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 Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 6:08 am
My Hubby and I have been together for 10 years. Unfortunatly it hasn't been the most greatest event. From about our third year things have been really iffy. I've threatened to leave a couple of times, but we managed to patch things up, but really they haven't been the same. Now we sort of tolerate each other. We hardly ever talk unless we need something. But really some days I feel the only reason He wants to keep me around is because he can't drive, and the only reason I keep him is because we are in debt and a fair portion of it is in my name even though it is a shared problem.
But something new has come into my life. Well really I can't say it is new as it has been building for a while, but I've been given the opportunity to act upon it. And it really scares me that I have.
I've known this guy for a while, he use to work for the same place I do, but left and is doing the samy type of work just for another place. Over the years due to work stuff, we've continued to cross each others paths from time to time and I have always looked forward to the next time I'd see him. Back in the spring, he mentioned that he'd like for us to do something that didn't involve work, and admitted he's had a bit of a crush on me. So just recently we went out for coffee and a long chat.
I admit I like him, I feel comfortable around him which is a huge issue for me, he is funny, and attentive. But, I don't know where a relationship might lead to if I had the chance to really explore it. But that option is hindered due to hubby. It may not be perfect between us, but I have gotten use to him, I don't want to hurt him, but truthfully, I don't want this guy to be the wedge or my way of escape, or even the thing that might repair my relationship with hubby. Do you know what I mean? That isn't fair to him.
But I'm scared about it. A lot of it is the uncertanty, and the impact it will have. But I know the really hard part is the regrets. 10 years is a long time to commit to something, but I look forward to being around this guy. I know that there is no way we could remain as simple friends, but he isn't something I would want to give up. And if things don't work out, I've screwed myself.
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Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 10:09 am
Honestly, I relate to this situation really well. I was recently engaged, but another guy came into my life, so my fiance broke off all relations to me. We barely talk.
All I can say to you is follow your heart. Take time to think things out, don't rush things. Life is life, it twists and turns. You just have to do your best to keep up.
Remember, we're all here for you. No matter what path you follow.
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Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 10:18 am
Thanks heart
The limits I have set in place will help me keep things low key and aid in my decisions with this. I don't want to turn this into an affair, or feel like I am cheating on hubby. So I have let hubby know that I am hanging out with a male friend, and how long I have know the guy. But I can't tell if hubby trusts me, or if he doesn't care. The guy and I have only been to one meeting that didn't involve work. And I am going to another one today.
But my nerves feel like they will burst. Thank goodness for meditation and breathing exercises, as I have had a mild panic attack due to this. I am really scared as I know things could go very right, or very wrong.
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Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 5:29 am
Limits are good, and of course affairs are bad, especially given the anxiety it's giving you (which implies you're not the cheating kind anyway). I've found that more often then not that hanging out is good (I really out to try it sometime) but people tend to consider a person's relationship-track record, as well they should.
My mother used to date married men because she knew there was only a miniscule chance that they'd want to throw away their marriages for her sake, kind of an odd way of looking at things isn't it? But she said she wouldn't marry them if they asked because she knew they wouldn't be faithful to her either.
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Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 7:06 am
the hanging out is ok. We go out for coffee or places we can chat. I admit I had this huge fear of him wanting more than I was comfortable to give. But he's been good about that. Once I told him what my limits were he agreed to them as we do have a good friendship.
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Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 7:37 pm
Thats good, of course I have never been married and don't date because more often than not the people I attract are instant grattification types, so he's probably worth keeping around wink
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Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 9:29 pm
lol
He does have his typical male moments, but he is also the first to admit men are Pigs and told me that if he gets too annoying just to tell him to shut up
That was a fun conversation lol
Aw I hope you find someone who is right for you. Being alone is no fun.
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 8:55 pm
Well it's gotten to the point that every time someone presents the possibility of a date I make myself as unavailable as possible... but maybe in another year or so I'll consider going out again
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Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 7:33 pm
aw that is so sad.
You should go out for a bit of fun from time to time.
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:20 pm
Aw, well Thyna, I hope that things will become clearer for you. I understand the way things become complicated so easily in relationships. I'm sure you have guidance that will give you the answers you need to make the decision that's right for you, and in the meantime it seems like you've got things under some kind of control.
As far as being alone, there is nothing wrong with it, when the alternative does not make you happy or fulfill your needs. Sometimes being alone means having time to get to know yourself as well as work on creativity.
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:41 pm
I wish I had time to work on my creativity, but I just run errands for this person and that (family you understand).
As for getting out, well that's good, except that I'm a little squeamish about anything more challenging than a hug. Still it's something to work on. I like my solitude, but I like people too (contrary to popular belief). I'm currently married to my mother...ye gods, that's not something to wish on your worst enemy.
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Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 6:42 pm
gosh you sound like me with my first boy friend. He use to trigger my memories/flashbacks so badly just by holding my hand. Sadly I was just too scared to make things work.
And I know the feeling about needing time to work on creativity. Only time I go to my craft room is when I need to repair something or it involves my workplace. And that story I have been working on is once again on hold. I really don't like writers block. My story though is currently sitting at 119 pages or so. Almost a short story xd
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Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:57 am
Mine is so long that after pg 500 I decided to break it off into another book, and that was after the editing.
I got hit on by yet another loser today, I think it was an attempt to remind me why I stopped dating in the first place... that and my unnatural feeling of being violated. So yeah we'll put that on the back iron for another year or so.
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Posted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 4:34 pm
Wow that is really coming along for you. I've managed to add another 5 pages. At least now the area I was stuck on I can play around with the pages so the chapters fit together a bit better. Then maybe I can move forward with the rest of the story.
Aw Sorry that the guys can be so annoying. And I really hate that fear. I still have that issue with the guy. (the pool visit yesterday didn't help matters) I know he won't, but every once in a while I think he might and that sets off my panic button and my chest gets that tight feeling that makes it so hard to breath.
I met up with him and the client he assists at the pool yesterday, then we did the coffee thing. That was fun. There was maybe 12 people, if that, between the 2 pools, so everyone was chatting away and being very causual, when usually most people keep to their groups and friends.
The guy was playful. No more than usual when he is at the pool, but when he is usually a social butterfly that playfulness is spread out and shared. Umm with so few people, that wasn't the case. And something about that extra contact set my nerves on edge. At least I could use the pool as an excuse for that winded feeling.
But the rest of the time was ok. Coffee went smoothly, and I found out why the guy hates his birthday at this time of year
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Posted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 5:13 pm
Coffee sounds fun, and yeah the pool thing is always dicey I fear (my sister lost her top the last time she went swimming with friends ( burning_eyes )
My stories have an odd way of taking on a life of their own although more often than not my characters suffer from my ailments at the time (headaches and so on). And I've found that more often than not if guys weren't annoying to an extent they probably wouldn't be guys (which is always a rather troubling thought).
And I can relate about hating the birthday, although mine was last week (my mum's been celebrating it for the last month but it may just be an excuse to buy me things) and my younger sister's is the day after Christmas so she rarely gets anything good.
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