I'd just go out for groceries or something. It's a decent day for it."
Translated: bored as hell, cabin fever, WANTING EXCUSE TO GO OUT NOW THAT I'M NOT LIMPING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
And hell, maybe he'd get something sweet while he was out and go loiter somewhere nice. That actually sounded pretty good to him, since he couldn't haunt his favorite trashy taverns or drink or smoke OR DO ANYTHING THRILLING anymore. Siiigh.
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 12:01 pm
........ And just to look like a horrible house-husband... Alex held up a finger and went to retrieve a paper from the counter of the kitchen that he'd been jotting stuff on for the last week, as well as his jacket.
Ah ha ha.
"Might as well come along to carry things." he offered, which was actually an excellent point in some ways. Alex was most definitely one to be trusted with carrying heavy things (sans children who round-house kicked ribs... were they having Chuck Norris as a kid?) as well as an extra set of arms.
...
.....
But he sure looked funny checking over his 'list' to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Like things to use to make 'easy' meals. Alex didn't want to challenge his lack of cooking skills more than he already had.
Thank god for their elderly neighbor's Mench-wife. She made eating tolerable.... since she could actually cook. (Alex had been watching, though. THEY WOULD SOMEDAY NOT BE DEPENDANT ON CHARITY-COOKING FOR HIS FAIL!).
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 1:05 pm
"Hnn? Well, if you want." He certainly had no qualms against the company; after all, Alex was pretty decent at hauling heavy loads and... well, for better or for worse (oh the irony and satire), they were kind stuck together in some awkward parody of mateship, which made going out together the 'proper' thing, right?
Sure, why the hell not.
Although the sight of the towering ex-ruffian-and-street-fighter mulling over his little grocery list was a little... peculiar, to say the very least (as if the whole situation wasn't equally strange).
But now that that had been taken care of, Vince grabbed his own jacket (too big for him and STILL IT DIDN'T HIDE EVERYTHING) straightened up a bit, cracked his knuckles, and trotted off for the door.
"Just make sure you don't slow me down, big guy," he couldn't help but tease, shoving it open and-- ... ah, it really was pretty damn nice out, huh? The sunshine felt oddly refreshing... even if those irksome little b*****d children next store were still out and screaming.
Maybe there'd be an open market or something because of the weather?
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 2:26 pm
Alex had pre-empted the 'okayed' of his suggestion, pulling on his jacket as Vincent spoke (tucking his list into one pocket) to follow along after.
Him? Slow them down? Now that was actually a pretty entertaining joke, ah ha ha ha!
But it wasn't like Vince was slowing them down either. Spry little bugger for a pregnant dude (which that statement sounded..... odd.... in his head).
Indeed the weather was pretty nice, sans a little bit of wind, Alex taking a deep breath to prepare for any puffing and hissing at the neighbor's dog that may have been in order.
Which, go figure, was in order the second Alex stepped outside, the Dog practically tearing down the fence before Alex yowled at it. Loudly enough to be threatening to a bear really. Yeah. Take that.
Damned Mutt.
But now that he'd solved that, he tucked one hand into his pocket and sighed.
"Lead the way."
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:09 pm
Okay, okay, the distant barking was one thing, but Vince still had yet to get used to the beast-dog's furry battering ram routine, nor had he quite mastered the art of scaring it off (Alex seemed to have that down pat though), and was (... once again) forced to snatch his own tail and YANK it away from the snapping jaws that very-nearly gave him an involuntary crop job. Hell, it had still managed to snag a bit of hair from the tip and that did not feel pleasant.
Even that couldn't ruin his spirits, though, and once they'd gotten past the whitewashed fence of doom he was back to a smirky smile. How great it felt just to be out of that stale domestic air and back on the streets! And how nice it was to finally have all of his leg strength back!
Or most of it, anyway-- enough to walk without issue and not lag like some pathetic little cripple. Unfortunately the weeks of bed rest and 'taking it easy'-- among other things-- had diminished a bit of his hard-earned powerhouse physique, but he was still a hell of a lot stronger than the average five-foot-something scrawny pregnant dude (yes, that was a VERY odd statement), which was okay too.
"Well, naturally." The neighborhood streets were pleasantly calm and void of traffic, probably due to the 'out of the way' nature of the residential district they lived in, but it made for a nice enough walk. Hell, the birds were even singing in the trees like some god-awful cliche!
