Welcome to Gaia! ::

By The d**k who Won

By Ante Up

Why do we even have this feature? Does anyone have a good profile? The answer is no, none of you do. Everyone's profile is ugly, usually playing some music automatically upon loading. No one cares about the music you listen to, no need to slow down the load to bring up your crappy playlist. Just give me the option to see what items you're wearing, flip through your posts, look at your guilds and a place to comment. Everything else needs to stop. Your profiles are bullshit and why should we feature that? D:

By Some Dickhole Elf

By Frosty the Post Obsessive c**t

By Shaff The Obituary

By Spikey Headed Reindeer

As many of you know just before Thanksgiving, Gaia needed more cash. So, they gave to those who hunger for new things the Fortune Egg. Now, many good things came from said egg. A partial list [x] can be viewed on our Gaia friendly site....tektek.org. Most of the things were new rather than recycled.
I was actually surprised this time the amount that wasn't full of fail. My hat is off to them this time around. Good job Gaia and your 'fail coins'.
And for those who wonder where some of the other new stuff came from, well that would be zOMG. Gaia's kickass MMO game. It has a boatload of recipes to make things for your avatar. Take a gander at the list of possible goodies: [x]

by ******** Wrong

So apparently I don't know what emo is all about. I had this discussion with my friend a while ago. I assumed that being emo is to make emotionally based complaints/arguments without any real rational explanation or thought behind it. My friend rejected this claim because it meant that she was emo too and she ******** hates emos. She says I've missed something.

I'd be lying if I said I have any understanding of any non-internet-related trend that started after 1997. Perhaps worse than that, maybe my last foray into trendship was Grunge music and that makes me feel ******** old. Let's be honest though, I don't think you kids fully understand your own trends either.

I know this isn't a new subject and that it's been articulated far better by people wiser than I. But I can't shake the feeling that the trends now are so... ambiguous? No one really seems to have a grasp on what they're about. I sure don't so I can't help but say so. Hence why I even started this damn article in the first place. WHAT THE ******** IS UP WITH YOU DAMN KIDS?! You and your emo s**t, I don't get it.

Just pick some damn theme that describes the current feelings of the general populace and run with it. Like everyone's feeling pretty hopeful for the future now, right? So how about some trend like Hopemo, where everyone does community service and become secret Muslims. I don't ******** know, you're the kids, you figure it out.

By The Professional Game Critic

Perfection; that's a word that gets thrown around a lot. Very few times does someone say it and it is truly regarded as fact. Well my friends, it cannot get any better than this so I submit to you... true perfection.



This game gets a 10/1 because it's ten times greater than I thought it would be. There was no way that they were going to fail on this and let me tell you, my good friends, they did not fail at all.

Barbie really outdoes her self this time. She rides horses and gets into adventures. Oh how lucky we truly are to receive such bounty.

Graphics 10/1
Gameplay 10/1
Story 10/1
Replay 10/1

Overall 10/1

A true must buy.

By Dragn Frost

hey TLOEM.
how are you?
good? good.
because I have a great song for you today.

I got the Killers' new album, Day & Age, and I must say it is pretty amazing.

So today's featured song is one of my favorite songs off of their new album,

"Joy Ride"


I promise you'll like it.

adios.
bye bye.
have a good day.
woo.

By:Capitanos #1 Fan

Quote:

:3
Arf arf arf
Today my owner took me on for a walk. :3 It was fun, because I saw many dogs! blaugh
I even saw a cat along the way, but I think he hated me! D: It was big and purple... HE EVEN TOOK A ROLLED NEWSPAPER AND BEAT ME WITH IT.
If only my hero Capi was there to save me... He would have settled things between me and the cat. ;~;
Oh well. =o

Later that day my owner fed me my favorite brand of dog food -- Yiff Brand Dog Food!
It made me feel energetic and hyper. Twas a really good feeling. =3
And then after a while, I felt comfortable, and soothed, and calmed, and, ... and... and... ^~^

Nevertheless, I still had enough energy in me to play my sonic games. I wish I was better at them though... I keep losing at the Oil Ocean Zone boss... >w<;;

