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 Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 2:33 pm
I've been living with my boyfriend for a couple of years. Things are fine. We get along well, we don't fight, we agree on everything, I feel comfortable around him, we have the same goals in life. It's like being in a relationship with myself, as though someone cloned me and stuck a p***s on my clone.
And that's all pretty good, but it means that there's no passion either. There are no ups, and there are no downs. I just walk around feeling ok, nothing more, nothing less.
But I am having an emotional affair. I've been carrying it on for about a year and a half. This other guy lives far away, a few states away. So we've never met in person. We've just shared pictures, videos, IMs, and phone calls. I feel like I love him, and I have felt that way the whole time I've known him pretty much. He says he loves me too. There's a lot of passion and longing, but we also fight a lot. He thinks it's because of the frustrations involved in being so far away, but I don't know. He's willing to come here for me if I agree to leave my boyfriend and live with him instead. I know my boyfriend would be absolutely crushed if I left though.
I don't know what to do. Do I really love him or is it just lust? Should I throw away a good relationship for the sake of passion? Would that passion die out in time anyway? I hate the thought of missing out on something that could be a wonderful and passionate relationship. But I also hate the thought of throwing away a good and stable relationship. I can't make up my mind. I'm curious what opinions other people will have....
I've posted this in a few other places on Gaia, and I've only had one reply so far. I'm desperate for input at this point.
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Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 6:39 pm
I think it's lust.
Long-term relationships can become stale, too familiar, too comfortable.
If you love your boyfriend I think you should try and remedy what you already have. Just put a bit of effort in, and encourage him to do the same - do something you've never done before, or something that you used to love to do together but has been lost, over time, behind responsibilities and habit.
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 5:05 pm
Long distance relationships can be very hard to keep together. Long-distant relationships are mostly exciting or...how should I say... they make you feel more attracted to that person because you have a willingness to see them in person and you want to know what they look like so, in the process, you start getting images in your head about what they look like.
You and your boyfriend have alot in commen from what you say, this is good in a relationship, sometimes it can make a relationship boring, in these cases, the man and the woman would sit together and have a nice long talk about their feelings and what they feel about each other and what they think should be changed in their relationship.
My advice, would be to stick with the people you know and see everyday in person, in this case your boyfriend, that way you know its a guy, unless they had a sex-change... Anyway, have a nice talk with your boyfriend about your lives and how you think you could better improve your relationship, before jumping over to someone else, which I don't support.
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Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 4:44 pm
♥•→мιss•νιxxιє←•♥
As I'm in a LDR {Long Distance Relationship} I would like to point out, I was never in a relationship in the beginning of this. I didn't leave someone I had a stable relationship at home with, to be with someone almost across the USA.
Now, in your situation I can understand where it feels boring, but most relationships can becoming boring over years and years of being with each other. I mean, I know you think about 50 year old people living with someone for 20-30 years, you have to think that not all that time was lustful passionate fun.
It comes down to trust and commitment to someone, to make a relationship work. Sex and Passion should never be the only signs of a relationship, because in truth, those don't last long. Arguments, fights, and it's just messy.
I believe, that even if you think you have a connection over the net with someone, you have to consider all the possibilities. What happens when he finally meets you in real life, you have sex a couple times and he ditches you?
I think your weighing this situation out on "Lots of Lust" and "Lose of Lust".
My advice is to causally bring up the situation of wanting more of a relationship with the boyfriend your with. If he thinks he is satisfying you with what he is doing after awhile now, he's probably got that inputted in his head he's doing everything right. You should consider talking with him about opening up, doing more fun things, maybe even bringing some passionate sexual relationship stuff into the mix.
Communication is the key, and if it doesn't work out, then maybe the LDR will work. Concentrate on what you have, not what you "might" have. smile
-Miss Vixxie
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 9:48 pm
I have a feeling this long-distance relationship wouldn't be half so tempting to you if it didn't feel all exciting and forbidden. Try imagining how you would feel if this other guy didn't feel like as escape from a boring relationship.
Personally, I'd stick with the stable relationship that you've got. You can talk to this guy and let him know you'd like a little more passion. He sounds like he genuinely cares, and will work to accommodate your needs.
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