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sooo...yah............im waaaay 2 shy, and whenever i try to talk to someone that i want to meet, i either try to say something and make myself look like an idiot, or never get to say anything at all and never meet anyone new......like there is this one girl at my school, who looks like she is a really nice person, but i cant start a conversation with her because im too afraid i will do something stupid......like i might accidentally mess up what im trying to say like compliment something like her shirt or artwork (she is an artist...a very good artist =P ) or something, but make it sound like i'm using sarcasm and make her think i'm insulting her..... crying

thanks =D ....wow..i do that, when ppl r talking to me i never look at them =P....im always moving my eyes around kinda circling them..lol......

yay finally some1 responded ^^ ........lol =P

dang it....earlier 2day, i ruined a perfectly good time 2 talk 2 her D=.....i was drawing something, and she walked by me and she gave me a tip on how to draw it better, and i was going to say "thanks" but all i could do was mumble "oh..." ... and scribble out my original drawing and start over....D=.....but her tip did work...lol xD

BS.

Unless you're talking to people over the age of 30ish that might have possibly had some maturity hammered into them at some point in their lives, you'd best expect that if you make a weakness openly recognizable and someone doesn't jump on it openly, they're either talking s**t behind your back or are planning to capitalize on it for their own gain at some point.

Chances are, that expectation isn't going to be let down.



My god, people make some of the most naive utopian assumptions about humanity. It amazes me sometimes just the type of crap people will say out of either willing or unwilling obliviousness of normative social interactions. "People will love you for acting like yourself"? Bullcrap, people will love you for being yourself. People will love you if who you are coincides with who they want you to be - if who you are coincides with no one's explicit desires for a friend/acquaintance/significant other/etc. it's game over for you, son. You'd best either get good at acting or just sit back, have a little talk with your ego, and accept the fact that no one is going to like you.

Here's an assumption to live by - and one that I've learned is the most consistently validated assumption that I have ever tried making in my life (and contrary to the tone of this post, I have actually tried living by very optimistic and naive assumptions before) - people are immature, predatory, bigoted, narrow-minded, and unless you can identify with them in under 2 minutes of conversation (or less - depending on the person, it can be as short as first visual impression), going consider you beneath them. If you can't identify with someone, chances are they don't like you (regardless of how they act on the surface). If you can't identify with someone and they still hang around with you, chances are they want something from you. If you have nothing to give someone that you don't or can't identify with, don't even bother trying to go deeper than a professional relationship because you've got no shot.

One of the most valuable intellectual skills that someone can possess is the ability to just sit back, shut up, accept the fact that he/she is a loser, and realize that there's nothing wrong with it. Do you want to know what the ultimate cure for shyness is? Realizing (or else convincing yourself) that the person (or people in general) isn't(aren't) going to like you anyway. The minute you accept the fact that you've got nothing to lose in the first place because you're at rock bottom, remarkably, you become a lot more relaxed in social situations. And the best part? If you take that relaxation, still act cordial instead of anti-social, and someone decides from a casual conversation that they might enjoy your company? Pleasant surprise. If they decide you're not good enough for them? Well, you've already accounted for that anyway! Compare to the opposing philosophy, which gets you either eaten alive or finds your hopes for positive social experiences dashed to pieces the minute your gamble backfires on you (see above about how many people probably aren't going to like you).

Ultimate point being: People need to stop positing these utopian absurdities with regards to social interactions. If you're having trouble with social interactions to the point where you have trouble talking to people, the best course for action is not to chant some mantra to yourself, work up some flimsy amount of courage, and then gamble your courage, hopes, and self-respect on someone to break your fall when you haphazardly throw yourself out into the social strata. The only thing that is is a really good way to get yourself hurt.





*addendum: the above, despite the fact that it rails on people in general quite harshly, does not advocate being a jackass, treating random people as lesser beings, or even ceasing to care about others. There is a vast difference between developing an active hate for people in general by which you treat them with disrespect, and simply understanding the fact that if you're a "nerd," "geek," "loser," "loner," or any other titled form of awkward person, chances are that people don't like you.

Had the same problem just this years. For the last three years I've been moving each school year. Therefore I've been stuck being the new kid again and again. Meeting new people is by far the hardest.

First there are always these people who loves meeting the new people, who often aren't going to be your best est friends though. [ at least that what happened all three times I moved ] Then you must try to see which people you believe might be good friends.

And the following is how I meet my good friend Sakurat. If you are new or never actually meet the person then just casually 'bump' into the person and go "Oh Sorry; Hey don't I have you in my ___ class?" or go "Oh hi, My name is ___ I'm new" it's a winner each time XD [ actually I think I meet two people with these lines ]

Eye contact is essential but not so hard. Try to focus on a smile, and simply take deep breaths before meeting the person

Oh, a compliment for drawings [ ha, I meet my other dear friend with this one XD ] is this "Oh it's so pretty, what is it about?" or "How did you do it?" You give out an appearance that you are really interested in meeting her, and never stop at a hi or bye. Continue the conversation if it is possible.

Yet, a make-over may be good : P This just means wear your best clothes and try to do your hair [just in case you don't do anything with your hair ]

Hm.... did I forget anything? .__.

umm, well ive never been the "new kid" cuz i went to the same school district my entire life....but u got it right when u said "if u dont do anything to your hair" lol...when i ever need my hair to look decent, i just brush it to the side slightly and BAM! its good enough =P....haha xD.....

but thanks ^^ this might help =D........

The negative side of human social interactions do not cease to exist because I cease to speak about them. It's not like I'm trying to be a downer for the sake of being a downer, it's only that I feel a compulsion to balance out all the naive optimism going around with a slight dose of a thing I like to call reality.


I responded that way to Haruko because back when I was in high school, even showing simple interest in someone would have gotten me berated. E.g. I could see someone in class on Monday and ask them "how was your weekend?" In response, I would have received something along the lines of "What the ******** do you care, loser?!" Ergo, you can't just run off assuming that, when you're giving someone advice to go up and show interest in people, the people actually want, or even will tolerate, having interest shown in them.

Then why are you just sitting back and accepting the load of crap you're being fed right now? If that's true, then the "advice" you're being given is only going to get you hurt.

If you think the girl you're interested in is a lot different from everyone else, you had better make absolutely certain. I asked out a girl I thought was nice, or at the very least, not cruel. I thought she was different, too... all the way up to the point where, after telling me she'd "think about it," she rounded up her friends and was apparently convinced by them that the best way to handle the situation was to corner me in the lunch room and make sure that everyone within earshot knew that the loser thought he had a chance with a girl.

Look, believe me that I really am not saying these things out of some trollish motive - I was effectively in the same position you say you're in now when I was in high school. My best advice is to just not expect anything positive out of high school. My school had a couple thousand kids in it and even in that large of a community, the social order was still rigid enough that throughout all four years, I never had a chance socially simply because a group of "friends" I went into high school with didn't think I was good enough for them anymore and turned me into the loser at the bottom of the social order halfway through freshman year. The best I could do is just suck it up and wait for college - and even then, I found out, most of the people in college are going to be as immature and judgmental as the people in high school. They just a) don't know you, so you can reinvent yourself and b)won't talk crap to your face.