Later, when it got dark, I curled up in my doggy bed, and lay there.
I still remember the dream as well! It was me playing around in a nice, green valley, with pristine flowers scattered about...
I think I even saw a yellow squirrel there. I called him Ray. :3
Me and Ray played. But eventually I awoke from my dream... D:

Eh. ;_; It was fun...
Though, I found eggs and bacon and toast and sausage and hash browns and pancakes in my food bowl! :D
IT WAS A HAPPY BREAKFAST! ^-^

THE END :D



[Never, EVER, will I attempt to make something so ghey as this EVER again. T___T At least I got my stuff done in time for the newsletter.
Or who knows, I may attempt this again? D: I'm such a f*****t. ]

By The Kid that wrote a rant and not a comic (Because she hates us)

Quote:

Dear Diary,

Girls are stupid. Girls buy push up bras and stuff their bras to make their boobs look bigger, but get pissed off if anyone notices. What's the point? I mean, if your level of self esteem really depends on how big your boobs are, see a psychiatrist.

God I hate girls.
I wish I could live the simple, thickheaded life of a guy.

Speaking of guys:
I played a spontaneous game of chicken with my friend [yes, the one I ranted about last newsletter]
He was riding his skate board down the hall, and I was walking towards him.
It turns out neither of us is chicken.
Getting hit by someone on a skateboard is not fun.
Also: He held on too long when he skateboardglomped me.

eurgh physical contact hissss~

Then I played chicken with a different friend.

We ran full speed at each other. Right before we collided I raised an arm and knee. My elbow hit him in the chest and my knee went straight in his crotch.

The really stupid thing is he agreed to play again. It was fun though. Poor guy.

I also spent nearly an entire day last week avoiding the first guy cause me + him = awkward convo x >9000 [Cause he has stupid fangirls that all look exactly the same. What is it with emo kids and their preppy fangirls? Makes me wanna shoot them all.]

So yeah, I successfully avoid him for the entire day and then during the last half of the last period he catches me by surprise from behind eurrghghg.

Once again: My life sounds like a bad teen novel.

Add in some sparkling vampires and BANG, a bestseller.

goddammit.

-looceyloo

By:That Chick Wearing Bows on her *****

Dear Station Wagon,

How do I figure out if my friend is ignoring me? He goes to a different school and hasn't been online in ages... I think he may have blocked me. [See, he's almost always online.]

-Moi

Dear Moi,

If your blocked your going to have to be sneaky about finding out if you are. Make another SN and add him. If he is one of those weirdo's who only shows up if your on his friends, list corner a mutual friend and make them let you use their SN. Maybe he just changed it and didnt tell you out of pure idiocy


Dear StationWagon-
A friend of mine is totally in love with me, and I don't feel the same way. She wont shut up about it. She's starting to make me feel uncomfortable and awkward, because she just won't let it go. I've talked to her about it before and so have my friends, but she just isnt letting her infatuation go. What should I do?

-Henada

Have you tried introducing her/setting her up with some one else? After that run like hell and stay out of her way until she forgets about you and becomes infatuated with your decoy.



Dear Baby,
I really like this chick what should I do?
-That One Guy

That One Guy,





Dear SW,

My friend an I are never online at the same time. I send them messages and emails on many of their different accounts, but they never reply. I know they're probably busy with a lotta stuff in life (like I should be), but I really miss talking to them and haven't really heard from them in a few months. What can I do to stay in touch?

-killer time difference emo


Well, Killer Time Difference emo ,

Maybe getting their number and texting them? I'm not sure if you have a phone or if they but texts are always nice to wake up to. Or you could set up a small little forum where you guys could talk to each other at your own leisure.





Dear SW

I got srsly drunk last night at this party cops busted up with dogs and e'erthin but I went home with this chick but when I woke up this mornin the chick wasa DUDE.What do I do?

-Dock Worker Sam

Just Hold on to what you've got Sam, it doesn't make a difference if you make it or not because you've got each other at that's a lot-for love

Dear SW,

Now I have a BIGGER problem. I'm a homophobic American Christian like ALL Americans should be and he uhhh stabbed himself 50 times in the neck and I had to dispose of his body,so I chopped him up and put his body in a shipping container.How do I get rid of the box with out authorities finding it? gonk

-Dock Worker Sam



eek






And that concludes this weeks edition of I'm Not So Good With Advice. Be sure to send me more confusing personal questions for next time.

