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 Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:33 am
So i am one of Katrinas victems..and a month and some change later iv yet to utterly fall apart..ive had to go into crisis mode for my family. ..can i stop now. i really think i have to..keeping this running facade up is exausting me..its not like i dont have a hard enough time functiong already before this. course being in a strange place im afraid if i do crack..i have no idea what the hospitals are like here..how i miss my yrly visit to nice safe depauls where they new me and i was always sure that after the strip search there would be rather yummy mashed potatoes. I havent cut myself starved myself gone catatonic or destroyed evrything..im bzzing along hapy and proactive as can be and i cant take it anymore. Soon we will be moved in to a new apt..in a horrible shithole 1800 miles from my dr my family (cepting my hubby and kid) and my friends. Im freebalng with no net. And the voice in back ays..ya know this wont last. in fact the longer you repress the worse that backlash will get you. My nights are the only time my facade chisels abit as i close my eyes and see vast tableus of devastation and fel the empty void of loss. ..so what ya think can i finaly lose it. or will i just be the irresponsible one. do i deserve the mental vacation i desperatly need. And why is my biggest fear..i dunno if when i get the chance to let go..if i can ..ive already burried it six ft deep.
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 8:34 pm
I know you want to stay strong for your family, but you have to take care of yourself for your family too. Maybe it's time to go to a safe and functional hospital for the mental vacation you need.
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 8:52 pm
Mental vacation sounds really good right now...
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Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 10:56 pm
its looking more crucial
ive had the worst up and down time and its getting harder to keep myself taking the meds. Ive began dissasociating plenty of late too sad but i have to finish this move i can do it yet....im about to look for speed to keep myslf going..thats how whack im getting i swear to god..gods whatever i dunno even care anymore.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 10:29 am
If full blown hospitalization is something you can't consider due to your situation right now, is there anything else you could do to get some of the care you need? Perhaps even a support group, or going to see a different doctor...somewhere where you can let go of this facade for even a short period of time and take care of your needs.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this terrible crisis, and I hope your situation improves soon.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:00 pm
I can't say I completely know what you're going through, but I used to live in nola too. I had planned on leaving at the end of the year, but that sort of got moved up! I feel like I should be okay, I'm staying with family and I'm in school and my house wasn't even damaged, but being ripped out of a routine I was comfortable with and plunked down into something different is really starting to get to me. My meds don't feel like they're working, but I have no idea...and yesterday I ended up being late for a shrink appt and had to reschedule to a week later... stressed Yeeeah, I ended up throwing things...I managed to clean up afterwards, though... sweatdrop
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