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hoping for some helpful criticism

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do you like my poem?
yes!
100%
 100%  [ 1 ]
no it sucks
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 1


Artio

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 10:24 pm


well, this is a poem i wrote a few months back, and i was hopeing peoples would go over it and give comments. 3nodding
(it doesn't have a title...i suck at those)


The sparkling blue
Shades of grey
Tormented colors twisting along.
Growing spikes
The harmless become horror.
Piercing, burning, it wraps around,
These glorious colors stealing life.
It whispers secrets, of life and love,
Listening kills, but these hands are bound.
Weeping, hearing the beauteous words,
Tears burn trails of salty ash.
Spikes still growing,
Piercing skin,
Blood runs freely
As the colors pulse,
Drinking in blood.
Eyes watch, stunned.
Blood still flowing,
Yet death does not come.
There is nothing left
Yet thick crimson flows.
The colors now combined,
Blue fades more and more to blood.
Stealing whatever livens life,
Snatching all memories.
They seep out of my head,
Into the colors.
Turning a golden silvery shade,
With a streak of darkest shadow.
Leaving a hollow, empty shell
Bereft of life and love.
Reborn as flowing lights,
Growing stronger, wiser.
Encompassing all,
A growing spectrum
Of brilliant hues of every emotion.
PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 3:26 pm


It's lovely, but put in the poetry thread. That's why we have one!

Kyorasuki
Captain


SalientMobius

PostPosted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 9:31 pm


hmm, dark, but good
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 2:02 am


Colours

Black Doggie


MKXL

PostPosted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 2:06 pm


Very fluid and a definite red color.
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The Not Yet Dead Poets' (and Writers') Society

 
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