And now-SECURITY! SOMEONE GET THIS PSYCHO DOCK WORKER OUT OF HERE!

By That Blue Fgt Who Wants To Be A Dentist

Alright folks, this is a new section we’re trying out.

Time to learn you kids some zombies. Since this the first issue, I’ll start with the physical abilities of your classic zombie. Keep in mind when I use the term “zombie” or “undead” I’m referring to a human corpse reanimated through means of a viral organism, i.e.: your standard Resident Evil “T-virus” zombie.

Contrary to most myths, the undead do not have superhuman strength, speed, abilities, etc. The walking dead is, and always has been, nothing more than a human corpse. If the body could not fly in life, there is no way that it would gain that ability upon reanimation. So in short, no, zombies have no super powers, but that doesn’t make it any less of a threat.

Maybe if this section sticks, next time I’ll teach you something you can actually use against the undead.
I know you kids would be all “tl;dr” any other way, so I’ll wrap this up…..for now.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S BULLSHIT?!

YOUTUBE WIDESCREEN

Ah, yes, it's the most fundamental lesson ever; If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But that's apparently something Youtube didn't hear as a child as DECIDED TO ******** UP EVERYTHING EVER.
EVVVVVVVVVVVER.
Have you seen this s**t? It's ******** horrible!
Now everything that was previously recorded in 4 x 3 looks MORE grainy and MORE homemade and shitty than before! Even high quality videos are lacking nowadays.
And you know who benefits from ******** NO ONE.
Because people have spent months countlessly slaving over Youtube optimality for their videos JUST TO GET THE BIG d**k OF THE INTERNET SHOVED IN THEIR FACE.
And who has the ability/initiative to really screw around with their videos that much anymore as to make them optimized for wide screen? I mean really, Youtube, it's ******** wrong.
Not too mention perhaps the greatest flaw.
Decreased sound quality.
Every video now seems to have peaking audio to the point where I want to cut off my ears when I listening to anything with BASS in it because I a hear is “PTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPT”, WHICH ISN'T A BASS FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
I've seen about three users who have added widescreen to their video repertoire, and none of them are worth watching. They're azn emos who talk about how much Bush sucks even though he out of office in three months OMG SERIOUSLY JUST SHUT THE ******** UP THIRTEEN YEAR OLDS.
Anyway, that's a rant for another time.
And that's what's Bullshit.

By razz edophile Santa

Quote:

What, in your opinion, is the meaning of life?
-Senti-du-bon

The meaning of life, is to just live. Nothing more. The human race tries to make things to difficult.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
-Senti-du-bon
I did this once, It took me 1243 licks.

Are you secretly a Magic 8-ball?
-Psywing
Better not tell you now.


why did the chicken cross the road?
-Ripper-Roo

To get to the other side, duh.

why does my 23 year old sister act like a bratty 4 year old?
-Stationwagon
Because someone doesn't remember to slap a b***h.

Why does zomg keep lagging so much?
-Screwupboy

Because it sucks, just like all my answers.

By:The Gay Navi

Yesterday in English we had a sub that was clearly having a bad day. We were talking about the project we had to work on and she started yelling like crazy, “YOU KIDS ARE ALL AWFUL, WHERE DID TODAY’S YOUTH GO WRONG?” She continued on that route for a good 10 minutes even after we started talking about the project again. She started crying and left the room for like, 15 minutes before coming back with a whole days worth of d-hall slips. The sub got out a red pen and was all “WHAT’S YOUR NAME, WHATS HIS NAME, WHATS HER NAME” and wrote down nearly everyone’s name. Our Mr. Smart-a** Student got mad and said “Geez Lady, are you on your period or something?” Suddenly she got this real crazed look in her eye and took him out to the hall. We looked at the chair she was sitting in, and there was blood all over it.

By Dead Men Tell No Tales

What do you want from me? Huh?
You'll get nothing from me, do you hear?
NOTHING!

DON PATCCCHHHHHH.

The true story was my favorite. 4laugh

Yes.Don Patch is Epic Win cool

Text to go before each message

so since I helped I can complain?


pirate arrr

Text at the end of each message

Text to go before each message

we should have a talk like a pirate day
can we? can we? can we?

Text at the end of each message