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 Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 6:29 pm
I don't really know where to put this..but I guess here is a good place as any.
I'm going to jump to the chase. I'm bulimic. I've been bulimic for almost 3 years now, and just when I think I'm getting better, I get worse. Before you ask, no, I haven't told my parents. The only RL people who know are my 3 closest friends, a guidance counselor, and the school psychologist.
I've had bad boughts of depression on and off for 5 years. I was nine when I decided I wanted to diet. I was 9 when I had it in my head that being thin meant being pretty and good in life. My parents wanted me to become a model, but I (foolish 9 year old) wanted to be a vet. If people offered me candy I would want fruit instead. I already had a category of 'bad' and 'good' food. I was very underweight. So this whole thing of depression and food issues isn't new.
Today in Chinese class I burst into tears. No specific reason. I just started crying. Tomorrow I'm going to go and appologise for interuppting her class for my stupidness. I feel very overwhelmed with things and my only way to cope is to purge. Not like I eat enough to throw up anyway. I honestly don't know what I am. I have both anorexic traits and bulimic traits but neither one of them fit into a category, so I guess I have an atypical ED. I..guess?
I've been absolutely miserable and I don't know what to do about it. The ironic thing is that I'm the one always giving tips on how to get over depression, or how to eat healthier, or how to be happy. I say it but I don't enforce it on myself. I don't see a therepist because 1: there are no therepists nearby cept the school psychologist and 2: I'm unemployed.
I've been fighting myself through this for years and I don't know how much more I can take. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.
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Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 6:44 pm
Hmmm...well, currently, is it that the ED is making you depressed, or the depression is worsening the ED?
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Posted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 5:16 pm
It's a combo of both, I think..when I'm depressed I want to purge, and wanting to purge makes me depressed. So it's a little bit of both. The school psychologist wants me to keep a journal of when I feel the need to purge..hopefully we can identify a reason for the stress..*shrug*
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Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 4:30 pm
♥•→мιss•νιxxιє←•♥
Hi there. smile Sorry I didn't post earlier in this, but I was gone for the weekend or I would have.
Honestly, I've been in your footsteps but I was only 14-15 while I was. What happened to me was, I'd get depressed because of my parents calling me fat. At the time I weighed close to 200 pounds, obviously I was a bit heavy and I did need to lose weight, but I thought about doing it the unhealthy way.
What started it was the depression hit me like a truck. I started binge eatting like crazy in the beginning, gaining weight, and I hated looking at myself in the mirror.
Then I went and stopped eating almost everything for three-four weels.
That was my cycle. Binge 2 weeks, don't eat 3-4 weeks. I ate the min I could, and sometimes threw it up.
I went from 200, to about 140 doing this in almost a little under a year.
What happened, was I was suffering from dehydration and my body shut down on me. I think it's half the the reason I have my POTS syndrome, which is problems with my circulation.
I ended up seeing a therapist. We searched through about five or six, till I found one I was comfortable with, and it really was a weight lifter for me. I started exercising daily, eating small portions of right meals till I could consider it safe.
I advise talking to your parents about it, and if they are misdirecting you towards becoming very skinny, I believe a therepist/doctor is the way to go. Honestly, the depression will push you. It's not an easy process, I still occasionally find myself pick up traits of my binge/no eat pattern, but with friends and guidance behind you, I'm sure you can pull out of the situation.
If you need any more personal advice about this, or questions just pm me and I'll be glad to help you, and inform you.
EDIT: Also wanted to add, the Therapist I saw that I actually could stand turned out to be my School Guidance Counselor, so never push that away if you think you need someone. smile
-Miss Vixxie.
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 10:23 pm
Hi. I've never been to the point of having an eating disorder, but my relationship with food was unhealthy for a few years. I was a stereotypical emo kid, complete with cut wrists and angsty poems and all that stuff.
I had an epiphany when one of my family members died of an overdose.
It's hard to tell a person how to be happy. There isn't an exact answer. But, it helps to stop telling yourself that you're supposed to be happy, or that you're supposed to be perfect, or anything else. My life turned around when I started making art. There's no thing you can attain that will instantly make you happy. I'm sure that logically you understand that about being thin, but it's true.
The world is a beautiful place. Everybody and everything is connected, and... it's hard to explain. Pain and suffering is inevitable, but... it doesn't mean that you have to be miserable in life. It's all just experience, you shouldn't attach labels of "good" or "bad" to it.
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