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 Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 4:14 pm
These are all words from the "How to survive a horror movie" book by Seth Grahame-Smith.
Hero
(Gasping for Breath)
What are we gonna do? There... There must be two.. three dozen of them in the front yard! At the rate they're moving, they'll make it to the porch in a few hours!
Enjoy!
Post 2 ~ Stop being so pathetic
Post 3 ~ Arm yourself
Post 4 ~ Set a trap
Post 5 ~ Finnish the Job.
Post 6 ~ Printable Semi-Living Will
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Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 4:26 pm
Stop Being so Pathetic! Dude! You're the human! You can fun faster, solve things faster, and are way more awsome than Zombies! 1. Speed Humans can walk at a good clip. Zombies use tortoises as skateboards. Well, most of the them do. Their are rare fast moving ones, but they seem to be in Great Britain and Remakes 2. Complex problem-solving abilities Humans send robots to space. Zombies are baffled by Door knobs 3. Weaponary Humans have knives, guns, chemicals, and explosives. Zombies have teeth, and...wait.. nope thats it. Teeth. 4. Strength Zombies arent stronger than humans. In fact, their muscles have begun to rot. Making them weak and brittle
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Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 4:31 pm
Arm yourself!
1. Rifles
The cornerstone of any anti-zombie campaign.
Preferably high-powered semiautomatics
2. Shotguns
Great for close range shooting! Make heads disappear like magic!
3. Bombs
It doesnt matter what kind, just have it around
4. Incendiary Devices
Zombies seem to fear fire, and with good reason. They are the worlds greatest kindling, since their skin is so dry. Also, they fail at stop, drop and roll.
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Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 4:34 pm
Set a trap!
Why shoot them one by one, when you can blow them all! Fun for the whole family!
1. Place an explosive device in a confined area, then lure the zombies with fresh brain (your on your on getting it)
2. Wait for them to arrive
3. Detonate explosives
4. Take cover!
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Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 4:37 pm
Finnish the Job
Since there will be lots of zombie bits every where, you need to clean up. Here's where you need those guns. Even though they have no bodies, the zombies can still bite you in the ankle if you arent careful.
After you do that, burn the bodies. Stay away from the blood and spit from them, (as it is venomous) and do NOT breathe in the smoke.
Repeat as needed, they'll keep falling for it. Why? Because they be stupid and we be awesome!
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Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 4:44 pm
Creating your own Semi-living Will and Testament
I, _________________, being of sound, blood-enriched mind and living body, do hereby wish the following stips to be executed with all do expedience and in the order specified, in the event of my transformation (whether accidental or otherwise) into a zombie
1. My head shall be forcibly removed from my body
2. No less than five (5) bullets shall be fired point-blank from a high-powered rifle into my brain
3. My head and body shall be burned untill nothing but as remains.
I leave these instructions of my own free will on this day,__________20
Signed,
___________________
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Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:06 pm
rootbeer_chick Arm yourself! 1. Rifles The cornerstone of any anti-zombie campaign. Preferably high-powered semiautomatics 2. Shotguns Great for close range shooting! Make heads disappear like magic! 3. Bombs It doesnt matter what kind, just have it around 4. Incendiary Devices Zombies seem to fear fire, and with good reason. They are the worlds greatest kindling, since their skin is so dry. Also, they fail at stop, drop and roll. -Please note that zombies do not fear fire - being as stupid as they are. Also, bombs and other explosives, such as mines, really do not harm zombies much. Remember, it's the brain you want to destroy, not the legs.-
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Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:06 pm
rootbeer_chick Set a trap! Why shoot them one by one, when you can blow them all! Fun for the whole family! 1. Place an explosive device in a confined area, then lure the zombies with fresh brain (your on your on getting it) 2. Wait for them to arrive 3. Detonate explosives 4. Take cover! -Again, explosives don't work well. Go for the brain, not the body.-
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Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:08 pm
rootbeer_chick Finnish the Job Since there will be lots of zombie bits every where, you need to clean up. Here's where you need those guns. Even though they have no bodies, the zombies can still bite you in the ankle if you arent careful. After you do that, burn the bodies. Stay away from the blood and spit from them, (as it is venomous) and do NOT breathe in the smoke. Repeat as needed, they'll keep falling for it. Why? Because they be stupid and we be awesome! -Zombies cannot spit. They have NO bodily fluids...(that are fluidic, anyway)...and are most probably incapable of even being able to spit.-
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Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:09 pm
rootbeer_chick Creating your own Semi-living Will and Testament I, _________________, being of sound, blood-enriched mind and living body, do hereby wish the following stips to be executed with all do expedience and in the order specified, in the event of my transformation (whether accidental or otherwise) into a zombie 1. My head shall be forcibly removed from my body 2. No less than five (5) bullets shall be fired point-blank from a high-powered rifle into my brain 3. My head and body shall be burned untill nothing but as remains. I leave these instructions of my own free will on this day,__________20 Signed, ___________________ This would probably be useless, as I'd shoot you and burn you with or without this. So...yeah.
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