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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 1:48 pm
I see you there in front of me, your face,your hands,your eyes. I hear you talk,I hear you tell, your hopes,your dreams,your lies.
I walked with you on a sun-lit-trail, together hand in hand. Then twilight came and you were gone, and now alone I stand.
The woods cold,the tree's black, the darkness is closing in. You have gone away from me, My brightest light has dimmed.
Betrayal is an empty space , cold night,dark room,alone. Now no one can redeem your face, my sweet knight,my safe light,gone.
It just came to me.I was bored.This poem is stupid,really. Should I add more or is this fine?
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:47 pm
I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Not bad. You're great at rhyming and it still flows.
Mischief managed.
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Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:20 pm
Nice flow - actually that is well written. The only thing is that there is nothing unique about it; it is too general and has the feel of been said a thousand times already.
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