"So, uh... how's the yard work been going and stuff?" But no cheesy stroll down the avenue would be complete without some lame conversation! Still, it had a point to some extent; Vince hadn't seen his dearest (not so) little partner for the better part of the day since he'd been back there. He'd just heard the neighbor kids shrieking and warbling a lot.
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:13 pm
Ah yes, demon dog.... who made housework all the more fun, frankly.
Not.
"Well, aside from the neighbor's children throwing stuff over the fence and the dog KNOCKING SAID FENCE OVER a couple of times, it was mundane. Keeping grass cut...
....
......
Weeding."
Shudder.
It was probably hard for anybody to imagine Alex... ALEX of all people weeding. Though girls might have liked the mental image of him stripping off his shirt so he didn't sweat all over his clothing. mmmm.. Big, strong, muscley, semi-sandpaper chest.
...
....
Yeah.
"But I'm doing better out there than I have been in the kitchen."
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 4:00 pm
Mmm, big, strong, well-muscled semi-sandpapered man beasts getting sweaty and weeding in the yard! Now there was a sparkly fangirl's dream if there'd ever been one!
Not that Vincent had any need to fantasize over the guy, seeing as he'd seen (and more incriminatingly, experienced) more of Alex than he'd EVER wanted back on that fateful night/morning/whatever the hell... And he so totally wasn't jealous of how ripped he was, either. No, really!
"That damn dog needs a muzzle-- and those damn kids need muzzles," he grumbled as good-naturedly as any guy COULD talking about the current BANES OF HIS EXISTENCE... and sleep. God that barking went into overdrive at sundown. But nope, that wasn't something he'd get cranky over today; it was too damned nice out for that.
"... And you're better than me in there," he added, cheery smirk dimishing a bit as he scritched a bit of ginger fuzz on one cheek. "s**t, I... should probably try to do that stuff more too, huh..."
Which entailed actually learning to cook real food-things, the key component he happened to be MISSING right then. Sure, he might've tried a few lame experiments at the burner while Alex was 'out' doing whatever over the past couple of weeks, but uh...
... Yeah, clearing the burnt smell out of the house before he got back had been damn near impossible.
Really, though, he needed to start picking up the slack on his end now that he wasn't incapacitated, didn't he? After all, his position between the two was sort of the... 'wife' (oh SHUDDER)... pseudo-equivalent, right? At least, that was what he would default to, considering how Alex was the guy who payed for stuff and kinda-sorta 'protected' the place like a 'husband' would... or something.
God, normal comparisons just FAILED with them hardcore.
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 5:24 pm
Poppa and Poppa-Mom worked better, frankly.
"Uhhh.... I just kinda watch, really... but I'm sure our neighbor wouldn't mind letting you help her out....." he offered up for a potential 'try to start' bit for him. Besides, the better the two of them got at cooking the less likely they'd kill their kid with carbon dioxide poisoning.
...
....
Yeah. Even Alex had been able to smell the 'burning' on his returns, he'd simply vouched for not mentioning it instead. As long as it hadn't smelt distinctly like nicotine then he didn't care to know what the burnt smell was.
"But we still have....."
Coughchoke....
"A while......"
Yeah. Hopefully. Alex was no more aware of how 'short' of a term they got with this 'baby' than Vincent was. In fact, Alex knew even less.
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 6:02 pm
"Ah, really? That'd be good, I guess..." Even if he still didn't have a damn clue about the whole 'parenthood' bit, it made sense enough that having two marginally-less-than-inept cooks in the house would be better than one. It meant that their chances of success were doubled-- or at least improved somewhat, right?
Maybe it'd even be more entertaining (aka less painful) to try in tandem sometime?
"But yeah, right, we've got a... while..." he agreed a moment later, pausing to do a mental count of some kind. "That's... uh, what-- four months or something?" Yes, nine minus five was four! It made perfect sense! "Yeah, not so terrible..." Mumble mumble. "I've got time..."
Or so he thought, the poor, clueless b*****d.
At the far end of the little residential avenue, the pavement intersected with a much busier street, the sidewalks a little more full of people and the road suffering a healthy trickle of traffic from puttering steambikes and carriages. It was life as usual in the sleepier part of Erasmus, just out of the way enough to feel relaxed and-- ... well not quite rural, but away from the chaos of the 'big city'.
God, domesticity was so weird.
"Hey, you think there're any open markets around today?" At least that would've been a bit more interactive and interesting than a normal grocer's, which Vince seemed to be craving... if only to get rid of that damned cabin fever.
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 6:12 pm
Alex could quote that for emphasis... as he'd never had a normal life. Like, knowing how to lift something without getting one's hand hacked off was a good thing.
Ah ha ha.
"Mmm, I'd imagine there'd be some in the central square. More foot traffic there." he replied, shrugging lightly..... and like a good husband linking arms with Vince and altering their path to head further into the city for their 'domestic' activities.
Ah ha ha.
Lots of Sarcastic 'Ah ha ha's with them, weren't there?
But a walk was a walk either way and if they were going to be a 'pregnant couple', they were at least going to look like they were fond of each other. No reason to not get along...
...
Since they already seemed to.
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 6:56 pm
Awww, what a good little husband Alex was, really! Slightly queer (literally) circumstances aside, the two of them really didn't make a terrible looking (pregnant) couple now, did they? Getting along had never really been an issue, and they'd sorta kinda figured out a workable mock-relationship-role thing to get by on...
And for the record, he'd never had much of a 'normal' life either. Not for the same reasons by any means, but still frustrating and ******** up enough in their own right. He'd just never mention it if he didn't have to.
"Sounds about right." And right it would soon be, too, as the smaller male compliantly hung off his much-bigger-partner's arm (yeah, any time he compared the two of them he felt even smaller, despite the gut), easily keeping up his pace.
The 'central square' didn't take more than ten minutes to reach on foot and, sure enough, it was practically bursting at the seams with activity-- little stalls of local vendors, trinkets, jewelry, clothing, food, gadgets... It was like the precursor of a 'super center' out in the open streets, with all the afternoon locals flocking to make their buys.
Mmm, activity! Hustling and bustling and excitement galore! Sure there were a lot of kids running around and quite a bit of noise, but that just made it feel like a throwback to the old days of raucous taverns and crowded bars!... sans the smell of beer and smoke and urine, anyway.
"... So what exactly have you got on that list of yours?"
Yes, LEARN THE MISSION. Might as well get something productive done instead of just screwing around (... AHAHA) and winging it like he'd originally planned, right?
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 7:07 pm
Alex, using his free arm, produced his list to glance it over.
"Bread, Milk, Cheese, Butter, half a dozen eggs, pound of flower, pound of sugar, two pounds of wheat, half a dozen apples......"
He ripped the bottom off the list and handed it off to Vincent so he could look it over as well.... what a...... mundane list. In fact, it made them seem like a normal 'couple'. Ah ha ha.
"Loaf of bread, dozen eggs, half a wheel of cheese...."
In one sense that would be pricey, but at the same time they'd be living off of it for a week or so, so it'd be a well-placed investment. And a way for Vince to be.. GASP... broken into how Alex did grocery shopping, really.
Which of course started with him looking over the nearby booths.
"Dry meal first, then we can get the dairy and grains."
AKA things that would go in the ice-chest when they got home."
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 7:48 pm
Oh, training by participation? Well that worked for Vince, and it gave him something genuinely 'useful' to try and do, too! Thinking it over a bit, he'd never actually gone with Alex on a grocery run before-- the guy had always done things on his own-- so everything was pretty new to him.
Snatching up the offered list portion to scan over, he soon discovered it to be... huh, completely average in every way. Nothing unusual was in it, just the basic essentials that any young couple would want in their pantry/cabinets/ice box to live off of.
Maybe it just felt weird to him because he'd lived off of alcohol and pub food for too many years.
Or maybe it was the fact that he'd... never shopped with a food list in his life before fate (... among other beings) had royally screwed him over. That was pretty possible too.
"... Huh, so this is how you shop for s**t?" Normal shopping organization was definitely bound to be an interesting experience, but Vince, all the same, decided to try his damnedest to 'keep up' by taking a good sweeping look around the stalls and-- ohae! "There's a Baylk guy selling bread over there-- doesn't look too bad, either; he's got a lot of customers buying stuff..."
And oooh, some of the more eccentric vendors actually had some interesting looking fare, too-- a couple of them were peddling sugary stuff that looked pretty damn good...
But no, BAD. BAD. That wasn't on the list and he was not letting any snacking urges get the better of him, NUH UH.
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